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Krad Issue 003
K-N33T-0 K3wl1-0 'ZinE (Ph0R DaH' ELiTE *ONLY*!)
-------- -------- --------- --------- ------- ----- --- -- -
WaRNiNG: IF YOU AREN'T ELiTE, OR AT LEaST
/<-SPiFF, YOU *MUST* ST0P REaDiNK
N0W! We WiLL TRAK YoU DOuN 'n'
MaKE YOU K0UrrIEr WaREz iF
YoU ReaD THiZ!
KoMPiLED Bi: Panther Modern (W0W)
##*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*
#)@ ELiT0 N0Tez! #)*(@#)@
##( n' StuFF! #)(@#)@#()@
$$$(%(%(%(%(%(%%((%(%(%(%
Well, we have once again gone beyond any other 'zine in town, coz
we have updated NOT ONLY our FILE_ID.DIZ file, but our header as well, for
this, the third issue of the KRAD 'zine! My group, OWANW (Old Warez Are No
Warez!) has also added an exclaimation point to the end of our name, so in
the future, please refer to us as OWANW! instead, for clarity. I've heard
that another OWANW group has formed in Utah, under the assumed acronym for
"Old Women Are Nosy Witches". We don't want to be confused with them, so
please refer to us under the correct syntax. That's OWANW!, of course.
Anyway, more about the 'zine. Yes, we have definately surpassed every other
'zine in the City, and really do deserve the title, "Best ELiTE 'Zine iN
Denver!" After all, we publish informative articles, and even published the
/<-/<00L Skreen Savour Artikle in the last issue! That one was a hit with
all of the 0-day krew.
Welcome to Issue 3. We are the elitest. (In denver.)
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^ KEWL STUFF TO DO ^^^^
^^^^ WITH YOUR MOM ^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
By: Johnnie
I wuz hayngin wit' my mahm when the idea came to me. I'd rite an artike
on k00l stuff to do with your mom in the KRAD 'zine, so I could be famous,
and say "I rite for the elitest 'zine in town!" to all the other moms, so
they'd all want to play house with me!
Okay, the first kewl thing to do with your mom is to go and hang at
the girlie bars with her! Moms really know how to cheq out the women, and
they'll give you all the best advice about it, too! So I'd really reccomend
you do this, so that you can be cool, and hang with your mom, too!
A really cool thing I do with my mom is play "doctor!" I sit on the
bed, and she comes, and examines me. Then, she gives me an enema, coz that's
what doctors do. And it's really kewl! Ask your mom to do this with you
sometime! Coz she should! Every good mom should play doctor, coz that's what
good moms do! And my mommy is a good mommY!!!@)(*@#$)(
OKay, something really really cool that I've done with my mom before,
is I'll bend over, and she takes this large wooden thing, it's called a
"paddle," and she hits me with it a lot. It's fun, and you should try it,
cause it feels nice.
Well, that's all I have to say about my mom right now, so tell me how
you enjoyed hanging with your mom, as well!
Elite 0-Day Greets: Forsythe Jones: Your mom was fun, too!
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#########################
## How to rape a sheep ##
## With Side Notes on ##
## Cattle. ##
## By: Jether' ##
#########################
Weeeeell. I'm frum th' Wyomin' reeeegion, but dat don't make it
wrong fer me tah rite for dis fin' peece o' ritin duz it? Ahh don't rekon
it duz.
Anyhow, ahh've been wit' sheeps now fer.. 'least 6 yars, ah reckon.
It's real fun, and easy fer you tah do.
An' ifin yah can't get no sheeps, den' hell! You's gotta just get
one 'er dem cattle!
Okie! Firs' ya gots tah' find yous one o' dem sheeps! Once yah's
got one 'er two, yah jes' do what comes tah' ya natural. Ahh usall' lak
a lil' foe-play befor' dah gud stuff, but tarnation', its yer own choice.
Ben' the lil' lam' chop right on over, an' have a good 'ole time wit'
her. Make golly darn sure it ain't no male sheeps, thems kick ya in yer
pecker. An' that don't feel too darn gud!
An' yu kin' do th' same stuf fer cattle too! Hav' a good 'ole tahm!
------------
+++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++ 0 - DaY uPDaTe ++
++ ++ ++ By: TRaDeR oF 0-DaY GaMEz (BuT N0T AppZ!)
OKay, here's the 0-day update! Only for games, though, cause I don't
like apps. WHoever trades apps is a loser in my oppinion, cause games rule,
and I like to play them sometimes, but not very often! Cause I'm usually
trading them and don't have time to play! But sometimes, I go to play one..
But usually, by the time I get around to it, it's like at least 2 day, and
by then, it's just too old. I wouldn't be caught dead with 2-day on my drive,
and if you would. Well, you're a lamer. So go away. Cause 0-day rules the
scene!
Okay, the 0-day is as follows:
Street Gimps II - Fight from your wheelchair in a battle to
the death! If you can knock your opponants
dentures out, you get extra points!
XWing Xtra - Cool missions for XWing, like the one where you
fight some ships and stuff.
Pong v. 3 - The same pong you know and love, optimised for P5
peak performance! Better have good reflexes for
this one!
Games being released in the next 5 days!:
-5: Tetris EliTe: Tetris for the truely elite! Get this one!
-4: Apps Zapp: This one will kill the apps off your hard
drive faster than "del!" Cause apps suck,
and gig drives are only good for games!!
-3: Mouse Madness: Move the mouse, and an actual arrow will
move around the screen!!
-2: Tanks: Fight with tanks against other tanks, taking
their warez, and bribing their courriers!
Tomorrow: Whore Wars: Fight with the other whores and thier
pimps to get the most johns in one
hour, or your pimp will slap you!
I'm off to trade warez!
Gr33tz: Syanide, for being the best kourrier in the nation!
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Wh3lP, D3rEz DaH' 'ZiN3 NuM3R0-3. HaV3 PHuN aND S3Nd GNu WaR3z
M1e WaY WHeN Ew3 GHeT A CHaNc3!
-- Panther Modern
EDiTOR
Mail me to submit, on ELiTE boards!
