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Integral Functions 11
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dd/mm/yy = 15/06/96
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Integral Functions is a bi-weekly electronic 'zine that encourages both
stylistic and topical experimentation in all possible forms of literary
self-expression.
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Issues SHOULD be available on the FTP site approximately one month after
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{=========================================================================}
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00000001 scatter-works: june 1996
00000010 Censorship
00000011 (juxtaposition) (fixation)
00000100 HER PLASTIC WAY
00000101 technology you can scoff at
00000110 *LitModel39-Series: Psych*
00000111 AnywhichwaytoD0it.
00001000 Selected Poems: June 01, 1996 - June 15, 1996
00001001 The Product Of
00001010 'wristwatch tangerine'
00001011 Dream - May 31, 1996
00001100 "Times have changed since the violence..."
00001101 an incoherent scribble in shari's yearbook
00001110 Copyright Information
{=========================================================================}
"scatter-works: june 1996"
(anonymous)
[1]
from my outpost in the organism
i observe the processes and components
collide in a mundane collection
of features and functions
peering view internal,
from out (involvement) world
apart and unattached
organisms feeding upon organisms
forming organisms
a cycle of needs and end
[2]
"thrall"
life inconfined
miserable replica of my natural place
my meat lays cold without competition
forth and back pace track
(playing typical)
they watch my days of deadness
gnawing the strain chain
(always forever again)
wishing -- away
i'm bored
[3]
the groove plummets
downward progression
sounding wave riplets
outwards -- all ways
vibration and infection
stimulating -- feeling
surrounding tissue
[4]
"gogomo"
mechanisms thrown in motion
back and forth -- up, down -- ground around
destructive cyclic slice
attacking with metal malice
announcing it's operation
a system high in decibel
releasing gasses of organry
as free revolution tamed
and once products torn
[5]
"DST-ryp"
i am BOTen box(r) boy
skitterbug mechdables like insex
creep crick crack
search about
find a paRATus
find newborn way out
needs program struct pushes search
muzzt have,
aquire the requirements
why NO response to inputory
proceed for not no purpose
destryp ordeRED fragmentaries
it's move cease, onward go
[6]
get in with the tones -- box
a constricted compartment
quick flows through cement vein
circling the site spots
aquiring your taste
where to mister parasitey?
{=========================================================================}
Censorship
Ryan Lavallee
"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a
question without debating it."[1] By this statement, Joseph Joubert
(1754-1824) demonstrated his recognition of the importance of deliberation on a
topic of controversy, even if a conclusive solution resolving the problems
associated with the issue is never reached. The process of disputing
questionable issues of society has been in existence far longer than Joubert's
observation, however. Thousands of years ago, the institution of authoritative
bodies in society precipitated the questioning of the degree of control those
who are in power should have over those who are not. Although people may not
have recognized it as such in this time period, they were no less concerned
about a concept that has outlived any code of law or set of morals -
censorship, commonly interpreted as any supervision or control exercised by
anybody in authority over public communication, conduct or morals[2]. Early
censorship in the Greek city-states outlawed conduct insulting to the gods or
dangerous to the public order; the English term "censorship" itself is derived
from the Roman official who dictated public morality known as the censor. After
having been debated for millenniae, censorship and its restriction on freedom
is still a volatile issue that is continually being scrutinized.
One of the founding principles of western countries is freedom. Many
people who originally settled here fled from societies that did not allow them
the freedom to practice or even to express their religious, political, and
social beliefs. The people who came here and turned this land into countries
were determined to preserve all possible freedom for the inhabitants. The very
First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, added in 1791, pledged that "Congress
should make no law abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press". Canadians
have also been trying to keep their country as free as possible, from its birth
to modern day society; the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, brought
into effect in 1982, stated that everyone has the "freedom of thought, belief,
opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of
communication". In spite of these seemingly clear prohibitions against
obstructing freedom of expression, censorship is a
[1] Joseph Joubert (1754-1824), Censorship - Opposing Viewpoints, p. 9
[2] CENSORSHIP, The New American Desk Encyclopedia, p. 241
controversial issue throughout Canadian and American society. Debates continue
to the present day over exactly what forms of speech will be in accordance with
the Canadian and American Constitutions. In areas such as speech, national
security, and education, people are still divided over whether the government
has the right to restrict individual expression to protect its citizens. Some
people believe that even in a nation whose chief value is freedom, certain
things should not be tolerated, while others believe that freedom should be
preserved at all costs.
