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Integral Functions 07
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INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.007
dd/mm/yy = 15/04/96
file_siz = 020k
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Integral Functions is a bi-weekly electronic 'zine that encourages both
stylistic and topical experimentation in all possible forms of literary
self-expression.
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Issues will be available on the FTP site approximately one month after
their release. Please read the instructions on the site to be sure that
you download and uncompress the files correctly.
FTP: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/IntegralFunctions
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If you are having trouble connecting, this site also has two alternate
addresses: etext.archive.umich.edu OR locust.cic.net
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{get CONTENTS.LST}
00000001 INFORMATION-TRANS/CON-VER-SAY-TION: #820432131
00000010 Three Short Stories (Unfinished and/or Failed Attempts)
00000011 The Ultimate in Hair Science
00000100 COR 95D
00000101 NEW FROM PLASTIC KILL-FUN!
00000110 ASS WHOLE
00000111 HATE LIST NUMBER TWO
00001000 Impressionism
00001001 M&M (Man & Machine) Collaborations: Poems
00001010 Correlation and Regression Analysis
00001011 Selected Poems: March 13 - March 30, 1996
00001100 Copyright & Submission Information
{=========================================================================}
"INFORMATION-TRANS/CON-VER-SAY-TION: #820432131"
(Thomas Nemobia)
A = #744375
B = #53248
A: presence acknowledgement #744375
B: presence acknowledgement #53248
your presence causes pleasure sensations in sector B-35
your presence has lacked for 11.8 solar cycles
A: viewing you and being in your close proximity also gives me pleasure
#53248
the 11.8 solar cycles seemed like full solar rotations!
what E-M state have you averaged lately?
B: my state has been fairly positive
although I have been experiencing a period of low energy levels recently,
and am currently suffering a P-stimulation in sector C-26
A: confirm P-stimulation?
more information is requested
B: confirm P-stimulation
source unknown
it is expected to discontinue torment within a relatively short time span
and what state have you generally been in recently #744375?
{=========================================================================}
Three Short Stories (Unfinished and/or Failed Attempts)
(anonymous)
gerrit spoke with an uneasiness, holding his forgotten
pepsi at a precarious angle. "this is the story of how
tony found his social niche," he began, gazing at the
linoleum floor.
"tony went to a community college in his area right after
high school, still living with his parents. he took a 3 year
course in business management, although he didn't have any
interest in it. he worked a part-time job at a video store.
"ok, so every friday night, tony would get drunk with his
buddies, then he would sleep in until two o'clock the next
afternoon. the pattern began in grade ten.
"oh, i don't know where i am going with this story, but
i suppose he eventually meets a nice mainstream girl, and he
gets married and beats his wife when he gets drunk. his
wife doesn't have enough self-esteem to get out of the marriage,
so this continues until tony gets some sort of liver disease
or something."
gerrits' peers looked on with disappointment. "he could've
done much better", they thought. it seems gerrit is having
some personal problems, and doesn't know how to express them.
"good try, gerrit," alicia said.
gerrit felt like he was going to puke. he took a slurp of
pepsi in a vain attempt to keep it down. what happened next is
the decision of several stomach muscles.
that was pointless....why didn't i capitalize anything? fuck.
Alex's publisher had just refused to publish his fifth collection of
poetry, claiming that his quality of writing had declined steadily
since his second book. They said his work had become too
'experimental'. Alex thought his writing had matured, but according
to others, this was not the case.
In the weeks that followed, Alex felt depressed and uninspired.
His routine environment no longer held and lasting fascination for
him. He needed something new to inspire him. 'If only someone
would come along and break my heart,' he often thought to himself.
It struck him to take his notebook to more dynamic environments,
away from the predictable, cliche coffee shops and cafes. He tried
the mall. He sat himself on a bench, observing people walk by him
for several hours, sometimes seeing the same person twice. No one
ever stopped moving, another boring routine. Alex tried to write a
poem about the boredom of the mall, but it failed to turn out the
way he liked:
Automatons spending at random moments of delight,
or when "Sale" is spotted through the distant
wags of fellow idiots,
;alkjsjdf FUCK this......shit.
