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Krad Issue 010
Yes.
No? Pleeze?
No? Pretty Pleez3! With cyanide on top!
YES? YAY!!!!!
-------- -- --------
KRAD -/- ELiTE-0 k-N33t-0 'ZiNE. <khay-raddie>
-------- ------ --- -
Compiled by: Panther Modern <etile>
----------- - -- - -------
iSSuE -> 10 <-
.................
... Huh? ..
.............
And they said they were more elite. Bahh! Who are they to talk of
eliteness?
Mr. "Jones" <forsythe> received a call from King Zero! and I. All we
wanted to do was conduct a little interview for the 'zine, but he got scared.
He hung up on us.
After the way he talked in CEM #8, you'd think he was a big,
huge,
burley,
scary, MAN.
Nope.
He's just another little shit hiding behind his computer, trying to
be elite. But his eliteness just can't compare.
KRAD wins again. The eliteness will never end. How could it? It's
too elite to be hindered by small happenings.
KRAD is the elite 'zine of choice.
KRAD. It's the future.
Welcome to issue 10, the first of our double-digit issues. ELiTE!
I baked myself a cake to celebrate, but I turned the oven on too hot.
The cake burned.
OKAY!??! THE FUCKING CAKE BURNED@*(&!@(#&
I was kinda upset.
Oh, well. In this issue, further kraddieness. We have a new writer
we're putting to the test, among other things. Neet, isn't it?
Not just neet, but neet0 elite0!
Woah. KRAD. It's the soul of the elite.
----------------------
*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*
*$* KRAD programming in 303 *$*
By Black EyE-s *$*
*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*
After learning and mastering KRAD C++, KRADDER BP 7.0, and the KRADDEST
Assembly... I have came up to one conclusion. Batch commands hold much more
power than all these languages combined and therefore Batch the is language of
choice for the KRAD coder in the know.
Here are just a phew ofh da KRAD ph3AtuR35...
ýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýýý
o The file handling routines are the best!
o The way you can manipulate the ANSi characters
with the PROMPT command is one of the most KRAD
things about it.
o The ERRORLEVEL ennvironment variable is KRAD
o DOS EDIT is KRAD. (The Official Batch Coding Environment)
o Hell, I bet that CEM was even coded in BATCH!!!!
(We are da KRAD DADS of 303 even though we don't use BATCH!!!)
o And finally, Nintendo is KRAD so they use BATCH commands for their
Ultra-64 arcade games!
But since you are reading KRAD as it is, you already know what is the most
KRAD in existance. You are even KRAD yourself for even reading this. OWANW
has cracks written for their games in BATCH. Batch is the language of the
future. Who knows, with the release of Windows '95... they may make a batch
language for Windows!!!
000000000000000000000000000000000000000
000 Comment from Panther Modern: 00
000 Ewe FREAK! It's OWANW! 00
000000000000000000000000000000000000000
--------------------------------------
#####@@@@@@#####
#@ Why Incest @#
#@ is Kewl!!! @#
#####@@@@@@#####
By: Sister-Lover
Incest! Incest!
It's the best!
Put your sister
To the test!
Incest is really kewl, and neeto. I like it, and I'm sure you will too,
cause it's just so fun, and after all, your sister is free, so you wont have
to pay for it any more! Kewl, eh? If you really want, you could always
apply these directions to your mother, but that wouldn't be as kraddie as yer
sister, coz sisterz are really kewl! I'm not joking here.
Okay, first you gotta go up to your sister, and just bend her over.
It shouldn't be too hard, coz she'll right away say "Hey, I bet big brother is
going to commit incest," and then she'll bend over, coz she'll think "Incest
is the kewlest!"
Once that's done, you should know what to do from there, but I guess
for you stupid people, what you're supposed to do at this point is start
inserting floppy disks up her shirt. They should have warez on them, and
once all the warez are up her shirt, bend her right side up again, and that's
it! You've just committed incest with yer sister, and yer now a really kewl
guy. Not everyone can commit incest with their sister.
