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I Bleed for This? 004
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---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
------03.10.94-----------------------------------------------------#004------
"Stupid People Shouldn't Breathe"
Jason Farnon
You'd think there would be a limit to the stupidity in this world. That
moronic jocks are just a figment of your stereo-typical imagination, and
there is no possibility of people of such extreme stupidity existing in real
life. Well here is a case study.
The following article made me spend hours trying to figure out how
people like this can exist. Finding these people's origin, and wondering
where we have gone wrong to create such shit. I hurt my hand badly, because
the physical pain was much better than the mental torment I was enduring.
Judge for yourself. I have abbreviated the name for no reason. Fuck you if
you think i'm protecting him. Actually i'm protecting myself from physical
harm.
"Fucking stupidity. Fucking stupidity everywhere. I hate it."
-- Ozone Pilot
This person is someone you might consider popular, and he showed off his
coolness by coming drunk to school and getting suspended for ten days. He
used to play football, but he hurt his leg. The sad thing is he is going to
be Senator. He probably wrote this for extra credit because he was failing
remedial English.
[Excerpt from a High School Paper]
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What's the deal with our generation?
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by Steve
What strange times these are, huh? Only a month and a half into the
glorious year of 1994, we have had some strange turns of events. Tonya
Harding (if you can stand to hear her name) has made figure skating into a
contact sport by allegedly putting a hit out on Nancy Kerrigan. It also has
been made apparent we can't leave our children alone with multi-million
dollar pop stars anymore.
Why would anyone let their kid hang out with Michael Jackson for long
periods of time alone anyway? If my kid asked me if he could stay with a man
that doesn't date much, has had much surgery performed to his face, whose
family has a history of child molestation, and lives with chimpanzees, I
don't know about you but I think I'd be skeptical.
We also had the Bobbitts, but let's not even delve into that subject.
What next? A team that loses four consecutive Super Bowls? Enough said.
Speaking of Super Bowls, isn't the grandest of days for pigskin lovers the
beginning for Senior Slump to start kicking in?
Here is a question I've been pondering: Where do midgets work? They
make up only a small portion of the population, but they are out there
somewhere and I want to know where they work? Are they just waiting for
their big break in Hollywood, hoping to be the next Tattoo from "Fantasy
Island" or those little referees in the Larry Johnson sneaker commercial.
If that's the truth, then you know what's next for the midgets after that?
Directing.
That's another question: Why do all celebrities want to direct? What is
the fascination? How many hicks are out there? Raise your hand. Well from
my count, not too many. Then what would possess the half-time organizing
geniuses to put on a country-western concert at the most-watched even of the
year. Unless there are a whole lot of closet Garth Brooks fans out there, I
reckon not too many people were interested in the half-time show.
What do you think the line in Las Vegas is on California breaking up and
drifting away from the rest of the U.S.? I'm going to make a bold prediction
and say that the old Beatles will be a heck of a lot better than the new
Beatles. Let's face it, the work of the three remaining Beatles over the
last 15 years has not been too impressive. And the Fab Four without John
Lennon is like the Celtics without Larry Bird; it just isn't as good.
Maybe Elvis could fill in for him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind leaving
the fry-o-lators at Wendy's to rock n' roll for a while. It has certainly
sparked the interest of many people, though. I haven't seen people this
excited since there were rumors that New Edition was getting back together.
Well I think most of you are with me that there are some with me that
there are some crazy thing happening out there and it is bound to get
crazier. I'm not going to complain because it gives me something to write
about. I just hope none of my fellow Blueline staff members get crazy and
hit me in the hand with a crowbar so they can get more writing space.
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The article is sheer stupidity, that is a given. But one paragraph
repulsed me the most, that being the one about "midgets". Let me be mister
politically correct. He asks what has happened to the midgets. Since the
are poorly represented today, we can shit on their heads. I asked around,
and people found the article extremely amusing. They laughed. They thought
it was funny. I plotted for the day when I could cut off Steve's legs, so he
will know how fucking funny he is.
If I had written:
"I wonder what the blacks are doing. I mean I am a suburban whitey
sheltered by daddy, so I never see those colored folks less they are bused in
from the inner-city to experience real schools that are actually funded. I
mean they are probably in the inner city, buying guns, so they can go rob
grocery stores or fellow minorities for the Nikes. Or maybe they are
shooting up crack. Who knows. As long as I don't have to deal with them.
You never know."
Or better yet...
"I wonder where all the retards are. I mean there were so many in
Junior High School, and now they are all gone. They must be doing something.
They can't possibly all be dead. They must have jobs, or are probably
sitting at home eating oatmeal and shaking."
I would be shot on the spot. I would be branded a racist, a bigot, and
burned at the stake. But we can laugh at midgets. Their handicaps have not
been milked by the fucking media. When they are, it'll be oh so gouache to
speak of them like our friend Steven did, and I just might be able to write
about blacks like I just did without anyone blinking an eye. Doesn't anyone
here feel bad for the damn Ethiopians anymore? Pathetic, isn't it.
"Uh. Woman. Beer. Rape. Is that a football? We'll get some
pussy later."
-- Another Moron
You, Steven, are a fucking idiot. I wish for you to die. The saddest
thing is you do not even realize your own stupidity, and live in your
pathetic universe surrounded with people just like you. Once and for all it
is proven time and time again. Stupid people shouldn't breathe.
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