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Greeny World Domination 146
_.---[ EPISODE III: RETURN OF the GwD ]----------------------------._
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| |________________) ) | | / /~~~\ \ | | \ \ ___________| |
| __________________/ |__|__/__/ __\__\|__| \______________ |
| ___________ \ / / \ | ____ \ / _____________ |
| | \ \ __ / / \ | |____) ) ( (___ | |
| | \ \ / \ / / ^ \ | __ / \____ \ | |
| | \ ` /\ ' / /~~~\ \ | | \ \ _______) ) | |
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`------------------------------------------------------[ Special ]---'
----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue # 146 -----
----- release date: 05-05-05 -----
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Not so long ago, right here in our scuzz-bucket of a galaxy, three movies
changed the world. Now, the STAR WARS saga is continuing, and we're here to
get our names associated with it in any way we can. That's right, "GwD: The
American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" is continuing in its self-proclaimed
role as THE unOFFICIAL STAR WARS E-ZINE. This here is the third installment,
aptly titled,
"EPISODE III: RETURN OF the GwD STAR WARS Special."
The stuff in this file is from a few sources. No copyright infringement is
intended. We merely feel that this stuff is worthy of preservation. Authors
are credited where we know who wrote this stuff. For posterity, my friends,
we're saving this crap for posterity.
It should be noted that the content of this issue of THE GwD STAR WARS SPECIAL
is much more cynical and jaded than the last two. That is largely due to the
fact that we haven't been inundated with Star Wars-related forwards this time.
That's also due to the fact that many of us have a love-hate relationship with
Lucas's creation.
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<- CONTENTS ->
I. GENERAL STAR WARS
a. 'fastjack and Lobo Licious discuss Star Wars and George Lucas'
b. 'JUST A FEW OF THE REASONS WHY STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN REAL LIFE
II. EPISODE THREE
a. 'Star Wars Episode III Trailer by Jaffo'
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/ \
-=> I. GENERAL STAR WARS <=-
---------------------
-> a. fastjack and Lobo Licious discuss Star Wars
fj: Well, I did go into an hour long rant yesterday at work about my problems
with timeline continuity in Star Wars between EP 3 and EP 4. It was
baaaaaaaad. I used words like "canon" and "dilution of the brand if the Zahn
books get made into film". I mean bad. I stopped at one point and went "What
the hell did I just say?"
LL: <laughs> I think the probability of making the zahn books into films
approaches zero. Also, I read that there's going to be 2 Star Wars tv series
(serieses?), both of which (I think) take place between ep3 and 4. Though I
could be full of shit about the books. And about the shows.
fj: Yeah. Those shows would, in my opinion, blast the timeline further.
However, as I keep saying, my relationship is like a wife who gets beat. I'll
just keep going back.
LL: That's really bad. But funny.
fj: Well, it's true. No matter how bad the films, I keep going back. I
mean, it's Star Wars. I remember that when EP 1 came out, it was on my
birthday, I had just split up with Nicole for the 1st time. Work sucked.
Life sucked. And I went with the assumption that it would be good based on
the trailers. Then, I watched a goddamn 7 hour race and was introduced to
"midicholrians". Whack, right in the eye. And yet, when EP2 came out I said
"I fell into a doorknob. I just want to be with George again."
LL: <laughs>
fj: These are the conversations my GF should never be privy to.
LL: You're probably right. So, maybe you shouldn't tell her about this
stuff.
fj: <laughs> You know, that's the best part. I joke about being a closet
geek, but later I tell her about it. She thinks I'm 1.) Hilarious. 2.)
Insane. She seems to be down with my nerdy stylee.
LL: Yeah, my wife is cool like that, too...definitely down with my nerd/geek
stuff.
fj: A rare quality, to be sure.
LL: Indeed. Lucky fellows are we.
-----
-> b. JUST A FEW OF THE REASONS WHY STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN REAL LIFE:
[Just to prove that we aren't totally cynical, we're including this tidbit we
found that doesn't assume that Episode III will suck OR compare Star Wars
addiction to an abusive relationship. -Ed.]
1. In real life, people drive "the Pacer", "the Pinto", and "the Station
Wagon"
In Star Wars, people drive "Speeder Bikes", "X-wing fighters", and "the
Millenium Falcon."
2. In real life, bar fights with strange looking people are often
looked at as bad and sinful;
In Star Wars, bar fights with strange looking creatures is heroic and
the way of the just Jedi Knight.
