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Greeny World Domination 060
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
I n c o r p o r a t e d
Presents:
__ __ 666 0000000
_____ ____ _| |__| |_ 666 000 000
// | \ |_ __ _| 666 000 000
|| ____ | || | | | | | 6666666666 000 000
|| || \ / | || | _| |__| |_ 6666 6666 000 000
\\___// \/\/ |____/ |_ __ _| 666 666 000 000
|__| |__| 6666 6666 000 000
666666666 0000000
"_The Book of KeyLime_ (and Various Other Stuff)"
translated by Lobo Licious and Seth The Man
----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue #60 -----
----- release date: 03-17-98 -----
-+- CONTENTS -+-
,~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~,
{ 1. _The Book of KeyLime_ }
{ 2. Shameless Promotional Ad for The Droogist Manifesto }
{ 3. Letters to the Editor }
{ 4. Challengers to the world Domination Title }
{ 5. Other Stuff Added After The Book Was Translated }
'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
[1]
And now, at long last, what YOU've been waiting for:
-----> The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc., Proudly Presents <-----
/---------------------------------\
< -+- _The Book of KeyLime_ -+- >
\---------------------------------/
! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? !-<S * A * T * A * N>-? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ?
666 666 666
666 666 666 /---\
666 666 666 |[_]| /--\
666 666 666 | | |[]|
666 666 666 | | | |
666 666 666 | | | |
666 666 666 | |____ ____| |
666 666 666 | | | | |
666666666666 666666666666 666666666666 /| | | | |
666 666 666 666 666 666 / | |
666 666 666 666 666 666 < [| |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ /
666666666 666666666 666666666 \-------------/
"Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast:
for it is the number of a man; and his number *is* Six hundred threescore and
six." - Revelation 13:18.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
$ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $-<G + R + E + N + E>-* $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ *
555555555555 555555555555 555555555555 /- -\
555 555 555 |[_]|
555 555 555 | | /--\
555 555 555 | | |[]|
555 555 555 | | | |
555 555 555 | | | |
555 555 555 ____| |____| |
555555555555 555555555555 555555555555 | | | | |
555 555 555 /| | | | |
555 555 555 / | |
555 555 555 < {| |
555 555 555 \ |
555 555 555 555 555 555 \ |
555 555 555 555 555 555 \ |
555 555 555 555 555 555 \ /
555555555 555555555 555555555 \-------------/
"Here is knowledge. Let he who hath understood the rest of what I've said count
the number of Green: for it is the number of a mortal; and the number is Five
hundred twoscore and fifteen." - KeyLime 18:13.
================================================================================
-----
The Holy Writings contained herein are translated from the original
Grenochian by Lobo Licious and Seth The Man. Grenochian is a language that
predates Ancient Greek by 10,555 years. We learned to translate it cuz we're so
cool. It also predates Enochian, supposedly the oldest language known to man.
Such great works as _The Necronomicon_ and _The Satanic Bible_ are said to have
been originally written in Enochian. Well, Grenochian is the language that
spawned Enochian. So there. Enochian is, however, a less colorful language.
Tee-hee.
-----
Ok, here it is, the sacred BOOK OF KEYLIME...We translated this from an ancient
scroll we found in Lobo's back yard...We were forced to beat up an Arab (he was
pretty Mad...) and take it from him. He kept ranting about how we couldn't take
it 'cause it was his family's greatest heirloom or some shit like that; he kept
ranting about this guy named Abdul Alhazgreen who wrote it a long time ago or
something. I don't know, I just know he shouldn't have been in Lobo's backyard.
Anyway, here it is:
Chapter 1 & Chapter 18 [He was MAD. -Seth and Lobo]
[CHAPTER 1](verse 1)In The Beginning There was ..well.. Stuff.
(verse 2)This Stuff, One should refer to it as the PreLife
Stuff. (verse 3)This PreLife Stuff had no purpose, it was just
stuff, sitting around, with nothing to do on a Saturday night.
Thou knowest, just Stuff. (verse 15)Well, this just wouldn't do.
(verse 8)So a couple of Molecules in this big mass of PreLife
Stuff decided that they would get excited. Well, they did.
