Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
I Bleed for This? 047
_____________________________________________________________________________
---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
------04.07.96-----------------------------------------------------#047------
Cameo by S. Ratte'
appreciated by IBFT
[eye luv IBFT!@! That'z Y I wrotterzers this ph1le 4 themm. I hoppe 2 get
lots' of 14 yrs. old girlies and $$$ whe|/| th1S ph1l3 becomes p0pular like
some drugs. -S. Ratte']
_
| \
| \
| | \
__ | |\ \ __
_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
| | /________/ | | / / /________/ | |
| | | | / / | |
| | | |/ / | |
| | | | / | |
| | | / | |
| | |_/ | |
| | | |
| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
| |________________________________________________________________| |
|____________________________________________________________________|
...presents... Nocturnal Sundress
by S. Ratte'
04/01/1996-#311
__///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
\\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \///////
___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___
|___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___|
I'm sitting on my folks' couch in the living room. .. I think
I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STOREY WINDOW while
reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!
It's 8:00am but I've been up all night. Feverish, from the mono.
The couch is covered in dog hair. Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7%
of the RAYON TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago?
It smells like dog, but I smell worse.
I sit hunched in a ball, scratching my bare knee, my plaid
flannel boxers riding up my butt. "Nothing. Four thousand different
MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my gothic solarium!!
Nuttin'" I mutter, "Just wanted to drop a couple of quick notes and
say Hi from Lubbock, which is where I'll be until the 11th. Texas is
nice and warm, today was 60 degrees, and we took a trip to the other
side of the Golden Alamo bridge and climbed all over the old military
forts and bunkers that the US army fortified during WW][... It's all
decomissioned now, and it's become a bit of a tourist attraction, with
this amazing view of the city below (I'm gonna scan pictures of it
when I get back. really nifty).... (Probably the most touristsy thing
I've done since I was here, the rest of the time we've been wandering
aimlessly.)
I met a bunch of people from the Otaku Patrol Group (sorta like their
version of the L0pht... lots of hacker / amateur radio types) and it's
run by this maniac named Drunkfux. Extremely well organized, and
lots of good talented technical people. They make the Boston hacker scene
look like a bunch of kiddies. They were on NextStep (the Discovery Cable
TV show) and they dressed the host in a EN shirt, leather jacket and lots
of chains. (You know, the annoying guy from C-Net Central....)
We're going to try to go to _so what_, an industrial club down here, and
see how it is.. Maybe I'll actually get in with my crappy paper ID.
If they buy it, i'll be amazed."
I mutter. I mutter a lot. It doesn't matter what I'm saying. This is
a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! "No, see, there's
like noooothing. None. None of that, no. I want you to organize my
PASTRY trays... my TEA-TINS are gl eaming information like a ROW of
DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with me -- Nope. Nuh-uh."
I speak slowly, mouthing the words to no one in my transplanted
O-hi-o/Texas trans-axis lazy drawl. .. I see TOILET SEATS...
I suddenly leap to my feet, waver a bit unsteadily as the blood
rushes to and fro, spots getting their chance to show themselves in my
head. Then they're chased off again as balances are made. "Gotta
find it, check it out." I make my way to the "utility room" full of
mingled cat-box stink and weird, exotic laundry chemicals beyond my
Tide-level understanding of clothes washing. I am humbled.
It's a simple old shotgun with a break-barrel. Single shot.
Musta been made in the '50s at least, maybe earlier. It's old, but it
works... I know that much. First, I'm going to give you all the
ANSWERS to today's test.. So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and
relax!! That's good enough. Look behind the dryer, the washer.
Nope. This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
I giggle to myself. Out on the driveway. Just hose it down, no
problem. I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!
<sratte> msg godot he's so sweet. he has silku blonde hair, bright
blue eyes, he's a little taller than me..maybe 5'8, smooth..fuckin
nicest smile.
> i got a coke
<sratte> get mne one
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> ge me coke
<sratte> Farnon lets go
<sratte> somewhere
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<sratte> i'm fuckin with a faggot
<sratte> it's so much fun annoyinh erm
<sratte> rm
<sratte> em
> BAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
<veggie> YOU PHAG#@!
> what the FUCK was that?
> nutir grain
> yumy um
> sratte you got some explaining to dfo
<sratte> :)
<sratte> hahaha
<sratte> I told you read the above
> sratte im ashamed
<sratte> of what?
> what would your dad say?
<sratte> cant a person bash another person in peace?
> then why did you try to scroll it off the screen ith "get me a coke"
<sratte> why not?
<sratte> you can always scroll up
> yeh but youre not too bright
IRC Log ended *** Thu Apr 27 14:53
Funny, it used to be leaning against the wall behind the dryer, I
swear. I'm getting frantic. I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world,
talking about stupid this and stupid that, blah blah blah. .. I
feel.. JUGULAR.. I've gotta fix things, set things right. The box
of shells was up here in the little cabinet above the washer. Gotta
clean TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago?
Seven months later.
Eddy never left. He stayed. I built a special room for him in the
basement, one with a super-wide door. I purchased a bed with a storng
iron frame - and he stayed in that most of the time. The industrial scale
I purchased and had in the garage weighed Eddy in at a whopping 1012
pounds. His brother had also moved in, and was in the very next room.
