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Greeny World Domination News 08
Oh my GawD! ***** GwD -- The College Years ***** More from GwaD!
The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Incorporated
Brings YOU 5 Brand Spanking New Text Files for 1998!
(Issues 53-57 of GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime)
-=< NewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdS >=-
"Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all
subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us."
-Justice William O. Douglas
gwd53.txt - "CyberSex",
gwd54.txt - "Stupid Girls" (by Rainne),
gwd55.txt - "Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo" (by Yancey Slide),
(with "Press Release Regarding the GwD High Council" <by STM>),
gwd56.txt - "Enter the Trailer Park Queen" (by TPQ),
AND....
gwd57.txt - "PUBLIC ENEMY #1: CIA."
-*- "Hey, we went underground for a while." -*-
They said we were dead. They should have been right. Sure, July 1996 was our
last release. Sure, we didn't do anything we said we would do in "gwd&1996.txt"
(that's why there's not a "gwd&1997.txt" and there won't be one for 1998,
either.) Sure, there wasn't even a GwD Catalog until recently, even though it
was first advertised in GwD50, back in September 1995. (The catalog IS available
now, though. Send an SASE to the P.O. Box listed at the end of this file for
your *FREE* copy of GwD Catalog+, as well as free stickers.) Sure, the GwD
WebSite was the shame of the Web (until recently, when it was drastically
revamped.) Sure, nobody reads our files anyway. Sure, we took quite a blow
when over half of our most supportive dr00gs moved away to pursue a "higher
education" (See below.) But, through the miracles of modern (and
not-so-modern) technology, as well as the menace of El Nino (which we caused, by
the way -- see below), we're back with a new look (or at least a bastardization
of our old look) and a new set of beliefs.
We're not going to take anybody's crap anymore. Yeah. FYM.
-*- "It's like sitting down with eight of your grandmas!" -*-
"GwD,"(our publication, not our group) is now officially titled, "GwD: The
American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime." If you don't like it, poop on you.
Our second publication, "GwD Adult", will have its first release soon. This
adult publication is unique because every issue will be written by a person
under the age of consent.
That's right, ADULT TEXT by CHILDREN!
We'll be the envy of the e-zine world! The first release is delayed, pending an
investigation into the legality of publishing adult text by children. Any help
on this would be much appreciated.
-*- "Ecoterrorists are people, too!" -*-
As we were wandering the underground, we discovered something interesting about
ourselves. In a Grene-inspired vision, Seth The Man was told that we (as a
group) exist to save the environment by ANY MEANS NECESSARY, including the use
of biological and chemical weapons, and various and sundry other devices
including weather phenomena such as El Nino. We knew there was a reason we
picked "GREEN" as our color of choice, and it sure as hell had nothing to do
with a lame-o local computer geek. Details are forthcoming (in _The Book of
KeyLime_, the long-awaited guide to Droogism, our quasi-political <or is it
pseudo-religious?> philosophy.) It won't be much longer now.....
-*- "Me and my barpas like to kick it at the crib, One Two." -*-
<from a post on Chaos>
Okay, listen up. It's come to my attention that some of you lame bastards have
forgotten the third major food group in your balanced diet. It is, of course,
cauliflower. The other three are: 1) pizza, 2) taco bell, and 4) sugar and
spice and everything nice. Don't forget your daily allowance of cauliflower, or
El Nino will wreak havoc on your bitch ass. That's right, El Nino! GwD
controls El Nino. Yes sir. And El Nino's gonna kick your ass, if you don't eat
that cauliflower. Shit, it doesn't even taste that bad. And it can be mixed
with any of the other three food groups to give them that tangy zip you've been
looking for!
Eat cauliflower or die!
-----
The previous message was brought to you by The National Association for the
Advancement of Cauliflower and Similar Products (NAACSP) and its parent company,
GwD, Inc.
Thank you for your time.
-*- "El Nino" -*-
If you actually bothered to read this far, you may have noticed some talk about
El Nino. El Nino is a highly destructive tropical storm (we like to call it a
weather phenomenon) that occurs periodically and basically fucks shit up. Well,
that's what we here at GwD are all about, so we decided, "Why not make El Nino
ESPECIALLY DESTRUCTIVE this year?" The answer, of course, was that we have no
way to control weather patterns. Until now.
It has long been known (by us, at least) that GwD dr00g Sir Flea can control
whether or not the sun is out depending on his mood. If you don't believe that,
you can piss off. GwD dr00gscientists Rory and Jakyl recently discovered
through independent research how to harness this ability by using samples of Sir
Flea's saliva and sweat (as well as saliva and sweat samples from the
populations of several small towns in the American Midwest who have long hidden
their weather-changing abilities from the general public) to manipulate weather
patterns. The exact science of this manipulation is classified, but this
natural ability is harnessed and enhanced. The result is a very powerful and
destructive weather force. But what does any of this have to do with El Nino?
