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I Bleed for This? 020
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---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
------05.25.94-----------------------------------------------------#020------
Neil Squires
by Jason Farnon
Things are progressing wonderfully as far as the master plan goes. I
have had a miserable childhood, and will in no time be able to enter this
shithole society's work force where I will drudge until I die. I will
commute for two hours each way every fucking day, so I can do monotonous work
and watch someone scream at me. My only enjoyment will be coming home and
watching the people I despised in high school make it on TV sitcoms, and
thinking about how happy I am not to be working in the evenings. Then I will
die, and nobody will care, except the insurance companies of course.
But to get this pointless job (remember it is a privilege to be a slave
in this country) I have to be able to wave a piece of paper in front of my
future employers. It doesn't matter if I shot up dope for four years, the
diploma from college is all that matters.
Raping a college is so easy. Because nobody there wants to learn. Its
all in the fucking name. Where you graduate it from. Any moron can get by,
it isn't too difficult to sign up for underwater basket weaving and advanced
physical education.
So now its time to shell out twenty thousand dollars so I can do nothing
for four years. This is what i've been looking forward to for years. I
placed myself on every possible college mailing list, and kindled my
fireplace as more and more college propaganda came in that would burn in the
ashes. Plus its always nice to know you are destroying trees. One letter
caught my attention and I would like to share it with you. This shows the
kind of stupidity that actually gets into college.
The letter was written by someone who was throwing a football while at
the same time having an epileptic seizure; that's the only conclusion I can
come to at least. The letter is from:
Neil Squires
Box 4127
UNCG Station
Greensobro, NC 27413
I guess the college wanted to get the personal touch in by having the
current students mail prospective students, but they sure fucked up here. It
is on "The University of North Carolina: Greensboro" stationary. The letter
follows. I'll try to keep all the misspellings and misplaced punctuation
intact. A lot of the words were crossed out and changed because they were so
badly maimed, so you don't get the full extent of the stupidity.
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Dear Jason,
My name is Neil and I am a Student at The Residential College. What can I
Tell you about This place. The Rooms are big, The people newt During a
lecture its hard to find a seat. We sit at The picnic Table all day And are
noisey when we play. yes, I know That I can'T spell. But, come to RC and
you will Feel well. If This is too vauge Come visit and see for your self.
- Neil Squires
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Christ. That's nice Neil, tell the good doctor what else you saw. This
is so fucking sad. I bet you they place him in the special room and have him
hand make wallets, like my grandfather does.
The admissions committee at RC sure hit it big with me. I'd actually
like to go, if there are more people like our buddy Neil. It would be quite
enjoyable actually, laughing at them all. Remember this is the future of our
country. Laugh boys and girls, because if you do not laugh, you are going to
have to cry.
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