Freedom of speech is one of the basic priveleges guaranteed to all
Canadians and Americans by their countries' respective constitutions.
Traditionally, no form of speech should be censored unless it poses a direct
harm to others. Shouting "fire" in a crowded theater (if no fire exists) is
the most familiar example of harmful and outlawed speech. However, this
seemingly straightforward view of freedom of speech raises the question of
whether some speech should be considered so harmful that its censorship is
justified. Many believe that those people who support white supremacy and
racial hatred do not deserve freedom of speech protections, while others argue
that preventing a white supremacist from speaking is one step toward censoring
other unpopular kinds of speech as well. If a country does not believe in
racism though, it should not protect racist speech. The concept of "free
speech" is quite abstract when compared to the real and documented historical
violence of the Ku Klux Klan and its allies. The Klan has murdered and
organized for over 120 years - does that not demonstrate a direct threat of
harm being posed by the Klan to others? According to U.S. law, it doesn't. In
a 1969 case involving a KKK leader at a rally in Hamilton County, Ohio, the
U.S. Supreme Court unanimously established the principle that speech may not be
restrained or punished unless it "is directed to inciting or producing imminent
lawless action and is likely to incite or produce such action."[3] In this
case, the Supreme Court made it clear that before a speaker can be suppressed
there must be a "clear and present danger that the audience will act illegally
and do what the speaker urges - not just believe in what is advocated"[4]. In
addition, speech can only be restrained if it is in an individual face-to-face
encounter, and is not nonverbal symbols displayed before a general audience.
Evidently, it is quite difficult for speech to be considered harmful, and
consequently, illegal. What the Supreme C established
[3] Brandenburg v. Ohio, Censorship - Opposing Viewpoints, p.23
[4] Censorship - Opposing Viewpoints, p.23
removes so many restrictions on speech that it is difficult to legally restrain
speech until harm is already done. Is there much sense in setting these
conditions for free speech if it cannot be dealt with until after it has caused
harm? Clearly, the censorship of such speech is justified and necessary for
the protection of society as a whole. Legal philosopher Edmond Cahn argued
that prohibition against group defamation would be detrimental to society at
the Hebrew University in Jerusalem in 1962.[5] He said that if group
defamation was prohibited, anyone who distributed the Christian Gospels could
be prosecuted, as they contain defamatory statements about Jews and Christians,
and Greek literature could be banned for calling the rest of the world
barbarians. However, it is apparent that Cahn failed to recognize that there
is a great difference between the Ku Klux Klan and church officials, or
historians. How often does a church official or historian rally to incite
listeners to murder individuals from an entire race or group? Clearly, the
racist speech of the Ku Klux Klan is more harmful than the distribution of the
Holy Bible. The need to protect people from racist speech far outweighs the
right of freedom of expression; the defeat of racism is a greater priority to
society than is the right to unrestricted free speech. Undeniably, the
censorship of certain forms of harmful speech is justified.
In the interests of national security, public access to military
information is regularly restricted by the government. However, many
journalists oppose these restrictions, considering them a form of unnecessary
censorship. Most journalists would agree that there are some legitimate
reasons for government secrecy, but problems arise with the issue of
distinguishing between those times when secrecy is legitimate and those times
it is not. Many feel that the person with access to the information may make
uninformed decisions concerning secrecy that may not be in the public interest.
The public's interest in knowing about its government is guaranteed by the
freedom of the press, but there have been cases in which the release of
sensitive information has had an adverse effect, and the lives of many
government employees and the security of a country as a whole are reasons to
restrict media access to confidential information. The CIA in the United
States indicates this in the occasion of the assassination of a CIA agent in
Athens, Greece in 1975.[6] A newspaper had published his name and the fact
that he worked for the CIA, and the agent was killed less than a month later.