Well, earlier when it was stated that we "caused" El Nino, that's not entirely
true. What did happen is that we ENHANCED El Nino. We made it WORSE. (This is
why we prefer the term "phenomenon" to "storm.") How did we do this?
Simple. Zeppelins.
That's right, we have had 5 old-style (hydrogen-filled) zeppelins orbiting the
Earth since mid-1995. Until June 1997, they were just spying on "random" people
in various locations across the globe. But now, they serve a higher purpose.
They disperse the necessary radiation that causes the winds to be so strong.
The zeppelins leave nothing but destruction in their path. And that destruction
is called El Nino.
Didn't anyone wonder why it's so much stronger this year than normal? Didn't
anyone notice that the howling winds seem to yell, "GREEEEEEEEEENYYYYYYY!"?
Sure, the media will cover this up. But it's because of us and our trusty
zeppelins. We caused the tremendous power of El Nino. And we aren't afraid to
do something worse in the future, if out demands are not met. What are our
demands? We'll keep you posted.
GwD - It's not just a movement anymore. (It's a movement that controls a
weather phenomenon.)
-*- "College is overrated." -*-
Thus spake Bruno, and thus it was.
GwD has embarked on the college experience, officially. A multitude of dr00gs
and other such GwD-types went away to college this fall. It was a sad day for
those of us left behind here at GwD-HQ. Or was it?
Of course. But only until we realized the purpose Grene had in sending our most
devout members to the farthest reaches of the globe.
Distributing us geographically is all part of Her plan to achieve world
Domination through us. Agents of GwD are working around the clock to recruit
and brainwash new members from the unsuspecting masses of college students
across the country and around the world.
College is a time to learn a skill or two that will help us in the "real world".
It's also about learning "values" and "growing up." Several dr00gs have already
learned the value of MODERATION in many things, none of which include alcohol,
drugs, or sex. Others have gone all out and caused a big ol' ruckus and have
been forced to clean up their respective messes. The members of GwD are growing
up. Don't be left in our wake, because that makes us mad. And we wouldn't want
that.
We sat down and came up with a list of reasons we're in college. Here it is:
1) We're going to "give it the old college try."
2) We're going to find out once and for all the meaning of, "give it the old
college try."
3) We're going to branch out, network, and install ourselves in the
infrastructure of the country's institutions of "higher education."
4) We're going to have fun and raise hell. Green Hell. (not the Misfits'
song, either.)
5) We're going to embark on our "adult lives" and prepare for our "careers"
happily, knowing deep down that when the time is right, the glorious
reign of the Goddess Grene will be upon us and we will rule supreme on
the Earth.
That's what the College Years of GwD are all about. That and wild partying and
long distance phone calls at 3:00am while we're drunk.
Don't fret about it, and hey don't you cry. That really pisses us off. If you
cry, we're gonna give you something to cry about.
All in all, the College Years are looking pretty good for the boys and girls at
your least favorite pseudo-religious/quasi-political/text file group/global
media empire/right-wing militia/neo-communist group/hardcore porn star guild/
drug cartel/amway distributor.
NOTE: GwD (of course) denies allegations that its members have placed stickers
bearing phrases like, "Porno." (or any other GwD-esque phrase) in bathroom
stalls of colleges, universities, and gentleman's clubs across the country.
(Definitely not in stalls at Texas Tech, the University of Texas, Rice, MIT, or
Trinity, anyway.)
Also, only the MAJORITY of GwD members have recently entered college. Some have
been there for years; others have graduated. Some will never go. The group
itself (as a collective being) IS enrolled in college right now; it began taking
classes in the Fall of 1997 at Cisco Junior College. It is on Academic
Probation for the Spring Semester and we expect it to be kicked out.
If you think ANY of this is lame/silly/whatever, you're absolutely right. So
don't bother telling us about it.
GwD -- The College Years: This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it's gonna
hurt us.
-*- "GwD Ain't Nothin' Ta F' Wit'" -*-
"From the slums o' Green-lin, Gwu-Dang Clan strikes again: Bill Hoopuh,
Sir Flea-uh, Ol' Dirty Croat, Diamond-uh-back, TP the Queen, Yance Sliiide,
Ghostface Redneck and the one and only Seth Da Man."
So that was a horrible attempt to rewrite Wu-Tang lyrics. So what? Leave me
alone.
-*- "GwD's back. Hide the goats." -*-
CONTACT:
The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc.
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/
ftp://ftp.etext.org/Zines/Greeny/
gwd@geocities.com
P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas - 79490
- for moral, ethical, spiritual, or financial guidance -
The GwD Task Force, Inc. - Bringing YOU All the Best in Absolute Crap Since 1993
by Lobo Licious - copyright (c) MCMXCVII GwD, Inc. ***** release date 12-31-97
-*- GwD - "God, we're Dorks." - GwD -*- GwDN8
