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Krad Issue 013
Whut k0uld it b?
eye spied it on dah h0riz0n, kaptain.
iT lewkz lyk 0-day.
iT iZ! iT'Z 0-DaY ELiTE WaReZ!!!!
>>- Yes. -<<
KRAD NeeT0 ELiTE-0 'ZiNE.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
W0rry N0t.
iSSuE #13 iZ hErE.
0-DaY Ph0R diS GnU DaY.
-------------------------------->
K0mPiLa-10: Panther Modern <KRAD/OWANW!>
<----------------------------------
)))((()))((()))((()))((()))
(() Better Than Before
)))((()))((()))((()))((()))
I often ask myself a simple question: Where can I find the spirit,
the true meaning behind the magic of warez?
This is not a simple question, my Warez Friends. For you see, the
spirit of warez embodies not only the 0-day, but also the 1-day, and yes,
even the 2-day. It's all part of this institution. This never-ending saga
that we know only as the warez scene.
In my never-ending search for the answer to this seemingly simple
question, I have seen the ends of the earth. I have traveled to and from
every major warez trading center from the center of the world to the bounds
of the universe. Yes. I have searched.
I have yet to find an answer to my plea. My work has been turned
into a mass of overrated, underskilled shit. Why? Because warez are my
life. I sit here writhing in pain, day by day, watching my 0-day slowly
mutate, becoming 1, 2, and even 3 day. What can I do about this? Nothing,
except of course, to see how the spirit travels. Even in the old warez, it
still resides.
Warez. I have dedicated my life to them. You have, too. Warez
support us from day to day. Warez keep us sane. Without our warez, we
would perish horrible deaths and die and stuff. And that wouldn't be KRAD.
That would be.. 3 day.
1 day is a sin. Keep the spirit. KRAD WaReZ. They're a way of life.
iN Other GNuZ:
Henceforth, I'll be posting the KRAD releases from my own Neet0-ELiTe-
0, kraddie account, and Associate Pizza Dude will get a break.
I'd like to thank Associate Pizza Dude for posting up issues 1-12 so
very diligantly, as well as sending all the replies my way.. But I finally
got off my lazy ass, dialed my modem to the inforoad, and set up an account.
Send KRADDiE EMAiL, SuBMiSSiONz, and other bullshit to:
anon3c31@nyx.cs.du.edu
Only then will you be truely fulfilled. Only then will your warez flow, like
the 0-day of the earth.
Go, my children, and download. A new version of Dewm awaits you in
cyberspace!
<After you read this issue, of course.>
----------------------
)@#*$)@(*$)@#*$)@*#$(
)#$ * iNPH0-HiGHWaY
@#()$* StUPh, 'n' EMAiL.
@#)($*@)$#*)(#$@*)#$(*
We ghot more email this time. I'm gonna reply to it all, in KRAD
tradition. Also, sum guy named lyk "cDc" sent us some stuff, so I'm gonna
assume it's a submission and publish it, kuz it wuz KRAD. I think "cDc"
must stand for "Cool Dewm Crackers". I think they're the guys who release
all the Dewm krakz for us. Kewl, eh?
> From: marty@porta.in-minden.de (Markus Priess)
>
> This must be a bad joke.
> --
> Markus Priess marty@porta.in-minden.de Voice: +49 (571) 7100039
> >>>>>>PGP-Key available via return-receipt and on keyserver<<<<<<
How could this be a joke, Markus? We are simply the elitest 0-day
tradeurz of dah KRAD warez on earth. Most can't understand us. But if you're
truely elite, if you really believe in the spirit of 0-day, you'll understand.
P*M
--------------------------------------------------------------
> From: halet@river.it.gvsu.edu (Brain)
>
> michele139@delphi.com thought they were original and wrote:
> : NICK GILLING <nick.gilling@almac.co.uk> writes:
> :
> : >What the fuck was all that shite? Someone has got way too much time on
> : >their hands.
> : > What is it about Alt.2600 that attracts such absolute morons, the
> : >guys that wrote that are like, well lets just say, if they were any more
> : >stupid then they would need watering.
> : >
> : > God help us.