[5] Censorship - Opposing Viewpoints, p. 25
[6] Censorship - Opposing Viewpoints, p.96
The CIA came to the conclusion that the agent's death was attributed to the
publication of his name and title. This case and many others like it shows
that in some cases freedom of the press should be restricted. Often, though,
the valid argument is presented that the press should serve the governed and
not the governors; restricting the press gives the government the opportunity
to deceive its people. A common belief is held that no reporter would
deliberately publish information hurtful to national security. Unfortunately,
there is always the possiblity of error in judgement of what could be harmful
to national security. The debate over national security and the public's right
to know addresses two important concerns of the governed people in a nation -
the security of the country and the right of free speech and a free press that
is guaranteed in the Constitution. There is no perfect solution to the issue,
but it would be senseless to feign indifference - only through continued
examination will the best possible decision be reached on when the government
should be allowed to use national security as a reason to justify censorship.
For as long as schools and libraries have existed, it has probably been
debated whether schoolchildren and the general public should be protected from
offensive and subversive materials, or if such materials should be available in
public schools and libraries. The opposing argument to the censorship of
questionable materials in libraries is that in a democracy, where all ideas are
debated by tradition, a wide range of materials from all points of view should
be available to the public. Since selection has to be made anyways, teachers
and librarians choose only the most educational and uplifting materials to be
purchased. If people wish to read books with graphic illustrations of sodomoy
and bestiality, they may do so in the private sector. There should be no
restrictions on the publication of such materials, but they are not appropriate
for a place designed for intellectual pursuits, such as a library or school. Of
course, anything with any intellectual value should not be restricted from a
library, no matter how controversial. People should not be denied the
opportunity to know about another's ideas. If they feel they are being exposed
to material they disagree with or find offensive, there is nothing preventing
them from ceasing to explore that material. Books are written to entertain, to
make people think, to excite them, and to expose them to new ideas. If
libraries were stripped down, many people would be incapable of thinking and
understanding parts of themselves, other human beings, or the world. Schools,
where young people are under the intellectual guidance of responsible adults,
are the perfect place to give students the opportunity to choose which ideas
they wish to be exposed to. Students cannot learn to make independent
judgements unless they are exposed to numerous ideas, no matter how
controversial. The censoring of public or school libraries is detrimental to
society as it threatens the quality of education and availability of knowledge.
Disagreements between people occasionally causes dislike or hatred between the
opposing parties. Under controlled situations, however, it strengthens the
individuals involved by increasing their awareness and allowing them to add to
their own knowledge. Censorship is a sensitive topic for many people in a
variety of situations. The desire for freedom is inherent in all human beings,
and is one of the founding principles of our nation. As shown in the harm
caused by permitting the expression of racist thoughts, there are some cases in
which control must be placed over public expression in order to protect society
as a whole. In other situations, though, such as the restriction of certain
materials in libraries, censorship can affect people adversely. Problems can
arise in the deciding of who should have the authority to place restrictions on
freedom. Benjamin Franklin addressed this issue in the 18th century: "Abuses
of the freedom of speech ought to be repressed, but to whom are we to commit
the power of doing it?"[7] A conclusive decision is difficult to reach when
considering censorship in matters such as national security. The best
interests of both the government and its people must be taken into account in
order to preserve national unity. As a result, in many cases no definite
conclusion can be reached regarding what justifies the restriction of speech.
Although there may never be a perfect solution to what forms of expression
should be restricted, continued debating will bring society closer to having as
much freedom as possible while still keeping the protection rewarded by the
constructive use of censorship.
[7] Benjamin Franklin, Censorship - Opposing Viewpoints, pg. 12
Bibliography
The New American Desk Encyclopedia, Concord Reference Books, Inc., 1993
Censorship - Opposing Viewpoints, Greenhaven Press, Inc., 1990
"We all Believe in Censorship", Los Angeles Times, April 29, 1990, Krauthammer, Charles
"New Freedom--and New Threats", World Press Review, February 1990
{=========================================================================}
(juxtaposition)
(fixation) By Curtis Yateman
The rodent took it upon himself to follow the man. Not because he looked
particularly interesting, just...because. The rodent worked that way.
The man walked into a drugstore and purchased some Tylenol, then as he
walked out, the rodent observed him dump the pills into a sewer grate.
Ah hah! The rodent exclaimed, then rushed down the grate and found the
pills, now wet from the rushing toxic water. The rodent quickly collected
the pills and put them in a safe place. They would be useful to him later,
perhaps on the black rodent market.
