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Lemon Magazine Issue 01
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lemon magazine issue #1
mogel says 'phear lemon'
editor: obsidian ^ contributer: sudden violence
in this issue: the 309 scene,
billy's adventures in the french quarter
and so so much more
note the the ascii artists:
if no one will contribute lemon logos, you all
will be forced to view my pathetically lame art
muhahahahahahahahaha :>
::[obsidian's editorial]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
note: for the first issue only, my ramblings will be replaced by an brief
intro on lemon
so you all know, this zine is totally laid back...there's no official release
dates or anything. we might get one out weekly, or monthly, or not. but they
will keep coming out so don't bug us. oh, and lemon is not about any
particular scene, about any one persons or groups views, or anything like that
which is unfortunately sorta typical anymore.
basically, if you wanna submit something, get it to me and it goes in the
next release, assuming it doesn't suck :>
<yes, that means it's YOU that he's talking to: sUBMIT nOW!>
obsidian
::[the 309 scene]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
HEY: This Applies NOT to the Cool People in the 309 scene..: - )
Hello All.. This is Sudden Violence[Cia] writing for Lemon about the 309
area code. Well, hmmm.. Where should i not start? This is the most dead area
in the art world.. When have you ever heard of a awesome art board in the 309?
And i'm not saying that there haven't been any.. Ground Zero ran by Dr.
Radiaki[Disco] was a good one. But I haven't seen any of them. And if there
is a "Top Serect" one let me know! The part of the 309 area where i live.
(Don't know where it starts or ends) But its pretty lame folks.. With people
braggin about "I beat yea at BBS Bowling yesterday Jim Jim" And all this weak
ass punks talking to me about "i'll hack you board if you don't get me on"
And I swear to god, one guy said "Let me in your Dos and i'll tear you shit
up" I mean Grandma Jenkins could tear shit up if i let her in my Dos..All t
hese little weak ass Elite Boards running like Wildcat v3.91 or Renegade v1.00
with the stock menus telling me they just got Doom when Ultimate Doom is out..
They still got there 2400 bauds ready to go with y-modem at there side..Or
better yet they finally know how to get packs off the ftp site: peace.wit.com
so what do they do? They take the coolio ansis and edit them to hell and back
and put there fucking names on it! There names, like they drew it or some-
thing..Okay, Okay thats all.. Can't take anymore :) Sum it up folks..Don't
come to where i live cause its boring.. And the bbs scene is lame..
Sudden Violence[CiA]
<editors note: oddly enough, sv has never called trg...the undisputed best
art&text board in 309...:>
::[jukes thang]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
this space would be occupied
with a deep, thought provoking message,
but juke was too lame to write anything
in time for this release...
::[top 5]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
aight...there's the top 5 list...
TOP 5 THINGS THAT WILL NEVER APPEAR IN LEMON
(this excludes parody articles)
5. ansi pack reviews
4. tribute to .rip artist bedlam
3. poems from ansi-lit boys
2. ads for boards running wildcat!
1. vanilla ice lyrics
::[scene whining]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
For a while now, there's been a trend in literature distributed around
the scene that is bothering me. What is this trend? I'm glad you asked.
It seems like everyone is going around bitching and whining about how much
the scene sucks and how #ansi is lame anymore and how you just found out
your mom is a whore and you thought she only did it with you, etc etc. The
first couple of times that I read it I didn't mind and I felt the same way
that the author did. But now I'm tired of it. Take for instance Bitchslap.
Now, I do kinda like the mag, the coding is good and they've had some cool
stuff in there, but like every issue there's a minimum of one article which
consists of pure whining.
Now there's nothing wrong with pointing out how things have gone down
hill and aren't as cool as they used to be, but let's consider possible why
people are feeling this way. Could it be because people have finally grown
up? Perhaps people finally stopped and took a look around them, and noticed
that most of what's going on in the scene is fairly lame, a lot of the people
are shallow and warez trading isn't as fun as it used to be.
What's the point of this article? To piss people off? No, wait, I do
have a point. No, really. :> If you look around, and think things suck, then
do something about it. On IRC, if someone's acting lame, bankick em and be
done with it. On BBSs, if someone asks a dumb question, makes themselves look
like a total idiot, or posts off topic/in the wrong base, then don't post a
message (or serveral...) informing the entire user base how lame this person
is...as if everyone can't tell. Either privately email them and correct them
or mail the sysop and him or her do it.
