Legions of Lucifer 08

eZine lover (@eZine)

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Legions of Lucifer

 · 5 years ago

  

Legions of Lucifer ('l‚jen ov l–cifŠr) n. 1. Any multitude of followers 
 of the chief evil spirit, Satan.  2. A group of Anarchists and Computer 
 Experts that work together as one to cause havok in the anarchy bound 
 society of this nation. 

 
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        A Cheap Lil' Guide to 'Professional' Housebombing / Homewrecking 

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       Ed note: When does the madness end!  Haha!  I have been contemplating 
       the creation of this file for QUITE some time now, but have FINALLY got 
       around to doing it.  I want to dedicate [hah!] this file to the 
       managers/head cashiers at Farmer Jack store #39 in Roseville, Michigan 
       who made my life such hell, they pushed me to this brink of insanity... 

       First off, you have to have a mark. Ours was easy.  Myself and four 
       close friends were screwed by management at this damn cheapass grocery 
       store when we were still wet behind the ears, we followed them and 
       tracked them ALL down, except for one.  I will write a file in the near 
       future on tailing and evasive driving, as we learned a lot of techni- 
       que from this adventure. 

       Anyways, enough of the boredom, let's talk turkey...  First you have to 
       choose a mark, be it a manager, arch enemy, neighborhood stool pigeon, 
       loser modemer, whatnot.  This person has pushed you PAST the brink of 
       insanity, and you will stop at NOTHING to wreck their lives... Here are 
       some tried and true techniques, that you may want to consider... 

 
       EGG BOMBING 

       Initially, go to a party store or grocery store and pick up a dozen 
       eggs. Or any amount. We have ripped through 4 dozen EASILY in an hour 
       before, so..  I recommend buying Jumbos.  They cost more, but they 
       'pack a bigger punch' and cause picture windows to shimmy upon impact. 
       Also, for the economist, most Meijer grocery stores sell an 18 pack, 
       that we find quite useful.  If you REALLY have it out for the mark, 
       you may either hardboil them, as this will do WONDERS for windows! 
       Hah!  Or else, you MAY consider putting them in a bucket in your 
       backyard, and let them sit there for about 4 days of good hot sun, will 
       will cause them to spoil and emit a raunchy odor.  Remember, maybe the 
       mark may need his smelling tested... 

       First off, casually drive by a few times, make mental notes, and get 
       ready.  We suggest looking for things such as open windows in the front 
       of the mark's house, lights, neighbor's activity, cars etc.  At one 
       job, I doused the lights and me and a buddy hopped out, and a guy 
       down the block flashed his headlights at us and saw us wearing ski 
       masks, and saw us turn the block with a cardboard plate, and proceeded 
       to chase us for about 2 miles, until I lost him on a local freeway. 
       Another time, I caught a guy fucking his girlfriend 200 feet away from 
       our prospective job, so I merely gave him the brights, honked and gave 
       him the 'thumbs up'. 

       We suggest either a 4 door car, or a van.  Then pull around the 
       block, get the ammo [eggs] opened up, and easily accessible.  Egg 
       cartons usually are styrofoam, or cardboard and can be torn, so each 
       man gets a section bearing 3-4 henfruits. Have one accomplice get out 
       of the vehicle and either place a fast food paper bag over the license 
       plate, or as we prefer, have a precut piece of cardboard to : 
       , which are the dimensions of North American license plates.  [ Note: 
       does not include motorcycle plates which are smaller, duh!]  Use duct 
       tape to securely fasten the cardboard to the plate framework.  Then 
       proceed to take a piece of cardboard, approximatley 5" x 5" and place 
       it over the dome light.  [This is ESSENTIAL. One night we were almost 
       caught by a manager, except I was in the back of my friend's Escort 
       with my hands over the dome light so he couldn't identify us.  Then 
       tape the dome light cover in place, prefererably with duct tape. 
       Then, have each man don a ski mask, black preferrably [our trademark], 
       and drive back around the block.  When you get approximately 200 feet 
       from the mark's residence, turn off the headlights, and pull the car 
       up near the curb, but leave about 4-5 feet of leeway on the side 
       closest to the mark's house for maneuverability. 

       The next option, is who does the work.  You have a couple options. 
       First, suppose you are in a car.  Cars are easy to get in and out of, 
       so you may want to have the driver, and two men on the passenger side 
       [front + back] get out.  The optional driver getting out, should only 
       be done when the mark's street is dark, easy to get out of the 
       subdivision very quickly etc.  In that case, have the driver out the 
       car in neutral, and ease it to a stop so that it is only 1 gear shift 
       to getaway, instead of 3. Also, this assumes a flat terrain. This 
       DEFINITELY does not apply in San Francisco, where you will helplessly 
       look back to see your getaway vehicle coasting down the street in 
       reverse. 