When the rodent returned to the surface, the man had disappeared. The
rodent was not disgruntled, but rather pleased. Victory was his. Suddenly
the rodent heard a rushing sound, a loud squeal and then no more. The
rodent's brains were squashed out over the road as tire rubber rushed over
his head. His limp body would stay there for three days, and then wash out
with a rainfall. The Tylenol pills ( about 20 ) would be broken apart and
rendered useless by the water.
The man took the empty bottle and tossed it aside, went home, looked at a
picture of his grandmother for awhile, then put his pyjamas on and settled
on top of his TV for a good night's rest, staring at the bed on the floor.
He awoke to his phone ringing the next morning. He got up and answered.
" Goodbye? "
" Goodbye. Mr. Smith John? "
" No. That is me. "
" Well sir, I am informing you that you don't have to be at the interview
by 8:30 AM. "
" You thank. You thank very much. "
" No problem. Hello. "
" Hello. "
Smith got dressed and went to the interview.
In the car on the way there, the Smith laughed at a woman who was
being mugged. He laughed even harder when the man mugging her
stabbed her. Her white dress soon became blood soaked as she fell
limp to the ground. Smith laughed so hard that he was forced to
stop the car. He suddenly had no initiative. Smith turned the car
around and looked at the picture of his grandmother for the rest of
the day. Much more pleasing.
FIN
{=========================================================================}
HER PLASTIC WAY
(june 9, 1996)
her plastic way
to ancient secret
evolved by computer
assembly line adventure
let's begin hate remedies
of mass production...
she avoid hands of want
taste learning
of digital prostitution and
nuclear hormones!
her weapons are
apathy and grace
her plastic way that laughter
erupts from her sub-routine bowels
causes dermal hair hyper gasps
her body a blasphemous
instrument
while dirt of world keeps interest
she builds rigid laws
that offend the television universe
her mirrorshades windows to
the future communism.
her plastic way of remedy
vibration collapse new order
fall in love with atrophy
a sub-routine
of impossible composure.
she was what the world was.
she became
self-contradiction and inactivity
a global fate
even machines helpless,
her plastic way cannot save us.
end.
(c) copyright, 1996 gh
{=========================================================================}
"technology you can scoff at"
(no know)
on television, i came across a program talking of monitoring a penis erection
with some glorious gadgetry. (i don't know whether or not the entire program
was dedicated to this. the portion that i took in took up a few mere minutes).
a man was laying on a tableÄ-a typical doctor's office type-tableÄ-and a doctor
was allowing him to listen to the blood rushing (loudly) in his own penis, as
it firmed up stiff. the man expressed amazement. then, an x-ray image was
shown of the penis firming and rising from dangley limp meat, and I giggled
helplessly.
afterwardsÄ-after thoughtÄ-i wondered what was done to arouse the man.
{=========================================================================}
`*LitModel39ÄÄSeries:Psych*'
(Angela Dreamblur)
the following is poetry -- manufactured with experimental production technique
(which does not involved computers)
`painting'
starting putting principles along
retain occurs time
device colour achieved
sensitive objection perceptiveness
communication consciousness
every which effectiveness
responses not eventually
several group dream
replied deviance
who problems according situations
featured intelligence sound
`industrial'
forming governed
person's confusing laboratory
health impairing daily research
subjecting roll response
attribution others common
consumption agression anxiety
putting child rearing therapist
personal depression
come they additive variations
stream evolution senses
state dependant study dynamics
one look developement process
low imagery violated
`cannibas'
complex heredity
awake first sleep
have verbal minimize
material negative
readability breakthrough
revision emotion effects
disorder fear complex
modest misleading professional
playing attitudes
among about medical sought
constructive hard estimates
years parents stimulus
defect judges insanity
{=========================================================================}
AnywhichwaytoD0it. -> Curtis Yateman
----===== Fist Clenched =====----
Fist clenched he strolls into the room with a pride that was scooped out
of the air, his fist (the left one) is clenched unconsciously, he knows that
maybe, no, FOR CERTAIN, he will succeed, the new-found pride he has grasped
has allowed him to open up to the world and get himself out of the reclusive
cycle he has thrown himself into.
