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Greeny World Domination 143
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w _____ ____ 1 4 333 "Pillows" w
D // | \ 11 44 3 by Bob the Master of the World D
* || ____ | || | 1 444 333 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 4 3 issue #143 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 333 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/05/05 w
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I'd like to tell the story of a man named Jack Irrelland. When Jack was a
small boy, growing up on the West Coast, his mother would often take him on
walks about the neighborhood. On these walks, a man would often walk in front
of them with his dog. This man was a large specimen, of Mongo-Jonesian
proportions. As Jack was but a little fellow, he could see only one thing
during these walks, this man's enormous buttocks. And day after day, week
after week, Jack fell in love with those buttocks and hoped that he would
someday have buttocks like those.
The years passed, and Jack blossomed into a respectable looking human being.
However, he lacked the one physical asset he craved, those gargantuan gluteal
muscles. He looked about for means of obtaining this feature, the object of
his early love. Due to his heritage, his parents only bought a reasonable
amount of food, so that he could not consume vast quantities of food in an
effort to enlarge himself in the hope of consequently enlarging his buttocks.
One night, as he lay in his bed, he became frustrated with the apparent
futility of his quest. He took his pillow and began beating on to relieve his
frustration, when he stumbled upon his solution. Jack quickly moved to his
closet and retrieved a large pair of pants, a foolish purchase that he made
while in the grips of his buttocks lust. He put the pants on, though they fit
him not. He took his two full-sized pillows and placed one on each back side
of the pants. Eureka! Jack now had the buttocks he long desired.
Fortunately for Jack, his parents were moving soon, so he wouldn't have to
explain his new appearance to his classmates. His parents were unconcerned,
as they had long thought their son a sort of queerish little man. Jack went
on to earn to attend a prestigious law school on the West Coast. He
encountered a few difficulties at the school, mostly with finding seating that
could accommodate his large artificial posterior. He found life in the city
inconvenient after his transformation. In time, Jack grew to love the sea,
seeing in it a vastness that could easily deal with his newfound girth in a
way the land never could. Thus, Jack decided to specialize in maritime law,
and after three years he graduated.
Proceeding on to the next duly appointed stage in life, Jack was wed. Before
he had a chance to conceive a child, however, the government approached him
and asked if he would take on one of their agents, a small, powerful man who
had an uncanny resemblance to a young girl, as their child. Jack, honored to
serve his country, took on the government agent, and with his wife, relocated
to Lubbock, TX, a city ironically nicknamed Lowbuttocks.
Jack began to teach at a local high school, where he soon encountered his
arch-enemy, another boy that Jack's parents might have referred to as a
"queerish little man." This arch-enemy was mocked by Jack, though unbeknownst
to Jack, he was already a ruler of the earth. They battled long and often,
but the arch-enemy's greatest victory came in the discovery of Jack's darkest
secret: the truth behind his fattish backside. He exposed Jack to his fellow
classmates, and the name "Pillows" began to be whispered in every bathroom
stall and lunch line. Jack, devastated by this discovery, knew that he must
flee Lubbock, lest his other secret, the harboring of a government agent, be
revealed as well. Thus, on some rather ridiculous pretense of dissatisfaction
with his employment, Jack returned to the West Coast, with his wife and the
government agent in tow.
Did Jack's secret ever lead to his doom? What was the government agent's
mission, and did he ever succeed? What brand and type of pillows did he use,
and how often did he need to replace them? Alas, these questions must be
answered by a different hand. I leave you with this short verse, composed by
the arch-enemy on the eve of Jack's flight from Lubbock:
O Pillows, why do you run?
The time for fear is done
Remove those foolish things
We'll forgive everything
O Pillows, you look absurd
Though you went to Stanford
You won't escape my dominion
Though Spain sank into oblivion
O Pillows, what will you do?
The pillows cannot save you
One day they will get flat
Then where will you be at?
Admittedly, the verse is terrible, but the arch-enemy wasn't too bright,
though he did discover the pillows. Let this tale be a lesson to all those
who become enamored with the giant ass of a girthful man: one day your secret
will be discovered, and you must hide in shame with your wife and government
agent.
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Issue#143 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMV Bob the Master of the World/GwD Pubz /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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