       The other main vehicle we have used is a van. This is VERY useful, 
       as you can have 4 men get out VERY fast. Have a guy ride shotgun and 
       get out, have 2 guys get out of the sliding door on the side, and have 
       one man hop out of the back door. 

       For best results, you may wish to 'lob' the eggs, rather than give 
       them a Nolan Ryan fastball. The physics of eggs causes them to 
       explode over a larger region this way. 

       Get all of the bombers close to the house, and madly throw eggs.  We 
       usually had SPECIFIC targets. E.g., one man would bomb the car in the 
       driveway, while another hit a picture window, while another would go for 
       doors, garage, etc. In any case, the driver should NOT launch more than 
       three eggs, as he has to go get in, and get it in gear, and peel away. 

       I suggest house bombing in the winter, when the eggs will freeze and 
       people will be less reluctant to go outside in the cold to remove them. 
       One bitch's house wore our 'treat' for about 2 months...  Also, in the 
       summer, cars are prime, as the albumin in the egg does WONDERS for a 
       paint job. 

 
       BOLOGNA TRICK 

       This is more of a kid's prank, but I have included it, because it can 
       and WILL wreck a car's paint job.  Basically, all you do, is go to the 
       neighborhood butcher and buy the slimiest, greasiest bologna, olive 
       loaf, etc.  The go to the mark's house/work and place it on his vehicle. 
       This has to be done in the summer and on a hot day.  The acids in the 
       meat will cook out, and literally fry on his car.  The result is, after 
       a few hours, a permanent circle remains on the victim's hood, in a 
       lighter shade.  So for example, if he has a red car, he may have pink 
       circles...  Basically, it makes the vehicle look like hell, and will 
       force him to either pay for another paint job, or look like an ass. 

 
       MAILBOX HYJINX 

       A mailbox is a sitting duck.  I have hated mail boxes for years, due to 
       increasing postage, which I protest against.  Letters should cost 10 
       cents to mail if the bureaucracy didn't embezzle, screw things up, etc. 
       So anyways, first determine the location of the target.  In prime 
       residential areas, residents usually have mailboxes at the house, and 
       in more rural areas at the curb.  If it is at the curb, you can play 
       a fun sport we call 'Mailbox Baseball' by driving by and having the 
       passenger of your car take a whack at the thing with a bat.  It can 
       dent the thing, and rile the mark... 

       Another idea is to seal the bastard shut. This will work with ALL 
       mailboxes.  Merely whip up a batch of mortar or cement and leave it 
       wet [premade].  Drive to the mark's house and FILL his mailbox.  His 
       mail carrier will be shocked, and thus the mark will have to shell 
       out about another $30 for a new mailbox. 

       One of the BEST fear tactics is to make a 'bomb'.  Most marks are 
       dummies and can't tell a real bomb from an obvious fake.  So here is 
       how to construct your 'explosive': 

                Materials: 
                  3-4 road flares 
                  1 Baby Ben alarm clock 
                  1 small roll of electrician's tape 
                  6-7 assorted colored wires 
                  1 pair of scissors 

                Construction: 
                  Piece the road flares together and hide, or tape parts 
                  that identify what it is.  Cut a piece of electrical tape 
                  and tape the flares together.  Then tape the alarm clock 
                  to the flares.  Then tape the wires leading from the alarm 
                  clock region, to the flares.  Result... Fake bomb. 

       Then merely place it inside of the mark's mailbox, and upon discovering 
       I can ALMOST 100% guarantee that the discoverer, either the postman, or 
       the resident, will IMMEDIATELY notify the local police department, who 
       will proceed to bring fire trucks, evacuate close residents, bring in 
       bomb sniffing dogs, or the bomb squad to detonate the thing.  The result 
       is that you have caused the mark a lot of embarressment, including' 
       media coverage, neighbor's getting pissed etc.  WARNING : The bomb 
       squad guys are by **NO MEANS** 'dumb' and will probably spot the fake 
       and dust it for fingerprints, so you will want to wear gloves at ALL 
       times when handling its components.  Note: If you are a real cruel and 
       sick individual, you might as well use a real bomb... 

       Another anarchical idea is to make a pipebomb, there are many fine 
       files, and many good books such as the 'Black Books', 'The Anarchist's 
       Cookbook', or 'Kitchen Improvised Plastic Explosives' that will give 
       good recipes for contructing pipe bombs.  Upon detonation, it will 
       cause the mailbox to blow apart in ALL directions, hurling shrapnel 
       everywhere, so if there are small children in the area, PLEASE do this 
       at night, as only the mark deserves to suffer your reign of terror... 

