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Krad Issue 014
------> KRAD (NeeT-0 ELiTE-0) 'ZiNE <------
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
iN ASSoCiATiON WiT:
Old Warez Are No Warez!
<EliTesT 0-DaY iN daH SCeNe!>
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
))(( iSSUe #14 ))((
= = = = = = = = = =
K0MpiLeD By: Panther Modern
<-=- =-= -=- =-= -=- =-= -=- =-= -=- =-= -=->
****))****((****
**) ZerO Day
****((****))****
Zero day. Woah. It's like. It's like some strange entity comes
down, and grants you eliteness for free! Zero day is something which can't
be deined, and yet can't be admitted either! Zero day is far beyond my
wildest dreams, although it is a big part of my reality! Oxymoronic and
paridoxical, you say? No! Just Zero Day! Zero Day is TOO KRAD. But, it
too has it's problems. For instance, if you keep Zero Day for twenty Four
hours, it becomes One Day! And everyone knows, One Day isn't even close to
the eliteness of Zero Day! Thus, Zero Day is much more kewl and elite than
One Day, right? Right!
Anyweigh, KRAD #14. Yes, how kewl can we get? The one and only, the
elitest of the ELiTE Denver ELiTE 'Zines! We are the KRADDIEST, and we have
no competition that even begins to match! KRAD is the only 'zine you need.
KRAD teaches you the art of 0-day living. The art of riding the wave
of new warez, and how to handle yourself in all situations which your
peddling may take you to! KRAD teaches you the art of surviving 0-day in a
1-day world! Woah. That's deep.
Issue 14. We have a good issue for you, with lotz of information
that you just can't get anywhere else. (it's just too kewl!) Everyone else
is afrait to publish it, but we'll do it. Why? Coz. We're KRAD.
KRAD. It's a way of life. Live by it, and become ELiTE.
Live Against it, become One Day.
-------------------------
@#$)(&@()#$*
(@#* M0re iNFoR0aD PHuN
@#*@#$*)#(*#
Yes, back on the inforoad for another day of fun and excitement!
----------->
> From: EyE M 2 3l33t3 4 U!!!!! <cantrick@rintintin.Colorado.EDU>
>
> d00D! /<-r4D iS s0 c00l! I sh0wEd It t0 my D0G AnD He pEeD 0n mY F00t,
> iT Is s0 /<-r4D! s0 I sAt 0N My hAmStEr aNd d0wNl0aDed simciTy fR0M tHe
> 3l33t3 WaREZ b0arD anD DisTriButEd iT T0 mY LiTTLe bR0THer aNd tHaT WaS
> rEaLly c00L 'cAUSe HiS CalLeD tHe FbI f0r me.
>
> I aM rEaLlY 3L33t3, i Kn0w l0Ts 0f HAQuAckErs, tHeY Are lIkE S0 3l33t3
> I w0nDeR iF I sH0uld bEc0me 0Ne. N0 I wIlL JuSt g0t aSk f0r s0mE m0rE
> WaReZ fr0M alt.26Oo. I g0t iNt0 ThIs gReAt SiTe wAreZ.PhAnt0M.C0m And
> t00K AlL ThE WAREZ ThErE! D0 y0u Kn0w AnY WaReZ SiTes? onlY TeLl me
> tHeM if tHeY aRE rEaLlY 3L33t3 ND k|Ck aNaL!!!!!!!!!
>
> T|-|3 ]<-r4D 3l33t3 d00D N W3StMi/\/StR3
>
> !@!!!!asdf!! da kradst d00D in all 0f the w0rld!!!!!1!!1*(!@!$&*~!!!~~~
> *^%#@#$^*%^#ArE Y0u 3L33t3 En0uGh T0 tRaDe tHe 0-DaY WaReZ?^%*@$#^%*#%
> ~~~~~cAlL mY acC0Unt At AMeRiCa OnLiNe, tHe M0ST 3L33t3 0n tHe 'NeT!!!!
> I aM /<-r4D bEcAusE mY M0Mmy tElLs Me s0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nO pHeDZ!!!!!! eYe M 2 3l33t3 4 U!!!!!!!!!!
Where to start? What makes you think that you are the only
<translated from elite> "KRAD Elite DewD in Westminster"? I bet that there
might be some other 0-day fewlz there other than yourself. I know one guy
with so much blood on his jeans that they're completely red! And he lives in
Westminster! Or is that you?
Also, NO! Don't become one of them Hackers! I hear that they are
evil, and must be destroyed! I fear them, and you should too, coz they're
scary and stuff! Be careful around them! I bet that if I saw one, I'd be
real careful too, or else they might do something like make it so that I
can't get 0-day any more and will have to be content with 1-day, and that
wouldn't be very good would it!!! Be careful of those hackers!
P*M
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Newsgroups: alt.2600
>
>
> Never mind that, I love it ! KRAD makes my day, I await the next number
> eagerly. I sent it to all my friends but they couldnt see the humor in
> it, the endless quest for 0day. Oh well, maybve they never really lived
>
> Rob
You obviously understand the basic need for 0-day that is felt by
many a WaReZ peddler all around the world. The Cry of the 0-day is heard,
and it resounds. It is in the heart and soul of those who collect the
KRAD software that only WaReZ peddlers can acquire! ALL HAIL THE 0-DAY!!!
