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Greeny World Domination 055
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
I n c o r p o r a t e d
Presents:
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"Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo" by Yancey Slide
with "Press Release Regarding The GwD High Council" by Seth The Man
----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue #55 -----
----- release date: 12-31-97 -----
- Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo -
I don't think I'm alone when I say that the GREENY world Domination Task
Force has done far too little domination. I mean, sure, some of us (like me)
have done our best to dominate the people around us, but that "a little bit more
dominant every day" strategy just doesn't cut it these days. We could become
more dynamic, and transform ourselves into a real go-getter kind of task force,
but, frankly, that would be a lot of work. So instead, I say that we make up
for our lack of dominance to this point by continuing our efforts with more
twisted and diabolical stratagems. Quality, not quantity, should be our
watchword. Instead of giving orders to random people throughout the day, try
getting just one person falsely arrested to prove your mental superiority.
Of course, when it's time for the big guns, nothing helps more than being
creative. This is where the twisted and diabolical plan really pays off.
Nothing subverts more than a good and wholesome thing perverted to serve our
twisted desires. In this category fall such diversified master plans as
forcing Disney to remake its classic cartoons as erotic animated movies and
slipping mind-altering chemicals to random Southern Baptists (not that I find
them to be particularly wholesome, but I find the idea amusing).
Here's a good example of what I mean. The other day, I heard some people
talking about Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I liked that movie,
didn't you? I imagine that if you're anything like me, you're convinced that
just down the hall from the Chocolate Waterfall is the Oompa Loompa sweatshop.
I mean, the little orange bastards are everywhere, but those are obviously only
the obedient ones. What happens to the ones that want a taste of freedom and
refuse to stir chocolate for fourteen hours a day? They sew Gucci wallets for
fifteen hours a day, under the eyes of the Oompa Overseer, or the "Uber Oompa."
This is a great plan, but I'm sure you're asking, "What the hell does this
have to do with world domination?" Well, shut the hell up and I'll tell you.
Know what the hardest part about launching a coup is? Finding the muscle. It's
expensive, time consuming, and dangerous. Expensive, 'cause you have to feed,
arm, and clothe your goons. Time consuming, because you have to find lots of
them. Dangerous, 'cause you never know which one is going to turn you in.
Well, the Loompas provide a neat little packaged solution. First, they're
cheap. I mean, the little buggers can't be more than four feet tall, how much
could they eat? They come equipped with those goofy little costumes, too. May
not inspire terror in your enemies, but they're free. Besides, those bushy
eyebrows are terrifying enough. You still have to arm them, but that's all.
Second, there are already lots of them all bunched together, on some island
somewhere. Find that island and you've got a ready-made army. They probably
breed like rabbits, and they've obviously got a great family-oriented system;
that takes care of the third point, because you can control your Loompas the way
Wonka controlled his - hold the women and children hostage. Raise the children
with fanatical loyalty, and soon you've got an army of orange midget fanatics
willing to do your bidding. Awww, yeah. That's Domination for you. Further
details are forthcoming.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Press Release Regarding the GwD High Council -
It's a GwD press release, baby..
FROM: The GwD High Council
BY: Seth The Man
Top Dog Type of Guy, GwD Task Force
Vice-Chairman, GwD High Council
President, GwD, Incorporated
TO: Anyone and Everyone
DATE: 12-31-97
RE: Membership of The GwD High Council
What up wit' 'dat Council n' shit?
<- Membership Changes of The GwD High Council for 1998 - Our FIFTH Year ->
Just another victim. Aren't we all? The GwD High Council has been hit.
We've been hit by change. Yes, that horrid thing that hits us all, has now
afflicted the High Council. Chaos is within all systems, even perfect ones like
GwD. And so the change comes...
Cyberspace Hashishim Declare Jihad
"We declare Jihad, a Holy War, against those who
call for the regulation of the Net by government
occupational forces. We will cut off their heads
and fill their dead open mouths with shit, and
impale their skulls on pikes, lighting the whole
thing ablaze with flaming torches."
