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Krad Issue 017
Issue 017
--(KRaD)--
---- ELiTEST 'ZiNE iN DENVER
'ZiNE -- iSSuE #17
(ZERo-DaY)
KoMPiLeR: Panther Modern
-------- -- ------- -----
E-MaiL: pmodern@xln.com
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````````````````
```Eternal...```
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I think a lot about Zero-Day, and it's effects on the world as we know it. I
am saddened when I think of all the poor souls who don't, can't understand
the magical world of the Zero-Day, because they are, perhaps, simply too
stupid to do so.
Stupid. There's an interesting word. It means lack of intelligence,
something most of the people within our glorious united country have. A
lack, that is. Does this mean that our Nation, itself, is in effect Stupid?
Yup. Welcome. You've just entered The Stupid States of America. Have a
goddamn good stay.
If only people would realize. This can be fixed! We no longer need our
stupidity to succeed in life. All we need is Zero-Day! The Zero-Day can
change the entire course of this country, and maybe even raise the intellect
of the inhabitants a little bit.
Alas. The Zero-Day revolution will never take place. The stupidity rules
this country, and the Zero-Day is pushed aside, into the background, where
it is left to dim, and become forgotten.
Zero-Day must be thrown into the limelight, were it shall bask in greatness!
Just think of a nation of Dewm players, screaming in joy as they arm
themselves with chainsaws to fight the enemy! Think of a nation where
nothing would ever get to the age of One-Day old! Food would never get
stale! Cars would never need emissions tests! For that matter, people would
never grow old! It would be a truly golden age! The AGE OF ZERO-DAY!
You, my friends! You can spread the word! Tell the world about the marvels
of Zero-Day! Create your own Zero-Day factions, and eventually, with the
help of Warezooli, Zero-Day will become a household word!
In other news, we've discovered that other news does not exist.
The only reality is KRaD. The KRaD 'ZiNE, The ELiTEST. Zero-Day.
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#)$*%)#$*%%$)*#$%)*
@# iNFO-R0aD Fun $#
@#)*#)$(*@#)$*)(*#$
It's that time again, kids. Time for a sampling out of Panther Modern's
mailbox.
-------------------
From: Joe Walker
DEWD,
That little key is called a tilde (pronounced TIL-day) and it's on
everyone's keyboard.
Happy Zero-Day.
Joe Walker
DEWD,
That little thing is called a brain, and it's in most people's head.
P*M
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From: Barrett Tilley btilley@intellinet.com
Your zine is cool. There need to more thing like this on the net.
Later,
Barrett, your site name tells you true. You have the intelligence deserved
to use a name like Intellinet. Good job.
P*M
-------------------
From: Sean Mulholland blackhole@ix.netcom.com
You gotta get me a list of the Elite sites on the net.
And why, pray tell, do I "gotta" get you said list?
What makes you think, for that matter, that I have these mythical Elite
sites on the net? I may not have any at all for all you know. But, because
I'm a nice guy, and pity the stupid, I'll push you in the right direction
with a little hint: Archie.
P*M
-------------------
From: Chris chris@clever.net
lame.
Chris, your site name lies. Your message was far from clever, and I tend to
think the same of one who would send a message such as that. Please send me
no more trash. If you have something to say, express it in an intelligent
manner, instead of the manner in which an under-evolved neolith would
express such emotion.
P*M
-------------------
From: Scott Louis Ruthfield indigo@chico.rice.edu
This is just to inform you that your site has been chosen as today's Geek
Site of the Day. Considering the massive number of sites (implicitly)
competing for that honor, I do hope you're pleased. Feel free to check out
the site (http://chico.rice.edu/~indigo/gsotd) and link to it if you'd like.
W0ah! It's KRaD's first official honor! The Geek Site of the Day. And there
we were, hoping for Worst of the Web. Dammnit. Now all the Geeks won't want
us to get Worst of the Web.
P*M
-------------------
From: Bone seaman@phobos.lib.iup.edu
one of u krad guys asked me to put a link to your page on my homepage. so i
did mine is http://www.lib.iup.edu/~seaman/hack/bone.html
No we didn't. But thanks anyway.
just how old r u guys?
Older than those who write with single letters to represent entire words.
if ya wanna gain a rep drop saying everything is elite it makes u sound like
a "poser" or "l.a. styler" i hate those phrases.
Who ever said I was looking to gain a rep, or for that matter, that I don't
already have one?