P*M
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> From: Dark <mr_dark@delphi.com>
>
> Not to mention the whole thing was crap... no talk about hacking, 2600, or
> anything.. the ENTIRE 23984 issues [or whatever the fuck] was about how they
> were cooler and smarter than everyone. Lamers.
Well, Mr. Delphi, by looking at your choice of an Internet provider,
I can tell that we're definately "cooler" and "smarter" than you are. Also,
your counting ability is obviously far superior to that of the ordinary man,
or at least superior to mine. When the issues were posted as "KRAD issues
1-12," that means to me that there are 12 issues. But according to your
supreme intellect, there are obviously "23984 issues [or whatever the fuck]"
Try 12.
Lamer.
P*M
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> From: Dark <mr_dark@delphi.com>
>
> Did you see this bullshit? All they did was talking about "aw we da' bezt o'
> de groupz in daz wurld and evyone elze zuckz zhit!" it looked like a Zima
> commercial... after about 6 kegs of Zima.....
Is that really all we talked about? Wow. That's funny, maybe I was
hallucinating, but I saw articles on how to acquire 0-day, how to get women,
and lots of other kewl, insider info that you can't find anywhere else!
Amazing what one can see when one opens one's eyes, isn't it? Open your eyes
next time.
P*M
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, that's it for this issue of fun from the InfoRoad! If you'd
like to connect me with Suggestions, Complaints, Submissions, Compliments,
or Other Bullshit [SCSCOB], send some email to:
anon3c31@nyx.cs.du.edu
and become ELiTE.
-------------------
)))((())()()()()( \\\\
Getting Hit()(#@) \\\ <Apologiez to Jewish Lightning for kinda copying
(#$) By Lightning \\ hiz lightning pik. But he's gone, so he'll never
)(()())()())))()) \ know anyway.>
by: ElekTriQ Head --
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
You might have read the title, and said to yourself "But why would I
want to get hit by lightning? That wouldn't be very good!" Well, it's real
kewl, if you get hit by lightning, and I'm gonna tell you why and how! You
see, one day I was walking down the street, contemplating the true eliteness
of 0-day, when all of a sudden this big spark jumped out of the air, and it
hit me real hard, and I was on the ground for a few minutes.
Eventually, when the dust and blubber cleared the air, I stood up,
and it wuz kewl! I had been hit by a big lightning bolt, and was all
electriq and stuff! It wuz elite! So anyway, I went to the software store
that I had been heading for, and I asked for some software. When I picked up
the box, this strange electriq thing happened, and then the software was
copied into what passes for my brain. And when I went home to my computer,
I touched it, and all the free softwarez were copied onto there, and now I
was a kewl WaReZ peddler, coz I didn't even have to buy my software any more!
Kewl, eh?
So anyway, that's why you, too, should be hit by lightning! Then
you MIGHT be just as kewl as I am, and that would be kewl for you, but I
doubt you'll be able to be as kewl as I am, coz I'm real real real real real
real real real real real real real real real real real kewl!
Okay, anyway, go to the store, and steal a cart! The best way to do
this is to dress as an old lady or an old man, and go start pushing the cart,
and then just start walking away from the store with it! I've see lots of
people steal the cart this way. Coz for some reason, I guess that they don't
think it's bad for some old people to steal the cart or something.
Okay, once you're done with that, go out when it's raining, and stand
up in the cart as high as you can get, and stand near a flagpole. Grab onto
the flagpole, and just wait! If you're lucky, you'll get hit by lightning,
and then you'll be as kewl as I am and that will be kewl for you! But I
doubt you'll be as kewl as me, coz I'm really really really really really
really really really really really really really kewl!
Now that you're hit, go to the softwarez store, and get all the free
softwarez you want or need, and then you'll be kewl and stuff!!! Kewl, eh?
Oh, also, it will wear out after about two months or so, much to my
dismay, so you have to recharge with new lightning every now and again.
Also, there are no side effects to the lightning, so it's real kewl, and real
safe to do, and if I were you, I'd always do it all the time and try to
attempt to be as kewl as I am!
--------------------------------
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
*# KiLLiNK ANTZ #*
#* THE RIGHT WAY *#
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
$ By: ANTiANT $
--------------
Well first off, I'd like to say that that stupid guy "The Insekt" or
whatever. He sucks! He said that antz were kewl, and they really aren't,
and he knowz it!! I HATE THOSE ANTZ!! THEY SUQ!! OKay. Well, I gotta lyk
calm down here or else I'll have to go do something else, like rape my father
like I did that one time. And then I'll have to go back to that big, white
room, and then!!!~)(#*!)@(*#)(!@#*)!@#(&*!)$(#*Y@#_&)@#$&*
OKay. Calm.
Anyway, about antz! They suq! You see, I used to spray them with
this shit, Raid. Itz kewl poison, and if you spray some in your mouth and
breath in real quick, it'z REALLY KEWL STUPH!! But I'll tell you about that
some other time, when I have more time to talk about it.
