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Lemon Magazine Issue 07
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lemon magazine issue #7
the world is a vampire
in this issue
welcome to lemon *
obsidian's editorial *
the fearless charisma brothers *
il-mogel con *
"internet experts" *
misc thoughts *
* indicates that obsidian wrote everything in this issue himself
because faggots like you don't submit to lemon...peace.
::[welcome to lemon!@#]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
it's erotic--exotic i mean.
hey kids!@# its another issue in the long line of fruits which have
come before us...lemon 7. i've observed that the new ultra-trendy zine thing
to do is to have a 'theme' for your issues, having all your material in a given
issue pertain to the same sort of thing. far be it from lemon to pass up on a
trend, so we have a theme for this issue. more on that later.
of course, it's also trendy to be alternative, purposely going against
current trends. so that's where we're at...a horrid and difficult choice that
we have to make. we're really very torn. it's difficult to choose who to
follow.
after all, our society does idolize everyone who comes to any sort of
fame, making any pot-smoking ignorant celebrity an instant hero in the heart of
millions of teenagers. so what are we to do? follow mogel and his band of
destroyers bent on world domination and have a theme in this issue? or rather
should we follow curt cobain in regecting the standards of others?
hmm. or maybe we could do what comes natural to us and not have a
theme, seeing as lemon is really a random compilation of thoughts. or would
that be too simple?
::[obsidian's editorial]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
bad news, my brothers, the end of civilization is near.
the good news is that the end will not be brought upon us by the
apostraphy. [ok, so i could check the spelling on that word, only well, i
don't want to]
no, in the end we will all be destroyed by a substance which we have
clung to for decades...
what is this substance? is it cocaine, marijuana, or chili powder?
is it dolphin meat, shrimp or tobasco sauce?
no, it is none of these, but is infact jell-o.
i just read it in the paper today...the jell-o factory situated on the
east coast is one of the most heavily guarded secrets of the united states and
few reporters or even congressmen whose district the factory is in are allowed
to visit it. even when political bigwigs drop by to visit it, they're not even
given a tour, but rather are ushered into a small conference room where they
can choose to speak to a couple of the executives of the plant.
what _is_ going on in this plant? residents near the plant complain of
horrid odors coming from the plant all the time...smells ranging from
septic-type smells to fruity jello smells.
my personal believe is that kraft, one of the largest companies in the
world, is cooperating with the government to use one of it's smaller companies
(i.e. jell-o) to conduct secret research in attempt to make a human-alien-jello
mutant with super-human abilities.
i ask you, how much longer will we be allowed to exist once this kind
of superior being is unleashed upon the earth? friends, our time is limited.
take action now.
::[the fearless charisma brothers]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
mark and jim, who are now both deceased, were at one time living
legends. yes, they traveled the country searching for lost relics of
ages past, gaining fame and fortune as they did it. but finally, as
happens to all treasure hunters, their luck ran out. one night, at
about 5:02 p.m., they entered ned kelley's expecting to get the usual
deal, but there was a surprise awaiting them. yes, yes my son--
they did indeed miss the early bird special.
have you ever been really hot and cold at the same time? in one of my
classes, i'm sitting directly by a radiator, which is pouring out heat, so we
have a window open, letting in cold air, and the temperature is -15 degrees
outside. the air doesn't really have time to mix before it hits me...it's
really sort of cool...
::[il-mogel con]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
this is the special report about the grand get-together of zine folks
while mogel was in town here in bloomington-normal.
the funny thing being that i wasn't there. so, i will start my story
on that famed day.
tuesday, january 29, 1996
8:10 am i see quarex in p.e. class, where i tell him that i'll be
able to the meeting which was to take place at bone student
center on the isu campus. we decide that since we don't know
where people are going to be, we should meet eachother at
mcdonalds in bone.
11:30 am i find out the i'm supposed to play for pep band for my high
school basketball game, and that not attending is punishable
by death. i weep openly.
11:40 am some friends of mine say that we're meeting at taco bell on
college before the game at 6:00. i figure that since i have
to miss the meeting that i'll go ahead and go.
3:30 pm i see drew again and tell him that i will not infact be able
to come. drew then proceeds to crush my skull. then i chat
some more with drew, and neo jesus approaches, for some
reason amazed that i'm speaking.
------- the day progresses as planned. i go to the game, and to my
knowledge, il-mogel con takes place without me.
wednesday, january 30, 1996
8:00 am zordon harrasses me about not being at il-mogel con.
8:10 am i discuss my conversation with zordon with quarex. we agree
that him harrassing me is pretty dumb, cuz like, it's not as
if mogel was there to see him...
quarex goes on to tell me that the whole thing was a success,
and that mogel was pretty cool.
8:20 am i'm get sent straight to hell.
::["internet experts"]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
i am constantly hearing people, namely authors, refered to as "internet
experts" or "virtual life gurus" or other such titles which imply that these
people have some knowledge beyond that of the rest of us in the areas of
internet activities and the demographic group which makes up the worlds
internet users.
question: who are these people?!@#
who are these people who write books on the usage of hundreds of
variaties of so called "smiley faces" and "internet lingo?"
for one thing, it's easy to see that these people are completely out of
touch with much of happening on the net. most of this "lingo" i have not seen
for years, and most of it i saw on a few public domain boards run by fifty year
old anal-retentive men.
what is the audience for these books? do people read them and then
think that they are ready to jump in head first into the 'net knowing
everything about it and conduct which people use on it? are people that
snowed?
if you don't believe me, please, grab some friends and head to the
nearest d. dalton, barnes & noble or waldenbooks and be ready for some comic
relief.
::[misc thoughts]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
there are more drummers today than ever before...yet so few good
drummers.
music is adictive.
friends who totally change overnight suck.
i just recently went to a high school dance...something which my
friends and i tend to avoid doing, just because, well, they suck. ok,
so this is a formal dance, and they're playing smashing pumpkins,
coolio <gangstas paradise>, and a lot of really moshable music...i
mean, had quarex been there, he would've moshed. of course, this is
the "popular" music, but while looking around, not that many people
were dancing, fewer were having a good time. but then my friends and i
noticed juke and his girlfriend across the gym groovin and having a
great time...it was just awesome...yeah, sure, the music sucked, but
they were having fun anyway just because they didn't care what the
little underclassmen fags there thought of them...werd.
::[misc info]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
to contact obsidian: danderso@cube.ice.net
obsidian on #zines
to get the latest lemons (or the latest demons):
call ihop: 309 555 2579,,#11,#11,#11
ops: murmur, cyric, shadow tao
also try trg: 309 452 5639 (it's up occasionally)
ops: juke, obsidian
there should be a lemon page on zinew0rld soon:
http://www.pla-net.net/~jwapienn/zineworld/
fyi: this issue was released in a hurry. if there are any errors, then it's
most likely your own fault.
(c) copyrights are for the weak. distribute like a mufuqa.
::[eof]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
