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Krad Issue 007
KAy-WRaD-'ZiNE (oPH DaH 0-DaY ELiTE)
-- Best ELiTE 'ZiNE iN DeNVeR
iSSuE 7
-----
KoMPiLaTiON MaGiCiAn: Panther Modern
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!! Fewls.
!!!!!!
Yeah. Issue 7. A true milestone. We've actually kept going for a
whole week. How that's possible, I'm not sure, but it's happened. And as
a celebration, free warez.. On the house, for everyone!
You know where tah get 'em. Go call yer nearest warez board, and
you'll find plenty. . .
What?
Did you think I was gonna give 'em to ya? Yeah right. I'm not gonna
zip up warez with this file! By the time you get 'em, they may be a couple
days old or something! That would really suck, in my opinion. So let's just
go to our respective warez boards that we have good upload:download ratios
on, and you can d/l all the warez you want from there.
Anyway.. In this issue, you'll find some really kewl information, that
you definately can't find anywhere else. Why's that, you ask? Cause we're
KRAD. And when you're talking KRAD, you're talking the freshest, newest,
bestest in Denver. The information they'd kill you if they knew you had.
Why's that? Cause then you're just as KRAD as they are! And they
don't like that. They like to be the only ones who are KRAD at all. But all
of a sudden, you're just as, or even MORE KRAD than them! So keep it up, my
k0d3z aphiliatez! Be so KRAD that they won't even recognise you! (*EVEN*
thru dental records!!!!11!!!1!!) Do it. Be krad. Feel the RaDDiNeSS in
your veins, and be just so KRAD that they'll all look at you. Look at you,
staring, gasping. Eyes wide open.. Yelling... Screaming, even.. "HE'S SO
KRAD!!!" They won't be able to do anything. Your kraddiness will take
control of their minds, their bodies, their spirits. They will absorb not
your kraddiness, but a sense thereof. They'll know from that point on just
who the *REAL* KRAD people are. And you. You, my friends. You will be on
their list. Why? Because that's what you are. You are the KRAD. You are
the best. The Krakeurs, the Kourriers. The source of all KRADDINESS IN THE
WORLD!!
Keep it up. Strive to be the kraddiest on your block. KRAD.
The spirit of Warez.
--------------
000000000000000000000000-day
---- KRAD OPHICIAL MEMBER LIST
000000000000000000000000-day
Yes, it's the official member list, as of today, for KRAD and OWANW!
Listen up, kidz.
KRAD MEMBERZ__
--------------
Panther Modern - Esteemed Editor in Chief
Phantax - Ophicial KRAD ANSi ARTiST
Inubus - Ophicial KRAD SoNG RiTEUR
King Zero! - Ophicial KRAD WaREz BaSHeUR
------------
KRAD MEMBER B0ARDZ__
--------------------
Realm of Chaos - Esteemed DiSTR0 HQ
Zeit - DiSTR0 SiTE
Virtual Utopia - DiSTR0 SiTE
------------
OWANW! MEMBERZ__
----------------
Panther Modern - Esteemed Leader
Inubus - K0URRiER
-0-0-0-0-
We need sum more KRAD memberz, and member b0rdz, and more OWANW!
memberz 'n' member b0rdz! Apply today!
To be in KRAD, rite sumthing, or have a BBS that will join!
To be in OWANW!, send the application to Panther Modern...
Or have a BBS that will join!
KRAD/OWANW! An attitude for the 90's warez kid.
-----------------
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
&& HoW To: &&
&& Get All A's in &&&
&& Skool! &&&
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& By: The Speler
I'm not a smart guy. But I get all A's in skool! How do I do it?
I'm gonna try to tell you in this artikle!
Let me tell you my introduce. I'm The Speler, a very kewl guy who
can spel real gud. That's not why I get all a's in skool tho. Cause just
with my reel goud spelink, I get b's. But with my new tekneek, I kan get all
a's!!
First, you gotta go to you teachur, and say "Hi. I'm The Speler."