\/\/\/\/\ Others \/\/\/\/\/\
Others have told him the way he should walk, that he could do it, with
the initiative that he now held, the path he walked now was one of glory,
so he strolls into the room with a certain sense of pride. He is living
off of what he has been told.
---------> Looking <---------
Looking into the stern face, he could feel all that he had built up fall,
and the next words he heard destroyed him completely.
" Get it through your thick fucking skull, you are NOT a woman, thus you
CANNOT be a runway model, I've told you this a hundred times, now get the
FUCK out and never come back again. "
Plan Two. He shoots the man, runs out in a frenzy, is found in his apartment
two days later, goes through a lengthly trial, pleads insanity, and ends up
in an insane asylum, wearing a straight-jacket.
And he feels beautiful.
FIN
{=========================================================================}
Selected Poems: June 01, 1996 - June 15, 1996
(by Gideon Hartwell)
ONE.
the dead own this land
pale regret watches over it
taking notes
an archive of errors
can we take a few steps back
rather than just looking
and shaking our heads
i want to be an apocalypse
of joy
i want rivers to inundate
the cites i want
trees to sprout from the
rubble like feathers on a
head
dress
can we worship the rivers and
the trees
they have hands
but we do not see them
they reach deep into the
earth
reaching
pointing
we do not see them
looking to the sky as if
it held answers
this is called denial
to err is human
we must look to the animals
for guidance
they are perfect
because we did not make them
they made themselves
we must rebuild ourselves
the tools are here
-----
TWO.
do the trees feel me
in their arms do they
hear me sending my love
does the wind translate
i don't understand the
language of leaves but
as far as i know love is
universal
-----
THREE.
river
water of infinite
tears my body
breaks you
-----
FOUR.
humid taste
touch grit smell
harbour labour
urine river
rancid haste
launch bell
-----
FIVE.
balance soul outward
body representation
springs architecture
stress faults blame
eruptions and official
declarations of states
of emergency boots
laced to the top
articulation of collapse
no kidding laugh at
pain leather hesitation
-----
SIX.
can any conceptual
container hold my
without overflowing
-----
SEVEN.
nightmares of
michigan: i am lost
in a wholesale isle;
bathing in metallic;
a perpetual motion
sickness; distance
creates strangers;
men with bloodshot
noses smile at me; i
am hitch hiking back
to canada no one
picks me up so i have
to walk how can i
avoid detroit
-----
EIGHT.
suspenders are innovative weapons
-----
NINE.
conformity of facial
feature of chrome skin
jungle of newspaper
clipping hedges stop
end fence frontal assault
of artificial smiles
are gleaming car bumpers
-----
TEN.
screamdance decadence
deluxe shipments supply
material desired
suburbo-industrio zoning
sites for conversion
complex link reinforced
concrete city animals
try to cope
-----
ELEVEN.
unsymmetrical lips i
taste your distortion
love deformity
caress genetic err
carcass affection
-----
TWELVE.
rocks tell stories of
their fragmentation
beach grave
-----
THIRTEEN.
when i collapse
does love forgive
-----
FOURTEEN.
if my body could re-
present the emotion that
inundates me in your
presence i would shatter
into a thousand mon-
archs
-----
FIFTEEN.
drag me through your pollution
i even worship your feces
this horror must be love
-----
SIXTEEN.
even the horizon hates me
animaltrees wilt before
i think of killing them
-----
SEVENTEEN.
machines help me write
they suggest words that my mind
would otherwise replace
with spaces
sometimes it feels good
to be empty
do you understand machine
let me concentrate on being
let me experience the atrophy
of my body
rather than
of my culture
-----
EIGHTEEN.
its when superman
rewinds the earth
that we experience
deja vu
-----
NINETEEN.
dear friend
my tiny pills can cure
your upside-down smile
-----
TWENTY.
this old man
sucks food particles
from his teeth
as if tender memories
-----
TWENTY-ONE.
i was spending my time with dan
letting him talk his life
sorrows into me,
made to feel like
my tragedies are
quiet and suburban
(we are in a bakery
that has a bar).
i am wearing a wedding
ring to remind me of my marriage
to myself, to prevent
myself from being
taken from my body.
a detour for yesterday's regret.
my pain is feeble
and diluted.
i am soluble
within myself.
