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Greeny World Domination 144
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w _____ ____ 1 4 4 "On Social Stigmata: w
D // | \ 11 44 44 Jesus, Magic, and Ciacco the Hog" D
* || ____ | || | 1 444 444 by Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D. *
G || || \ / | || | 1 4 4 issue #144 of _GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 4 with a Twist -- of Lime_ * rel 05/05/05 w
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*** ABSTRACT ***
In this treatise, I will examine the growing phenomenon known as Social
Stigmata. Our fellow dr00g, Ciacco the Hog, suffered a severe bout of Social
Stigmata recently, so it seems timely to investigate social Stigmata now.
This treatise is unique in the literature. Despite an exhaustive search, I
have been unable to find any legitimate research into this topic. The basics
of Social Stigmata are discussed, conclusions are drawn, and a case study is
provided in an effort to explain actions that can be taken to alleviate the
effects of the disorder.
*** KEYWORDS ***
Stigmata; social setting; social situation; blood; bleeding; gut;
psychobabble; anxiety; social anxiety disorder; drugs; wounds of Christ;
crucifixion; cruci-fiction; dr00gscience; pseudo-science; religious
manifestations in public places
*** INTRODUCTION ***
Despite vigorous research on the topic, I have been unable to uncover even one
article in the literature that discusses Social Stigmata of this sort. There
are a multitude of references to "social stigmata" (note the lowercase "s"),
but this is merely because the plural of "stigma" is "stigmata," and the
definitions of "social stigma" are well established in the literature (1-3 and
many others). In this article, I will discuss Social Stigmata (capital "S"),
referring to The Stigmata.
*** BACKGROUND ***
The Stigmata are the wounds that the Romans made when they allegedly pounded
nails into the hands and feet of Jesus of Nazareth (5). Also included as
Stigmata are the wounds to the head, back, and side that were allegedly
suffered by the aforementioned Nazarene from a crown of thorns, lashing, and
a spear. Thus, The Stigmata are not just any old garden-variety "stigmata;"
They are Worthy Of Capitalization because They relate to the one that is
called I Am.
Incidentally, The Stigmata have been referenced in popular culture (6-7 and
many others that are less-worthy of mention here; and you know that they then
must be pretty crappy...the Ministry song is decent, but the movie is
forgettable and little more than a 2 hour music video).
Social Stigmata occur when someone experiences The Stigmata in a social
setting. Not just this, actually, but when the social setting brings on The
Stigmata. Whereas the standard introvert will merely sweat when forced to
interact with people at a party, the Social Stigmatic will begin to bleed
from his/her hands, feet, head, back, and side. As a result of this bleeding,
people usually recoil from the Social Stigmatic with equal parts horror and
disgust. Then, other party-goers summon a large, ogreish fellow named Rocco
to eject the Social Stigmatic from the proceedings.
The causes of Social Stigmata are many and varied. These include:
hemophilia, devout and irrational Christianity, listening to Linkin Park, and
prostitutes (see this author's "Call for Legalized Prostitution" (4)). When
you elicit the services of a prostitute, make sure that you bring some of your
closest friends with you. Have them surround the prostitute. If she begins
bleeding, it means one of two things: 1. she has a serious venereal disease
or 2. she has Social Stigmata. Either way, you would be well-advised to keep
your distance, or it could get messy.
*** CONCLUSIONS ***
You do not need to fear the Social Stigmatic. Sure, if the Social Stigmatic
has AIDS, you will probably get infected and die. But look at Magic Johnson;
he allegedly has AIDS, but you still see him strutting his stuff. Other than
the possibility of death, what else is there to worry about? You might get
some of his blood on your pants, but those pants are probably already stained
by someone else's seminal fluids (after all, you're at a party when the Social
Stigmatic reveals himself).
*** DEALING WITH A SOCIAL STIGMATIC ***
If you or someone you know is a Social Stigmatic, do not be alarmed. Follow
these easy steps and all will be well. However, proceed with caution.
1) Isolate the Social Stigmatic. C'mon, bleeding everywhere? That's just
gross.
2) Force the Social Stigmatic to eat large quantities of food. Social
Stigmata can be cured by morbid obesity. Remember that, kids.
*** CASE STUDY ***
To depict the proper response to an outburst of Social Stigmata, consider how
we handled Ciacco the Hog. He showed up at GwD Fest 2005 and was swarmed by
several newly-inducted dr00gs who had grown up inspired by his masterpiece
"Remembering Porkins" (6). Suddenly, Ciacco's hands and feet began to bleed.
Lobo Licious and Bob the Master of the World, recognizing the signs of
Social Stigmata from their days in psych-divinity school, parted the crowd
and forced Ciacco to eat lots and lots of food. Ciacco began to grow calm,
as his gut, Nigel, commanded him to calm down.
The two imperial dr00gs continued to feed Ciacco until Nigel ruptured. While
the rupturing was far more disgusting than his bleeding had been, at least
Ciacco's hands and feet no longer bore The Stigmata. It should thus be noted
that while consumption of mass quantities of food can cure (or at least
assuage the symptoms of) Social Stigmata, it can itself have dangerous side
effects.
*** REFERENCES ***
1. "Social stigma," _Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia_, 06:04 UTC, 31 March
2005, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigmata (25 April 2005).
2. "Holy See calls for banishing of 'social stigma' against AIDS victims",
Catholic News Agency World Wide Web Site, 25 November 2004,
http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/new.php?n=2547 (25 April 2005).
3. Ellison, M.A. and J.E. Hall, "Social stigma and compounded losses:
quality-of-life issues for multiple-birth families," _Fertility and
Sterility_, Volume 80, Issue 2, Pages 405-414.
4. Dr. Dr. Otis, "Sex without Strings: A Call for Legalized Prostitution,"
_GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime_ Issue #124,
17 May 2002, http://www.greeny.org/media/text/gwd124.txt (25 April 2005).
5. "Stigmata," _Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia_, 16:53 UTC, 25 April 2005,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigmata (25 April 2005).
6. Ministry, "Stigmata," Perf. Ministry. _The Land of Rape and Honey_,
Warner Brothers, 1988.
7. _Stigmata_, dir. Rupert Wainwright, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, 1999.
8. Ciacco the Hog, "Remembering Porkins," _GwD: The American Dream with a
Twist -- of Lime_ Issue #134, 10 June 2003,
http://www.greeny.org/media/text/gwd134.txt (25 April 2005).
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Issue#144 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMV Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D./GwD Publications /---------------\
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