3. In real life, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called
crazy;
In Star Wars, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called
galactic ambassadors.
4. In real life, people who dress up in tight plastic/leather outfits are
considered tacky and queer;
In Star Wars, they're called "Storm Troopers" and are feared by all.
5. In real life, people often stink up the bathroom with their fecal odors,
toilet paper runs out, and people get diarrhea;
In Star Wars, no one has ever used the bathroom.
6. In real life, tall hairy, humanlike creatures are rarely seen by
backwoods alcoholics, and are named ridiculous things like "Bigfoot"
and "Sasquatch";
In Star Wars, tall hairy humanlike creatures are called Wookiees, and
have their own language, planet, social structure, and carry
formidable weaponry
7. In real life, people must deal with the problems of children;
In Star Wars, children do not exist.
8. In real life, it is often difficult to understand the languages of
others, such as 7-11 employees, fast food window operators, and
college profs.;
In Star Wars, everyone understands everybody, regardless of language
barriers.
9. In real life, the extremely obese are often sadly shunned by society;
In Star Wars, the extremely obese Jabba the Hutt is a pimp daddy, and
has his own sail barge, lounge room, and scantily clad female
dancers to keep him occupied--he is envied by all.
10. In real life, people often have problems doing simple mechanical things
like operating can openers, programming VCRs, and playing Nintendo;
In Star Wars, Droids do all the busy work in half the time.
11. In real life, some people are complete losers;
In Star Wars, everybody has a story to tell that's worth listening to.
12. In real life, people sometimes smell;
In Star Wars, people are never "ripe", and yet they need not shower.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU...
Yet Another E-Mail Sent By The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC).
Unless otherwise specified, distribute freely. All questions, comments,
submissions, and requests should be directed to Dave at eatheror@netcom.com
IJMC WebPage - http://gsusgi2.gsu.edu/~stdmdix/ijmc/ijmc.html
This is Mac. \\\\|////
He wants to travel the world. ( O O )
Please add him to your .sig and help him. ---oOOo--U--oOOo---
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
-=> II. EPISODE THREE <=-
------------------
-> "Episode III Trailer" by Jaffo
The Star Wars Episode III Trailer is out, and it basically gives away
everything.
I am consumed by anticipation and dread, as I wait for George Lucas to piss
away the last of my childhood memories.
We know it's going to suck; the rest is only a matter of degree.
My expectations have been spun so low at this point, I was actually impressed
by what I saw in the trailer. Not by the plot, which is certainly a lost
cause, but by the visuals, which are even cooler than I thought they would be.
I saw that trailer and thought, "Wow. I can't wait for the video game."
Jedi and Sith and Clone Troopers in all colors of the rainbow. Magnificent
set pieces and special effects that drop like candy from a digital pinata.
This movie is a two-hour music video composed by George Lucas and John
Williams. If I start practicing now, I should be able to ignore the plot
completely.
I'm excited about the Star Wars films, not for what they are now, but for what
I imagine they will be, in the interdeterminate future when Lucas is dead. I
want to write novels about an alternate Star Wars universe where Anakin
Skywalker was never born.
I want to see the movies that should have been made in the past ten years.
Basically, Lucas gave in to his worst instincts and ignored the human element
that made his films such a success.
I said it once, I'll say it a thousand times. These films should have been
about the life of Han Solo, the rise and fall of an Imperial Officer, driven
by conscience, and the love of a Wookiee, to turn away from his government
and strike out on his own.
Forget all this Jedi crap and send the Brits back to London. That's the story
I want to see.
Fortunately, someone has already written a great story in the Star Wars
universe. It's call Knights of the Old Republic, and a sequel is on the
way...
George Lucas may not know how to handle his universe, but Obsidian does, and
the future belongs to the fans.
- http://www.michaelduff.net/ -
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
(NOTE: STAR WARS and related terms are registered trademarks of
Lucasfilm Ltd.
If you don't know what we mean by "related terms," you are a deprived
soul who should kindly fuck off.
Oh yeah, and all registered trademarks are used without permission,
but since this is a free e-zine, it wouldn't really be worthwhile to
sue us, would it?
So there. SO THERE. CHACH.
Despite all of this, Star Wars is cool and it always will be.)
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#146 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
distributed MMV GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV Original Authors-no infringement intended :HUMANITY SUCKS.:
presented by The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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