-----
TWENTY-TWO.
i am super saturated with
poetry even writing poems in
my dreams can't tell dreams
from reality poems everywhere
inundate me
-----
TWENTY-THREE.
in the dreams i don't
try to fix broken people, i
try to comfort them,
i am not a human
mechanic. sad.
-----
TWENTY-FOUR.
even
the
walls
have
feelings
-----
TWENTY-FIVE.
there must be
more coathangers
on the earth
than people.
-----
TWENTY-SIX.
i even want to
kiss your
one day stubble
-----
TWENTY-SEVEN.
clockwork universe
can you give me
the time
-----
TWENTY-EIGHT.
escape fertile pods
bouncing genetic landscape
three thousand cycles
suffer sweet chromosome conformity
more constants than variables
uterus of ashes
new forest bloom brightly
as if the sun were a meteorite
all life ablaze and suitable
suffer sweet congenial universe
until forever is delayed
-----
TWENTY-NINE.
steel bisociation
all memories bleed
then clot
mesh of yesterday
hold me
become my body
landscape of scabs
i can't move
-----
THIRTY.
accidents = happiness
like poetry
-----
THIRTY-ONE.
for years machines have
been down on bended knee in
proposal
so hard to refuse
machines wear wedding gowns
entice us
and if
in the future we were to
divorce them
they would take everything
everything
-----
THIRTY-TWO.
dear bird dead in my hands
(dead by our hands)
your body becomes weightless
as confusion
pain
misery
dissipate
spirit enter me
tonight i will dream of flying
i will consume beauty
i will become light
-----
THIRTY-THREE.
i collect my words
as if they are
stamps
that become worthless
with age
what did i mean so
long ago
or yesterday did i
think i was
happy
or something
-----
{=========================================================================}
The Product Of
(by Meadowlark)
My wardrobe is largely neutral. Not only neutral in colour, but in
style. Most of my clothes are very plain and physically unobtrusive upon
others. No company logo is displayed anywhere on them, and the shirts have
no collars, buttons, or pockets. The pants in my wardrobe are either
standard blue jeans, or grey/brown pants.
My hair is cut short. Too short to be styled in any way, yet not so
short as to be intimidating.
My voice is soft - when I use it - which isn't very often. Only when
I am spoken too, or if I feel obligated to say "Hello," or "How are you?".
I try to determine this through observing the body language of the
potential interacting figure.
My eyes rest upon the void of the landscape, not seeing. I do not
stare, as I am unable to focus upon anything. I fill the void of numbers.
I am the face that you don't notice in crowds. If you do happen to
notice me, I am not memorable. You will not stare, as there is nothing to
stare at. I am not beautiful, nor am I ugly. I have no odd features. I
just am.
I am the the product of demographics.
I am normal.
I am accepted.
I am.
{=========================================================================}
"wristwatch tangerine"
(moe loko)
'what you brats up to eh?'.
there was me and my three droogs who were peter and paul and teddy. sometimes
we would call teddy dim because he was real dim like. not bright that is and
he didn't usually pony quite what was happening and what everyone was doing
everywhere.
'what you brats up to eh?.
we were at our desks gavoreeting about what to do with our recess when the
starry veck teacher of ours interupted us but a flash of the britvka and he
shut his fat rot real skorry like. peter suggested said that maybe we should
try to see pretty polly's panties again and paul suggested we pay billy a visit
and teddy just smecked and smecked and smecked like always. we couldn't all
agree to one vesch so we all just went to the playground to viddy what would
turn up.
and then
{=========================================================================}
Dream - May 31, 1996
(spelling and grammer unedited)
I am home in the summer. Family has been gone a long time Vacation? We
just got back. Dad and I are in the upstairs bathroom, and we find a
mourning dove living there. Dad takes it out and releases it in the front
yard. Then I am in my room singing, and I find another mourning dove in my
window curtains and I release it in the front porch - my dad is shouting
from the kitchen to be careful when handling the bird, and I feel
patronized. Then I am talking to mom, asking her if I can watch TV,
because she watches TV during all her waking hours - there is a show that
is going to have an interview with Tori Amos - she let me watch my show.
