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I Bleed for This? 029
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---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
------11.26.94-----------------------------------------------------#029------
You Stupid Assholes
By Snarfblat
By now you probably know why rap music is treated so unfairly by the
mainstream media: It is an attempt to educate and rally the oppressed black
population. Thus the guilty white people feel threatened by it.
But did you know that the same tactic works when used by weirdos against
"normal" people? It's true. In fact, normal people are afraid of freaks in
general. It's so easy to scare them. Sometimes all you have to do is smile
at people. However, a more effective way is to play NIN too loud and throw
your shoes at them.
See, there are these assholes in my dorm who feel their lives are not
complete unless they play soccer in the hall while i'm asleep. I can only
assume they're practicing for the arena league, because no matter how nice
the weather is, they are always inside. Maybe they went to a private school
where they were never allowed to go outside. And they aren't chained to the
net all day like I am; so they have no excuse.
So, I've had 4 hours of sleep and it's 7:30 and I decide to take a nap before
I go out for a night of anarchy, destruction and chocolate covered coffee
beans. I think my mistake was playing the Cure. Anyone who listens to the
Cure is just asking to be shit on. I was about to doze off to "you want to
know why I hate you, well I'll try and explain..." and suddenly I hear a
thump at my door. I open it and this guy who looks like Beavis but has
Butthead's voice says "uhh sorry". I close the door and go back to sleep.
Moments later i hear another huge bang. I ignore it, but vow revenge if they
bother me again. Of course, they kick the door again, so I calmly got out of
bed and opened my door. Opening my door is my standard defense again them,
because if the ball comes in here I slam the door shut, lock it, and throw
the ball out the window. But tonight's offenses required something more
pointed. So I turned on Wish by Nine Inch Nails and made it go really loud.
Then I took my boots and chucked them into the hall at high speed. When the
song was over, I went out to get them.
Nobody was in the hall and every door was closed. Success.
Later they asked me if I owned a gun.
I have found that Pigface works even better than NIN. By now most jocks
recognize NIN when they hear it. But Pigface adds a level of mystery, and
thus fear. They do not know what to think of Pigface. They cannot think "Oh
yeah, I listen to that band". It gives me the advatage of being totally
alien from anything they have known; and even the most primitive animals are
cautious in their treatment of the unknown.
Damn jocks. I will always win.
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IBFT: If we hate you, you don't deserve to know why.
Information:
bleed@unix.amherst.edu
ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146
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