Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
I Bleed for This? 011
_____________________________________________________________________________
---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
------04.06.94-----------------------------------------------------#011------
How to be Elite at 7-11
by Snarfblat
This file describes how to be an ANARCHIST at 7-11. If this kind of thing
bothers you, stop reading now. If you are a PIG, stop reading now and go
kill yourself. You'll never catch us and even if you do we're protected by
the First Amendment. You'll be the first against the wall when the
revolution comes and there's not a GODDAMN thing you can do about it.
What Food to Buy
----------------
Any idiot can go into 7-11 and walk out with cigars, aspirin and the latest
issue of Bop. (In fact, many do just that). This is not the purpose of
7-11. Aside from the obvious things (Slurpees) you must look for specials.
Case History: Momints
Mo' mints, y0! On one of our journeys to 7-11, we found a rack of "out of
season" Valentine's Day candy that had gone stale. We purchased a box of
"Momints" for 15 cents and ate them. They were evil. They probably weren't
any better even when they were fresh, so we did what any True Anarchists
would do. We spat them out. This led to a Momints barf-fest in which we ate
and regurgitated large quantities of these little wonders. The chocolate
coating provided a cool nasty brown color, and the unnamable gooey interior
gave a pleasant stringy consisency to our chocospewage. However, the fun was
not to last. The next time we went to 7-11, the Guy That Hates Us said that
Momints were not part of the post-valentines special. Our time of joy with
Momints had merely been the result of the blurry vision of the Mentally
Incapacitated Generation X Guy who had mischarged us. Forever after, Momints
were $1.79 a box, but for one night they had helped us stain the street brown
with our hate.
Also, look for free things. Free things are anything you can fit in your
pocket or bag, or eat in the store.
The Slurpee Method
------------------
Pioneered by Random Tox, The Slurpee Method enables one to get the most out
of their slurpee experience. Worst of all, it is perfectly legal. We
include it because it _would_ be illegal if anyone knew we were doing it.
First, fill your cup to the rim with whichever flavor(s) you want. Put the
dome-shaped lid on, and fill it to the top. This is the point at which point
most people would take their masterpiece to the cretin at the cash register.
These people are not anarchists. You are. So, take a straw and stir your
slurpee with it. You will eventually notice that a cylindrical hole is
appearing in the middle of the slurpee. What do you think you should do?
a) Waste your money on Air Slurpee.
b) Cool now I have something to fuck since I'm too lame to get a woman.
c) Put more Slurpee in the cup you damn country boy!
You can core out the center of your slurpee several times before it stops
working. Lots of free slurpee can be obtained in this manner.
Tox also discovered that making a mess is a sure way to piss off the fascists
who work at 7-11. He once spilled his slurpee, cleaned it up with napkins and
LEFT them on the counter next to the slurpee machine. When he was paying,
an evil corporate pawn stuffed the napkins in Tox's pocket, bleating "You
forgot these!"
Another way to get lots of free slurpee is to just drink it in the store.
Works especially well if you are big and scary looking.
Trashing at 7-11
----------------
If you trash at a 7-11 in a fairly wealthy neighborhood, you will inevitably
find credit card numbers. We have found upwards of 50 numbers in a single
trash bag. Sometimes the *actual* *card* can be found as well.
When you trash at 7-11, you must dress like a homeless person. Most 7-11's
have at least 3 cameras and one laser pointing at the dumpster. You don't
want to make them suspicious.
Another cool thing you may find are milk crates. These are not actually
trash, and taking them is STEALING. Make sure you paint them a different
color after you steal them and sand off the serial numbers so the PIGS don't
catch you if they raid your house without a search warrant.
Tricking Blind People
---------------------
We could easily devote hundreds of pages of text to tricking blind people, so
I'm just going to touch on a few things. First, let me get this out of the
way: If the cashier is blind, and you need to read this file to get ideas,
you're pretty sad.
Here's one way to trick blind people: There is usually a large thing of York
peppermint patties at the checkout counter, for 5 cents each. Buy them. Buy
them all. You could go to a supermarket and buy a bag of them, or go to BJ's
or Costco and buy them bulk, but that wouldn't be Being an Anarchist at 7-11.
Now eat them and save the wrappers. Or throw them away and save the
wrappers. The point is, save the wrappers. Now fold the wrappers back
together. This is the tricky part. You are not trying to make it look like
there is a York peppermint patty in there: you are trying to make it look
like there is a CONDOM in there. Go sell these round, condom-shaped packages
to blind people, for a dollar each.
Another idea is to dress up like a blind person and buy stuff. When they try
to rip you off, (even the most honest person can't resist stealing from blind
people), take off your disguise and sue them. You will get lots of money.
The downside to this is that 7-11 might raise their prices, but who cares,
you're rich.
Glass Sports
------------
There is a fairly common practice in England of someone stealing a car and
crashing it through the front of a closed store and then everyone loots the
place. This would work especially well at 7-11, because it is never closed.
This gives you the opportunity to kill the asshole working there. Who will
come to save him? Nobody.
Well, these are just a few ideas. Remember that the tried and true anarchy
methods are fully applicable to 7-11: Home made firearms, pyrotechnics, pipe
bombs (note: if you are from Canada you should not attempt to build a
pipebomb because you are stupid and will get hurt.)
Good luck, and happy anarchy.
==============================================================================
IBFT is: Farnon's cat - kiesa%tacobel@merk.com Home Board: (508)371-9849
Snarf's cat - clawdia%tacobel@merk.com Pulsating Temple of Stan
ftp:141.214.4.135:/docs/ibft ---><--- gopher:ftp.etext.org:/Zines/IBFT
mailing list: bleed-request@unix.amherst.edu
==============================================================================