(verse 32)In fact, they got so excited that they bumpeth into
each other. This wath good. (Redd would tell thee that 'twere
bad, but then again, what the hell does that sumnabitch know?)
(verse 58)These sacred molecules, we shall refer to their names
as Yello and Blu, shall be forever sacred. They gave birth (in a
way, but not the True Way) to the only Goddess worth Her Shit,
Grene. (verse 65)Grene was powerful from the very beginning; as
soon as She gained Being-ness She began to create Life.
(verse 27)(The Universe goteth a whole lot more fun. Life wath
goin' down! Bacteria and Germs and Beavers all started upon
Grene's greatest accomplishment: Sex. That is, Reproduction!
(verse 19)Male beavers saw the fe-males' beavers (thou must
excuseth the pun) and got that ancient and sacred feeling in
their ancient and sacred loins. (verse81)The Shit went down,
and more beavers were created. Grene saw this and was Happy,
that is, downright gleeful, like dance a little jig happy, dost
thou get what I am tossing at thee here? I mean like, git down
and boogie happy, that sort of happiness that either takes years
of self-contemplation (or denial of self-contemplation, whatever
kind of person thou be) or lots of ee-leeg-al substances, that
kinda happy. (verse 21)Then something BAD transpired. (verse 99)
One of Grene's creations up and *DIED*.
[CHAPTER 18](verse 72)That's right, dead. Right there. Stopped
Grene in her little jig like a windshield to a bug's little ass.
(verse 45)And yea, She was *sad*. Sad, so sad, that She got
depressed and allowed Death to continue for a *long* time. In
fact, it was the Long Time of the Original Depression.(verse 33)
Recently, though, She hath fought back. (verse 555)It hath been
prophesied in ancient scrolls (like the one on which I writeth),
that Grene will beget a Savior who will save Humanity (as well
as the other *554* worthy races in the Universe). And yea, He
shall be called GREENY, because He is from Grene, and is like
unto Her in so many ways. (verse 69)And yea, He shall love Sex,
just as She does. Pornography shall be His, and It shall be
Good. (verse 93)His path shall not go unaided, nor shall it go
unhindered. (verse666)The forces of Redd are multitudinous; some
are False Religions whose leaders die and ascend to "Heaven"
or transcend this existence. They leave, in any case.(verse 12)
Not GREENY. His Ass shall stay Here, in this Plane, to lead us
into a New Age of Life and Love. (verse 123)Grene shall inspire
two People, like unto those Sacred Molecules (Yell-o and Blu),
into fornicating and bringing forth this Savior. The product
of this Holy Fornication shall be the mere Vessel for the Soul
of the Savior. (verse 9)This Soul shall be the product of the
coupling of Grene and Her Chosen Consort, He who is called
HONKEY DONKEY. (verse 23)That Little Rascal shall Knock Up the
Goddess, and She shall give Birth to a Son, a Soul. (verse47)
This Soul shall be the Essence of Grene, and He shall inhabit
the body produced in the earthly coupling. (verse 93)Grene only
knows when this shall happen. Couplings such as these happen
only once every *555* years. Each time, a different of the
aforementioned *555* chosen races is picked for the HOLY
FORNICATION. (verse 4)Since the time of Creation is unknown;
I have no clue when these 555-year intervals start and stop.
(verse 59)Anyway, it shall happen, and then Death shall cease.
And Redd, He who hath been here the Whole Time, will be forever
destroyed. Him and His insane ass. (verse 13)Here is knowledge.
Let he who hath understood the rest of what I've said count the
number of Green: for it is the number of a mortal; and the
number is Five hundred twoscore and fifteen.
[CHAPTER 42](verse 10)Aaaiigh.....
-----
That is where the scroll ends. The Mad Arab Abdul Alhazgreen must have died
while writing this testament. Of course, why would he take the time to write
"Aaaiigh..."? We don't know. He was Mad, after all. The verses REALLY WERE
in this order. If you read them in numerical order, they make no sense. Try it
if you don't believe us. This guy truly was Mad. Yeah.
On the back of the scroll this message was scrawled:
"And the drunken prophet said unto Her, 'Which came first, the human or the
pumpkin?'"