Anyway if you guys r krad, do some articles on tcp/ip packet forging, or
systems security.
Hell even talk about something old like a difinity G system (they are still
used pretty heaving by ma bell)
And how do these subjects fit in to the KRaD 'Zine? Answer: They dont. Get a
clue, "Bone." You have no idea what you're talking about.
stop writing about incest and you might get a name for yourself. Not bad for
a start, though.
I already have plenty of a "name" for myself, Bone. Which is much more than
I can say for YOU. You have absolutely no idea what you're reading, so I'm
gonna give you a virtual shove in the right direction. Go. GO! Get a
dictionary! Look up the word "satire." Memorize the definition.
Go. GO! To the library with you! Ask the librarian to show you some satire.
Read! Get a clue. Then come back and you just MIGHT understand some of the
KRaD 'zine, imbicile.
P*M
-------------------
From: Sean Doody anno@grfn.ORG
I think that you zine is pretty cool, too bad it is a rip off of bow,cwc,awa
and vas. Oh well it is still pretty funny. You should do more phone
interviews. Also is there a ftp site where I can get it?
I'm glad you like it. However, it is a "rip off" of nothing. Anyone who's
read BoW can attest that it does not even compare. I have never read a
single issue of "cwc,awa and vas" so how could I have ripped them off? I
couldn't have.
I'll do more phone interviews if there is anyone worth calling. Our current
official FTP site is rmii.com/pub2/KRaD
P*M
-------------------
And there you have it. A sampling of the fun E-Mail I contend with every
day. If you'd like to comment on the 'zine, or something to the effect, send
your mail to: pmodern@xln.com
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##################################################
## ##
#### Phyber Optix's New Definition of "3l33t" ####
## ##
##################################################
Webster's third dictionary defines ELITE as "Choice, Superior, Select,"
which sufficiently summs up the whole word and it's meaning. Many believe
that being elite classifies one as a completely different type of computer
user. This is true, but it doesn't stop there:
By being a 0-day courier or supporter, we are raising ourselves into a whole
new social/intellectual class. Warez must be 0-day, or they are no warez at
all (old warez are no warez -- how true). And, by demanding ourselves to
distribute and promote ONLY 0-day, we are disciplining ourselves. With more
discipline, we can function better in every day life, whether it be
socially, professionally, or physically.
In short, by being truly elite and having strict zero-day standards, we can
become a better person altogether, and make this otherwise awful world a
better place. So, upon finishing this article, please go obtain some zero-
day warez. If they happen to be one or two days old, that would be unaccept-
able. Strive to be zero-day only.
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*******************************
*** IS JEROME REALLY A K0W? ***
*******************************
Editor's Note: Hellbender, KRaD Secret Agent, was able to acquire this
exclusive photograph of Jerome, thus proving that Jerome is actually a
member of the Kattle Alliance!!!!
__----^~''^----__
/~ `\
/' `\
| |
( )
( )
| | ¡Muuuuu!
\. ./ |
\_ _/ /
~`-|\_-~^`-_/|-`` /'
\ o 0 /_____________________
| | \
| ' ' | |
\_O_/ / ||
/ | | | ||
/ /~ | |-----________--- \ / |
\ \ | | | | | |-*-
\ \ | | | | | |
| /__| /_| /_|
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$ My trip to $$
$$ The Bank. $$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
By: High-Density
I decided to talk about the bank in my article, since I think that the bank
is kinda kewl! I'm gonna tell all about my trip to the bank, and how kewl it
was, because the bank is really kewl!
One day, I was sitting at home, like always, when I found some quarters in
the couch! I decided that since I was now real rich, I'd take them to the
bank, and get one o' them account things! Kewl, eh?
Anyway, after I got there, I decided to go in, and that wuz kewl, coz I had
been outside before, and after you're outside, when you go inside it's real
real real kewl, much kewler than outside (if you know what I mean.)
OKay, well, I went inside, and there was like this ROCKIN music!!! I was awe
struck, and hit the ground. After I woke up, the music was still going, and
it was the kewlest thing I've ever heard in my life! I went up to someone
and I said "tell me about these rockin tunes!" And they said "it's called
elevator music! It's kewl, isn't it!?" Woah. It was!
I went up to sum woman and I said "Lemme start an account wit j00!" She said
"okay. Gimme yo money." She told me I'd need more than what I had to start
an account, but after I gave her a floppy full of Zero-Day, she let me start
it right up with no problems at all! She even gave me the special "Zero-Day
Treatment!" No fees, fines, or anything else for me, due to my elite
Zero-Day status!
