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Helter Skelter Issue 03
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|_| |_|elter |___/ kelter 3# (digital)
(An oasis of filth and danger in a desert of decency)
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Editor's Note:
Ok. So this is issue 3. I doubted it would go this far.
Anyway, as you saw on the cover, we've got a letter from a guy
in Italy who saw the review of #1 in MRR about fascism, a
continuation of the 100+ ways to screw your school (we forgot to
put them in #2, so there's an extra long section), some stuff on
WMET, a cool AM station, and much, much more. Anyway,
notice I always say "we." This is wrong, as there's only "I," but
whatever. Being as it is only "I," I could use some submissions,
art, etc. from you all. I don't have too much else to say, so I'll
just list all the many ways you can get in touch with me if you're
so inclined:
Mail:
Helter Skelter c/o Derek Teslik
3519 Woodbine St.
Chevy Chase, MD 20815
BBS:
Omniverse (301)718-0225
Internet:
derek.teslik@sbaonline.gov
(Yes, .gov! Running a zine counts as a small business, and you
get a free mail account through the Small Business Admin.)
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Screw your school!
The Yippies wrote this a while ago, and it has been somewhat
updated. This is not for every school, just those you know are
hellholes. 1-14 were in issue #1.
(15) Perform citizen's arrests of administrators for destroying
the minds of youth then telephone the police to come and take the
criminals into custody.
(This would be an excellent guerrilla theater action.)
(16) Try political games. School is 12 years brainwashing
without trial. Slowdowns, work to rules, strikes, and occupations
are fun, but don't let leaders or ego trippers speak for you.
(17) Rip off dishes and silverware from the cafeteria, towels
from the gym, stencils and paper from the duplicating room,
layout equipment from the art and drafting departments, tools
from the wood shop, and light bulbs from the sockets, movie
projectors, and incubators. Give them to yourselves or a needy
movement group.
(18) During lunch turn on and light all the gas jets in the science
labs. Be very careful with this one; try a good mask.
(19) Demand to see your school records on file because
everyone else (police, social workers, teachers, etc.) is allowed to
see them.
(20) You can make a very effective fuse by inserting a non-filter
cigarette in a book of matches so that it touches the head of some
matches and will ignite them when it burns down that far. Then
loosely crumple paper around the matches and cigarettes so that
they are hidden. Toss it in a wastebasket or any other area with a
lot of papers, preferably in the office. It takes about 5 minutes to
ignite -- by then you can be on the other side of the building.
Practice this at home before trying it.
(21) Have giant coughing or sneezing epidemics in class or study
hall.
(22) Rub lipstick, glue, Vaseline, or shit onto the doorknobs of
the school's administrative offices.
(23) Swallow some snake bite antidote then walk into the
principal's office. The antidote (most types are harmless -- make
sure you get that kind) will make you vomit. Do so all over his
carpet, desk, clothing, etc. then apologize profusely.
(24) Pick up some dog training liquid at any pet store -- it smells
like concentrated piss. And if you can't figure out what to do
with that then you shouldn't be reading this.
(25) Remove contents of teacher's mailboxes. Print up
everything that's confidential or interesting. 'Borrow' any special
notices that may be found sitting on their desks like lists of
excused people, etc. (as long as you're not on them).
(26) Leave notes and hints that 'Tuesday's the day.'
(27) Impersonate parental voices and make irate phone calls to
the office.
(28) Make a super stink bomb out of Hydrogen Sulfide and put
somewhere in the ventilating system. This has cleared school
buildings for days.
(29) If your school has a suspended ceiling (a ceiling composed
of rectangles or squares resting on a frame so that the rectangles
can be pushed up) you can put a dead fish -- or anything else --
above them. Or put it into empty lockers and glue them shut.
(30) Put signs on your locker saying 'this locker will self-
destruct if opened for inspection.' You may even decide to make
a locker bomb for it as described by King Tut.
(31) Give your school library a subscription to a good
underground newspaper from your area and insist that they make
it available to students.
(32) Print up false notices frequently using the same format as
the school uses and distribute them to the teachers' mailboxes.
Eventually they'll never know what to believe.