Anyway, the Raid, it kills the antz. But that's not kewl! Coz they
just die, and that's it! That's not very fun, is it? I don't think so.
One day I wuz sitting there, and I saw an Ant, and instead of
spraying it with my Raid can, I tewk my X-Acto knife, and I chopped his head
off! That wuz kewl! Coz the body kept moving! So then, I separated the ass
and the stomach from the ant, and it wuz kewl! The stomach kept moving
around! Antz actually ARE kewl, but only when you're killing them! I got
to watch the ant suffer! It wuz kewl!
Anyway, so then I started doing this on a regular basis, 'till one
day I stabbed myself with my X-Acto knife, and it got stuck in my stomach.
Then I needed to uze sumthing else to kill them, so I looked around, and saw
a Gerber huntink knife, and I uzed that instead! It wuz kewl! It wuz
better to kill them with, coz it's kinda dull, and then I can slash them and
it'z real real real real real real real real kewl!!
So in conclusion, antz really are kewl if you kill them in a fun way,
and you should too, coz they suq if they're alive, crawling around and stuff,
and that suqz!
Well, I gotta go now, coz there are antz krawling around and I have
to kill them!
-----------------------------
####################
## Insightful wisdom by ##
####################
* * * * * * * *
* War3z-Warri0R-896 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * *^^^------t|-|4T 1z mUH k0d3-n4m3! f1g|_|r3 1t 0uT 4Nd g3t*
* * * *4 k00k13! *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The mighty krad has struck a major blow in the hearts of all warez
pups around! They phear the evervescent presence of krad #9! I phearlessly
posted this piece of literary excellence in the public general chat base
of Forsythe's Dungeon. (Why was I not in the file section!?! Why did I
stray into the desolate and purposeless bounds of the message section!?!?
To disseminate the inph0 that had to be revealed as dictated by the masterful
and mighty pEE*Emm!@! Don't worry, I recovered nicely, and the emotional
scars of posting a message are healing rapidly.)
Well, here's the lockout message that I received:
--- Begin Phearful Message ---
Posting my voice number was NOT a wise decision. I would have
hoped that you had some better judgment, but I guess I was wrong.
I traced P*M's # when he called me, and the phone company has it
on record, but I wouldn't stoop so low as to post his # in a public base.
Have a good day.
--- End Lamer Warez Pup ---
You see!@! We have struck a major blow for k-raddiness in all of
the land! He says that he is good not to post P*M's number, but alas! he
phears the consequences of such an action. (And he doesn't realize that
he diverrrrrted and he can't get that numbah from the telco anywarez, but
shhhhh... he shalt not know that.) Today, we the members of k-Rad, OWARNW!,
and the miscellaneous affiliates must rejoice! K-R4D will prevail!@
-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-0day-
Kidz will be Kidz, no? The above text prompted me to do a quickie KRAD
Forsythe iNTERViEW #2 with Chris (Forsythe Jones.) So here it is:
Yes, kiddiez, Chris said he wouldn't "stoop so low." Which means that he
COULDN'T do so. Forsythe InterViEW #2, iN LiViNG K0L0R:
<dialing>
<RING!>
Woman: Hello?
PM: Hi, is Chris there?
W: Who is this?
PM: This is uhh.. John.
W: <Hesitant> Well, hold on a second.
PM: Okay.
<pause.. Background by woman: Chris, are you studying? Background by Chris:
yeah. Background by woman: Phone for you... But only for ten seconds!
Background by Chris: Fine...>
CHRIS: Hello?
PM: Hey, Chris, I hear you have my number, so I was wondering what it is.
C: Who is this?
PM: This is Panther Modern from KRAD, Chris.
C: Well, you see, I hit *57, and the phone company has it on record!
PM: Well, you said you wouldn't "stoop so low as to get it." Wouldn't
this insinuate that you already have it?
C: Well, I could get it...
PM: Go for it. Do it.
C: Noooo! I don't need to! Besides, the phone company has it on record,
and if you fuck with me, I'll press charges!
PM: Did I threaten your life?
C: You don't need to threaten my life for me to press charges!
PM: Did I even prank you? Nope, I just called have a talk with you.
C: Well... Uhhh...
PM: Go ahead, then. Press charges. Do it.
C: Well... Uhhh...
PM: Okay. Bye.
<CLiCK by PM>
Yes, the definitive proof! It would appear that Chris is not only
giving a few idle threats, but is also stating he knows things he really
has no clue about! Chris, I'm sorry. Had I realized your true ignorance,
I wouldn't have putcha down for not knowing shit, and saying so many stupid
things! Sorry, buddy!
KRAD. It's a truth you'll just have to live with.
---------------------------------
AnD S0 iSSu3 14 EnDz. WhuT WiLL eWe D0, PHaiTHphUl R3aDeRz, WHiLe
WaiTINk PH0r iSSu3 15? d0 N0T PaNiK. ISSue 15 WiLL bE oUt BeForE yOU CaN
SaY 0-DaY!
-- Panther Modern
SuperKompilationExpert