Shit. We still have no clue what that means. Maybe our translation was wrong;
but who knows. No one else speaks Grenochian anyway. Yeah. Hee Haw. Minnie
Pearl. Little Rascals. HONKEY DONKEY! However, this Holy Work should answer
the majority of the questions about our pseudo-Theology.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
-----
[2] -+- GwD 70 -- The Droogist Manifesto -+-
-----
- Why try to rule the world if there isn't going to be a world left to rule? -
* We're tired of the senseless destruction of rainforests to build shopping
malls.
* We're tired of the senseless clubbing of baby seals to put fur coats on
sale in these shopping malls.
* We're tired of factories polluting the air, land, and water to manufacture
the materials used to both build and fill those shopping malls.
* We're tired of conservationists such as ourselves being imprisoned the world
over for "crimes" that are in the best interest of the world as a whole.
* Basically, we're tired of shopping malls.
The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc., in association with numerous other
conservation-minded organizations, announces the impending release of GwD70.txt,
"The Droogist Manifesto."
"We firmly believe that it is the failure of the current system, the shopping
mall state, that has led humanity to its current state of depravity. This
system MUST be put to an end BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY to ensure the endurance of a
world to Dominate. After all, where's world Domination without the 'world?'"
Look for GwD70 - The Droogist Manifesto
(available soon from the people who brought you _The Book of KeyLime_)
ECOTERRORISTS OF THE WORLD UNITE!
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
[3]
-----
-+- Letters to the Editor -+-
-----
[Lately, it dawned on us that we have never published letters to the editor, so
we decided to take this opportunity to get rid of the backlog of such letters.
Here they are. All spelling and grammatical errors were made by the author(s),
NOT by agents of the GwD Task Force, its parent company (GwD, Inc.) and/or any
subsidiary thereof. Some letters are followed by GwD retorts.]
TO: LOBO <LOBOLICIOUS@CYBERDUDE.COM>
FROM: JASON DAVIES <JAKE@Q-NET.NET.AU>
DATE: MAY 31, 1996
---------------------------------
Lobo,
I thought that you had something to do with the D.C. comics character of
the same name. But don't worry, I don't hate you too much for making me waste an
expensive phone call from Australia. By the way, I'm actually in Perth, Western
Australia.
Sorry but I couldn't really be bothered reading the whole of your blurb. I
think maybe it has something to do with it being green. I'm not sure if you've
tried reading it but it's a fucking annoying colour on the eyes. [At least I
spell "color" correctly, you kangaroo-humpin' bastard! -LL]
Anyway I've wasted enough of your time, but before I sign off, if Bill
Clinton starts playing his sax in public more over the next couple of weeks
don't worry. I e-mailed him last night (Friday May 31) and told him that even if
the whole of the U.S. was giving him shit, he'd at least look cool with a sax
in hand.
Bye bye, love The Masked Wallaby
-----
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 22:13:19 -0500 (CDT)
From: Mohawk Dave <cborst@cs.tamu.edu>
To: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
Subject : Re: A Personal Message
Today, I was watching the religous channel, and they discussed where rappers
come from...
It turns out that they are actually people who were called on by God to be
preachers, but sometimes Satan is able to interfere in the process and that
results in them being rappers. Furthermore, if you know someone who listens
to rap or grunge, it is just their way of asking you for help to break free
of satan. Rap is just a cry of pain from these people who were supposed
to be preachers.
-----
From: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: hiya
Date: Sat, 06 Dec 1997 18:05:42 PST
Hi. It's GREENY! How the fuck are you, Lobo? I saw you the other day. You
were stocking something in the music dept., on the east side of the racks, i
think it was Christmas music, over my the urban selections. [I work at
Hastings, a music/video/software/bookstore, for those who care. -LL] Anyway, I
walked right past you and you didn't even notice me, you stinkin vagina! What
kinda GREENY worshiper are you anyway?! Hell, I stared right at you, damned
prik!
Ok, well, that was too much fun! I'm glad to see that y'all don't have lives
yet, it's kinda rewarding! Wow, I, GREENY, can consume that much of YOUR time!
Amazing! GREAT! Awesome! KRAD!
Well, I guess I'll let you go...
