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Klunk 04
[number4]
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------------------------!^%!$^ kLUNK $%#&&#^& ------isooe foor!?!-----------
-----( welcome to kLUNK number 4 (belial)
This, my friends, is kLUNK issue number four. Belial, how on earth
did you get four issues out? Well, easily. In the first kLUNK issue I put
in two articles. One was about "Our Right to Porn". At this time I was
pretty much more concerned with getting the txtazine out than anything else,
so as a result, the article was really just a big poorly written ramble.
Actually, the entire first issue was pretty much just a big ramble, that
served no purpose on this earth.
Ironically, and to my astonishment, a few people actually liked the
first issue of kLUNK. In fact, a member of my board, Ace Lightning, did a
reply article to my article "Our Right to Porn". Soon, kLUNK 2 was out. It
was a little better than the first issue yet it still was a compilation of
mindless crap, with the exception of the articles that ace lightning and
blind fury did.
A little after that kLUNK 3 was released, sporting a new file_id.diz
and a few other new things. One of these new things was poetry. A 2400
bauder from my board gave me a poem for kLUNK. Definitely a first. Also
introduced to kLUNK was a short story. By far, kLUNK 3 was the best issue out
of the three. However, kLUNK was roaming into an area that I didn't want to
get into even when I started the 'zine. The ansi scene. There is just to much
stuff about the ansi scene and to little originality and creativity when it
comes to 'zines. Of course there are exceptions, but basically most of the
'zines say the same trite stuff.
There are two articles in this issue of kLUNK that have to do with
the scene, and by the bristling beard of oden, these two will be the last
two. heh. I guess what I am trying to say is that, I want kLUNK to be more
serious. I am still doing this for humor and I am doing this because I love
to write, however, no one is going to take something that is just a bunch
of rambling garbage serious. As rattle said when I asked him for a quote for
kLUNK:
<rATTLE> im here to trade warez and chew bubble gum.. and I'm outa
+bubblegum
What that has to do with being serious and why did I put that there
in the first place, I don't know. heh. I am keeping the format. The askee
header and all the normal stuff, I just want to change the text a little,
and hopefully kLUNK will be a better 'zine for it.
I now have an internet address: belial@crow.cybercomm.net
If you would be interested in doing something for kLUNK, please send me some
email. You can also contact me on #zines with all the crazy g00nz that hang
out there. I would really like to see some creative short stories in further
issues of kLUNK and maybe some more poetry, yet anything is accepted and
greatly appreciated. =)
I would like to thank the people on #zines, especially mogel and
kurdt for the warm welcome into the 'zine community. It really means a lot
to a new and inspiring 'zine writer.
I phear m0gel!@$
Well, enough babbling. I now present you kLUNK issue number four.
-----( members and sites
editor - belial (blade.cripple)
contributors: lucifer (header) blind fury (2 articles)
mech warrior (2 poems)
- kLUNK world headquarterz - avalon .908.739.4274.
- kLUNK distro site - alderAAn .908.224.8780.
- kLUNK distro site - aneurysm .908.270.8198.
-----( kLUNK would like to greet
mogel, rattle, kerdt, mindcrime, edicius and everyone else on #zines.
-----( article 1 ) "What Are Trends" by, belial
What starts a trend? Very simply, an original idea. This is all it
takes. Then you have people who like that original idea, and as more and
more people learn of your idea and the more popular it gets, the more people
wish to copy or emulate your idea.
A great example of this is the dislike of Pearl Jam. This started
off as one person not liking Pearl Jam for some reason. The person was
probably considered 'cool' by his friends, so as a result everyone started
to hate Pearl Jam. This I don't understand, Pearl Jam's music is actually
*very* good, and this isn't an opinion, look at the record sales.
Another good example, a great tale of irony this is. =) For some
reason, and I wasn't around to see this originate, but someone decided to
write something about how much the ansi scene sucks. From that thousands and
thousands of these little things turned up. Then another wants to be
different, so he/she writes about how cool the scene is. Now everyone is
writing stuff about how cool the scene is.