The two rooms were connected via a single door - equally as large as the
main ones. Eddy's brother, Swampy had managed to get up to 1200 pounds,
but had to come down because of his health. He was around 980. Both men
didn't mind the fact that I would sit on their chest and jerk off on their
faces as they ate and ate and ate.
AND WE'RE DAMN PROUD OF IT T00, Y0U ST00PID FR00T L00P.
It's a little green box with at least half-a-dozen shells in it. It
was right here in the corner, by the Woolite. Gotta bring some
justice to the world, Darwinism is a cool thing. FUN is never having
to say you're SUSHI!!
I like it. I got no problems with that. Where're those damn
shells? Sacrifices must be made for the greater good. This MUST be a
good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up against
someone's MARTINI!!
It's not by my battered metal Peanuts lunchbox (2nd grade vintage, I
think) or the old ice trays either. I AM DISCIPLINED, I AM IN
CONTROL, AND I AM RESPONSIBLE. Maybe that lunchbox is worth something
to a collector? Huh. I want to kill everyone here with a cute
colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
There are those lame "pencil holders" I made for my parents for
Christmas one year: orange juice concentrate cans covered with red
construction paper. Buncha shit. Fuckin' pile of fuckin' WORTHLESS
SHIT. .. I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining
I.Q. LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! I'm spitting,
I'm foaming and I'm stomping around now, 'cause I'm the baddest
motherfucker on the planet but I can't find the damn shotgun and I
can't find the damn shells TO FUCKING FIX THINGS RIGHT, GODDAMNIT.
AND NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY PISS ME OFF MORE THAN TO NOT BE ABLE TO
FUCKING FIX THINGS RIGHT, GODDAMNIT.
I storm back to the hairy couch and slump down, arms crossed. ..
I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! Grab the remote control,
stab a button. _CHiPs_ is on. His hands were big and dirty - they
looked like they could never be the pink colour of skin again. To
call this guy fat would be an understatement. He stood there, in his
dark blue, dirty overalls wheezing, even though he wasn't doing
anything strenuous. His hair was a little long, and the way he kept
it, it looked like it was due for a trim. His faced puffed out from
under his hair, down to a pudgy nose that was turned up at the end.
His lips were big, and they dropped down to a chin that was hidden by
fat, and doubled up under his jaw. His neck and shoulders were big -
and they ballooned down to a barrel like chest. His belly was massive
- it hung down far enough that it turned into a facade covering his
hips and thighs. As customary with some big men, he didn't wear his
pants over that overhanging belly - he wore them under, which pushed
the massive gut up and out. His overalls showed the belly nicely -
and they didn't fit too well as a result. If these overalls were a
size 78, they were tight - anything less would look ridiculous on him.
I sigh.
"Y0 B1TCH! I WANT A FUKN QUADRO-P0UNDER W1TH N0 FUKN VEGETABULZ 0R SH1T
THAT GR0WZ 0N TREEZ!"
My parents must have hidden it. Maybe I didn't blink enough as I
stared at the television while Kurt Loder on MTV endlessly droned on
about some rock star blowing his head off. Who cares about that?
What's that got to do with anything, with me? Nothing at all. Gee, I
feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my satellite
dish PAYMENTS! But that's not the point. Some people make a big deal
out of everything.
"They said on the news he was a heroin addict," Mom stated,
disapproval in her voice. Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my
AERIALIST, my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! I
don't do drugs, Mom. I'm a responsible, disciplined person. I just
want to fix things right. I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory
before the sexual revolution! Goddamnit. I clean up after myself. I
clean up easy...
DETH IZ IMMINENT. THE EARTH MUZT DIE. MEAT EATERZ ARE THE MAJ0RITY
AND WE'R FUKIN PISSED. GIVE US WHAT WE WANT 0R BE PREPARED T0 FACE THE
WRATH.
"what up? how was your weekend? hopefully, more sober than mine...hehehe.
the rugby banquet was WILD....they put blindfolds on us and led us into
the basement of plimpton. they gave beers and sprayed shaving cream and
smashed eggs on us. after we took off our blindfolds, they made us drink
more. we had our awards ceremony. i saw some impressive drinking. i
don't remember too much more. swamp ratte', the s-side scrum-half,
whipped out his slong and started pissing on jesse locke. jesse just
stood there until someone told him. anyways, i left soon after. i heard
that three people went to the hospital and that security showed up. sat.,
we had to clean up which REALLY sucked....i'm glad i left early. the
basement was absolutely foul. i worked outside. it was cold but better
than smelling that shit. i was still hung over but i managed to get some
work done. i wasn't up to going out though."
I clean up easy. Out on the driveway. With a hose.
.-. _ _ .-.
/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
/ \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ / \
-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
/ \ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ / \
WORLDWIDE \ / `-' (U) `-' \ / WORLDWIDE
`-' .ooM `-' _
Oooo / ) __
/)(\ ( \ Copyright (c)1996 cDc communications. / ( / \
\__/ ) / All rights reserved. Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW \ ) \)(/
(_/ is published by cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, oooO _
oooO Lubbock, TX, 79453, US of A. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
==============================================================================
IBFT: No matter how hard you laugh with or at it, you'll NEVER get it.
http://www.amherst.edu/~mcspinks/ibft/ibfthome.html
email: mcspinks@unix.amherst.edu
ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146
==============================================================================