(33) If you can get to the school's sprinkler system, change the
start time so that it will come on about 3 minutes before school
starts and get everyone wet. Then a bus will have to take them
home for dry clothes
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The WMET Story
Imagine, if you will, a radio station. Nothing big, just a
little AM joint. It gives jobs to local kids, cleaning up the
station, doing shitwork, and Saturday nights the kids get their
own shows. They can play what they want -- no commercials
or anything -- absolute freedom. Through word of mouth the
shows enjoy underground success. Almost makes you want to
shed a tear, huh? Equal parts UHF, Waynes World, and
Pump Up the Volume, this is the WMET Story. And it's
100% fact. The station is WMET 1150 AM, the shows are
called "Interzone" and "Influx," and they air on Saturday
nights from 9:30 or 10:00 'till 12:00. It's a small station,
and in dc the reception is shoddy (WMET is based in
Gaithursburg), but it's worth the static. Never heard Fugazi
on the radio? Listen to "Interzone." Like Ambient techno and
death threats from crazy girls? "Influx" is for you. These
shows are the shit. They play stuff that's worth recording
off the radio, like the Cowboy Junkies' cover of "Sweet
Jane" by Velvet Underground. They make obligatory Big
Mac references. They gave me a Pink Floyd CD for
knowing who sang "I Will Survive" (Gloria Gainor). They
give shout outs to their pals (as those are usually the only
people who know about the show). Anyway, you can call the
station at (301)921-0093, contact "Interzone" at 13300
Beall Creek Ct/Potomac, MD 20854, "Influx" through this
magazine. Remember, 1150 AM.
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A Report from Italy
Ok, first off I would like to thank the editor of this zine
very much for giving me the opportunity to write my
opinions in his publication. I'm always glad to express
my thoughts in foreigner zines, especially if they are
American mags/publications. Well, as a few of you
know, the Italian Government changed some months
ago. The Right won the government elections. This is
not business of mine, 'cuz I've never voted in my entire
life. Many American newspapers (New York Times,
Chicago Tribune, Washington Post...) wrote about this
event, namely the rebirth of the Facist Party. Our past
Facist regime ended 50 years ago (When Benito
Mussolini was killed) and this is not a facism revival,
but a sort of new European Right. Anyway, the right is
always the Right, the story is always the same. Right
now, the most important problem here in Italy is an
economic problem. Italy isn't so wonderful as many
tourists think. I see a lot of tourists who, when they
come to visit my hometown of Rome, are extremely
delighted on everything (Monuments, cuisine,
climate...) Probably they look at Italy with a tourist's
eye. That is absolutely wrong. New fascists apart, here
the cost of living is the highest. On everything there are
strong taxes (about 50%!). A few examples: the
gasoline costs $4 a gallon, the cigarettes $2.90, the CD's
$19-$20, a decent flat in a condo $315,000 (not to
mention the country houses). Our average yearly wage
is a little bit more than $10,000 (it's nothing in
America). A young graduated guy starts to work for
$470 a month and after a few years (working 8 hours
every single day) he gets $820 a month. Here the
unemployment is at 13% (In America it is at 6%) and,
another disgusting thing, here army service is
compulsory and you serve it for free, in practice. So,
this is Italy. On the contrary in America seems to be
about 150,000,000 guns handled by private individuals
[ed: I don't know where he gets this number, or exactly
what he is saying], a 50% divorce rate, and the non-
existence of public assistance. Anyway, the American
government is Facist too (politics of shit in Central
America, Capitol Punishment, Watergate, KKK,....).
OK bros, think on it and lemme know. You can reach
me at: LEONARDO DI MAIO, Macedonia 72 - 00179
ROMA (ITALY).
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Harmless Terror
To all those who do not wish to inflict bodily damage on their victems
but only terror.
These are weapons that should be used from high places.
1) The flour bomb.
Take a wet paper towel and pour a given amount of baking flour in
the center. Then wrap it up and put on a rubber band to keep it
together. When thrown it will fly well but when it hits, it covers the
victim with the flower or causes a big puff of flour which will put the
victim in terror since as far as they are concerned, some strange white
powder is all over them. This is a cheap method of terror and for only
the cost of a roll of paper towels and a bag of flour you and your
friends can have loads of fun watching people flee in panic.
2) Smoke bomb projectile.
All you need is a bunch of those little round smoke bombs and a wrist
rocket or any sling-shot. Shoot the smoke bombs and watch the terror
since they think it will blow up!
