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Copyright and contact information is located at the bottom of this magazine.
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Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 7 :: November 25, 1996
In this issue..
1. Edicius' Editorial
2. Jonas News and Information - by Tom Sullivan
3. Underage Drinking [essay] - by Auren Hoffman
4. On School Censorship [reprint]
5. Stairs [story] - by Jestapher
6. Simon the Ant [story] - by Jeff Brayne
7. Poetry - Various Writers
8. Reviews - by Tom Sullivan
9. End Notes, Contact & Copyright Information
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Edicius' Editorial
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I remember a day when things were much simpler. Time flew by in an absurd
matter. Instead of girls & work & school & responsibilities, all that was on
your mind was going to your friend's house to play a game of wiffleball in
his backyard. You didn't need money to hang out; you got change from your
mom and bought a dozen pieces of Bazooka just to see how many you could get
in your mouth at one time. You bought the MC Hammer album on tape, and you
thought that life couldn't get any better then that.
Then suddenly, maturity struck. You were expected to behave: wiffleball
games became sparse, you knew that you could blow your fingers off with
fireworks, and your jaw hurt from one too many grape-flavored Bazookas.
------------------------
I was about 10 years old, and I was walking through the woods near my house
with my best friend. We found a porno magazine that the 'big kids' left
around. I remember looking at it and saying, "do I have one of THOSE?"
Me and my friend ripped the magazine up because we didn't want to get caught
with it. A few days later, some 'big kids' asked us if we found a magazine
in the woods. I told them that we did, and that we disposed of it.
Needless to say, my face would have been mush if I didn't run like the
dickens.
I remember riding my bike really fast and doing jumps off of dirt hills and
not caring whether or not I got hurt. I was 10, I was immortal. Wounds
could not hurt me! I would pick at the scabs and mosquito bites.
They were building these houses near my house. So, they had the land all dug
up and they made these really big hills. I rode my bike down one, and tried
to ride up another one. Instead of making it up, I did a backflip and landed
square on my back. The kids looked at me oddly and said how cool that trick
was.
I went home and cried like a woman.
I would be afraid to ride my bike certain places. I wouldn't want to go to
the local strip mall, or past certain parks. There were 'big kids' there.
You know, the really big 14 and 15 year olds. They would say stuff to me,
because I was younger. So, I tried to avoid them whenever possible.
------------------------
Today, I don't rip up and 'adult' magazines that I may find, I keep them. I
would be happy if I could find a magazine with articles like "EROTIC FASHIONS
FOR YOUR HARD DRIVE (pictorial)".
I can stand at that same hill, and look down at the ground. The ground can
be ten feet away, but you will seem so small. In a few years you were taught
about infections & broken bones and all that really nasty stuff. That hill
now owns you, you're never riding your bike down it again.
I was eating a bagel at a shopping center with one of my friends. I saw
these alterpreteens walking by the stores, and I remembered when I was that
age and I was afraid of the kids that were sitting there looking at me while
they ate a bagel. I was scared of _myself_.
------------------------
You grow up, and you lose that innocence that early age brings. You're so
innocent, because you just don't know better. Until you actually pay
attention in school, and learn about things that can hurt you, do you get
scared.
It was cool to skin your knee after you fell off your bike after you nearly
hit that really low branch from that tree that you fell out of last week. So,
each time you rode your bike past that tree, you wouldn't slow down. That was
a victory scar, that pain meant nothing when compared to the glory and
satisfaction you got when your friends looked at the puss coming from the
wound and high fived you.
You were fuckin' god to the other nine year olds.
How I long for the days before I discovered masturbation. Those times when
you were so young and innocent and simplistic. You had an _attention span_.
MTV and Comedy Central didn't rot your mind yet, you were still watching
_Pinwheel_ on Nickelodeon. You didn't need a computer game with real life
animations and statistics and blood and gore and violence and girls in really
skimpy outfits, you would look at your brother's Atari and gawk.
You always have to give something up to gain something new. You may gain
maturity and knowledge, but you have to give up innocence and simplicity.
The hill still stands there, with a bunch of new nine and ten year olds,
daring each other to go faster and faster and cheering each other on with
each new infection. I wish I could stand near them, and share in that magic
for one more moment, but they would probably be scared and run away.
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Jonas News and Information - compiled by Edicius
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Contrary to popular belief, we're not dead!
I burned myself out with Jonas. I was trying to do too much, and I needed a
break. So, I figured I'd take a break and release a new issue of Jonas in
early October. No good, that little break I took coincided with a depression
& laziness rut, that led to severe writers block. But, I've overcome the
writer's block, and I'm here again.