-----
From: "Lobo Licious" <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
To: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: hiya
Date: Sun, 07 Dec 1997 02:16:21 PST
>Hi. It's GREENY! How the fuck are you, Lobo? I saw you the other
i'm doing pretty damn good. how the fuck are you?
woo woo. you know where i work. wow. kiss my ass. btw - who the hell is
"cody hackney"? i thought your name was jacob allen. too bad you still can't
spell ("prik" should be "prick") or use proper grammar ("over my the urban
selections"? this makes no sense. "by" should replace "my.")
>Ok, well, that was too much fun! I'm glad to see that y'all don't have
>lives yet, it's kinda rewarding! Wow, I, GREENY, can consume that much
>of YOUR time! Amazing! GREAT! Awesome! KRAD!
you, the guy who ran "the weather board," accuse us of having no lives? just a
reminder - read gwd50...YOU ARE NOT NOR EVER HAVE BEEN NOR EVER WILL BE THE TRUE
GREENY. you must understand this, or you will never become a well-adjusted
member of society. it seems like you, rather than us, are the one living in the
past. besides, how much of my time has GREENY (the *real* one, not YOU)
consumed? very little, since we're not sure who he is. how much of my time has
GwD consumed? a sizable portion? true, but in actuality GREENY has very little
to do with many of the aspects of GwD.
please forgive me if this is overly wordy or belligerent. i'm slightly
inebriated still. not so much so, though, to not notice that you STILL haven't
gotten the hang of that hyphen in "k-rad" and the fact that it doesn't need to
be capitalized.
>Well, I guess I'll let you go...
good. i need sleep anyway.
-Lobo Licious/GwD
-----
From: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: Re: hiya
Date: Sun, 07 Dec 1997 11:46:40 PST
Me again. Wow, you fell for it, amazing.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Kevin, and I was just cruisin' past your
site, and thought I'd piss with you. Thank you for respoding in such a typical
way, it pleases me.
Lo simple words, lest they retrieve bitterness and sternation, err emotional
intagment is the finest of rewards. [WTF? Anyone have a clue what the hell
he's talking about?]
I read that you worked at Hastings from your page, ao I thought I'd place that
in my little message as well. Hmm, I must be good if I got all that right.
Anyway, i just thought your page was, well, kinda stupid. Like, oh, i don't
know, it was just so, over processed, over, oh, what's the word I'm looking for,
immature. But, you do show promise, I will give you that.
Take it easy,
Kev -
-----
From: "Lobo Licious" <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
To: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: hiya
Date: Mon, 08 Dec 1997 12:46:38 PST
>Me again. Wow, you fell for it, amazing.
wow. that was too funny. i'll bet you're really proud of yourself, being
clever enough to fool me. woo-woo.
>your site, and thought I'd piss with you. Thank you for respoding in
>such a typical way, it pleases me.
typical? you don't know me, so how do you know what's typical?
>Lo simple words, lest they retrieve bitterness and sternation, err
>emotional intagment is the finest of rewards.
huh? if you're going to insult me, at least try to make sense.
>I read that you worked at Hastings from your page, ao I thought I'd
>place that in my little message as well. Hmm, I must be good if I got
>all that right.
wow, you can find random pages AND you can read. that's quite an
accomplishment. i'll bet mommy and daddy are really proud.
>Anyway, i just thought your page was, well, kinda stupid. Like, oh, i
>don't know, it was just so, over processed, over, oh, what's the word
>I'm looking for, immature. But, you do show promise, I will give you
>that.
immature? probably. though not nearly as immature as someone who e-mails
people he doesn't know merely to insult them.
-----
From: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: Re: hiya
Date: Mon, 08 Dec 1997 20:50:20 PST
Hehehe, it's just too easy. Too easy.
hehehe too easy
-----
From: "Lobo Licious" <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
To: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: hiya
Date: Tues, 09 Dec 1997 01:29:03 PST
>Hehehe, it's just too easy. Too easy.
this from someone who's e-mail address is "buttcracker."
-----
From: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: Re: hiya
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 10:44:51 PST
>this from someone who's e-mail address is "buttcracker."
Hmmm, that was just, like, out of left field. Caught me completely off guard.
Ouch, it still stings...