 
       THE LAWN 

       Many marks happen to take avid pride in their lawn and garden, 
       especially if they live in some ritzy area.  Therefore, it would be a 
       warm feeling for them to see this desecrated during the night hours. 
       There are a few tried and true methods to do.  Some range from childish, 
       to devious, to downright bastardly! 

       The old tried and true method is the lawn job.  Every teenager with a 
       car has done a few of these to the neighborhood bitch, or the guy who 
       stole your girlfriend.  Basically all you do is drive on the lawn at a 
       good speed in low gear and peel out, causing grass to fly about.  The 
       downfall to this is it causes a lot of noise, but maybe the mark needed 
       to wakeup anyways... 

       Another oldie is to bleach the damn thing to death.  The common method 
       is to take a gallon jug of bleach, and pour it on the lawn.  This will 
       biologically kill the chlorophyll cells in the greenery, and turn it 
       to albino.  So soon their grass will turn white and die.  [This works 
       nicely also with flowers, plants, and trees!]  A nice 'touch', is to 
       either write an inspiring note in bleach, such as "PAYBACKS ARE HELL", 
       "FUCK THE WORLD, ANARCHY RULES", or "HELLO MR(s). x".  Some anarchists 
       prefer to use a calling card, similar to a cattle mark.  My personal 
       favorite is the good old anarchy symbol : the capital A inscribed in 
       a circle. 

       A more deviant method to the aforementioned, would be to play with the 
       mark's sprinkler system, and hook up a bottle of bleach to it at night 
       [you will want to be wearing a swimsuit for this one...].  Hook the 
       gallon jug into the hose setup with the top of an Ortho spray bottle, 
       with a LONG siphon tube going down to within 1" of the bottom of the 
       bleach jug.  This apparatus will run all night bleaching the whole damn 
       lawn, and he will either be forced to resod, or be the owner of the 
       community eyesore and be ostracized by the neighbors...  WARNING: Bleach 
       will whiten ANYTHING [good for the mark's vehicles as well..], but also 
       may ruin YOUR attire, so wear beat up blue jeans, junk tennis shoes, 
       and an old shirt when pulling this caper.  Also avoid contact with the 
       skin as it will whiten your skin and cause part of the epidermis to 
       die and peel off... 

       Another goodie, that can be accomplished for less that $2-3, is to 
       buy some bottles of finishing nails, or tacks from the local hardware 
       store and happily scatter then throughout the mark's lawn.  This will 
       cause much pain if the mark, his children, or his pets happen to 
       encounter them.  This may also do wonders for his lawnmower... 

       Many people annually use fertilizer to cause a more green and 
       asthethically appetizingly beautiful lawn.  I do not have any direct 
       figures, but I am sure tons of nitric fertilizer are sold annually. 
       The key to this is that after all, nitric components BURN.  Everyone 
       has heard of nitric acid, nitroglycerine, and TNT 
       [2,4,6-trinitrotoluene].  Nitrogen is the key component of all of these, 
       as well as nitric fertilizer which will add nitrogen to the soil to 
       replenish nitrogen loss.  Get a nice quantity, and sprinkle it all 
       over his lawn, thicker the better.  If the mark does not water this 
       often enough, excess fertilizer will literally fry his lawn and the 
       grass will die... And if you have some fertilizer left over, there 
       are many fine recipes available for kitchen improvised fertilizer 
       explosives. 

 
       VEHICLE SABOTAGE AND DEVILTRY 

       I have made referrences throughout the text to different odds and ends 
       you could do to a mark's vehicle.  These included the bologna trick, 
       bleaching the paintjob, etc.  Now we are about to enter a whole new 
       realm of vehicle specific sabotage.  Have fun, gents! 

           Things to do to the gas tank [Note: You will probably need a funnel 
           similar to an STP oil funnel to hold the close mechanism open.  Also 
           some older cars had a wire mesh screen which may need to be broken 
           for some of the following to have effect.  I suggest getting a snake 
           from your local plumbing supply store, and coating it with rubber 
           tubing [metal against metal + gas = BOOM!].]: 

           1>  Pour water in.  Will flood the engine and cause some nice 
           problems. 

           2>  Do the infamous sugar trick.  Sugar will ruin the mark's 
           engine. 

           3>  Prepare a hydroxide based explosive capsule, as prepared in 
           LoL #5: How to Kill Your Mother Part I. 

           4>  Pour some mortar or cement in the tank.  You will ruin the 
           car.  He will at LEAST need a new tank, and some cement should 
           not solidify and remain in solution and work its way into the 
           engine, which will cause desirable results. 