This just totally goes to prove that most people totally lack
originality and imagination. I can sit here for an hour listing some of the
stupid trends that I see, but I'm not, I would rather write a story about
a man eating bar stool and mash potato filled loofternots.
'Kill that Stool!'
I'm Philip, my alias is korn! I would say I'm a pretty popular guy,
I am in the biggest group's and I have a great set of teef! Thirty-tw0
pearly whites.
One day I walked into Smith's down the street. It was a nice clean
bar, not packed to the rafters with low-life losers. Anyway, I ordered the
usual, a shot of fliffer, the hard stuff. I wasn't in an especially good mood
so it mattered little if I got blasted or not. Well after about my third, or
was that thirty, bah, it doesn't matter, after 10 your flying anyway.
This is what happened. I was sitting in my stool, dreaming of my
collection of aol ripped gifs of jenny mcCarthy, (editor note: jenny is a
babe supreme!) when I felt my stool move. I didn't think much of it, I
thought I must have farted or something. So I just ignored it, but that is
when the damn stool threw me off and said "Get off my back and shitty assed
loser!" Then out of no where a fleet of loofternots swarmed me, biting and
getting salt in my eyes. Flustered, I swung out and out. Felling thousands
at a time. I was in my glory. I took the bar stool and whipped it across the
room hitting some lad in the head.
"Sorry," I explained "but the stool delivered me a mortal insult."
Well, the man, obviously, was immune to the swarm of loofternots,
came up to me, when he went to shake my hand he missed and smacked me,
totally by accident as he later assured me, in the mouth. Then he picked me
up and put me on his shoulders like I was some kind of champion. He took me
out of the place, to some ally or something. Next thing I know the lights go
out.
Well, its morning now, I don't have a clue where I am, but my face
and body seem to be bloody and beat up. Hm, damn loofternots.
-----( article 2 ) "The New Scene" by, belial
Welcome to the post-group-influx era. Yes, right now we are in the
period of the scene recovering from a massive influx of thousands of little
groups. This is the calm just after the storm. Don't phear though, because,
even though everything is calm and looking like its all going down hill. Just
because a lot of the major boards are going down and the art itself isn't as
good as it was. Don't worry, everyone is just recuperating from the hectic
rush of summer. There will be new boards (editor's note: avalon) to take the
place of the old and new artists to take the place of the old artists. A lot
of people are getting down and leaving, but wait, things will be better, you
just have to give it time.
So sit back, relax, and watch all the new people shape the scene
once again. Don't take this as a bad thing, take it as something good and
worthy, because it wasn't long ago that a bunch of newbies re-created and
made the art scene we know today. The scene is not going to die, it is just
being reborn, into, maybe, into something better.
Maybe in this new era, we will not see all the political struggles
that we see now, maybe there will be no rivalries, maybe in the new scene
we will see a new respect for the art.
I think it is refreshing. Would anyone like a glass of fliffer?
-----( article 3 ) "Media; help or menace" by, blind fury
Welp, as you all should be all aware of, the media plays a big role
in what goes on around the world. Something happens and <BAM> its on the
5 o`clock news. Take for instance the kiddie-porn bust. The news have been
making a big deal about this for a long time now. They make it seem to the
bbs-iliterate that it is so easy to obtain porn. So now, parents start taking
away modems from their kids so they can't call all these wonderful boards
(especially here in da 908 =) and the boards have been dead lately. What
they don't realize is that almost 99% of these boards were made and are used
for their message bases, not the files as much. And of them, a good portion
were brought up and down with the art(ansi) scene. Also the truth is, that
99% of the boards require ID to get adult access. I can't remember a board
or sysop for that matter that was or still is dumb enough to keep porn out
in the open. If anyone has it that way still, its almost an open invitation
to the FBI "hey, arrest me and take my computer, i don't need it anymore"
So, if any of your parents want to read this nifty article that I just wrote
tell them I said "Hi mom! Hi Dad! I won't be home for dinner" But its not
a half bad idea for your parents to read this if they are giving you a hard
time about skatin' da phone lines. Besides, the biggest convincer is if you
don't have an internet account, thats the easiest way to obtain porn >=)
...kill Elmer!...save the rabbits!...