-----
From: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
To: ccq@iglobal.net
Subject:
Date: Sun, 14 Dec 1997 13:41:36 PST
Hiya hor
-----
From: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: hmmm
Date: Sat, 20 Dec 1997 12:19:01 PST
SUCK MY EVERLASTING DICK YOU FUCKING PUSSY!
-----
From: "Lobo Licious" <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
To: "Cody Hackney" <buttcracker@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: hiya
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 1997 12:14:33 PST
>SUCK MY EVERLASTING DICK YOU FUCKING PUSSY!
no.
and YOU say i'm immature. get a life.
-----
To: gwd@geocities.com
From: cuddles@globalgraphics.com (Cuddles the Urban Pirate)
Subject: Yer Site
I was over in John Labovitz's ezine list and I noticed that GWD and Poop God
were the only two ezines listed under the Psuedo-religious catagory, so I
checked out your site and really enjoyed it. The email animation was the best
example of that sort of business I've seen, and graphics is my business. So
anyway, Poop God is a progressive socio-political satire zine with rantings and
humour and we'd like to trade links. [NOTE: There is now a link to the "Poop
God" Page from the world Domination PlayStation, the GwD WebSite.]
Whaddaya say?
tomb
poopgod@globalgraphics.com
http://www.globalgraphics.com/poopgod.html
-----
Date: Wed, 31 Dec 1997 13:25:10 -0500 (EST)
From: doomed to obscurity <dto@Op.Net>
To: "GwD, Inc." <gwd@geocities.com>
Subject: Re: New GwD Files. Read them. Or don't.
yay! new gwd! it's about time, huh?
- m0g
-----
From: "Chiba" <m000612@nadn.navy.mil>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: GwD
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 1997 00:08:02 -0500
Greeny will overcome.
-----
Date: Fri, 06 Feb 1998 23:21:17 -0500
From: Don Norris <dnorris@surfsouth.com>
Reply-To: dnorris@surfsouth.com
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: my site
Hey there, I think yo site is phat so visit mine. Vote for the fight of the year
between Mario, Sonic, and Crash, just click on the bus and then click the
special events. Or try my videochic matchup game. Then try to guess who in the
world the guess who is. My site is just getting up so be patient.
http://www.geocities.com/timessquare/battlefield/6022
email me at nintendofreaks@hotmail.com
[Uhh. Sure. That sounds "cool."]
-----
From: Chico Cuba <joelm@mail.utexas.edu>
Date: Tuesday, January 20, 1998 6:53 PM
To: seththeman@iglobal.net
Subject: cauliflower
Seth and/or Lobo,
Being that I just yesterday got back to austin i only now read the GwD post.
I have a question about cauliflower. A few years ago i came across and consumed
brocoflower (broccoli and cauliflower mix) and was wondering if that is
punishable or commendable? Please inform.
I ain't yo Jew,
Chico Cuba
[NOTE: GwD is NOT anti-Semitic. Chico Cuba happens to be our only Jewish
dr00g, and he (rather than the rest of us) takes every opportunity imaginable to
point out that fact.]
-----
From: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
To: Chico Cuba <joelm@mail.utexas.edu>
Date: Tuesday, January 20, 1998 6:53 PM
Subject: cauliflower
brocoflower is, of course, BETTER than cauliflower because it is essentially
GREEN CAULIFLOWER. and on top of that, it's yum-yum-yummy! of course, since
brocoflower is not a naturally occurring plant, cauliflower and its greenish
tinge often will have to do. why not just broccoli? well, simply because
that's what everyone would expect us to make our official food. so nyah. why
do you think GREENY likes mashed potatoes (and cauliflower)? because people
EXPECT Him not to like them. they expect Him to like broccoli and spinach and
other green, leafy vegetables. that GREENY, what a joker! always playing with
people's heads!
i hope this clarifies what's up, at least somewhat.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
[4]
-----
-+- Challengers to the world Domination Title -+-
Recently, two groups of incredibly cool "unique individuals" have decided to
declare war on GwD. For this insolence, they will pay dearly. The
communications were circled among the GwD-Elite; therefore, official replies as
well as replies from individual members are included here. A summary of what
has transpired thus far follows.
|---------|
| -<fwD>- |
|---------|
-=[ E-MAILS ]=-
From: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: The fWd declare war on you!!!