Escapism: Episode One
Min left the house, pulling on her long, black polyester coat as
she slammed the door behind her. She quickly checked to make sure
she had her house key with her. It was dangling on the end of a
short chain, attached to one of the belt loops in her Levi's. She
wasn't sure what time she would be back, or if anyone would be there
when she returned.
From inside, Min heard something break. Probably a desk lamp (or
a desk). She usually left the house at this time of morning, when
her father-in-law is either ultra-drunk, or having loud, violent sex
with his live-in mistress. In this case, it was the latter. Min
walked across the slushy lawn and onto the sidewalk, taking her first
steps in her daily mission of escapism. She moved south on Cherry
Blossom Avenue, surrounded by an unnatural calmness in the
suburbs. Min thought about this small pocket of civilization, about
how it was mass-produced, and made to be appealing for young
families that owned grey mini-vans. The young families that don't
know how to raise children properly, telling their kids that they
are useless pieces of shit, then hugging them as they leave for
work, leaving them with abusive care-givers. Welcome to the suburbs:
breeding ground of oxymorons.
Min's train of thought was suddenly interrupted when a drop of
rain landed in her eye. It felt cool, and pure. She beleived that
her eyed had been blessed, given the ability to see through the
walls of bullshit that surrounded everything. More blessings fell
from the sky, blessings that will never be recieved, blessings that
will perhaps be swept out of existance by a pair of squeeky
windshield-washers on one of the grey mini-vans. Min left her coat
open, letting as many blessings as possible penetrate her as she
walked towards the bus-stop.
At the bus-stop, soaked, Min read a poorly designed advertisement
that was plastered on the inside wall of the bus-shelter as she
waited for...lsidj the fuckign aupgb bus?? of course oahsdhfhasdh fuck
ais df i don't want to wreite this shitawo8iehrjtfahshdhb bcbz ohhh
wheriwha where am i oging going with this??..uthhghhghghghg. WHY
can't i ever finsiha story?!
{=========================================================================}
The Ultimate in Hair Science
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every day, external agressions cause the loss of Ceramide, a natural
fortifier in your hair, that ensures the strength and cohesion of the hair
fiber. Every day, X90587 replaces it.
X90587 PERFORMANCE shampoos and conditioners are the only ones to contain a
duplicate Ceramide. This Ceramide-r penetrates to the core of the hair
fiber, replacing the daily loss of natural Ceramide, to repair, strength and
protect it.
Your hair regains all of the characteristics of healthy hair:
Strength, Vitality, and Shine.
{=========================================================================}
--- COR 95D ---
keep frozen
ingredients:
milk ingredients, sugar, modified milk ingredients, strawberries
(strawberries, sugar, water, pectin, calcium chloride, colour), strawberry
syrup (strawberry juice, sugar, may contain water), glucose and may contain
glucose-fructose, cocoa, locust bean gum, cellulose gum, guar gum,
carrageenan, mono & diglycerides, polysorbate 80, artificial flavour,
colour, citric acid.
(may contain trace amounts of peanuts or other nuts)
º³³Û³³³ºº³³³³Û³³º
º³³W³³HººA³³TÛ?³º
º³³Û³³³ºº³³³³Û³³º
0º³³68200º11309³³º8
{=========================================================================}
* NEW FROM PLASTIC KILL-FUN! *
it's the 'HOLY COMBAT' action-figure series!
there's 'Battle-action Buddha', with his death-light-n-ment ray!
and 'Cruci-f-action Jesus' with quad nine inch piercing nails!
one on one action with your favourite (or least favourite), religious
figures!
pit Ra up against Mother Earth!
ever wonder whether the Greek gods are better than the Roman ones?
you can decide for YOURSELF, with 'HOLY COMBAT' action-figures!
HOLY WAR, in your very own home!