-----( poetry 1 ) "The End Of The Begining" by, mech warrior
And so it came to be.
Life changes upon passing moments.
My blade falls to thee.
Children still unborn.
Upon wings of dragond fly,
Strata's desendants born.
Prophesy heralded by phoenix birth.
Destiny forged in Magi's wake.
Walk ye chosen to bear the burden.
Fly ye chosen to rule the skies.
Dig ye destined to rule the earth.
suffer ye damned to pay the price.
By Dragon Fire
By Phoenix Ash
The Children of Strata
Shall Kick Your Ass!
So Let It Be Writen.....
So Let It Be Done!
-----( article 4 ) "The Scene" by, blind fury
The scene. hmm... The scene was most excellent back in the day, but I
have seen a most drastic decline in both the quality of work released as
well as the number of people in the scene. Many people have left the scene
do to lack of interest in it anymore. You have all these little groups
popping up everywhere, probably more than there are area codes. Anybody
thinks they are good enough to be in acid(tm) or ice(tm) after they have
been drawing for like 1 week, and after applying and getting rejected, they
start their own little group, releasing crap that looks more like ascii then
ansi, and i can be almost positive that about 75% of you out there have
seriously thought about starting a group. Thats where the big downfall was,
a whole mob of new artists popped up on the scene, along with them their own
little groups, artists hopping from 1 group to the next. Who wants to go and
download 100 art paks just to see whats going on out there?! I mean come on
now! It was ok before when all you had to do was pick up only 5 packs to see
who and whats new, but hey, what's the deal? If you are going to be in a group
stick with the group and help out all you can. There is no need to be in
1000 groups just so you can have a bunch of affil's for your board or behind
your name! A lot of people first take a look at a paid for ansi, and say
"hey! I can make mad cash drawing colored blocks!" that's what started a lot
too. REAL artists went from one group to the next, just so that he can start
selling his colored blocks for cash. If you're that damn good, it shouldn't
take you that long to change the position of the blocks! I can understand
using a group as a stepping stone to get up to a larger group, just so you
can be popular, hey don't we all? But don't do it for the money! The scene
was never created for the money.
...and that's a wrap!... any comments? fine.. this was just MY opinion...
-----( poetry 2 ) "A Warrior's Prayer" by, mech warrior
To my ancestors whom I shall leave anonymous:
I leave this day for battle.
I know not whom I fight.
The victory is certain.
Our enemies take flight.
I carry myself with courage.
Though I quake with fear.
I fight them all with honor.
But I have lost my will to fight.
I pray to thee,
Those who came before,
For the strength of heart I need...
Just to lift this sword.
I know I seem the coward,
Standing on the field.
I no longer wear my armor.
I have lost my will to kill.
What can I do with this life,
O ye in the beyond?
How can I look the others in the face,
Now that my will to live is gone?
So to thee I say my final goodbye,
And a hardy fare-thee-well.
For with this sword that served me till now,
I send My soul to Hell!
-----( Goodbye! (belial)
Thank you and I hope you enjoyed reading kLUNK issue number 4.
Please get in contact with me via internet email (belial@crow.cybercomm.net)
or on #zines on irc. Comments and/or questions are always welcome. To end
this issue I am going to start a really lame joke:
There is a cow, a pig, and a martian. They all walk into the sub
shop. The pig goes moo, the cow goes oink, and the martian goes @)$(*. Ok,
so they ask for the butcher. He walks in and says...
... wait till next issue for the exciting punch line ...
Well that just about does it. Thank you for reading and I'll see ya
next issue. 9o8 rulez, and let me be the first to welcome back The North
Star when it re-opens this coming week.
[end]
'kLUNK is not just a 'zine its a life style' - the angry conservative