They had a recent interview with Tori Amos, then showed an older one,
looked like from the early eighties - she had frizzed short hair and fake
tatoos all over her chest, arms, and face - heavy red lipstick - a sort of
post-punk look and attitude to her gestures. The interview was filmed in
the back of a limo, so the camera work is slightly shaky, and the camera is
too close. Then I am in control of the sound system, and I am playing bad
music. (Wired, speakers all over house implanted in walls) Justine and
Meghan are there too. Mom is asking Mike before he leaves to go back to
Michigan what food to cook for the wedding. The wedding is only a few days
away. Then I am suddenly in Michigan outside a church after Sunday
service. The priest has a store (a variety store) in the back of his
church. But it is not the priest who is selling. I am with Brian and he
is telling how he and his girlfriend made up - his girlfriend realized that
she over-reacted - they had some fight about a newspaper article they had
read together. How stupid. I buy a book in the store written by a female
poet (Jong? Atwood?) about how to write poetry. I am paying for it and I
ask if I can come back to buy something later - I suddenly realize what a
stupid question that is and I say "of course I can...you always like to get
money!" to the person behind the counter. Then Brian and I leave. We are
in the church, which is his house. I am alone now - his house is old and
whimsical. A cross between the old Simpson farm and Judith & Viktor
Tinkl's house. Upstairs there is a glass - painted, and a wire sculpture
hanging over the kitchen table. I really like it. I leave and come back
later to visit the priest and see the wire sculpture again. He isn't home
so I go in - it is getting dark outside - I choose the wrong door to get to
the kitchen and instead go downstairs where the priest has a hidden son
locked away in a room marked as: "QUEER CAGE". The son is bouncing around
with sheets wrapped around him. I panic and run back upstairs - the house
is complex - trying to find my way to the upstairs kitchen with the
sculpture - I finally find it - it is nighttime and the house has lost its
whimsy and become frightening. I know that I won't be able to find my way
out of the house, and I realize I will be caught and locked up or
something. I realize I am dreaming and that my dream has become a
nightmare, but I don't wake up. I try to figure out a way to wake myself
up. I see the large full wall window painted in the kitchen - run and jump
through it - shatters and I fall, hoping to wake up - I fall and am close
to hitting the ground but I don't want to - I want to wake up first - and I
do - I wake up saying "ahhh...!" in a soft voice - I must have been
screaming in the dream. I make a wierd/obvious association when in the
bathroom taking a needed pee: (window) pane = (physical) pain.
{=========================================================================}
Times have changed since the violence of things in the electronic age.
Here, in the english-speaking countries that remain, we grow rice in our
minds. A savage age, running from the dogs we have let lose on ourselves,
eternal fear. We have discovered that only thought can exceed the speed of
light. I tell you, I'm so sick of the smell of wood. At night, I dream of
steel concepts, covering the mess of sky. I used to find thought so
beautiful, like atoms. The loss of privacy isn't that big of a deal. I
vaguely remember what it felt like to be corperal. I remember landscapes,
colours, faces, and the sound of voices. A time when the individual had so
much control. They thought they could invent a eutopia. They thought
machines were the answer. I wish I could bleed. I want it all back: the
bullshit politics, the social cliques, everything. Keep your proverbial
ears out of my head. Beauty is transparency.
{=========================================================================}
an incoherent scribble in shari's yearbook
yearbook
we were never hip
(often hardened
emotion of not
going to
cabbage patch kids do you still draw?
atari
florida
swimming pools
over the fence in
the backyard
out into the brush
thinking of snakes
and things
seasame street the
tv so high
shag carpet
harpsichord in my head
one year halloween everyone
went out as punks
insects were
interesting
reality belonged to
adults
dr. seuss is god
playboy/playgirl (orange rotating chair)
back corner
"gross!" happy for you and your
large clique
boogers are evil.
brush our teeth together
e.t. (the movie)
what happened press certain buttons
hands come out the devil
chase around pole and die
neighbour had hammock
("hands come out!")
muppets take manhattan
you were conditioned not to be
afraid of basements
i admired that
{=========================================================================}
{get COPYRITE.NFO}
Each work within this volume is copyright 1996, by its respective author.
This file may be reproduced and distributed in its current form or as a
printed document.
{=========================================================================}
INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.011
dd/mm/yy = 15/06/96
{end}
