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Greeny World Domination 132
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w _____ ____ 1 333 222 "Star Wars Part 77" w
D // | \ 11 3 2 by Havoc D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 222 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 2 issue #132 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 222 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
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[Yet again, fair use and whatnot as far as celebrity names and such are
concerned. Parody, satire, yes indeed.]
-+- "What You Wanted To See" -+-
Submitted for your approval...
This story started because of a familiar burning sensation...not the penis
this time, just anger.
You watched 'Phantom Menace' and were left with an empty feeling, like you had
been ripped off. Later you watched the show 'Survivor' and somehow that same
feeling crept into your soul once more.
So...to fix this, we have a new script, yo! Check it one time.
Setting : the Rockies
Actors / Contestants:
Tribe Name : Chalupa
Samuel L. Jackson (he had to have top billing 'damn right')
Jesus Christ
Penn and Teller
Jenna Jameson
Kurt Warner
Mohatma Ghandi
General George S. Patton
Bill Clinton
Everett (Havoc's old boss)
Tribe Name : Doesn't Matter
3 whiney bitches
1 fairly buff guy...obviously gay
1 disgruntled 'dot com' owner
1 cowboy from North Dakota
1 punk rocker
1 newly divorced couple
Day 4 of Survivor
The day begins as Howard Cosell brings the tribes together to explain the
challenge of the day.
Cosell : Good morning everyone, how did you sleep?
John (the newly ex-husband) : Hell, I couldn't sleep with her for five years,
why should I start now?
Susan : Well, that's pretty obvious with the 6 extra children isn't it?
The couple rages into a fury of insults and cat-calls.
Samuel L. Jackson : "Yo! Chill that bitch out!"
Susan : "Who are you callin a bitch?"
Lightsaber flashes its menacing red glow...
Samuel L Jackson : "Bitch, I'm talking to your ass...now ask me again and see
if I don't kill every motherfucker standin up in here."
Bill Clinton : "Word, G."
Samuel L Jackson : "Don't speak to me motherfucker! I swear to god I'll smoke
your ass!"
Jesus Christ : "You really shouldn't swear."
Everett : "That's right!! To quote from the book of James chapter 5..."
Lightsaber slashes through the air and removes Everett's head.
Samuel L Jackson : "Still think I'm jokin motherfucker? Oh!!! You aint laughin
now are you bitch? Any you other motherfuckers wanna speak to me?"
Suddenly, General George S. Patton leaps through the air trying to grab the
lightsaber away from the Jedi....
Jackson has more than enough time to dodge the would-be hero, and smacks him
across the face.
Jackson looks down at the General and turns off his light saber.
Samuel L Jackson : "All you motherfuckers are crazy!"
He drops the weapon in front of the General.
Samuel L Jackson : "Now, does that me less dangerous, or more dangerous?"
General Patton grabs the weapon and brings it up to defend himself...however
he can't figure out how to turn it on. The Jedi master raises his hand, and
General Patton feels the pressure around his neck increase tremendously...
until finally the General falls to the ground.
Samuel L Jackson: "You motherfuckers don't understand the situation you are
in...Well, let me break it down for your ass. This game is called 'survivor',
and I'm gonna win it and take my ass to the bank. If that means killin all you
bitches, then I'm gonna kill every last one of you motherfuckers...or you can
shut up and stay the fuck out of my way."
Jenna Jameson : "But Jesus can be brought back from the dead."
Jesus Christ : "Bitch, when was the last time you were in church? Now shut the
fuck up up, or I'll let the coon kill your ass!"
Samuel L Jackson : "Coon?? Oh that's right motherfucker...it's on now!"
The lightsaber zips into the waiting hand of the Jedi and comes to life
instantly.
Samuel L Jackson : "We're about to have us one cut savior!"
Jesus picks up a branch from the ground and poses to defend himself.
Kurt Warner : "Fifty bucks on the Jedi."
Jesus Christ : "Oh you ungrateful fuck...see if you get to the superbowl
again!!!"
Mohatma Ghandi : "Everyone please...we must find peace."
Samuel L Jackson : "Fuck you, skinny mother fucker!!"
Bill Clinton moves to the side and puts his arm around Jenna Jameson.
Bill Clinton : "Hehe that's one pissed off Jedi...you ever see a white guy
whip a black guy?"
Jesus Christ : "Ok, fuck the lot of you!!!"
Jesus raises his staff and Bill Clinton falls dead.
Kurt Warner : "Yeah!! Way to go Big J !!"
Jesus Christ : "Oh no...you're fucked Warner!!! Little bitch can't throw a
Goddamn pass to save his...."
At this moment the lightsaber comes sweeping through the middle of Christ's
body, cutting him in half.
Kurt Warner : "YEAH!! You go boy!!!"
Suddenly the lightsaber whips through the air as it is hurled to meet Kurt's
chest burning a hole in the middle of his embroidered number 13.
Samuel L Jackson : "Who's next?? Come on bitches!! Come fuck with me!"
Penn : "Yo...word to your mom, brother."
As Penn is talking to the pissed off black man, Teller walks slowly over to
Kurt Warner's corpse and looks as if he is in mourning over the body. Slowly
he palms the lightsaber and hides it in his coat pocket. Penn pulls his nickel
plated .45 used in his act.
Samuel L Jackson : "Yo bitch, we all know that shit is fake..."
Penn slowly squeezes the trigger and the gun responds with a huge explosion of
force.
The Jedi is thrown backwards to the ground...his arm bleeding.
Samuel L Jackson : "Son of a Bitch!!! That shit hurts motherfucker!!! Oh I'm
gonna get yo ass now...you know the rule...you shot me!"
Jackson stands and waves his hand summoning his lightsaber. Teller comes
flying towards the Jedi, being pulled by his jacket pocket.
Samuel L Jackson : "Oh you thievin mother fucker!!!"
The Jedi turns the lightsaber on from inside the jacket pocket, and slowly the
lifeless body of Teller falls to the ground.
Samuel L Jackson : "Don't eva steal my shit!!!"
Penn : "NOOOO!!!!"
The grief stricken Penn fires his weapon repeatedly at the Jedi, round after
round....The Jedi easily deflecting the bullets with his saber.
The familiar 'click' finally sounded, and Penn knew he had an empty gun in his
hands.
Penn : "Oh well that's just great!"
He hurls his gun at the Jedi.
The gun pauses in mid air and turns on its owner.
Samuel L Jackson : "You just the fool, you done killed these other
motherfuckers for me."
Penn looks slowly around and sees lifeless bodies lying all around him.
Penn : "Oh well that's just perfect! Fuck it...fuck it all!!! Now I can't do
my show in Vegas next week."
Samuel L Jackson : "Vegas? Shit negro, that's all you had to say...Lets go
roll up on some fine honies and get the Jedi groove on..."
Penn : "Aw shit yeah..."
Howard Cosell : "What the fuck just happened here?"
Penn : "Black man won."
Samuel L Jackson : "Word."
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Issue#132 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI/MMIII Havoc/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LASERBEAM BOZOS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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