Oh. But I fergot, cause you gotta put you naym in, not myn. If yu use myn,
I'll be mad, and also, yer teacher not will no who you are. Cause she'll
say "You the Speler, not you nAme." That not good. Cause she not know you.
Oh. And umm. This only work with ladiy teachur, cause guys gotta
be havin no thingy. Or um, they do. Oh, yu gota b a guy tu. And prolly a
non-fag typ guy, or you teacher get mad, that not good.
ok. Wel, if you flunkink, yu go to teachur, and say "Hi." And then
yu ask about the F, and say, "but I don't want f." she'll say lyk "fuck you"
or sumthing, so you say "how we about go to my house." I then take teachur
to my box, and bend her over. After that, I got A in classes. Kewl, huh.
Oh, wel. I tyrd nou, gotta get sleap. Bie.
------------------
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@ Why RollerBlades Suk! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@ By: .ZIP-File Phil @@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
What's up guys. This is .ZIP-File Phil, I'm sure you've all seen me
and talked to me about numerous things on the local boards and stuff. Yeah,
well. Fuck that .ARJ format. That shit's bunk, and EVERYONE knows that .ZIP
is soo much better. So those .ARJ users, this is for you:
FUQ YOU!!!!!!!
OKay, well, now that I've said that, I'm happy. Cause I really do.
I hate fucking .ARJ. It sucks. I won't go into the compression statistics,
and why two commands are better than one with options, but trust me. Use
PKZIP or you'll be just another asshole with the arj program. And -- FUCK
YOU! I know arj is 2 letter less than PKZIP! Yeah, well fuck you too! I
don't care if ARJ compresses a few bytes better! Oh, yeah? What're you
gonna do about it!?! HUH!! WE gonna take this to Compuserv if you don't
fucking shut your mouth. Little panzies.
Anyway, now that he's gone, let's talk rollerblades. I hate those
motherfuckers. Wanna know why? That's what I'm gonna tell you, k?? Well
here's what the fuck happened. I was out for my one day out a month, and I
was walking down the street, when I see this girlie go by on some
rollerblades, with these big tits. So I'm lookin, then some faggot goes by
on his rollerblades, and fuqin goes to her and they skate off together. So
I figure.. Hey. If this thin faggot, no bloodstained jeans, no mcdonalds
remains on his non-computer-related t-shirt can get this girlie, I can get
some of these other ones on the rollerblades even easier than I could without
uzing them, and only using my warez prowess! So I hit this joint, shell out
fuqin $7, almost ALL of my lunch money, and slip these fuqurs on my feet.
Next thing I know, I'm outside, and I keep falling on my ass. It's
a soft landing and all, but it's really getting on my nerves. I wanna fuqin
get me sum girliez, not fall on my ass.
All these fuqin girlies skate by, and they giggle at me. I hear 'em
saying "too bad. If he knew how to rollerblade, he'd be really kewl! I like
his warez look, but I only like guys who know how to rollerblade!" That wuz
the last straw. I got to the top of this hill, and looking down, there were
lyk 20 chix with big tits on rollerblades down there. So I went down real
quick on my bladez, being real careful not to fall, and then I crashed into
the chix!
So anyway, they ripped off my shirt and ripped some holes in my jeans
as they beat my big mac rite outta my stomach. So I have to start my warez
outfit all over. This really suks. That's why them rollerblades suq. What
the fuq. Why don't they werk for me like they're supposed to? Don't uze
these contraptions when you go out for your day, cause then you won't get as
many girlies. And you MAY even have to re-start yer warez klothes. ANyway,
lateurz all.
---------------------
######################
### AnTz #############
###### By: iNSEkT ####
######################
Yup. I was thinkin to myself one day, when I looked at this ant hill,
about just how kewl antz are! Aren't they? These I bent down, and they were
really kewl kolorz, like red. So I picked about 10 up, and it really hurt
and shit, but it was kewl. Cause antz are the kewlest!