> : >
> :
> : h3Y y0U L4M3r, iT W4Z /<-R4D!!!
> :
> : ;)))
> :
> : DARKcYDe
>
> Can someone please explain to me the point of "/<-R4D" All it is is
> Looks incredibly stupid, and is a pain to read.
>
> Later....
I'll address these one by one.
First, to Nick. You obviously have never seen the true 0-day spirit,
Nick, and for this, I apologize. If you buy a 28.8k modem, it may help, but
I doubt it. I think that your soul, and hard drive, is incapable of absorbing
the true meaning of 0-day. Perhaps, one day, you'll be able to see a 2-day
ware, if you're lucky. But I doubt even that.
Next, to Darkcyde: Of course it was.
Finally, to Brian: /<-R4D is a perversion of the original, the KRAD.
KRAD is the spirit of 0-day. /<-R4D doesn't quite convey this spirit, and
thus should not be used. Don't use it.
P*M
--------------------------------------------------------------
> From: Nightcrawler@sys304.chatlink.com
>
> Looks like someone's been reading old issues of CHiNA or
> something here. Either that or it was too cold in Colorado and froze
> your brain! Either way I got a good laugh out of it.
I know not what CHiNA is. Send it along if you get a chance. . .
And it has been a bit cold in Colorado lately. So cold, in fact,
that the vomit on my jeans froze and stuck to my legs! Ugh. They're kind of
crunchy at the moment.
P*M
--------------------------------------------------------------
> From: Richard Moe <richard@ifi.uio.no>
>
> Hi!
>
> Do you have k-rad 001 - 008 ?? if so could you please send them to
> me ?
>
> oki. c yah!
>
> richard,
> --
> richard@ifi.uio.no | http://www.ifi.uio.no/~richard
> GCS/MU/CA d-@(---) H++ s g+ p? au0 a- w+ v+ C++(++++)
> US++ P+>++++ E+ N+++ K(+) W--- M- !V -po+ Y+
> t-- !5 j R++ G++@ !tv>-- b+ D+ B? e+ u++ h>++
> f r+ n--(----) y+
Of course I do. I'm the publisher.
Send me some email at anon3c31@nyx.cs.du.edu and I'll forward the
issues your way.
P*M
--------------------------------------------------------------
Send E-Mail, replies, 'n' stuph to: anon3c31@nyx.cs.du.edu
------------------------
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** Safe Sex
** With Hampsters
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ By: Inubus
Realizing that safe sex is very important in this day and age,
I've decided to present some tips on having safe sex with hampsters, so that
next time you shove one up your butt, it'll be more enjoyable for both of you!
- Hampsters are air-breathing mammals. The predominant gas
in your bowel is methane. You must therefore take steps to
stop your pet suffocating. You can either:
- Remove it after no more than 45 seconds. This
can prove rather unsatisfying.
- Pre-inflate your bowel with air, in which case
the little critter should be okay for up to 2 minutes.
or if you can get it, neat oxygen which can be good
for up to 4 minutes.
- I have heard of someone using those airbrush painting
air compressors and giving themselves a continuous
air enema while Mr. Furry was scrabbling about inside
but somehow the hose kinked around the 20 minute mark
resulting in a knotting which had to be removed
surgically. There is no record of whether or not the
long-haired guinea pig ( as it was in this case )
survived.
No matter what, you should take some precaution. There's
little in this world more depressing than shitting out a
dead pet. Especially if its your little brother's.
- Hampsters have sensitive eyes and your bum is full of acid.
Remember the last time you dumped a particularly burning shit ?
You wouldn't like that in your eyes, would you ? If you want
your furry SO to cooperate and make repeated forays into your
shit-locker, the least you can do is supply it with goggles.
Failing that, at least cover its eyes in Vaseline and have
some Optrex handy when it comes out.
- Hampsters get hungry. Thankfully they're mostly vegetarian,
but if you're considering a specially long session, you
ought to consider shoving some fresh vegetable matter up
your bum first. Its no good hoping that they'll feed on
whats already up there, hampsters can be picky eaters.