If we are going to bring the scene to a point where we can actually enjoy
it, perhaps the people who've been around awhile should take more leadership
roles, and rather than spending time complaining, spend the time you'd be
writing on something a little more productive. Eventually, things will pick
up...I mean, things can only get better...Of course, the other option is to
quit the scene all together and actually get a life...:>
obsidian
::[various quotes]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
[Author]: Sed
[To] : Misfit [Status]: None
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Mi> Se> Tim Yohannans Official Motto: "If more then 10 people like a band
Mi> they're
Mi> Se> rich rock star sellout.
Mi> The funniest thing about that statement is really the realization that
Mi> there are people that are literally that fucking hardline about
Mi> it.
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to do it, 1 to write MRR about it, 1 to check no animals were used in the
process, 1 to check no major labels were involved, 1 to claim he did it, 1 to
claim the other is a sellout for screwing in a lightbulb, 1 to beat everyone
else up for not being old school
It would be funny, but its too true...
*!*
[juke:owilliam@ice.net] i was driving home in my MiNi-VaN and these chicks
pulled up to me and started yelling: "Hey is dat
mommy's vannywanny..."
<-[juke]-> did you say 'yeah, but I gotz fifteen h0ez een da baq'
[juke:owilliam@ice.net] nah, i said hey bitch, and i pulled out ma gat
*!*
<mogel> ALL THOSE PEOPLE.
<mogel> AT DUMMERCON.
<mogel> AND ADDEDING DAILY.
<obsidian> I *WILL* be there...not like anyone but murmur cares :>
<mogel> obsidian: gimme your ingo!@
*!*
<cRAnK> I WANT TO COURIER WAREZ THROUGH IRC. SOMEONE TEACH ME.
<peter_pan> courier sex through irc. much more pleasing. i do it.
<cRAnK> I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO C0URIER MY W4R3Z THROUGH IRC
<cRAnK> SOMEONE TEACH ME BEFORE I BECOME DELETERIOUS hahaha
<spiff> *** SEX OFFERED /MSG SPIFF XDCC SEND ORGASM for auto-sex
*!*
<-[mogel]-> I wanna join hoe...:>
[mogel:mpg4681@isc.rit.edu] you join when you get something put out by h0e
<mogel> haha
<mogel> i just said "put out by h0e" uhh huhu huh hhu hh
*!*
<cRAnK> and what is this +l 90210 crap?
*!*
<spiff> m0gel- i get it !@
<mogel> HER REAL NAME IS MORGAN.
<mogel> OR 'MORG'.
<mogel> AND YOU CAN CHANGE HER NAME TO 'MORGASM'.
<obsidian> MORG -> amazingly similar to -> MOG!!!!!!
<mogel> TR00.
<mogel> MORG + MOG = MORGMOG
*!*
*** Mode change "+v wh" on channel #zines by spiff
<whoops> <point point>
<spiff> wh- there ya go!@ :> a +V
<wh> mogel: remmeber I'm doing you askii..
<mogel> aww yeah!
<wh> +o is the way to go
<mogel> wh: U R A H0E WHEN U WRITE
<whoops> tits 'n ascii man, that's all i want
<mogel> haha
<mogel> whoops has got it!@
<obsidian> wh: awww yeah
*** spiff has changed the topic on channel #zines to tits 'n ascii man, that's
all i want
::[billy's adventures in the french quarter]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Billy looked down the street. It'd been a long time since he had been
here. He was tense, nervous and frightened. Anxiously creeping down the
street he made his way to the alley which suddenly seemed so familiar to him.
The smell of french bread, garbage, and the sewer summoned feelings of dread
in his adolescent head. It was all the same.
With him in the alley were a variety characters, some well dressed,
probably pimps and dealers, and others who were poor, dirty, and smelled rank.