Date: Mon, 16 Feb 1998 16:44:38 PST
I am a member of fWd. You are now our archenemys for being a bunch of
dipshits!!! We declare war on you and all members of GwD!!!
fWd
http://fwdominators.home.ml.org
------------------------------------------------------------
Matthew Bustamante, V.P., Future World Dominators
Ringmastr- Matt's Immortality Ring
ICQ UIN - 1388417
Homepage - http://immortal11.home.ml.org
fWd - http://fwdominators.home.ml.org
------------------------------------------------------------
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
-----
From: "GwD, Inc." <gwd@geocities.com>
To: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
Subject: No thanks.
Date: Tues, 17 Feb 1998 19:37:65 PST
In regards to your recent application for "arch-enemy" status:
The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc., hereby officially denies your
request. We apologize, but the spot of "GwD's Arch-Enemy" is already taken by
TOFTAOBL. Had you done any research before your petty "declaration of war," you
might have known this.
However, we have officially taken your application into consideration for the
positions of "Lesser Enemy" and "Crummy Little Toady." Which of these you
accept is your choice. But please hurry; we cannot assure you that the
positions will remain open indefinitely.
Thank you for your interest in GwD!
-Lobo Licious
Top Worshipper Type of Guy, GwD
-----
From: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: Re: No thanks.
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 1998 15:25:44 PST
WHO IS TOFTAOBL? WHAT IS THEIR ADDRESS? WE WANT TO DECLARE WAR ON THEM TO.
FWD
------------------------------------------------------------
Matthew Bustamante, V.P., Future World Dominators
Ringmastr- Matt's Immortality Ring
ICQ UIN - 1388417
Homepage - http://immortal11.home.ml.org
fWd - http://fwdominators.home.ml.org
------------------------------------------------------------
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
-----
From: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: Re: No thanks.
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 1998 15:53:17 PST
What is TOFTAOBL's web address? We now want to become allies with them. Or is
that some damn thing you dipshits made up?
fWd
------------------------------------------------------------
Matthew Bustamante, V.P., Future World Dominators
Ringmastr- Matt's Immortality Ring
ICQ UIN - 1388417
Homepage - http://immortal11.home.ml.org
fWd - http://fwdominators.home.ml.org
------------------------------------------------------------
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
-----
From: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
To: gwd@geocities.com
Subject: You're scared
Date: Wed, 18 Feb 1998 15:15:58 PST
You must be scared if you don't want to have us as your archenemy.
Obviously TOFTABOL doesn't have a page and you probably just made them up. Come
on motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fWd
------------------------------------------------------------
Matthew Bustamante, V.P., Future World Dominators
Ringmastr- Matt's Immortality Ring
ICQ UIN - 1388417
Homepage - http://immortal11.home.ml.org
fWd - http://fwdominators.home.ml.org
------------------------------------------------------------
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
-----
From: "GwD, Inc." <gwd@geocities.com>
To: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: You're scared.
Date: Wed, 18 Feb 1998 17:54:37 PST
>You must be scared if you don't want to have us as your archenemy.
>Obviously TOFTABOL doesn't have a page and you probably just made them
>up. Come on motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We apologize for not replying to your messages earlier. However, as one gets
older, one finds that one has things to do that are more important than playing
on the Internet all day.
In regards to your queries about TOFTAOBL: we were merely confused by your
ambiguous requests. Please clarify your desires regarding that group. First,
you wanted to declare war on them too. We would welcome this, as we are engaged
in an eternal conflict with TOFTAOBL and the agents of Redd. However, you then
claimed that you wished to forge an alliance with the evil TOFTAOBL. I'm sure
you can see how we might not clearly understand your intentions since you
obviously do not understand them yourselves.
In reply to your questions regarding TOFTAOBL, rest assured that they DO exist.
We did not make them up. However, if you would bother to do a little bit of
research, you could find out all you want to know about them. According to
GwD-Intelligence on TOFTAOBL, "...only one of them has a computer, and he can't
read" (gwd30.txt). This explains the lack of a website for the group.
As we explained earlier, we already have an arch-enemy. Please reconsider
applying for the "Crummy Little Toady" position. It has yet to be filled.
Thanks again for your continued interest in GwD!