- Trim the claws of your hampster, or if you're making it
booties, ensure that the fastenings on the boots are particularly
secure.
Well That's about it for now... Have fun with your little friend tonight!
... Safely!
----------------------------
<Note from the publisher: I realize that most of you know what's contained
in this file already, but I want to explain to anyone who's new to warez what
is going on in the 'zine, and how the spirit of 0-day works. So WaReZ WiLLy
wrote this, and I think it explains nicely.>
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
WAREZ! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
------ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
By: WaReZ WiLLy ^^^^^^^^
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
What are warez?
---------------
Warez are pirated software that are important to everyones existance.
Without getting constant 0daze<*> into your system daily, you might fall
over and die. Usually they consist of things such as registered doom, and
other fun games. Just remember, you NEED warez!
<*> 0daze is a term for the best kind of warez.
How can I get warez?
--------------------
Call up a big company such as Microsoft, and tell them you are
interested in getting free software from them. Tell them something like:
"Hello, this is Joe Blow, and I'd like to pirate<*> windows, to rip you
off." The nice lady on the phone will happily ask for your address. Give it
to her, and in a few days, you will have an inflow of warez! They will
arrive in the mail daily!
They may even send a few men to your house claiming to be from the FBI
or something. If those men drop by, just show them your warez collection,
and it'll make them happy and they will leave.
Also, another method to getting warez, is to ask your friends what
"elyte" BBSes they are on. Then you call the BBS, and Email the sysop
saying: "I want warez, send them too me!". The sysop will immediately
upload over 2 gig of warez directly to your HD! You will be in what is
known as "warez heaven"!
<*> Pirating is the same as warez, just an old term
Frequently asked Questions and Answers
--------------------------------------
Q) Once I saw a game, and I downloaded it. I played it, and it was pretty
fun, but then I read something called a text file from it. It said
something like it was shareware. What does that mean?
A) Shareware is a term for stupid software. No matter how fun the game is,
you must delete it immediately. You must always stand by your warez.
Q) I logon to BBSes, and people just call me a warez kiddie, why's that?
A) Warez kiddie is a very high position in BBS terms. Don't worry, when
someone is calling you a warez kiddie, it actually means they highly
respect you, and would like to exchange warez with you. Give them your
address and tell them to report you to the FBI! They will then be able to
send warez to you!!!
Q) I have a 14.4Kmodem, and sometimes transfers of warez seem a little
sluggish. It took me 20 minutes to download the newest game today! What
can I do? I can't stand that, I must get them faster!
A) Ahh yes, the most common warez problem, there are 2 solutions:
1) get a 28.8K modem, this will speed up transfers signifigantly
2) Give the sysop your address, and tell him if he doesn't mail warez
directly to you, that you will kill him! This one works like a charm!
Q) I got a letter from the FBI in the mail today. Since I can't read, I
couldn't figure out what it said. What is the FBI, so I might figure it
out?
A) Ahh, the good ol' FBI. FBI stands for Friendly Burned-out Idiots. They
are the sort of stupid people you see on BBSes such as yourself. All they
do is distribute warez all day, and have fried their brains, hence the
idiot part of the name. If you try real hard, with distributing warez
everywhere, you may just join the mighty ranks of the FBI. Don't be
alarmed if they come to your house and look through your warez. It's
just a friendly gesture. They might even say they are taking you to jail,
but it's not really jail, just a warez testing center. If you get taken
here, you can feel happy, because it probabaly means they will let you
join them!
Q) Once on a BBS, someone said "Get a life"? What is that? I have never
heard of anything so strange. Where can I download it?
A) Ahh, yes. Some people do have something called a life where they go out
and interact with other people, but don't bother yourself with something
such as that! Spend every waking moment of your life downloading 0daze! No
matter what anyone says, you don't really need a life! And also, you
can't download one, but don't worry, if you can't download something, it
ain't worth warez!
Q) My warez flow has been running low lately, what can I do to help that?
A) Well, you can call directly to the software companies, and say you want
them to put out more software so you can steal it! Of course it may be
too hard to actually look up a phone number, so there is another
alternative:
Call Long Distance, and you might be able to get more warez. It costs
money to call long distance, but don't worry, your mommy will pay the
charges happily, as long as she knows her son is a good warez d00d!