We've had a lot of great press lately, so I'd like to thank Melanie Franklin
and the New Museum of Contemporary Art for their exhibit on youth media. I've
gotten a lot of great feedback from people who've visited the exhibit.
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to go into the exhibit myself, but I've
heard that it's wonderfully done.
On November 2, I became aware that Katherine Cavanaugh wrote an article &
review on the exhibit for MSNBC, and there was a favorable mention of Jonas
e'Zine in that. Heck, she even opened up the article describing Jonas. I'm
really happy with that, and for her favorable review of the event in general.
Send email to me (edi@cybercomm.net), and give me your mailing address. I'll
send you a set of Jonas stickers in the mail. Be the first on your block to
get a set of the second printing of the official Jonas sticker!
Otherwise, everything else is the same. All the contact information is
located at the bottom of the file.
Have a good day.
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Underage Drinking - by Auren Hoffman
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is hard to be a law abiding citizen these days. Many laws make little
sense. Like most people, I J-Walk all the time. I also ride my bike on the
sidewalks. One law I do not break anymore is underage drinking. But I
confess, I used to break that law at least twice a week.
Between the ages of 18 and 21, I consumed more alcohol then I probably will
between the ages of 21 and 40! In those three years, my first three in
college, drinking is an accepted form of socializing. Now I'm not condoning
getting totally plastered or using alcohol as an excuse to break more serious
rules, but drinking happens.
I can only speak for myself, but now that I'm 22, I feel less inclined to
drink. Maybe it's because I'm more mature, but I doubt that. I think it
is because it's legal. There's no allure to drinking anymore. There's no
drama, no excitement, no tension, and no fear. Now it is only alcohol.
Fact: American college students drink excessively
Fact: Most American college students who drink excessively are underage
Fiction: Drinking age laws prevent students from drinking. In fact, drinking
age limits promote the use of alcohol.
The two biggest responsibilities one has are parenthood and voting, in that
order. Notice I did not include "drinking alcohol." It takes a far more
responsible person to raise a child or to vote for President than to drink a
beer. But at age 18, one can be a parent and a voter but cannot buy a bottle
of wine for a neighbor. Seems odd.
Our politicians of infinite wisdom shows their priorities when they claim
that at age 18 one is responsible to vote but not responsible to drink. By
inference, politicians are telling us that it takes more responsibility to
drink than to vote. No wonder Americans are so apathetic about politics;
our leaders no longer believe in us.
Of course, the old saying still rings true. If you're old enough to shipped
half-way around the world and take a bullet in the brain for our country, you
are certainly old enough to drink a toast with your family before you leave.
SUMMATION: Though it has good intentions, the 21 year old drinking age should
be lowered to 18. When you're 18 you can smoke, vote, drive, marry, be a
parent, run for most local offices, serve in the armed forces, legally
establish a business, sign a contract, and enforce the law. But in most
states you cannot drink.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On School Censorship
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reprinted from the Asbury Park Press, 11/25/96
----------------------------------------------
(From the Opinion/Letters to the Editor page)
_School Journalists Fight Censorship_
As a junior in high school, it has become obvious to me that censorship has
become a major issue in many school publications. With today's students
facing so many potential problems with drugs, AIDS, and teen pregnancies, we
as young journalists see a need to report these stories. So why is it that
we are being kept from reporting these facts?
There are problems all around us that the school administrations of this
country can't see. Sometimes only the students know what is really going on
concerning drug abuse and other illegal activities. School officials can't
see some problems because students aren't allowed to expose the facts, and if
we do, we can't print them in official school publications.
I think the public has the right to know all the facts, both good and bad,
about a school. We as students have no real "freedom of the press," because
we are not considered to be actual citizens until the age of 18, and even
then we are forced to conform to the regulations of the school
administration.
There have been many documented cases involving students and school
administrations. In one precedent-setting case, Hazelwood School District
vs. Kuhlmeier, school journalism suffered a massive blow. This case gave the
school administration the last word involving what does and does not get
published. Basically, once a student enters the school-house doors, they
forfeit their freedom of speech. Of course, as student journalists, we know
not to ever print libelous material, things in bad taste or anything not
substantiated.
Not only are we censored from covering certain volatile topics, we are also
prevented from expressing ourselves in creative forums as well. Literary
magazines and yearbooks are also subject to censorship by school officials.
Most schools are too sports oriented. They should start advocating the
benefits of higher learning and thinking skills. We are shying away from a
once-stressed cognitive society to conform to a nation of perfect bodies and
sports heroes.
