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Greeny World Domination 051
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
I n c o r p o r a t e d
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Presents:
"Only Tomorrow"
Also titled "I Can't Remember Yesterday"
(A Disappointing History of the 1990s)
by Lobo and Bob the Master of the World
-=[Explanation]=-
This is a silly assignment that we had in our American History class. The
teacher referred to the assignment as "Hallway Foo-foo". Anyway, we were
supposed to do something relating to the 1920s and/or _Only Yesterday_, a book
that we were supposed to read that called itself "An Informal History of the
1920s". This file is basically what Bob and I wrote because we did not want to
do a stupid picture of a flapper like almost everyone else did. This was
originally subtitled "A Crappy History of the 1990s", but we changed that. It's
kind of silly, I must admit, but at least we've changed the grammar and spelling
errors from the original. This is written in a somewhat boring style, similar
to the parts of the book that we actually read. It is, IMHO, one of the worst
books ever written. I couldn't even read it all, it was so bad.
Well, without further ado, here it comes....
-Lobo
-=[Only Tomorrow]=-
Prelude - October 1989
If time were to suddenly turn back to the earliest days of "alternative"
rock, and you were to look about you, what would seem strange to you? Since
1989, the circumstances of American life have been transformed --- yes, but
exactly how?
Mr. Wilder has some Hammer pants on today. You remember MC HAMMER; you
can't touch this, eh? [The original version said, "You remember MC HAMMER; you
can't touch his black ass." We changed it for obvious reasons.] Well, he is
soon to fade from popularity. Anyway, music is just not what it used to be.
There's all of this "rap" music which is soon to mutate into "Gangsta Rap" which
corrupts the minds of our youth. Mr. Wilder turns on the radio, and out blasts
some Techno Garbage. Hey, it's what's popular. Mr. Wilder goes to work; he's
an underpaid high school math teacher. After teaching badly all day, he heads
home and stops on the way for a bottle of Vodka. It was a good year, 1989, but
it was soon to be followed by years of decadence. The best part of this year
was that _Batman_ came out.
Nineteen ninety passed quickly by, and in came 1991. The Persian Gulf War
was this year. _Die For Oil, Sucker_ was Jello Biafra's (the former singer of
the Dead Kennedys) hit Spoken Word album expressing his disgust with the
government. Lots of good, stout American lads fell to appease the wishes of
Bush, "el presidente." In this war, we fought to protect our own interests,
instead of promoting "world peace," an idea left behind in the 1980s. Mr.
Wilder's reserve unit was sent into action, albeit against the wishes of the
entire unit. Mr. Wilder takes off his Hammer pants to put on leather and
chains. After the U.S. kicked Saddam's "buttocks," we journey to the glorious
election days of 1992. The Olympics were in Barcelona that year. Wait a
minute, we forgot to mention something: who is Saddam? Saddam Hussein was the
military dictator of Iraq, fully capable of using nuclear weapons but without
the "cajones" to use them. [That sentence was originally: "Saddam Hussein was
the leader of Iraq who was worshipped by many as a modern-day messiah."] He
invaded the tiny country of Kuwait, only to anger the U.S. by cutting off a
valuable oil supplier. Well, that's the story. Now, this was the rise of the
student teachers, [We included this to anger our student teacher.] leading to
its untimely collapse on X-Day (July 5, 1998 @ 7:00am) when the world as we knew
it ended and the Church of the SubGenius was saved by the aliens.
In comes the election of our president, a time when fear grips the populace
as some politician assumes command. This year the lucky winner was Billy
Clinton, a fellow from Arkansas. His administration, relatively uneventful, is
full of political strife, controversy, capitalist dogma.....well, not really.
[Our teacher is a big Clinton supporter, so we put this in to anger her.] It
wasn't BAD; it just didn't accomplish much. Next, we move on the perhaps the
most important year of the decade, maybe even the century. Okay, maybe not the
century, but it was cool. The foundation of GwD, the GREENY world Domination
Task Force, was laid by Lobo and Seth The Man. This organization assumed
control in the years following X-Day. But that's 1998, and this is 1993. Mr.
Wilder, our blatant rip-off of Mr. Smith [a character in _Only Yesterday_], is a
member of GwD, but only because chicks dig guys in GwD. Mr. Wilder has access
to the preachings of the organization through the bulletin board systems,
exploring miscellaneous text files about life. Oh yeah, one last thing.
Melissa Etheridge [sp?] sang at Billy's inaugural ball, which was a big deal
because she is a lesbian and our society has yet to accept alternative
lifestyles.
In 1994, lots of younguns advanced to high school. [This is a reference to
our sophomore year which began in 1994.] Also, "Alternative Music" took over
the music charts. This style of music is to punk rock as glam-rock of the 1980s
was to real rock and roll. That's right, it's a cheap knock off of a brilliant
musical style. But I digress. The government debated a lot of stuff that
really doesn't matter in the long run. Clinton's administration was involved in
a scandal called "Whitewater" which was really just a code name given to it by
the Cuban government who later tried to assume command of the U.S. (this
happened in 1997). The Winter Olympics were in Lillehammer, Norway. This is
significant because it was only two years after the last Winter Olympics. This
was the Olympic Committee's way of trying to maximize profits by having Olympic
Games every two years, rather than having winter and summer games in the same
year. The World Cup of Soccer was in the U.S. this year. Mr. Wilder competed,
but lost the game for the U.S. team. A Colombian man was killed because he
scored on his own team.
In 1995, Bill Gates attempted to conquer the planet with his release of
Micro$oft Windows95, which attempted to make good computers into bad ones. The
United States finally involved itself in a conflict on the Balkan Peninsula
which they had debated about for years. Mr. Wilder went crazy and stole a tank
from a depot in San Diego. [We think that's where it was. Yeah.] He drove it
on the highway, but got stuck on the median. When the military captured him,
they shot him without asking questions because, "he could have shot somebody."
Too bad there was not any ammunition in the tank. Shoot first, ask questions
later. It wasn't really Mr. Wilder, but no one seemed to have noticed.
Everything else is irrelevant until that fateful day in 1998, but that is
another story.
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"The public be damned." - William Vanderbilt
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-+- F Y M -+-
GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
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copyright (c) 1996 by Bob T.M.o.t.W. and Lobo of GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo : GwD :
All rights reserved \---------------/
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