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Just Another Mag 01
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| just another mag + just another mag + just another mag + just another mag |
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- jam 1 -
- one week long -
- by pip the angry youth -
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| just another mag + just another mag + just another mag + just another mag |
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thursday, july 25th
i thought that starting up a journal would be a good way for me to get
my thoughts out of my head, so here it is...
i woke up late for work today (again), but they changed my schedule so i
was actually an hour early... i sat around and waited to clock in... i
went into the bathroom and took out my box cutter and began to finish
the picture of the sun that i started on my leg... i pushed too hard in
one spot and started to bleed a bit, but i put some toilet paper on it
to stop it... i think someone was watching me... someone's always
watching me...
i think there's cameras hidden in my house watching me all the time... i
don't know who put them there, or why... but i think that they're
there...
nothing much happened today at work, some guy at the deli that i go to
cut his finger on the meat slicer... looked pretty bad, it wouldn't stop
bleeding...
on the ride home tonight i saw this asshole giving the hi-beams to a little
old lady in a tiny mazda hatchback... i thought about how much of an
asshole he was being... i got behind him and put on my beams for about 2
miles... he switched lanes like 10 times, but he couldn't get me off his
tail... i got off at my exit at the very last second so he couldn't
follow me...
i saw a dead cat on the side of the road about a block from my house...
i pulled over to inspect it, played with its severed head for a bit...
kicked it around... i thought it may come in handy so i threw it into my
trunk... (i put my arm & hammer deoderizer stuff next to it to keep it
from stinking up my trunk)... then i got into my house, took a leak, and
started to write this...
friday, july 26th
got my eyebrow pierced today... it didn't hurt as much as i thought it
would... it's kinda cool... i like to stare at it in the mirror when i'm
bored... i'm bored most of the time... so i look at it most of the
time... it has a weird color to it... like one of those metallic rocks
you see in the mall for like a dollar...
i also met a girl today... her name is summer... she's pretty cool, she
rung me up at the supermarket... the kinda smiled at me when i pulled
out my money to pay... i had a bunch of papers and stuff that i had
collected from work, so i had to put it on the counter to get at my
money... she thought that the godzilla traders card i had was cute...
maybe she'll give me her number if i ask for it... i should get up the
guts... she has such a pretty name, summer...
i took a look at the cat this morning... it looked alright, but by the
end of the day it was stinking pretty badly so i had to take it out of
my car... i threw it into a ziploc bag and tossed it into the freezer...
it's a catsicle by now i bet... i wonder if it still has thoughts going
through its body... i now that there are no neurons firing right now,
but i wonder if the soul is still around and experiencing what the body
feels... i wonder if it knows that the body is cold... i wonder if it
knows that it's even dead yet... that's freaky... imagine not knowing if
you're dead or not?...
i finished my sun carving today... it didn't turn out exactly how i
planed it would, but it turned out pretty good... i wonder if summer
would like it...
saturday, july 27th
i hate my boss... i got into two fights with him today... both over
stupid things... he thinks that my eyebrow piercing is a little too
extreme for the store... fuck him... it's my body, right?... i wonder
what he'd say if i showed him my sun... he's freak... hahaha...
he also got on my case because i came to work a little drunk... not
really drunk... i had like 4 beers on my way to work (still have the
cans in the car)... he said i smelled like a brewery...
summer didn't work today... that kinda pissed me off... it's the only
good reason for me to even go to the market anymore... why did she have
to take today off? i was going to at least TRY to get her number...
maybe see what she's doing after work... i'm so spineless i bet i
wouldn't have been able to do anything...
i want to quit my job... i hate my job and my life... i need a change...
sunday, july 28th
i could have sworn that some guy was tailing me all the way to work, he
was wearing a pair of bluejean shorts and a black t-shirt... every time
that i turned around i saw him... or at least i thought i saw him dart
around a corner to avoid my seeing him... is he the one who's been
spying on me?... is he the one who put the cameras in that i know are
there?... you can't trust anyone anymore...
since i got out of work early today i decided to go shopping for
supplies... i did the typical food stuff shopping, picked up a
cameoflaged shirt, black shoe polish, and a really cool knife from the
cutlery store while walking around in the mall... i started to think
about the man in the black t-shirt and started thinking about having to
protect myself... i went to this guy i know who sells used guns and
ammunition for them on the next block down from me... he had a .22
pistol and about 40 rounds for it... he let me take it for 50 bucks...
i thought it was an excillent investment... i wondered why it was so
cheap, but with a guy like him it's best not to ask questions i guess...
the gun holds 6 rounds at a time... five in the handle and one in the
chamber... i keep it inside of my boot all the time now... you never
know when you'll need to put a slug into someone...
monday, july 29th
i didn't see the person with a black shirt today... maybe he's calling
it off for a bit because i saw him... HA!... i knew it...
today was my first day off from work in a long time... i took advantage
of this and pretty much did nothing all day... i played with the shoe
polish a bit, smeared it all over my face just so i could get the
contours right in case the need for it arised... it was alot easier than
i thought it was, took me about 2 minutes to get it to completely cover
my face... i think i look pretty cool with it on... probably pretty hard
to see when i'm in the dark...
i did alot of thinking today about work... i can't stand being treated
like a piece of shit on some guy's shoe just becaue i make 5.05 an
hour... fuck that... (i should watch my language)... i should stand up
for myself once in a while i guess... but what can i do?... i'm almost
the most meek person that i've ever seen... i've got to stop being so
weak, i've got to be strong otherwise i'll be trampled... i don't want
to be the underdog that everyone hits when they get angry... from now on
i'm going to make myself tough...
tuesday, july 30th
i shaved all my hair off for the hell of it... i think it's more
functional this way... i don't have to comb it, i don't have to use much
shampoo or conditioner in it anymore... it feels like a puppy... i also
tried something new... i take a fork and stick it into the flame on my
stove... when it starts to get really hot i take it off and lay it down
on my chest... the hair gets singed a bit, and the skin makes a cool
crackling sound... but the pain is so beautiful... i want to try it on
other parts of my body, but i'm scared... i can feel the pain making me
stronger, more resilient to the blows that society tosses my way... i
also made a second sun on my other leg, but this one was all in one
shot... it hurt really bad, but barely bled... maybe one day i won't be
able to feel anything... what could i do then?...
i've decided to kill my boss today... he started to yell at me about my
hair so i turned around and walked out the front door... he said
something about writing me up... i guess we'll find out if the pen is
truely mightier than the sword soon enough... i wonder if he realizes
how little power he truely has over me... i guess my walking out
constitutes quitting the job... oh well, i'll give myself one day to
train myself so i'm ready to do what needs to be done... i'm really
looking forward to thursday now... i had nothing to look forward to
anymore... i asked summer for her number... she refused to give it to
me... what a fucking bitch... can't she see that i'm a nice guy? can't
she see that i'm really pure inside, that i want to do the right thing?
why is she so BLIND... i want to care for her... i want to provide for
her... i want to love her... but she won't give it to me... why?
wendsday, july 31st
i'm very tired... i did so much work today, making myself into steel...
i can barely type this out... i'm going to bed...
friday, august 2nd
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| just another mag + just another mag + just another mag + just another mag |
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email: duncan@digital.csionline.com
duncan@alfheim.csionline.com