           5>  Piss in it... What the hell...  When you gotta go, you gotta 
           go... 

 
           Things to do to the door locks:  Locks have LONG been a passion 
           of mine.  I don't appreciate the idea behind them -- to keep 
           people out.  I mean it is more challenging...  Nobody ever wants 
           to break into something without a lock, because it is amateurish, 
           and this adds some toughness to the project and requires skill... 

           1>  Take a key to a similar make of car, put it in, if necessary, 
           tap it in with a ballpeen hammer. Once it is in and has ruined the 
           lock, be a gentleman and take the ballpeen hammer and whack the 
           portion of the key sticking outside to shear it off, leaving the 
           mark with a trip to the local locksmiths... 

           2>  A personal favorite is to take a tube to krazy glue and inject 
           it into the lock.  I suppose model airplane glue [such as that 
           manufactured by Testor] would get the end results, but Krazy Glue 
           is NOTORIOUS for durability and consistancy. Remember, only the 
           BEST for YOUR victim Haha!  If you have a heart, you may just get 
           one door...  If you are like me, you will do all the doors, trunk 
           or hatchback.  Also, a FUN prank to pull is to take off the gascap 
           and wash it with a paper to dry it, and then glue the threads, and 
           TIGHTLY screw it on.  Works best when the mark has a near full 
           tank.  Next time he rolls into the local Amaco, he looks like the 
           total fool he is when the wimp can't even remove a gascap... 

           3>  Inject water into the lock. Will take some time, but will cause 
           iron [III] oxide formation [rust] and cost him a new lock.  Also, 
           in the cold weather, it is PERFECT.  Nothing like a good frozen 
           lock to piss someone off... 

           4>  If you have access to burglary tools, you probably have some 
           kind of modified sectional jimmy, prybar, or other device that 
           will enable you to quickly PULL the lock right off [an example of 
           this was with Arnold Schwartzenegger in THE TERMINATOR].  Except 
           he could do this with bare hands...  Then after a month has passed, 
           mail the lock to the mark in a box with giftwrapping and a nice 
           card that says 'LOOKING FOR THIS?'... 

 
           Things to do to the exhaust system:  The tailpipe has been a 
           popular anarchist's target from way back.  However, it was 
           rejuvinated by Eddie Murphey with his famous 'Banana in the 
           Tailpipe' trick in Beverly Hills Cop.  Here are some other ideas, 
           you may wish to consider... 

           1>  Backfiring substitutes:  Murphey used a banana.  A buddy of 
           mine's favorite is an Idaho potatoe.  He said bananas are so 
           mushy they are good, but potatoes are harder to remove...  A 
           practical way to do this, if you have access to machinist's tools, 
           is to take a telescoping guage, stick it up the pipe, then use a 
           micrometer to measure the distance and whittle the potatoe 
           accordingly...  The basic point is the fruit/vegetable MUST 
           have some rigidity to stick... So don't even try watermelon, and 
           shit like that...  Other non-organic devices, such as putty, 
           spackling compound, cement, etc will achieve the same results. 
           Be creative! 

           2>  Tailpipes are held on by usually 2 brackets towards the rear 
           of the vehicle.  Climb underneath the rear end, and using a socket 
           wrench, remove them, so he is driving an unsafe vehicle and will 
           PROBABLY get a ticket when you do your 'patriotic duty' and call 
           the cops as soon as you see him hop in the vehicle...  I have not 
           done much research on this, so I do not know exact size sockets 
           required.  I would be most appreciative if some of you field 
           operatives could look into this and get back with me...  Also, 
           you may wish to use a wire cutter or bolt cutter to remove these 
           brackets. 

           3>  A noisy muffler is a definite replacement item.  Hmmm.. Perhaps 
           the mark's vehicle has been rather quiet as of late...  Well here 
           is how you solve that problem!!  Take a scratch awl and knock holes 
           in the bottom of the muffler, which will cause a lot of noise, and 
           a repair bill for the sap. 

           4>  For the real pros...  You may wish to aquire an old vacuum 
           cleaner which has a reverse emptying mode and put gasoline inside 
           the waste compartment... Create a tank using a plastic milk jug, 
           as there is NO need for YOU to blow yourself up...  Then inject 
           the gasoline in the tailpipe, and if the pressure is strong enough, 
           some should go all the way to the muffler.  Then leave the primises. 
           After the car is started and that gets warm, BAM... Need I say more? 
           [WARNING:  Do NOT do this to a hot muffler as the wrong person (you) 
           may, 'take the heat' so to speak...] 