-Mahmud Abd Al-Shakir
Cyberspace Hashishim
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: Organizer Type of Guy, The Lizard King, is hereby
stepping down from his position. Ya see, Liz has, unbeknownst to most, been our
secret warrior, our Hashishim Warrior, for some time now. Liz's mentor, Mahmud
Ad Al-Shakir (leader of the cyberspace Hashishim), has been secretly training
Liz for the past 3 millennia, (the exact circumstances are not within my ability
to explain in a text of this size. Check out some relativity and information
theory if you are really interested...That's all I can say.) And now it seems,
he must make a real-time quest as part of the Hashishim Jihad.
GwD fully supports the Cyberspace Hashishim and so we have allowed Liz to
throw in his efforts w/ the Hashishim. Unfortunately, the duties of his quest
would interfere with his responsibilities to the Council. So from this moment
on, Organizer Type of Guy, The Lizard King is now a Type of Guy E Meritus. We
all wish Liz good luck with his Hashish.
Goddessspeed Liz.
But that ain't what all this hubbub is 'bout.
No, this file, this _press release_, is about a hole. A big fat hole that
Liz has left behind in his quest for ultimate hasishimness. As if he was
sitting on the beach too long and then stood up revealing a big butt-impression
in the sand, the sand that is GwD High Council. We need someone to fill that
impression. Someone with enough power-lust to frantically e-mail his High
Council superiors with everything from pleadings to bribes to threats.
We've found that butt, and he is a girl named Spanky, or maybe a man named
Yancey...one of those...uhm...er...lost my momentum there...hold on a second...
er...oh yeah, Yancey Slide/Spanky McDougal Sir, whatever...He bothered Lobo
Licious and I enough to get us to make him a member of the High Council. In his
mad hunger for power (gettin' my momentum back, yee ha!) he also wanted to be a
Type of Guy...That will not be. With The Lizard King's absence, we now have
five Type of Guys; FIVE, the perfect number. And so it will forever more be.
But we cannot leave the Council uneven, how else would we be able to have
horribly inefficient dead locks? There'd always be a deciding vote...No, this
cannot be, so we have to toss ol' Spancey into the council to keep up the
inefficiency...All hail the new High Council Member, Spancey McSlide...Er?!
<- Declassified GwD Correspondence, a.k.a. "I Deserve a Promotion, Damnit!" ->
[The following is a series of letters between myself, Yancey Slide, and Lobo
Licious. They have been edited for content (or lack thereof) and certain words
and/or phrases have been blocked out to insure our secrecy. Among those
passages that have been omitted are references to people, places, and events
that it is in our best interest to keep classified. References to
still-classified correspondence have also been removed or blocked out.]
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 22:39:59 -0500
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
From: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: High Council
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
I was looking through the GwD page and I noticed something VERY disturbing.
I am not a member of the High Council.
This is entirely unacceptable.
I DEMAND immediate promotion to "Spiritual Commandant" Type of Guy. You
will notice that this is in no way contradictory (or superior) to Seth's title,
so no argument lies there. I feel that, as the only ordained member of GwD, my
spiritual duties are onerous enough to warrant a council seat. Also, since I am
ordained in a Christian Church, I am an official Heretic. Not only would this
make a decent title (in addition to Spiritual Commandant) I feel that it is
oxymoronic enough to be amusing, therefore of value to GwD. As one of the
oldest members of GwD, Chief Corsair, Head of Undercover Operations (this is not
listed on the page) and ex-Spanky McDougal SIR, I insist that I be elevated to
the Council IMMEDIATELY. Some of the Council members are listed as being
inactive - I am taking one of their positions. Not only am I a productive
member (my new file is forthcoming) I am a RECRUITER - requests from Triniteers
for membership will be coming soon. Lack of action on this point is inexcusable
- please don't make me cry like a nancy boy and beg.
-yancey slide
_____________
Yancey Slide
cm@kisi.com
_____________
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Date: Friday, October 17, 1997 11:33 PM
To: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
From: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
Subject: RE: High Council
Cc: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
I think we might just grant your request because of that great letter, but only
if we can publish the letter as GwD file. And only if your other file comes out
w/ in the next month... yeah. Or two months... maybe...
seth is stupid right now, so he's going to let you resume acting as though you's
smartest then uss while we pretendd to now what were doin on his computer.