Q) You said my mommy wouldn't mind paying the charges! But when she got the
$5487.52 phone bill, she got very pissed off and spanked me! All the
spanking did make me horny, I am wondering if there is ay other way to
call Long Distance without a high bill?
A) Yes, call the number 911 (secret warez hotline), and they will link you
directly to any BBS you want in the world!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope you enjoyed reading this guide to warez as much as I enjoyed writing
it. And remember, always find 0daze! Any less can make you very, very sick!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
-0-0-0-my pilgramidge to serch for warez-0-0-0-
0-0-0-0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0-0-0-0
-0-0-0-by: super elite man -0-0-0-
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
hi. im super elite man. you havnt ever seen me do any
artikles becoz I havnt done one yet. anywaz, i just want to tell
you abowt my pilgramidge to the grate warez ghod, warezooli.
first thing i did waz pak my warez pak. here were the
materals i pakked:
1 bag of saltines
40 hi densiti disks for warez
2 bockses of fish fewd just in kase i meet a fish.
40 hi densiti disks full of warez.
wonce i had all that stuff pakked, i started on my jerny to
some playce called new york in some playce called new york. it was
wakky. anywaz, i took the bus thing to there, coz i didn't haf a kar
sinc im too yong [im 13]. i ghot there somtim wen it waz lik dark
and som stuff. my warez told me to go ayte payces from the door
ov the bus, and klime the big roks outsid. i did this, and i saw
a big old black gye with a fr0. i asked him, "what is the meening of
warez?" and he said "to get the 0day."
that anserred all my kwestshuns, so i went home. that is wut
i fownd from the warez ghod, warezooli.
- super elite man
elite!
----------------------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lamahz... bY wAREz mAn oPH krad, d4 kradest 31337 zince in
k0l0rad0 bitcH.. jer0me sez s0.....anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lamahz. They're everywere deze dayz. ewe know? all th0se 'h/P
d00dz' thinking there kewl.. and they'r3 kn0t!@#!@# kuz, y0u
see, they don't k0urier warez, or puke or bleed 0n th3re
j3enz, like us kr4d d00dz. man, they even have the noive tw0
say dat w4r3z is lame!@#!@$ man, eye just want to make them
eat 0dAy untilL dey kant stand it n0 m0, and start k0uriering,
cuz they kn0w that they're l4me. t4k3 ceM ph0r instance, they
awlwayz just tawk ab0ut lyke, 1 day or EV3N +5 dAy wAreZ!@#
and they kawl themselves 31337. BuT n0w, th3re is KRAD!@# Th3
kraddest elit3 'zinE iN k0lorad0<- jer0me sez s0!) s0. r3ad
krad, k0urier da -1 day, and have secks with y00r sister, puke
and bl3ed on j00r je3nz, and ab0ve awl, stay 0utta ayCh - p3e.
p3ace and zh3r0dayz, -wAREz mAn
---------------------------------
$)#($%*#$*)%*)($*%()#*@#$*
WAREZ MAN COOKBOOK! @#%@#$
------------------- !#$@#$
By: WaReZ WiLLy @)(*#$
)*#)%*$%*)#$*%)#*)$(*#)*%#
Hey everyone! Well, while i was busy downloading the latest 0daze, I
came upon a magazine. It was called Newsweek, I thought maybe it had some
eleet info on the latest 0daze, but found out it sucked. It was all worth
learning to read though, because I found something very cool. I'm glad I
didn't just stay illiterate like most warez d00d'z, but with my leadership
skillz, I needed to learn how, so here it iz! I saw this article in the
latest Newsweek:
If you think hackers are slovenly teenagers, "Giga Bites" will
only confirm your suspicions. According to this "official" hacker
cookbook, hackers are not slide-rule computer nerds. They are
technology fanatics with a common craving for "cyberchow," which
can amount to anything you can make soggy in the microwave - from
day-old burgers to stale pretzels to Spam - and hold together with
mayonnaise or Cheez Whiz. Still, if you've ever wanted to transform
a bag of pork rinds into an elegant meal, try the "Hacker Fondue" -
a dish you don't have to be a hacker to choke on.