All too often, citizens allow themselves to be told how to live and in turn,
what to write. Students need to fight for freedom of speech, because we are
our only line of defense against censorship.
Joe Gioe
Jackson Township
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Stairs - by Jestapher
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Living on the bottom half of our two story house, I ventured up the stairs
nearly every day. A long rectangular handrail hung from the left wall of the
stairwell and soft, thick brown carpet graced the stairs themselves.
Upstairs lived my older brother in a tiny room originally referred to as a
den. My older sister partitioned off half of the living room and claimed it
as her own, leaving a significantly smaller living room in her wake. The
only other room was a small bathroom the two second story inhabitants shared.
Conquering the stairs opened up a world of excitement, joy, happiness,
pleasure and bliss. In other words, the Nintendo lived upstairs. We crushed
King Koopa and rescued the Princess countless times, but it never lost its
appeal. We spent hours making and racing on custom tracks for Excitebike.
The only gun we were allowed to play with shot down thousands of ducks while
playing Duck Hunt, but we never failed to shoot the dog when it laughed at us
for missing a duck or two. We never thought that shooting a Gumshoe to make
him fly, catch balloons and avoid various obstacles was pointless or boring.
Because the Magical World of Nintendo lived upstairs, we never thought twice
about journeying up the long flight.
One day, as usual, I climbed the stairs, only to find that my older sister
wasn't pleased about my entrance into her domain. It happened often, but
usually her anger died down, controllers were picked up and contests were
initiated. For some reason, she was very adamant in her desire to have me
leave that day. She and I stood on the three-foot section of flat floor that
lay atop the stairs before the doorway to the living room. We argued while
she blocked the whole entrance way, arms outstretched touching both sides of
the stairwell. I tried to barge my way in, but she resisted. Due to the
fact that I was twelve years old and she was fourteen, her rippling muscles
and calcium-rich bones bested me. I tried numerous times to break through
the roadblock of a sister, but she persisted. On my last attempt, she put an
end to my uprising.
With a push, I fell backwards and hit the side of the staircase. Still off
balance, I slipped off the wall and started rolling, falling, careening down
the stairs. As I bounced off every stair, I thought to myself, "Ow, this
hurts." Whenever friends stayed the night at our house, we would ride down
the stairs using pillow padded sleeping bags as toboggans, stopping only when
we hit the wall at the base of the stairs. It was great fun and we laughed
the whole way down, but this experience was different. I derived no such
elation from being thrown down twenty feet of stairs.
I laid on my back at the bottom of stairs, thinking to myself, "Ow, this
really hurts." I had some bruises and a headache, but no serious injuries.
I could see and hear my sister at the top of the stairs laughing at me, not a
laugh that said "Haha, I almost broke your neck," but a laugh that said
"Haha, I can't believe you were so stupid as to fall down the stairs." While
indisposed on the first story of our two story house, I took the opportunity
to do some pondering. I realized that if I was ever in that same situation,
I would either have to be stronger than my sister or just concede to the
dominant powers of the second story.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simon The Ant :: by Jeff Brayne
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part One: Simon has a bad day at School
---------------------------------------
Simon was contemplating suicide one day. He felt he did not fit into the ant
society. He did not get along with girls. He had no friends. He had a bad
case of acne. His feet were too big and his clothes didn't fit. His only
solace in life was to listen to a band called The Smits. The Smits were an
androgynous, 80's New Wave ant band. He liked to masturbate to The Smits.
He also thought of termites while masturbating. He did not know why these
things comforted him and decided to find out. He stayed after ant school to
talk to his teacher..
"Sir, I feel that I have a problem."
"And what problem might you have, Simon?"
"I feel different from all of the other ants."
"And why is that a problem, Simon?"
"It's the way that I feel different, sir."
"And how are you different, Simon?"
"I only feel solace from masturbating to The Smit's album 'Louder Than
Prawns'."
"And why do you feel this is a problem, simon?"
"I'm not quite sure, sir."
"What other problems might you have, Simon?"
"I also think of termites."
"Well you wait here, Simon. I'll be right back."
Simon waited in the room for at least 15 minutes. He became excited at the
prospect of being helped with his problems. He dreamt of many scenarios
where the teacher brought his self esteem to 100%. He would finally be
great! He would finally succeed! Just then the teacher came back into the
room with three other teachers. They, wielding bats, shouted 'DIE HOMO!' and
proceeded to beat Simon to death. Simon was never faced with the challenging
decision of committing suicide.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Poetry - Various Writers
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Enforcer - by Jeff Brayne
If I was Clint Eastwood I would travel the world,
I would beat on some people,
I would pick up some girls.