-Lobo Licious
Top Worshipper Type of Guy, GwD
-----
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 1998 17:29:50 -0600
To: lobolicious@cyberdude.com
From: "Snotty" <snotty@owlnet.rice.edu>
Subject: Re: Hmmm
if you go to his homepage, it says that he's a 14 yr old kid. hehehe.
>From: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
>To: snotty@owlnet.rice.edu
>Subject: Re: Hmmm
>Date: Tue, 17 Feb 1998 15:20:08 PST
>
>WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? ARE YOU A GWD MEMBER? WE HATE YOU AND GREENY.
>WE DECLARE WAR!!!1
>
>FWD
-----
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 1998 17:39:14 -0600
To: lobolicious@cyberdude.com
From: "Snotty" <snotty@owlnet.rice.edu>
Subject: Re: Hmmm
did we act like this when we were 14???
>From: "Future World Dominators" <fwd_4_life@hotmail.com>
>To: snotty@owlnet.rice.edu
>Subject: Re: Hmmm
>Date: Tue, 17 Feb 1998 15:39:26 PST
>
>fuck you and your greene bitch. we'll kill you all.
-----
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 1998 23:48:41 -0500
To: "Snotty" <snotty@owlnet.rice.edu>
From: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Re: Hmmm
>did we act like this when we were 14???
god, i hope not.
-----
Date: Wed, 18 Feb 1998 13:26:20 -0600
To: fwd_4_life@hotmail.com
From: Yancey Slide <km@kisi.com>
Subject: Re: The fWd declare war on you!!!
Cc: Lobo Licious <lobolicious@cyberdude.com>
Not long ago, I came stumbling home after a particularly hard day to find an
email blinking on my machine. From Lobo, I thought, perhaps the new GwD
t-shirts are ready. It was not to be, though. Instead, it was a forward of a
message from a representative of the fWd. Immediately noticing the similarity
to the much older, larger, and better known GwD that commands my loyalty, I
thought, What dumbasses! TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE US THINK THEY HAD SOMETHING
TO SAY THAT WAS WORTH OUR TIME, jumping above their station, and generally
harassing their elders and betters. Needless to say, I was not impressed.
After seeing your web site, I am even less so. I think I am justified in saying
that a blindfolded monkey with a pencil in his teeth can code better HTML. I
should be a little more forgiving, I guess; how many junior high schools teach
web design? Still, above all else, the terrible MIDI music droning incessantly
on has convinced me that you have somehow gotten the idea that you are much
cooler than you are. Please, I beg you, stop before someone's ego is hurt.
Wait a few years, and when you can present the sacrificial first cuttings of a
beard (women excluded) to Greeny, then you may be worth our time. Until then,
we have jobs and moldy refrigerators that are much more interesting than you.
Rev. Yancey Slide
Chief Pirate, GwD Corsair Brigade, Spiritual Commandant, Head of Undercover
Operations, High Council Member
-----
-=[Guestbook Entries/Web Page Crap]=-
-(The GwD Guestbook)-
02/16/98 23:36:01
Name: Immortal My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me Your Favorite GwD File: none!!!
Your Favorite Band: Metallica Your Favorite Horror Movie: Scream
Comments:
GwD Sucks!!!!!!!! fWd is now your archenemy!!!!! We hate greeny. fWd will
rule the world!!!! We declare war on all GwD members!!!
Matt, V.P. fWd http://fwdominators.home.ml.org
-----
02/18/98 04:18:00
Name: saliak [Bill Hooper] My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me Your Favorite GwD File: drive by water
gunnings
Your Favorite Band: aerosmith Your Favorite Horror Movie: pee wee's
great
adventure[sic]
Comments:
wow. i didn't realize the wisdom of seth that was revealed earlier wasn't
propagated to a larger degree! of course steve is cool and kailas is way better.
on another note, stupid, belligerent preschool kiddies need a spanking from
their mother. if they would like something from gwd, write me and i'll mail you
my "cyberspanking" program. (actually, i'll write it once you ask for it).
- porno.