3) Rotten eggs (good ones)
take some eggs and get a sharp needle and poke a small hole in
the top of each one. Then let them sit in a warm place for about a
week. Then you've got a bunch of rotten eggs that will only smell when
they hit.
4) Glow in the dark terror.
Take one of those tubes of glow in the dark stuff and pour the
stuff on whatever you want to throw and when it gets on the victim,
they think it's some deadly chemical or a radioactive substance so they
run in total panic. This works especially well with flower bombs since a
gummy, glowing substance gets all over the victim.
5) Fizzling panic.
Take a baggie of a water-baking soda solution and seal it. Make
sure there is no air in it since the solution will form a gas and you don't
want it to pop on you.) Then put it in a bigger plastic bag and fill it
with vinegar and seal it. When thrown, the two substances will mix and
cause a violently bubbling substance to go all over the victim.
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<ring>
<ring>
<click>
Hello, you've reached the new world disorder. A broken chaos mixed with
interracial tensions at a congressional hearing. More at eleven robbed at
gunpoint should be banned. Protesting a march held by some radical
extremist group for some purpose or another and was ridiculed by another
radical extremist group who doesn't like some policy or another says the
public relations advisor to the president passed a bill rates will be
increasing next month. If you do not pay wages have been decreased again
because of fighting in some foriegn country and we have to intervene in
these heinous act four in a controversial play that was interrupted for this
special news bulletin as we take you live to the scene of the crime in action.
Police report that the suspected of rape, murder, drugs, loitering, and jay-
walking. All rise, the honorable judge, jury, and executioner next on Geraldo
homosexual, learning disabled, autistically impaired, politically, socially, and
grammatically incorrect who else knows the answer to global warming and the
Amazon forests home to the Spotted Owl and endangered to society out on
parole. Soon to be a made for television movie star scandal such-and-such
found in bed with such-and-such who broke up with such-and-such posing for
Playboy held an article dealing with the roles women play in education falling
behind test scores the winning goal for another over-glorified sports
superstar scandal still sleeping with such-and-such decay in the innercity
blocks backed up when a gass main attraction event at your local governors
race to your nearest convenience store held up again by a masked man with
a gun control still needed for the safety of this country should not be
compomised position on national health is dwindling with insufficient
evidence to convicts escaped from a road jammed by another accident with
a tractor trailer and sports car beat another sports car in ratings even
though they came from the same factory layoffs as a result of the recession is
improving benefits to unemployment rates declining value of the dollars
stolen from the home security system to deter burglary is up by twenty
percent risk of heart disease control center in Atlanta issued a report that
there is no illegal activity needs to be stopped in the innercity pollution
ordinance to put an end of the line for criminals gaining a college education
needs more funding supported by taxes raised on gasoline shortage in the
mid-east tensions building a new bridge across the desert wars waged
against helpless newborn infants killed in a new study released from prison
overcrowding on busses renovated to cleaner air traffic controllers at fault
activity resulting in the earthquake relief funding needed for public health
commision reports presented by another anchorperson charged with sexual
intercourse risks detection by U.S. Custom agents indicted in a 1984
Orwellian drama department production assistance by-products of additives
to preserve freshness. Sell by June temperatures reached an all tome high
in calcium and other nutrients found in contaminated waste recycling program
to curb spending time with the kids at higher risk of kidney transplants
performed regular check-ups to maintain the life of your car accident on the
interstate trade secrets withheld important documents liking the suspect
asked for special report brought to you by your local man arrested on drug
abuse in teenagers fall short-circuit caused the malfunction of the heart a
leading factor in medical research grants loaned at interest rates rising as a
results of the tournament later in the program. And now another word from
our sponsor. So if you'll leave your name, home number, work number, fax
number, data number, internet address, social security number, date of birth,
maiden name and the number of years you have been unemployed we'll get
back to you as soon as reports arrive from an agency dedicated to making
your life hell.
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On Hate/Thought Crimes
The ideals of Freedom and Liberty are often heralded as
the foundation of the American system of Government and law.
Now in an effort to be politically correct, the powers that be are
chipping away at our most basic right: the right to free thought.
Over the summer of 1993, the Supreme Court upheld local
statutes that allowed stiffer sentences for crimes when there was
some motivation of prejudice. This is not only unconstitutional
but is also an embarrassment to the people of this country and a
risk to their personal liberty.