Okay, if you want, you can do this during the day, or at night, or
any time you want to, and I'm sure it'll be kewl with yer sister. She likes
incest, just like all sisters. Sisters r kewl. Didn't I tell you so? I
remember saying that, and now you know it was true! Cause now you know about
your sister, too!
Umm, if you want, you can also apply it to your mahm, but don't tell
yer warez aphiliatez then, coz they'll say that you're too kewl fer werds.
By the way, once the disks are there for a couple of days, take them
out and refill them with new 0-day. That will make everything much more
kewler, know what I mean? I bet you do, coz you're a 0-day sorta guy, with
a 2-day sorta mind. Kinda stupid, but able to understand krad things, right?
Kewl.
----------------------------
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
;; Soldier
'' of Warez ''
--- An Adventure Story
--------By: Diskette Killer
The sun set on the factory, and the man walked out. He walked kinda
quick and stuff, coz he was in the mood to walk kinda quick and stuff.
He got to his car, stuck the key in the door, and..
Opened the door.
Suddenly, he got in the car, and started the engine, and drove home,
and ate dinner, and talked on the phone for a little while.
But wait! Late that night, he takes off his mask of innocence! He is
actually the Soldier Of Warez, and elite guy who will do things in exchange
for 0-day! The newest warez will buy you anything you need done by the
soldier.
He logs in to a BBS, and downloads some 1-day, hoping that in the
sekret Soldier of WAREZ base, there will be a mission for him. AHH!
A mission awaits! A young woman needs an application, and will trade
for the newest 6-disk 0-day game!
The warrior gears up. He puts his laptop in a small sachel, and
enters his storeroom to get his equipment.
Once he is all set, with 5 power cables, a refill battery for the
laptop, and some 10 base-t cables, he runs from the door!
Whiping his 10 base-t out over the ledge, he manages to catch a
conviently hanging bar, and swings down to the street! Suddenly, an error
beep is heard...
Oh, no!
What has the warez warrior gotten himself into? He peers
through his specially built glasses, trying to see what the problem
is, but can only make out a shadowy figure in the distance...
Who could this person be?
Ehh. Who cares.
The Solder runs, dodging nothing as he nears his goal...
Suddenly, in a burst of light, he sees it. It's..
A software store.
What will the soldier do? What elusive move will he make next?
The soldier enters the store.
Suddenly, his hand goes into his pocket, and out comes cash. A box
finds its way into his hands, and the Soldier has done it!
THE SOLDIER HAS FOUND THE APP!!! THE SOLDIER IS SUCCESSFUL!!!!!!
He stops by a donut shop on the way home.
Finally, he is back on the Sekret Soldiers Shop BBS, uploading the app. And
in return, a very thankful maiden sends him the 6-disk game!
Just another day in the life of..
The Solider of Warez!
--------------------------
!(*^&!%@)(!
How to #
Read KRAD @
aNd waRez #
aT the @
SAME TIME %
by: MeeP !
!*&(^!!(*&!
d00dur! I thought my life was over... someone gave me like 1 year ware
when i wasn't looking! I said "NOOOOOOOO! My life of 0-day is over! This
is the worst!" then the guy said "Shutup you little warez kiddie lamer,
i'll tell you how to sue that for your good." I said ok, but only cuz he
called me little warez kiddie lamer, that what my dad calls me when I
give him a rem job before i have to go to bed. He said the program was
caled something like Telemate, and it was the best term program. I dunno
what a term program was, when my friend Syanide setup Terminate on my
computer he said that was the best term program so I guess I already had
one. He told me to delete Terminate and install Telemate. I didn't know
what he ment by install. So he asked me what type of computer I had, I
got really confused and all and told him to call me back tomarrow when
Syanide was here to tell him. He said "Man, your so fucking lame. I will
call back." and then he hung up.
