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Intelligent Dance Monster 04
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iNTELLIGENT dANCE mONSTER
We exist to save you from yourself and your sorry ass apathy
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iSSUE: 4 x 0 03.22.04
"Interrupted Statue Fun Time is Over For Now."
by gir + tex
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In space, there will once live a man by the name of Gerald Escholas.
Gerald will possess a large number of pulse rifles and not like his
girlfriend very much.
Which turns out to be an unfortunate situation for Mister Escholas. His
girlfriend is the reason that he had the opportunity to possess such a
large number of pulse rifles in the first place.
Her father owns a chain of convenience stores called Plasma Mart. They
sell nothing but forty ounce bottles of malt liquor and pulse rifles.
What Gerald's girlfriend's father happened to own was a store that once
sold the plasma or many different creatures from many different galaxies.
A much bigger competitor swept through this galaxy about an eon ago and
bought up Gerald's girlfriend's father's store. He was a fine seller of
plasma in his day. This enabled the name "Plasma Mart" to make lots of
business which is why the bigger competitor bought it out. This battle
of the white collars was fought over one phrase.
However, most of this ceased to matter when her father, Juan Jesus de
Cristobal, got tore up one night and blew up his competitor's house with
a metric ton of black powder. The planet Chikinninwafulls was nearly
destroyed in the resulting explosion. But really, not much of this has
anything to do with Gerald. Gerald, I guess, would have wanted it that
way; he had very little self-esteem and a generally faltering sense of
faith in himself.
Nightly, he would find himself attracted to the void. The void was the
new form of communication on Gerald's world. It took anyone who
participated to an ethereal place of played out cliches. Imagine a bunch
of computer graphics representing someone typing UNIX commands. The void
is like that only everyone has cool nick names and no one really knows
anyone else at all.
It's a lot like the club scene, really, not a very welcoming place. You
don't strike me as the type of person who'd enjoy it. Oh, come off it.
You're such a prick about some things. Just take my word that you'd
dislike it. Yeah, so, Gerald met his girlfriend, Maxine Jesus de
Cristobal, on the void. She was a faro'punter (camwhore). Gerald,
being that type of antisocial dork who's really into guns because they
stroke his crumbling facade of masculinity, found Maxine (and her father,
vicariously) immensely hot. He liked them big and round, with much back.
But that didn't matter because Maxine had nothing to do with the way a man
took note in the important shaping of ammunition. Maxine's personality
shined through the void and lit the sky at night. One could say Gerald
was in love. But you would have to probably believe in that and your tre
post modern fuck of a mind doesn't wanna stoop to that dumb level. fuck
you die.
Yeah, what's wrong with you, for Christ's sake. OK, maybe they weren't
perfect, but who the fuck is? Are you some goddamn Adam rediscovering Eve
in the Garden of Eden or something? If a guy likes a girl, you're really
no one to try to shed any light on the situation. If I wanted some
goddamned socio-political commentary I'd read a newspaper. I can't tell a
simple story of love and space without your cracker ass wigging out.
Look for the last time, my dreadlocks are not fake. I am not some crazy
goth person sticking computer parts in my hair for rivet points in the
bonus lightening round. That stuff genuinely gets stuck there, without
aid! Why can't you respect that about me? Why can't you accept me for
me?
T.S. Eliot doesn't have shit to say about unicorns and neither do I.
IS THAT IT THEN? JUST LIKE THAT IT'S OVER?
I CAN'T TELL EXACTLY WHAT (I'M) REFERRING TO THERE, IT'S LIKE THIS
CONVERSATION I WAS HAVING EARLIER TONIGHT. IS THE BOX CLOSED? OR ARE
THE PEOPLE IN THE BOX JUST DONE? CAPS LOCK IS FOR WHEN YOUR WORDS
ACHIEVE SOUL-SEARING SIGNFICANCE.
Seriously though, the trashman is here. He's waiting outside. I had
better get going.
And I should finish this poem. I completely lost my train of thought.
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issue: 4x0 of iNTELLIGENT dANCE mONSTER released 03.22.04
We were listening to Amon Tobin and Elliot Smith (respectively)
when we wrote this tfile. Hopefully you enjoyed today's viewing,
COME BACK SOON!
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iNTELLIGENT dANCE mONSTER is the latest and greatest creature from gir.
iT will never get soggy in milk and will probably give continual nods to
the wonderful world of music that makes gir giddy like a school girl.
aLSO be on the look out for science of the fiction variety to appear
withing these virtual pages. dON'T worry though, angstmonster will
make an eventual comeback. tHINKING about writing for idm? eMAIL gir
[gir at port11.net] with a marginally on topic submission (music and
or science of a fictional variety) and you too shall see the glory of
intelligence and dance in a tasty monster treat. gOT nothing to say?
tHAT'S a-o-k!
dIGGING on this release? fEEL free to pass it along to all of your
friends. jUST make sure that you leave it as it was or at least give
credit where credit is due. gET caught biting our styles unauthorizedly
and we'll sneak up on you ninja style with DOOM!
lOVE and kISSES,
the iNTELLIGENT dANCE mONSTER crew.
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find us online at http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/idm/
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