(blood, explosions and religious scenery sold seperately)
(figures do not actually talk, move of their own free will, or have those
colourful glowing auras)
{=========================================================================}
"ASS WHOLE"
(Thomas Nemobia)
from within you, flows sustanance
your sweet product
your glorious creation
surrounding me, your flesh
your protecting shelter
your certain safety
from your mouth, an airy breeze
your warm caress
your breath of love
I find everything in you
you are everything that I need ever know
{=========================================================================}
HATE LIST NUMBER TWO
Radio commercials that have catchy jingles
When street dirt blows into your eyes
Writing formal letters
Hollywood love stories
People that keep talking the Apocalypse
Warehouse stores with 30' ceilings
Poorly designed children's toys
Pocket lint
People that sing along with the radio
Cable television
Kleenex that is too soft
Caramel popcorn
Pretzels
Elvis
Comic books
Home decorating
The smell of library books
Direct sunlight
Contact with water (at scalding temperatures)
Plastic sandwich wrap
People that hang American flags in their room
Fake flowers
Tiny flower-shaped soaps that are just for decoration
Throwing up (the taste, or when it comes out your nose)
Sharp grass
Writing this list
{=========================================================================}
"Impressionism"
(Angela Dreamblur)
during the period of NEW
there is a general state of SENSITIVE
always leaves MARK
to affect throughout LIFE
sometimes resulting in UNABLE
and usually COMPLEXIFY
along with BEING
always EFFECT
until DIE
{=========================================================================}
"M&M (Man & Machine) Collaborations: Poems"
(by Gideon Hartwell)
I have been writing a large amount of poetry in the past month, both
on my own, and in collaboration with my machine. I have gathered the
following 'Man & Machine' poems together for those readers who have
shown further interest in my computer generated (semi-computer
generated) poetry.
Please refer to my essays in the first three issues of Integral
Functions if you have no idea what I am talking about.
#1
'chaste' (mar96)
this violent (healthy)
terrific area, with its lovable
unorganized inspiration addresses
what i
fondled and declined pseudo-entertainment
pressed and the laughter at they,
johnny lived beside pond
on planet punishment (dancer annoyed it)
dangerous at screaming in warranted orgasmic
oh, the excessive deepness of
it all.
#2
'faithful toy' (apr96)
they aged the flustered oyster creature,
a thatched moon,
tall cereal wheat; unlike
a photograph pinned,
repeated at duplex (to bandage),
anticipation without energy: you
were there too.
#3
'vexed' (apr96)
i wandered with the cautious painter
for faces, served at bell,
lumpy like this existence.
we having a snorted disagreement
munched at flimsy - in something,
pressed and stretched (her breasts
against a mylar dress).
#4
'the rollercoaster argument' (apr96)
consumed boy in rollercoaster
the maggot in claw - we spied the tiger
and my picked at, so ugly and
bursting she gathered i begged to be
less complicated and obeyed:
engaged he in narrow rough saliva and
satisfactory i controlled, tickets
this ride unfree. such screams
were listened (ears with).
#5
'we' (apr96)
i fancied the brooch and
the end for grinning bullet,
impatient i contradicted impassible the
hair (scattered about like
blood).
#6
'what i watched' (mar96)
and the fragrant death smile
found this expressive croquet
tournament: fucked, thumped
(they gazed unwanted, conversation)
he large and charmed - lust
they had
offended the sun itself
(at the edge i stood).
{=========================================================================}
Chapter 5
Correlation and Regression Analysis
Regression analysis normally leads to the development of an equation that
predicts the value of the dependent variable as a function of the
independent variable(s). The basic form is Y = A + BX. That is, the
dependent variable, Y, is the function of a constant, A, and the magnitude
of the independent variable, X, multiplied by some coefficient, B. While B
can take a fairly complex form, the basic principle remains the same. In
very broad terms, regression equations, when plotted, can be said to take
either linear or curvilinear form.
{=========================================================================}
Selected Poems: March 13 - March 30, 1996
(by Gideon Hartwell)
The following (fifteen) poems are not computer generated. Each poem is
numbered, and seperated from the next poem by a series of dashes ("-----").
ONE.
with elegance he drives
uncertain swerves, subtle
playful blind spot
(jerking wheel)
the gentle violence of
he is the only on who drives
this way, with accidental elegance
(music loud
night
speedlimit
changinglanes
highbeams-lowbeams)
casual, turning
ignore white lines
is it apathy?