[sic - that last sentence is sic, sic, sic. and it makes no sense, either.]
Love ya babe!--rainne
Love ya bastard!--STM
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Date: Sat, 18 Oct 1997 02:58:46
To: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
From: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Re: High Council
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
> I was looking through the GwD page and I noticed something VERY disturbing.
>I am not a member of the High Council.
> This is entirely unacceptable.
waaaaaaah. heh. i'm afraid that's just not possible....it was you, my friend,
who created the idea of the council, so don't whine that you didn't include
yourself as a member.
> I DEMAND immediate promotion to "Spiritual Commandant" Type of Guy. You
>will notice that this is in no way contradictory (or superior) to Seth's
>title, so no argument lies there. I feel that, as the only ordained member
>of GwD, my spiritual duties are onerous enough to warrant a council seat.
>Also, since I am ordained in a Christian Church, I am an official Heretic.
>Not only would this make a decent title (in addition to Spiritual Commandant) I
>feel that it is oxymoronic enough to be amusing, therefore
i am ordained also; i'm a SubGenius minister. true, you're a christian
ex-minister. i have no problem installing you as "spiritual commandant/official
heretic." please note the absence of "type of guy" following this. i'm sure
you understand. of course, though not an actual member of the high council
(but still part of the council itself), you will be (and always have been) our
chief spiritual advisor. y'know the power religious leaders have had
historically - look at several of the popes. and the XXXXXXXXX.
>of value to GwD. As one of the oldest members of GwD, Chief Corsair, Head
>of undercover Operations (this is not listed on the page) and ex-Spanky
>McDougal SIR, I insist that I be elevated to the Council IMMEDIATELY. Some
you're already on the council. you're actually kind of in the mid-council,
consisting of Propagandists and SysOps/former SysOps of Command Centers. and
why would we list you as chief of undercover ops on the web site? it's not very
undercover that way, is it? we still need proof of the existence of this
"corsair brigade" of your's, as well.
>of the Council members are listed as being inactive - I am taking one of their
>positions. Not only am I a productive member (my new file is forthcoming), I
>am a RECRUITER - requests from Triniteers for membership will be coming soon.
>Lack of action on this point is inexcusable - please don't make me cry like a
>nancy boy and beg.
beg me, and maybe i'll relent.
nah, i think i've proposed a viable alternative. you are now "Spiritual
Commandant/Official Heretic/Captain, GwD Corsair Brigade/(Chief of Undercover
Operations)/Advisor to the High Council/Propagandist." is that good enough for
you? it damn well better be. the title in parentheses will not appear on the
web site for obvious reasons.
-Lobo Licious/GwD
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Date: Sat, 18 Oct 1997 13:52:26 -0500
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
From: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: Bitch!!!
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
True, I created the council, but the original members per #10 have already
changed! Arrrgh! I WILL be a member of the High Council! _Seth_ thinks its a
good idea! Bitch. "Mid-level" council, "advisor" to the High Council, these
things are NOT good enough for me!!! Seth claims that he is willing to
acquiesce in light of my wonderful letter (the FIRST one); follow his lead,
beyotch!! Don't make me sic my orange minions on you, you tyrannical crack
whore!!!
In furious and righteous anger,
HIGH COUNCIL MEMBER Yancey Slide
*I think the willingness to elevate oneself to the council is an act worth
rewarding.
_____________
Yancey Slide
cm@kisi.com
_____________
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Date: Sat, 18 Oct 1997 05:49:27 -0500
To: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
From: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
>follow his lead, beyotch!! Don't make me sic my orange minions on you, you
>tyrannical crack whore!!!
>In furious and righteous anger,
>HIGH COUNCIL MEMBER Yancey Slide
>*I think the willingness to elevate oneself to the council is an act worth
>rewarding.
now now. just because you think you're a bad-ass doesn't mean a damn thing to
me. besides, if you read the rest of #10 (the part NOT by you) it tells of how
your plan was flawed and corrects the minor errors, such as the membership of
the high council. so nyah nyah nyah. nanny-nanny boo-boo. still, you *MAY*
have a point. seth and i and the other REAL high council members need to
discuss your petition more fully.
bitch.