Well, i saw the slovenly teenager part fit me perfect, so I guess we
really do have something in common with HaQeRS! So, I decided that the
WaReZ community needs a good cookbook, the HaQeRS shouldn't get all the
gourmet stuff! So I gathered with a few of my friends (CPS Bob, Baud Man
Billy, HSlink Harry), and we compiled this cookbook! I hope you enjoy it!
/------------------\
| Doom Doughnuts : |
\------------------/
Ingredients : Bread (Must be fresh - like 0daze bread)
Chocolate (You have a lot of that! Eating it during your
downloads!)
1 5.25 High Density Disk (Remember, the disk MUST be high
density!)
Your elite self
Directions : Make sure you are downloading warez while making these.
Wouldn't want to think you wasted any of your time making something while
NOT downloading! But anyways, on to eleet f00dz! OK, get the 0day bread and
smash it up. (It might be a little hard since you are a weakling from never
getting out, and always downloading, but try your hardest.) OK, then throw
in the chocolate, and squish it some more. Throw the disk up and down a few
times and say "Good disk, holder of warez", then throw it in too. Stomp on
it, then bake at 350 degrees in your oven. Bake for 15 minutes. They will
come out golden brown and taste great. It will remind you of GRaNNy WaReZ's
good home cookin'!
/-------------------\
| Doom 2 Doughnuts: |
\-------------------/
These are the same as Doom Doughnuts, but use a 3.5 inch disk. It can hold
more, so it has better taste ans looks better (better graphix on the
doughnut!)
/-------------------\
| Ko-k0d3 Crispies: |
\-------------------/
Ingredients : Rice Crispies Cereal
Chocolate (c0mmon ingredient!)
And of course - k0deZ! (You can bug a hacker friend for these,
or go trashing at a PHoN3 place!)
Da WaReZMaN! (yew...)
Directions : Cut the paper with the k0deZ on it into little pieces and stick
them in a bowl. Mix in the rice crispies and the chocolate in the bowl.
Then stick it in the microwave. If the bowl'z made out of metal, it sparks
all eleet!!
/------------------\
| WaReZ Alphabits: |
\------------------/
Ingredients : Alphabits cereal!
Your eleet self (You have to be smart for this one, gotta know
your alphabet!)
Directions : You have to buy the special alphabits that have big and small
letterz! Well, throw away all the bad letters, keep BIG consonants and
LITTLE vowels, then you can spell eLeeT WoRDS LiKe THiS WiTH THeM! And they
taste good too!!!
/-------------------\
| Gigabyte Granola: |
\-------------------/
[ NOTE: This one is hard to make because of the ingredients requirements, but
tastes very good! ]
Ingredients : Oatmeal
Peanuts
M&M's
Granola bits
1 GiG oF WaReZ! (I know it's hard to part with....)
Directions : Mix all the food stuff together in a bowl. Then say goodbye to
those good WaReZ, I know it's hard giving them up, but just think of it this
way : They are no longer 0day, so it's really not that bad! OK, well, mix in
the disks of warez, and squish it into little bars. Chow down! They are
great!
/-----------------------\
| Partition Popsickles: |
\-----------------------/
Ingredients : Kool-Aid (Grape is my favorite flavor!$#! use what you want
though!!!)
Some disks (any size will work!)
Directions : Pour the Kool-Aid into the disk, then stick them into the
freezer. Wait a few hours, then you can munch down on the disks. Tastes
great!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope you enjoyed these recipez! Thay taste good!!! I will put out some
more in the future if you like them!! Sorry there are not more, but i got in
a hurry when I noticed my 2 hour download was about to finish, and I had to
get ready to download some more WaReZ!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some good sayings : "Give me 0day, or give me death!"
"The early k1dd1e gets the d00m!"
"Don't download until you see the white of their WaReZ!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------
<Editorz N0T3: The following 2 artiklez were sent in sum private email sorta
thing on the inph0road, so I could only assume that I should publish them.