"let's go anywhere"
caress
smile in darkness streetlights
cast growing/receeding shadows
on the dash back of my seat
he still drives, gloves
on wheel, ribbed elegance.
-----
TWO.
Automated Chivalry
He used to hold doors open
for me,
now they hold themselves
open.
-----
THREE.
Sorry Animals
On the linoleum she landed, the
cold white refrigerator door
against her back (from within,
the cheese grows mould),
face burning, she's never been
hit so hard, flesh shaken loose
from the bones.
She sees his fist changing
colour, as does his aura (and
perhaps the cheese too): rage,
guilt, regret.
Such sorry animals we are. If
only we could be more like the
ants (she thinks),
strong and efficient.
-----
FOUR.
False Alarm
Something blotted out the sun,
just a moment ago. A plane?
I don't know. For a few moments
there I thought it was The End,
but no,
just another false alarm.
-----
FIVE.
Your structure is magnificent,
he tells her, wishing (at that
moment) that she were a statue.
He would charge admission.
-----
SIX.
Oooh, Kanada
(speaking to the [Canadian] flag)
Your autumn leaf stands, like
a mountie with an erection,
a rigid,
architectural flame, roasting
the confidence of those that
look upon you
with pseudo-pride. Sharp, an
icon of bitterness.
You were never green,
and yet, you never wither.
-----
SEVEN.
Damn Sundays
Lofty this chill, dust
sealed in a vacuum. Sundays
are musty and bright,
like happiness
or something.
I remember once, we drove
out to the mall,
no money, but apathy galore.
We made fun as they walked
by, especially those that
held, not imagining us.
-----
EIGHT.
dear acme inc
this cliff overlooks a ripple of
flesh my eyes leaning down
touching a wrinkle in forward
in jerks back my eyes rolling
sun bright blazing i reconsider
this direction point downwards reflections
of my nothing
deepness
not forgotten fading and beginning again
as everything does
machines approach me with petition
why should i sign
why should i sign
off the edge they go me watching them
smaller and smaller a dot then a
puff of smoke just like road runner cartoons
i wonder if they left a hole in their shape
likeness
and birds twitter around their heads for
a while but they come back
they come back
indeed
-----
NINE.
one morning
you awoke as i flushed the
toilet, which totally
turned you off (you con-
ditioned); funny invention.
-----
TEN.
my own dream
i saw my own hand covering my
own mouth, stopping
my own voice from
saying something silly.
these things
tend to be prophetic.
-----
ELEVEN.
happier
all i have to do is remind
myself how easy it is
to die.
-----
TWELVE.
walking step side curb
dog piss smell
shelf (through window) doll mama mama it
says boots kicking
queers bleed red walking run
run away
far away
into
the
night
(gone)
blood reflective in streetlight
stone road raining wet hair he bleeds oh what
happened she bends over umbrella holding
tight and raw cold
hands steps into
dry
ally hunched looking in purse
scramble phone unfolds dialing
don't worry i'm calling for help
don't leave me ohhh it hurts
hello help there is a
man
bleeding dying glistening wet on
sidewalk bootmarks on ribs he cries send help fast
they are on their way soon soon down
system blood
washes where
rats drink
ohhh it hurt once (they never come fast enough)
-----
THIRTEEN.
your line is busy i wonder
who you could be talking
to for so long but then i
think and remember:
whenever we did it you would
always make sure the phone
was off the hook
-----
FOURTEEN.
you used to be so cute
what happened
-----
FIFTEEN.
i would rather sit and
imagine what you taste like
rather than
experience
the real thing.
{=========================================================================}
{get COPYRITE.NFO}
Reproduction of this 'zine (in any form) is permitted as long as it is not
sold and the entire text of the issue remains intact. Material within
this volume is copyright (maybe) by their respective authors.
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At the current time, Integral Functions does not have a stable e-mail
address where you can send your submissions. This will probably not change
in the future, as the editor of this 'zine is not interested in finding a
permanant site to work from. An adequate number of submissions are
received from the local area.
{=========================================================================}
INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.007
dd/mm/yy = 15/04/96
file_siz = 020k
{end}