-Lobo Licious/GwD
High Council CHAIRMAN
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Date: Sun, 19 Oct 1997 20:13:10 -0500
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
From: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
#10 was written (and modified) YEARS ago to include people who are NO LONGER
ACTIVE MEMBERS!!! The REAL high council members (myself included) concur. So
nyah.
_____________
Yancey Slide
cm@kisi.com
_____________
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Date: Mon, 20 Oct 1997 03:22:46 -0500
To: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
From: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
>#10 was written (and modified) YEARS ago to include people who are NO LONGER
>ACTIVE MEMBERS!!! The REAL high council members (myself included) concur.
>So nyah.
so, you must be referring to seth and diamondback and ratt fink and TdN as the
real members, eh?
how 'bout if we make you a member of the high council and just don't include
"type of guy" in your title?
shit man, your title's long enough as it is.
-me
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Date: Mon, 20 Oct 1997 23:35:39 -0500
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
From: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
What type of title doesn't say 'type of guy?' Why NOT 'type of guy?'
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Date: Tue, 21 Oct 1997 11:00:23 -0500
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
From: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
>What type of title doesn't say 'type of guy?' Why NOT 'type of guy?'
your's, if you know what's good for you.
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Date: Tue, 21 Oct 1997 15:26:45 -0500
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
From: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
I DO know what's good for me: POWER! And that includes 'type of guy.'
_____________
Yancey Slide
cm@kisi.com
_____________
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Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 12:18:55 -0500
From: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
To: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
Cc: Seth The Man <seththeman@cyberdude.com>
> I DO know what's good for me: POWER! And that includes 'type of guy.'
i'm afraid not.
at this time, you have three options: you can either a) be promoted to the high
council w/out "type of guy" in your title, b) not be promoted to the high
council at all and only receive the other new titles you've been granted (which
DO NOT include 'type of guy'), or c) you can wait until the CURRENT high council
finishes deliberations and comes to a decision.
i'd advise you to wait for our decision, though it will probably be choice 'a.'
so nyah.
-Lobo Licious/GwD
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Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 13:06:34 -0500
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
From: Yancey Slide <cm@kisi.com>
Subject: Re: Bitch!!!
I will await the decision of the current council, which has NO reason to
deny me my rightful title of "Type of Guy." It is a literal and descriptive
title, and I AM a Corsair Type of Guy. There can be no denial of that.
Therefore, your opposition to my ascension to TOG status can only be interpreted
as foolishly clinging to the status quo. This type of thing will keep GwD back
in the dark ages! The Council remains unchanged since XXXXXXXXXXXXX days - this
cannot continue! Stretch your arms into the light, advance the membership of
the council, and embrace change, change that will transform us all into
shimmering beings of light, more than human, less than God, but closer to Grene!
I fear that your stubborness is the result of the influence of Redd. As
Spiritual Commandant, I assure you that your past good works ensure your place
at the bosom of Grene, but fight against the powers of evil that have consumed
your soul! Commune with Solice [STM], his worship of Grene/God[dess] will make
you strong again. Go with Grene, my son, and reach the right decision with Her
help. I will pray for you. If you fail your Goddess, I will kill you. Amen.
-----------------------------<GwD Command Centers>------------------------------
www =-= http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/index.html (The GwD WebSite)
http://solice.iglobal.net/chaos/ (Chaos, the Web-BBS)
http://www.snakeden.org/ (The Snake's Den)
ftp -=- ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Greeny/
telnet =-= snakeden.org
e-mail -=- gwd@geocities.com (Subj: subscribe GwD)
BBS =-= The Snake's Den - (806)793-3779 -- damn right it's still dial-in
* GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 *
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'd kill myself for you, I'd kill you for myself." - Pantera
"I'd mow my lawn for you, I'd mow you for my lawn." - Ratt Fink
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-+- F Y M -+-
GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
/---------------\
copyright (c) MCMXCVII by GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
GwD Task Force copyright (c) MCMXCIII by Lobo Licious : GwD :
All rights reserved \---------------/
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD55