 
           Things to do to the windows:  Windows are made of compressed silica 
           [glass].  They are the number one vulnerable spot in the car. 
           Every driver has had a bad windshield at SOME time or other.  Heck, 
           one day 3 months ago going down the freeway, a pebble hit my 
           windshield and made a nice nick...  And that doesn't include heavy 
           duty things, like throwing bricks and wood planks off of freeway 
           overpasses onto cars... 

           1>  Break it! : This is the most common...  I personally find it 
           childish and lacking creativity, but if you must...  Most people 
           will knock it out with a CO2 pistol, Crossman Air Rifle, or a 
           marble/rock from a wrist rocket.  You may also use just about any 
           device with weight... Baseball, axe, hammer, brick, etc.  One of 
           the more interesting and more obscure methods is to use a burglary 
           technique, by taping the window [usually shatterproof anyways] and 
           then hitting it... Makes a LOT less noise, and shows you have SOME 
           creativity... 

           2>  Grease job:  Another fun sport occurs every summer.  Dumb 
           fools insist upon leaving their doors open.  This is where we 
           anarchists take over. Open the door from the inside, hop in, roll 
           up the window, squirt some motor oil or fine grease on it, roll it 
           back down, and it is PERMANENTLY destroy.  Glass consists of tiny 
           crevaces and the oil settles in, and it will NEVER come out... 

           3>  Sticker Shock:  Another novelty is to ALWAYS collect bumper 
           stickers.  They are a MUST have item in QUANTITY in your personal 
           arsenal.  They are usually quite prevalent near election time, so 
           it is wise to have a voting age friend do some free work for a 
           candidate.  The other widely publicized method is through radio 
           stations.  Most radio stations have stacks of different groups 
           on hand for promotional reasons, and public relations.  Stick a 
           bumper sticker in the driver's field of vision.  A more fun way 
           is to just PLASTER the whole windshield with them.  Take note to 
           use gloves and do NOT get your fingerprints on them, as you can 
           BET the mark will have the police look at it. 

           4>  Dutch Boy: Paint is another popular idea.  Get any color, any 
           kind.  It will have the same result...  You may also wish to use 
           something such as liquid tar, which will be more messy.  Sloppily 
           apply the paint, preferrably by tossing it at the windshield, and 
           the rest of the vehicle as well.  You may wish to use a brush or 
           roller if you are a real perfectionist.  Myself, the sloppier, the 
           better!! 

           5>  Men's faces and ladie's legs frequently need shaving.  Why not 
           the car as well??  Take a razor [straight or retractable], or an 
           x-acto knife and proceed to shave the glass, which will reck the 
           window and rile the mark.  This technique may also be applied with 
           good result's to the mark's house windows. 

 
        OTHER MISCELLANEOUS TACTICS 

        If the mark has a bird feeder, you may wish to get him in trouble with 
        the DNR, local animal shelter, etc.  How??  EASY!  Get a poison, 
        such as diazonin, and pour in in the food dish in the feeder.  Also, 
        cedar chips have been known to damage avian respiratory systems and 
        cause possible convulsions and death. 

        One man's trash is another man's treasure, as a famous saying goes. 
        The mark's trash may proove to be your vengeful treasure!  You may 
        wish to go trashing to possibily set the mark up.  Here are some 
        things to look for when trashing: 

              + Letters from friends.  Helps you learn more inside info... 
              + Phone bills.  Learn who the mark knows, where they are, and 
                when he calls them. 
              + Credit card carbons.  In this day when commoners are aware 
                of the trashers who hover over the back of the local K-Mart's 
                at night, many citizens DEMAND their carbons.  What do they 
                do with them?? Tear them up at home, of course.  So now you 
                have their cc, and may use it for referrence material... 
                [Among other things :)] 
              + Magazines.  You may want to rip off some mailing labels, when 
                you decide to start harassing the mark and 'subscribing' him 
                to periodicals, such as HOT HOUSEWIVES, THE GAY TIMES, etc. 

        The trash may proove of pleasurable anarchical value as well.  Merely 
        pour a gallon of gasoline on the trash, and ignite... 

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    Welp, that ends Volume I of 'Professional Housebombing/Homewrecking'. 
    This is by NO means a compendium of ALL the possible tactics you may 
    wish to employ.  This merely serves as interesting reading, and a 
    brief tutorial for the young aspiring anarchist. Look for subsiquent 
    material related to this topic to be published at a later date. 

 
+  Look soon for more inspiring text files by the œegions “f œucifer 
   tfile group! 

 
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  "Anarchy is the base of todays society, without it, we would be in chaos" 
- Anarchist 

 

 

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