So I'm gonna. Kewl, eh? veggie@cascade.cascade.net <the Deth Vegetable>
sent 'em.>
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"It's a K-Rad Thing" $$$
by Swamp Ratte'/cDc $$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
So here I am... 3 am, kitchen. Sitting at counter, pouring some cereal,
making a mess with the milk. TV's on, Paula Abdul on MTV. She keeps claiming
she's "in a funky way," but I know I'm funkier 'cause I haven't showered yet.
Nobody's funkier than me. No white boy, anyhow. Man, check out Paula's
cleavage. Praise be to whomever invented the push-up bra. Think I'd like to
stuff my face amongst her breasts and make duckie noises. Better yet, Debbie
Gibson. Yeah, she could tongue my navel and fix me some orange juice (fresh,
from concentrate) any day. I bet her breasts wiggle oh-so-attractively when
she shakes a juice pitcher. One container of orange juice glop, three
containers full of water. The magic formula. Shake well before serving.
Go Debbie, go. Shake that pitcher. Shake Your Love.
I'm getting an erection but I can't deal with that now. I've got cereal
to eat. BEFORE IT GETS SOGGY.
Right. So I try to take my mind off Miss Gibson's perkily heaving
mammaries and move my attention back to my not-just-for-breakfast-anymore food
product. My cereal, you ask? Alpha Bits. Choice of py00ter geeks everywhere.
Alpha Bits cereal consists of little brown wheat-things shaped like the
numbers 0 through 9, and these small marshmallows in the shape of letters A
through F. Hexadecimal, ya know? A lot of cyberpunks are into this thing
called Marshmallow HEX now, made from these Alpha Bits marshmallows which are
laced with a stimulant and hallucinogen. It sounds kinda like ice, but doesn't
turn you into a raging psychopath. It's more of an "enthused trip," sorta.
Anyhow, there are bunches o' t-files out on making Marshmallow HEX so I
won't go into it here. On the back of the cereal box are hex and ASCII charts
so the kiddies can get off by spelling obscene words in their bowls in hex.
It's a great way to start your day. Hey hey. I should get paid for the rhymes
I've made. Another reason why Alpha Bits is so popular amongst py00ter types,
as is Special K, is that it's fortified... with Vitamin K. Vitamin K is
important to keep you k-rad and out of that lamerosity slump that can drag you
down. Yeah, a well-balanced breakfast is important and never let it be said
that I skimp on nutrition, including the full day's supply of Vitamin K I get
with my Alpha Bits. Just ask any other elite types and they'll tell you too...
Vitamin K is the way to start out a totally elite day. Let me rephrase that:
"vITAmiN K! iZ ThA waYYE t0 stARtEZz 0UT A t0tALlye EL8! dAY!!!!1!"
I've gotta keep my k-ness up 'cause I don't want any shit coming down on
me from DemonSeed Elite. If you still don't know the deal with DemonSeed
Elite, then listen up. People don't like to talk about him/it much, 'cause
it's such a heavy subject... like a giant cow hanging over your head, ready to
drop at any slip up you make. Or in this case, a monster truck.
Rumor is, that back in the late 1970s-early '80s, DSE was a user who
achieved Maximum K-rad Eliteness at which point his soul merged with the global
telecom network. DemonSeed Elite was no longer just a person, but an entity
residing in the cables and satellite links of the network. He is AT&T, he is
Internet, he is SouthWestern Bell, he is Smilin' Uncle Dudley's Child Pokin'
BBS across town. He is your phone. He is the spy satellites which orbit above
our heads. He knows when you've been sleeping and he knows when you're awake.
And he takes any sign of lameness on his networks as a personal insult.
To speak his real name is to die. Lamers and r0dents all face his wrath.
No one has seen him dealing out his vengeance, or been alive afterwards to tell
about it, but it will come. Believe that.
All we can do is make assumptions from the wretched remains. A thirteen-
year-old with his intestines ripped out; fiberoptic cables twisted tightly
around the pulp of what was once his frontal lobe. The young geek's forehead
was branded "k-lame", the words still sizzling in his freshly seared flesh when
he was found bleeding to death on the floor of his bedroom. His monitor still
glowed with the ominous text, "C U L8R!", upon signing off to his friend he had
been chatting with over the modem. His pal suffered a similar fate.