About half way down the alley, he came to a door which had obviously lived a
difficult life. The battered door was cracked open and had a sign hanging
on it which read 'CLOSED,' but the establishment was obviously servicing
people. Walking through the door, he was greeted by a variety of sensations,
the sound of smooth jazz, a thick haze which made it hard to see, and the
sudden realization that he really needed to find a bathroom. To his left was
the hubbub of a crowded bar. Ahead of him he noticed a small group of people
at the pool table. A small band in the corner cranked out a mellow tune as
he finished surveying the room. Over to his right was a simply beautiful
girl sittle at a table by herself. Her long brown hair and big eyes kept him
from noticing the door to the restrooms in the distance. His thoughts wandered
briefly back to the pool table. He questioned the wisdom in testing his odds
today, and decided against it. He had other things to take care of.
He thoughts turned back to the girl, who was currently engrossed in a
novel she was reading. When she stopped reading briefly to take a sip of the
drink on the table, she noticed him staring at her. He tried to look away in
time, but he was unsuccessful. She politely smiled at him, and continued on
with her reading.
Unable to let the opportunity pass, Billy casually walked over to the
young woman's table. As he approached the table, she looked up.
"Is this seat taken?" he asked.
"Uhm...no," she said smiling and after marking her book she placed it on
the table. Billy grabbed a chair and sat down. Quickly, a waitress hurried
over and took his order.
"Uh..whatever she's having," Billy said. The waitress disappeared as
quickly as she had come.
Focusing back on the person across the table from him, he decided to
introduce himself. "Hi, I'm Billy," he said.
"I'm Anne," she said and after taking a small drink asked, "Do you umm..
live around here?"
"Yeah, I do...I live over by the old furn--" he stopped as he saw Anne's
face go blank. Feeling a presence he began to turn around. He had seen some
one coming out of the corner of his eye, but just assumed it was the waitress.
As he looked behind him, he realized that it was infact not, he was certain,
the waitress.
Now directly in front of him stood a burly man, easily 6'10 and weighing,
by his estimates, 350 lbs. He dressed in what seemed to be completely black
clothing with black, greasy hair and seemed quite intimidating. Billy jerked,
as to get up, when the man grabbed him by the shirt.
"Monsieur Bordeaux vould like to see you now," the man said with a deep
husky voice which also had a heavy french accent. Billy stuggled and knocked
against the table, which knocked over Anne's glass and spilled here drink
all over her novel, which quickly seemed irrelevant as the large man swung
around to keep a hold on Billy and rammed into Anne, sending her flying several
feet. She remained dazed, laying on the floor as the man dragged Billy through
a door in the back of the building.
Once in the room, Billy saw through the smoke, which he immediately
recognized as being from a cigar <how keen>, to see a thin, wirery man sitting
between to other large, thuggish body guards. One of the guards came over by
Billy to assist the guard who had dragged him in. Billy realized that he now
had a massive armed thug on either side of him, but because he's not all that
bright, be continued squirming.
"Jean Marc, why don't you settle our guest down," the sinister frenchman
said, now rising to his feet. With that, one of the guards drove his fist into
Billy's abdomen, producing a cry of pain and then a low pitched whine from the
boy. Billy now regretted passing up his earlier opportunity to relieve
himself as he felt the metal coldness of a handgun pressed firmly against his
temple, and felt the warm sensation of urine running down his leg...
GET THE NEXT ISSUE FOR THE EXCITING <HEH> CONCLUSION TO THE STORY! -obs
::[baywatch?!]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
do you remember the first time you watched the tv show baywatch? i do...and
i remember thinking 'this is really, really lame...' but i was watching it
the other day, and i don't know if i was just that bored or if i'm just a
freak, or if the show has improved, but i thought it was actually decent...
plus fox is showing it after x-files now, so it's on at the perfect time for
the show...wow.
anime rox. submit to lemon. :>
obs
::[misc info]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
to reach obsidian:
email: danderso@cube.ice.net
irc: obsidian on #zines (make sure it's me...do a /whois)
bbs: on green eggs and spam, tlorah and of course trg
vmb: eyem trying to get one ...heh
to get the latest lemons:
the repented gimcrackery 309 452 5639 14.4k op: juke co-op: obsidian
(juke picks the freshest, ripest lemons)
to submit stuff to lemon:
articles, news clippings, interviews, ansi and ascii art are all welcome...
ok, actually PLEASE send me stuff, i *will* use it :>
to become a distro site:
we actually NEED a couple good sites...catch me at the above addresses
for info...
::[eof]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