After I did that, I decided to take a look around the bank. It wuz kewl in
there. I'd say that it was probably one of the kewlest places I've ever ever
ever been to in my entire life!
I lewked around, and saw deze people handing out money, in xchange for dese
little slips of paper! I went up to one, and wuz lyk "gimme sum cash!" They
wouldn't, so I gave them a disk full of Zero-Day! All of a sudden, she wuz
shoving all dis cash at me!!! It wuz elite!!
After that, I went and saw dis big metal rewm! I wanted to go in, but they
wouldn't let me, until they realized "Hey, yer dat Zero-Day Guy!" It turned
out to be dah Zero-Day storage chamber for dah bank! All the bank's Zero-Day
wuz in there! I filled my hands with Zero-Day, and ran out, and had enough
Zero-Day for a long time!
Finally, I decided to go play with some of the compooters around the bank,
because I figured they'd have even more Zero-Day! But right when I found the
Zero-Day on them, this big guy in blue came up to me, and pointed a gun at
me! I threw several disks of Zero-Day at him, and ran home out of the bank.
That's my banking story, and I think it shows the utter kewlness of the
Banking community.
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__________________
/ A Guide to be a /
/ 0-day Programmer/
/------------------/
/ Buy Black EyE-S /
------------------
I was sitting here tonight in front of my GW-Basic compiler, wondering what
it takes to ba a 0-day programmer in todays society. So I began my quest. I
searched high and low for the answer. I consulted Bill Gates, David Perry,
and many other popular programmers. But they had no idea of how to be a
0-day programmer. So I sought the help of a higher power, the god of 0-day
and all that which is KRAD. And this is what jer0me told me....
"m4n, j00 n33d p0leeeeeeeeest3R sU1tz 2 B 0-day, w3rd"
So as I look back on that monumental moment, I then realized my destiny.
Now here I am, a programmer who is 0-day. I am zer0 day because of my c-64
with a basic compiler. I have a disco ball over my computer desk and I
listen to the Bay City Rollers as I code awesome ascii games like Return to
Wolfenstein, and Golgo 13. w3rd to da 0-day pr0gramma'z
Dis goes to show that the essence of all that which is 0-day can expand
beyond the realm of WaReZ and Sh1+.
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//----------\\
|| B1rDz || By: The Fuxin Bird
\\----------//
Yoyoyo. Dese birds b dah kewlest animalz ah' ever b seein. Dey classify as
dah' zero-day werld award, coz they just b dah neetest. Lemme tell yah 'bout
dem birdz sum.
Eye wuz sittin dere in dat dere park, 'n' deze birdz b all phlying around!
Dat b kewl! Nuthin else khan fly lyk dem! Except for doze phuxin insekts 'n'
shyt, and dey suq!#$@!(*&($#& Know why? Koz dah birds b all eatin
dem@*)&!$@)&@$)&
Ewe see, dah birds b so elite dat dey shit on phewls, and thatz kewl! For
instance, as I was sitting there, dis bird came and sum shyt landed on my
head!)!#@&)@#!*& KEWL!(*&@!(*&!@$@
OKay, and the birds do other kewl stuph, too! Lyk they fuxin walk around,
and datz kewl! But it's neet, coz they eat stuph. Neeto stuph, lyk bread and
shit phrum old ladiez, and datz kewl! Woah. I dunno what to do when I see
dah birdz, coz they're so elite. It reminds me of dat day eye wuz in dah
park, and eye saw sum birdz. I said to myself, "Themz are sum birdz 'n'
shit!" And at that point, I knew eliteness! Within the flying formation of
the birdz, eye saw a vision of Warezooli, and I knew that the birds were
messengerz from the amazing God of Zero-Day!
The Birdz b dah kewlest in dah werld! Iph eye wuz a bird I might b az kewl
as they are, but I doubt it, koz they're much kewler than the birds!
Yeah! Dem birdz b kewler den birdz! kewl, eh?!?!?!?!?
Well, eye gotta go now, coz there are sum birds eye gotta like talk to 'n'
shyt.
"Poo-tee-weet?"
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Th3re eWE haV3 iT, PHaIthPhUL
ReaDErZ. An0THeR STRiKiNGLy
PHaMilIaR iSSu3 oPH KRaD. WH3w.
Panther Modern K0urrier. pmodern@xln.com