They live in the ground, and that's really kewl! I wish I could live
in the ground, cause then I could be kewl like antz are! I could sit there
all day, and like move around shit like rocks, and come out sometimez, and lyk
eat some food or some guy's hand that trys to pick me up! That would be kewl!
And they're kewl lookin too. They're like in three sektions, with a
kewl little pincher on top. And that's kewl! I wish I had a pincher, cause
then I could like pinch stuff, and that'd be real kewl! Antz. I luv them,
and they're really neet.
ooh! OooooohhhH!!! The number three iz way kewl! And antz! They
have a head, and a stomach, and an ass. Head+Stomach+Ass=3! 3 KRAD sektionz
on each ant! How very very very very very very very kewl!!! And they bite
shit, which is really kewl!
ANTZ!! If you don't think they're kewl, you're not too kewl! Cause
antz are lyk the kewlest out there, and there is nothing kewler. Except,
MAYBE for 0-day! But eye wuz playing this one 0-day called simant, and it
wuz the WAY KEWLEST I've ever seen. All about antz, and kewlness, and other
phun stuph, and it wuz just S0000 kewl that I almost thought that sum antz
were on my pecker cause it wuz so kewl! W0ah! Antz rule!
In my next life, I want to be one of those red and black antz, with
wings, too. Then I'll go bite shit. And I'll be kewl as I fly around, with
my pincher, and shit. That will be sooo kewl! Wow! This is really really
kewl, antz and stuff, you know. Keep it up. Luv the antz. Cause they're
kewl!
-----------------
%%%%%
Why %%%%%
Katz Suk%
'n' DoGz% By: Grimm
RulE! %%%
%%%%%%%%%
Well, it'z obvious, isn't it? Fuqing cats. They suck. But dogs.
They don't! Dogs are way elite, and rule everything! Dogs are the masters,
and cats just plain suck! THat's all there is to it. When I see these cats
walking along down the street, I say to myself, "How can these cats suck so
much?" But when the dogs are in the alley, digging through the trash, you
can tell that they rule. Cause they have something useful to do with their
time. If they want to eat shit out of the trash, they should. But cats.
They're not even creative enough to know what the fuck trash is.
OKay. Cats. They lick themselves and shit. That sucks. Dogs don't
need to do that, cause if a dog needs some, he'll go mount another dog.
Doggy-style, of course! But fuckin cats need to lick themselves and shit.
That sucks. Cats fucking suck.
Cats. They gotta bury their shit, and like hide it, cause it looks
so fucked up. Dogs. They just fuckin do it anywhere, and it looks like
normal shit, just like shit should look! So they don't need to bury it, like
those goddamn cats, who's shit doesn't look like shit, but like something
else! I hate catz!
Okay, these cats, they make that weird vibrating noise 'n' shit. Dogs
just fuckin bark if they want to say something. What the fuck else ya gonna
do? Why the hell would you make this fucked up noise instead of just barking,
like a dog? Dogz are kool.
Them cats, they like just sleep all day, and don't do anything, except
walk around all slow 'n' shit. That's why they can't even get in a goddamn
trash can, cause they suck. They're all slow and all they want to do is like
sleep. Dogs go through the trash, and they catch a frisbee, and a ball. And
they even slobber! And that's really really elite!
And if you put a collar around a catz neck, it'll choke the fucker,
which would be neeto, but none of these fuckup cat owners like that. So syk
your dog on the goddamn cats and make 'em pay! Fuck those cats!
Also, those fucking cats have to use their claws to get you! Dogs
just bite you, which is much nicer, and neeter, and better! I hate those
cats! If you see a cat, kill it on site, or it'll kill you! Death to katz!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Y0y0y0. W0aH. KaTz KiNDa D0 SuQ. EyE D0N't LyK3 'eM Tw0 MuCH. BuT
0H, W3lL. H0p3 iSSu3 7 MaD3 aLL opH y3r DreaMz KuM TR00! LaTEurZ!
-- Panther Modern
High-Level Editor