This type of sentencing is like catching flies in a butterfly
net. Thoughts can not be caged, and there is no jail in the world
big enough to contain a man's mind. Although one can hold a
body captive, his mind can and will go free. Just as empty space
can not catch flies, thoughts and motivations can not hurt a
person; it is only physical actions that can do harm. By
establishing a set jail time for thinking and/or saying one's
motive, it is not that big of a jump to punishing thought without
crime.
By setting the precedent that thoughts and intent can be
punished (even if only when linked to another crime), the country
is walking down a dangerous road. If one commits a crime
without having a socially approved motive they are punished
further. This kind of sentencing sends the message that if a killer
calls someone a "jerk" or "bozo" instead of "nigger" or "spic"
while putting a bullet through their head, the crime is somehow
less heinous and reprehensible. If we are going to send any
message, it should be that all violence is equally painful no
matter why it is committed.
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Mo' political stuff:
There is no such thing as a perfect political system, as some men
will always pervert the ideals of the established government,
thereby ruining those ideals forever. Many states have been
ruined in part by these actions, and the United States is headed
down this slippery slope. The Constitution of our country, along
with the Bill of Rights, was supposed to ensure the rights of the
people under a constrained state. Today, it seems, these goals
have been lost by politicians who, not out of greed or corruption
but necessity, pander to lobbyists, special interests, and public
opinion. They enact laws that can and do financially drain the
state and place unnecessary constraints on the liberty of the
people that they were sent to represent, as long as those actions
could earn him some sort of political support (money, backing,
pork). At this point it may be impossible to return to the state of
politics two hundred years ago, when the value of the Bill of
Rights was still fresh in the minds of the statesmen, but we can
head in the right direction.
I am a Libertarian. I believe this country was founded on
noble ideals and goals, but the follow-through of the law-makers
has been less than superb. The perfect state would exist merely
for the purposes of printing money, defending the populace from
attacks on their person or property from within, i.e., from
common criminals, and from without, i.e., from foreign invaders,
and judging disputes between citizens.
It is interesting that every day more and more laws are
introduced, with little attention paid by lawmakers to those
already on the books that are outdated, unconstitutional, or
impractical. Many of these laws outlaw what could be termed
"victimless crimes," crimes which do not attack another citizen's
person or property. Loitering, certain sexual acts, explicit arts,
language, and music (in some situations), and drug use are
examples of such crimes. The only frequently enforced laws in
that group are those concerning drug use. While drugs are a
serious problem that always has and always will face society, it
seems obvious that the laws are wrecking the lives of more
citizens than the drugs themselves are. Just as alcohol
prohibition actually created crime in the form of moonshiners and
mobsters, drug prohibition has created today's gangs. The
number of people killed by these gangs, by bad drugs, and in fact
by the DEA, far exceeds the number that would have died
otherwise. Before prohibition you could still "just say no." You
can't say "no" to a random bullet or to gang violence.
We live in an era of politicians who see their job as a
public profession and not public service. As these statesmen
have to worry about re-election from the day they are sworn in,
there is little room to vote for their hearts and constituency, but
only for money and public support. If each elected office had a
term of five to ten years, with no option of re-election, these
people could ignore if not forget special interests and the like.
This may seem somewhat limited, but statesmen could hold
different offices, just not the same one more than once.
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Little reviws:
Plebian Times #2 -- Very nicely done zine. I can't
really classify it, as it doesn't really have a strict
focus. It just prints what it wants to print.
there's a long interview with some BBS sysop
who runs NirvanaNet, which was cool, also
stuff on shoplifting (pro), the air force
experience, and Bruce Lee. $2ppd. 118 Garden
St./Sulphur LA, 70663
The Loop! - "A young look at literature, life, and
music" -- I've got the first two. This is a nice lit-
zine out of my school. I won't promise an
unbiased review, but whatever. Other than the
fact that a certain editor was a little too
absessive about Kurt Cobain, there's nothing I
don't like. Good writing, and some funky style
stuff and computer graphics. $1 ppd.
Borderlands-Still Ill Ent./5006 Tliden St NW/
Washington, DC 20016
G-Love & Special Sauce @ 9:30 -- Cool as shit
show. You gotta love these guys. The opening
band, Baked beans, was not that hot. Still
worth the $7
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