Anyway, the next Syanide came over to my house, when we were give each
other bj's that hackur dude called back. i said "Man, i'm getting a blow
job, syanide will be right back.." and he said "You sick fucker, shut up."
Then when Syanide was done he said "What do you want" then the hackur said "I
need to know what type of computer this lamer has" then syanide said "Why?"
and then the hackur said "Cuz I need to setup Telemate for him, zip it up so
all he has to do is unzip it" and then syanide said "Telemate! don't give me
that lame 1 year warez shit! it will ruin MeeP's reputation!" i said "Yeah"
but the hackur didn't hear that cuz I said it. So the hacker said "I already
gave it to him, and he doesn't have a reputation to loose anyway. And
telemate is 100x better and I will show you why!" So Syanide told him
everything and we got Telemate working (registered! elite!). Then he
started giving us some wierd program called "ToneLoc" he told us we could
find sekurit 0-day boards with it. elite! before he gave us that he told us
to type alt-e and load something into the editor. So Syanide loaded KRAD
issue #7 (It was 0-day!) and he said, "When I send you this press alt-e, and
as soon as you are done reading it press escape and look for the ware." So we
started getting the ware, he only had a sucky 14.4k modem so he sucked, and
it took 10 mins. But we pressed alt-e.. as we where reading Syanide said
"WAIT A MINUTE!" we were reading KRAD and downloading warez, AT THE SAME
TIME. It was truely elite, I will never forget that cool hackur dude, and I
have found a cool 0-day board with that ToneLoc thing. It's called "NASA:
Restricted access only" I am sure I am elite enough to get on, but they don't
seem to allow new users right now, cuz when I typed New it asked for a
password. If anyone has the NUP for NASA be elite and tell me. I told the
hackur about it and he said to just keep giving him the 0-day boards when I
find them, and he will try and get me on. He is elite. Hackurs are kinda
cool sometimes.. but Syanide says they still suck.
-------------------------------
#####
### Telephone phun.
##### W/ Panther Modern, and King Zero!
We called Forsythe to interview him about warez, and here's what
happened!
-- Calling Forsythe
<ring>
<Adult voice> Hello?
<Panther Modern> Is Chris there, please?
<Adult> Sure, hold on a sec...
<long pause>
<in background> Chris hasn't picked up yet...
<Panther Modern> Where's chris?
<King Zero!> We're waiting for you, Chris!
<Forsythe> Hello?
<PM> Hello, Chris! How ya doin?
<F> Pretty Good...
<PM> Pretty good? I am too, thanks for asking.
<F> Uhhh.. Who is this?
<PM> Chris, this is Panther Modern from the KRAD 'zine, and we'd like to
conduct a little interview with you.. I have Count Zero on the line--
<KZ> KING ZERO! Get it--Get it right! Come on!
<PM> --He'll be doing a transcript of this...
<click>
<KZ> We're interviewing for our next 'zine... If that's okay with you!
<PM> Ooh.. Chris hung up on us! We'll just have to call him back!
<KZ> Hold on one sec...
<ring>
<click>
<KZ> He hung up again..
<PM> Call 'im back again!
<background of KZ> He hung up again?
<KZ> Yeah, again. What a winner! .. Hold on one sec..
<several rings>
<KZ> Paco couldn't be reached for comment...
<PM> We'll get his answering machine..
<KZ> If he has one.. If he has voice mail, hack it! HEH!
<continuing rings>
<click>
<KZ> I guess that would be him hanging up!
<PM> Call back again!
<click>
<KZ> Yup, that was him hanging up!
<calling back; busy>
Summary: Forsythe Could not be reached for comment.
Awwww!
Next issue: Complete transcript of the official Narcosis Interview!
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K3wL D00dz. DaT' Ph0RsYTH3 iZ ELiT3. (+ KRaD)
iZZuE 10 eNDeD. uNTiL NeXT TiME, THiZ iZ..
-- Panther Modern
EDiTiNK GuY
... SiGNiNK oPH