I would give someone the evil eye,
not speak much
and never cry.
I would wield a pistol bigger than me,
squint my eyes
so I couldn't see.
Lift some weights to stay in shape,
make a move
with an ape.
With cunning, valor, strength
and courage,
I'd make this rotten world's
life flourish.
If Charles Bronson was me I would drive really fast,
shoot at White Buffalo
and Kill with a Cast.
I'd blow up a train and be the best damn Mechanic
this world has yet seen,
wreaking much havoc.
I'm not sure if I could make it with Clint,
co-star in a role
two people who squint.
Fighting and cussing
and riding our horses,
surviving the routine of many divorces.
If a team could be formed,
of all-star proportion.
I shudder at the thought of defining this notion.
Lee Marvin and Arnold and of the two I just spoke,
the James Bond's and John Wayne
doing Moliere's The Misanthrope.
Jan Michael and Gary Busey
will surf to rescue
of perennial rye grass and drought resistant fescue.
This world might be safe for 112 minutes,
but would face dilemma at the end of the credits.
-----
Please, call me (the loser) - by Jeff Brayne
The call that never came
Sometimes I feel like not calling her and I wait. My
secret life demands precedence, the hard guy that
longs to pretend, and takes over my emotions and
turns them out.
I make her wait because I am afraid.
This I can only admit to paper.
She is waiting for me and gets pissed so she doesn't
call.
I then call her when I get home and she doesn't
answer. I leave a message and then wait for the call
that never comes.
-----
draft-ridden abductions - by Eerie
liposucked babe
gotta blow job your brains
riot whistle
random high pitched sounds
that small private area
soiled with drains of plural toys & outdated electronic counterparts
& the terrible silence of sixty-nine dead days
much waste
-----
garage - by Eerie
such a large amount of unborn square miles
air blast
shiny trash
i got a nickel falling on the wood floor
& the sound it makes gets lost
revolves constantly
blatant stink
i'm over an immense degree of life
just stigmatas
nothing really noticeable
scar fields
the wind blows
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reviews - by Tom Sullivan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CDs/LPs
------------------
Weezer, _Pinkerton_ (DGC/Geffen Records)
Two years in the making, and a lot of work behind them, I'm sure Weezer is
very pleased with the success of this record. Many weren't sure if the band
could match the success of their 1994 hit debut album, but it seems that the
fans have well-received this new disc.
Rivers Cuomo, lead singer and songwriter for the band, doesn't divert from
the general theme of the band's first album. Again, it's majorly about love
and girls. He explores falling in love with a lesbian ("Pink Triangle), the
torment of not being in a real love relationship ("Tired of Sex"), and he
discovers love halfway across the world ("Across the Sea").
The songs are catchy and a bit harder-edged then on the debut album. They
may be a bit more complex, and shows the refinement and maturity that the
band has gained since it first hit the national music scene in '94. There
are many more comparisons to be drawn between _Pinkerton_ and their debut
album, but that would be insane to compare the two any further.
The songs tell stories that pry into the inner thoughts of Rivers' mind. His
views on girls and love and relationships are clearly shown here. The
centerpiece of this fantastic album is the semi-acoustic ballad, "Across the
Sea". It stands out, lyrically and musically. The song tells about a girl
that wrote Rivers, and they share their foreign lives with each other. Her
culture is new to Rivers, and he asks her questions that he wants to know ("I
wonder how you touch yourself at night?"), and she asks the questions that
she wants to know ("My hobbies, my favorite food, and my birthday").
The band has matured in the last two years; from a Los Angeles-based garage
band, to a nationally known music act. The years of hard work have paid off,
and it looks like Weezer will be leading a great music scene into the future.
This album is fantastic in every aspect. It will easily go down as the best
album release of the year. Weezer has done a great job, and this disc won't
be leaving my player for a long time.
-----
Yontz Sucre, _Electric Jam_ (BuzzJam Music)
This is a good instrumental rock album. Yontz Sucre is a very powerful
guitarist, combing a mixture of influences, from Jimi Hendrix to Jim Thayil,
and training in jazz and wind instruments to create a very dynamic playing
style. Yontz displays his wide range of musical styles by offering the
listener a mixture of soft and hard rock, jazz, and heavy metal. He gives us
the jazz-rock "Cashbah", and the heavier "The War", along with other rock
pieces, like "Blue Breeze" and the Jimi Hendrix cover, "Little Wing."