Entire user groups have been found at their meetings hung from the rafters
with coaxial cable, their bodies swollen and blue as they swung gently in the
hushed roar of the air conditioning system.
DemonSeed Elite, in his physical manifestation, is said to prefer
travelling in a giant orange monster truck with tires 30 feet high and 30 feet
wide. The accuracy of these monster truck descriptions may leave something to
be desired since the witnesses were pissing their pants at the time of
observance... though the monster truck theory is consistent with some reports
of death. On several occasions, groups of r0dents were found squashed flat as
they crossed a parking lot or open field. The only clue to the cause of their
sudden flatness was giant tread marks all over their bodies. It's as if a
large truck fell from the sky and crushed them into a 2-D state, then
disappeared!
Now you can believe this, take heed, and watch out for yourself or not.
Hey, it's your life. But as for me, I'm gonna get on with eating my Alpha
Bits. I'm no fool. No siree.
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Blackness was all around in the Hilton parking lot... the power was strong and
we knew Demon Seed Elite might appear any second from the power of pre-puberty
crazed glangular overactive k0dez kids... a hush fell over the parking lot and
we suddenly felt irritated for some reason -- yes we knew that tonite WAS the
nite for the coming of Demon Seed Elite.
A herd of K0dez kids wandered by in search of K-rad cyber-strippers. In a
flash of blue light and clouds of 10 micron dust motes, Demon Seed Elite
materialized. It's blazing CGA monitors flashing with menace, it descended on
the nerdlings with fury....
The beams shot forth from the blazing monitors searing the flesh of the huddled
masses. The first casualty was a gangly young codester, twitchintg with the
expectations of the looming nudity. The firey beams struck him at the base of
his spine, ripping flesh from bone, sending a shower of blood over the
remainaing hacking horde. The energy expuled from the first kill powered on
the energy seeking transformer of Demon Seed. The k0dez kids cried out in
escatsy knowing that cheezy motel porn was no more in their bloodthirst for fat
sleezy cybernetic whores. They had a bigger thing to worry about right now -
it is Demon Seed Elite.
As the k-rad K00L smoke cleared, Demon Seed Elite appeared...again... The
drolls of the M0D special issue cybernetic cotton gin's drolls permeated the
cybernetic battlefield...with dung...cybernetic dung: the dung of the
Demon Seed.
The thousands of pixels which made the eye of the Cyberwaste cast its watchful
gaze on the terrain some 6,700,000 miles below, methodologically scanning the
payphones of the known universe for the brief flash of a KaLl1Ng KaRD!!11!1!
Yet we have not taken the time to discuss the true meaning of Demon Seed, for
he has the untmost pirating cabilities... Demon Seed needs no ratio or time
limit for everyone knows the k-rad warez of the future that sp00geD out of the
bed of Demon Seed... for he has the power to travel into the future and get
games that have yet to be created in our present time...
---------------------------------
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)
(_) (_)
(_) REAL PIRATES 1993 (_)
(_) (_)
(_) BY (_)
(_) SWAMP RATTE' (_)
(_) (_)
(_)AN OFFICIAL CDC PIRATES' GUILD(_)
(_) RELEASE! (_)
(_) (_)
(_)CALL THE POLKA AE 806/794-4362(_)
(_) PW:KILL 3/12/10MEGS!! (_)
(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)
1. REAL APPLE II PIRATES DON'T COPY
ANY GNU WAREZ.
COROLLARY: REAL APPLE II PIRATES
DON'T COPY ANY GNU WAREZ BECAUSE
THERE AREN'T ANY GNU WAREZ.
-----------------------------
W0aH. DeR3 G0eZ aN0THeR KRaD iSSuE. w3 GH0tZ SuM BiG iSSUeZ G0iN
DoWN DeZ3 DAiZ. SeND ShyT T0: anon3c31@nyx.cs.du.edu
KRAD. iTZ a WEiGH 0pH LiF3.
-- Panther Modern
<K0MPiLaTiOn X=P3rT>