($10 ppd., BuzzJam Music, PO Box 30773, Raleigh, NC 27622)
-----
Blue Yard Garden, _On The Galaxy_ (SMD Records/BYG Music)
The Songwriters Association of Washington DC recently selected Blue Yard
Garden's "Mornings Over" as "Alternative Song of the Year", undoubtly so.
Rockvile, Maryland's Blue Yard Garden blends the different influences of the
six members to form a clean sound, alternative rock with a blues edge. The
influences of the band members range from jazz and R&B, to alternative and
classical music. The different styles and influences come together to give
the listener a good and relaxed album to listen to. All of the songs on this
CD are good. It's simple, laid back, blues rock. Soft, smooth, and
incredibly sweet. This is just a perfect album. If you're looking for a new
blues sound, this band and album is well worth the buy.
(BYG Music, PO Box 536, Rockville, MD 20848)
------------------
Zines
------------------
Terki, Number 1 (4 1/4 x 5 1/2, $1.00, PO Box 1263, Maplewood, NJ 07040)
A very good looking print 'zine, without much quality inside. I love the
layout, the editors did a good job on that aspect. However, on the story
side of things, they aren't so good. Stories that are trying to be so wacky
that you laugh out loud, but they lose the funniness in the wackiness, and
come out plain dumb. There were a few things in here that I did like, such
as "Studebaker" and the Deep Thoughts-esque "Alienation."
-----
Breathe e'Zine, Issue 1 (email: marc@netlabs.net)
A new e'Zine with a lot of potential. Belial, the editor of Breathe, was
formally involved with Slinky and Jonas, and has a deal of writing experience
behind him. Though a bit on the short side, this first issue of Breathe
shows a lot of potential, and should evolve in a very nicely done e'zine.
There's a bit on the Pagan religion, and a good fantasy story in here.
------
Relish e'Zine, Issues 5 & 6
(http://www.pla-net.net/corp/zineworld/relish, email: relish@juno.com)
These two issues of my favorite 'zine came out close to each other, and they
came out of the blue. After a hiatus in printing (like, uh, I've done),
Relish came back with two spectacular issues. tMM touches on mass media, his
school's (Samford University) decision to close their beloved radio station,
his friends and his life in Alabama. There is a good political essay by
Mercuri, and an excellent election rant by Deepak. One of my favorite
writers, Kojak, has an interesting "Guide To Love", including a breakdown of
what your favorite color means to your sex life.
Issue Six is the Halloween Special. There is more fiction compared to issue
five's all-essay format. There are a few good pieces by tMM's friend Steve,
and tMM himself has a great Halloween Ghost story involving the gang from
Scooby-Doo and there is the "Halloween Candy Tips", written by tMM.
Both of these issues are simply incredible. Relish has proven itself to be
an amazing magazine, and it insures that position with two solid issues.
As tMM says in his editorial in Issue Five, "People love Relish more then
David Hasselhoff!"
-----
The Last Word, Vol. 4, no. 23 (http://members.iglou.com/bathroom)
It looks like this may be the last issue of The Last Word, the long running
leftist political e'zine from the grand state of Kentucky. I've always loved
Bathroom Bandits rants on every aspect of the political structure, from the
national to the local level. This issue features his thoughts on the
elections, and their impact on the local and global scene. TLW also has an
assortment of other pieces, including BathroomB's thoughts on Dick Armey, a
Kentucky Polution Law, the Violent Youth Predator Act, and other cases of
injustice handed down by the government in the local news.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ending Notes
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another issue of Jonas is done, I hope you enjoyed it.
I'm back to a regular release schedule, so I expect another issue of Jonas
out before Christmas. In January, I'm going to the Netherlands for two
weeks. Expect a super-dooper issue in February with my first ever travel
diary!
I'm going to finally see Weezer in a few days, hopefully I'll hang with them
and get an interview. We'll find out.
Send me feedback on this issue, and tell me how you like it.
Jonas loves you all.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Contact & Copyright Information
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas e'Zine Volume 2, Issue 7 is Copyright (c) 1996 by Jonas Productions,
all rights reserved. Copyrights to stories, articles, artwork, and
photographs are property of their creators, unless otherwise noted. The
contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part
without the express written consent of the copyright owner. Jonas may be
freely distributed as long as this notice remains in place.
Means of contacting Jonas Productions:
email - edi@cybercomm.net (edicius/main address)
marc@netlabs.net (belial)
www - http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
ftp - ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas
irc - look for _edi or edi_ on EfNet IRC
If you run a 'zine or a record label, and you're intersted in having it
reviewed in an upcoming issue of Jonas, please email edi@cybercomm.net for
our mailing address.
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