-----
02/18/98 06:39:18
Name: Lobo Licious My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me Your Favorite GwD File: gwd60
Your Favorite Band: Brutal Juice Your Favorite Horror Movie: Hellraiser II
Comments:
bill hooper is so fuckin' cool. far cooler than fWd. their problem is that they
capitalize the wrong part of their acronym.
-----
03/13/98 22:07:14
Name: Immortal [fWd] My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me Your Favorite GwD File: whatever one talks
about how you
assholes hate fWd
[We don't hate these guys...we used to BE these guys. Knowing how we used to be
makes us pity them more than anything else.]
Your Favorite Band: Metallica,
Megadeth, White Zombie,
Bush, SP, NIN Your Favorite Horror Movie: fuck if I know
Comments:
Fuck GwD and all your fucking files and shit. Who needs that? You have to be the biggest
bunch of dipshits I've ever encountored in my short life. [Good point, sonny,
your life is pathetically short.] This is dedicated to all the mother fuckers
who thought fWd would not rise to power. Fuck Ya'll!!!
-----
03/15/98 03:32:36
Name: FdW chick My URL: Visit Me
[This stupid little girl messes up her group's acronym BOTH times she uses it.]
My Email: Email Me Your Favorite GwD File: they all suck dick
Your Favorite Band: sublime Your Favorite Horror Movie: who the hell
knows
Comments:
the FwD could kick all u green freeks asses . u are some of the stupidest mother
fuckers i have ever seen . yall should just fuck off and go to hell -thank u
-----
03/16/98 22:13:37
Name: fWd 4 l1f3 My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me Your Favorite GwD File: Favorite file?
GwD sucks
Your Favorite Band: GwD sucks is the best band!
[I don't believe that I'm familiar with that band.]
Your Favorite Horror Movie: "Th3 D3at|-|
0f GwD"
Comments:
FWD 4 L1F3! BURN IN HELL GWDians!! YOU GUYS SUCK!! STUPID GREENY ASS BITCHES!
[Oh shit, they've discovered k-r@d \x/r1t!|\|9!!!1@]
-----
-(The fWd Website)-
[This appears just below a corruption of the logo from the top of the GwD
website.]
These guys are a bunch of idiots. They want some stupid Greeny to
take over the world. We are trying to form an alliance with their arch enemy,
TOFTABOL, they want to kill Greeny, just like we do. For more information on
these idiots, go to http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/
-----
[They have a "speeches" section on their site. That's where you'll find this.
Kind of odd, since I'm sure this guy never actually "spoke" any of these words.
He probably just typed them. Yeah.]
2/16/98 Speech by Matthew Bustamante regarding GwD
It is a great day in fWd history. Today we have declared war for the very first
time. Taking it into carful consideration, we figured these people are a bunch
of idiots. We are talking about GwD. They want Greeny to rule the world. We want
to take out all of their forces and kill Greeny in the process of this war.
[They have no chance whatsoever of completing either of these goals. GREENY
WILL LIVE, and our "forces" are far more vast and diversified than they could
everpossibly imagine.] We encourage you to get all your friends to join fWd. Go
to http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/ and write a bunch of crap in their
guestbook and rat on them. [who the hell are they going to "rat on" us to?
This, like most of the tripe that spews forth from them, makes no sense.]
That is all for now. Thank you for your time.
-----
[This is from their "news" page.]
2/16/98 - fWd has declared war on GwD (Greeny World Domination Task Force Inc.)
How about going to their page and writing some shit in their guestbook. And try
to figure what the hell they are talking about!!!
-(The fWd Guestbook)-
5
Date: 17.2.98/3:18
Lobo Licious (gwd@geocities.com / http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/ ) wrote:
Yawn. That's all we have to say to your petty threats.
-----
7
Date: 18.2.98/6:08
saliak (kailas@mit.edu / http://web.mit.edu/kailas/www/ ) wrote:
what the fuck. this is so damn stupid. how 'bout you little pre-pubecent freaks
get a life.. or take the official gwd position as "lesser enemy" or "crummy
little toady"... blech.
-----
8
Date: 19.2.98/3:47
Snotty/GwD (gwd@geocities.com / http://www.geocities.com/athens/2334/ ) wrote:
I think your anger stems from suppressed sexual desires. Please consider
masturbation as a pathway to a happier existence. It's nice to know GwD now
has the Crummy Little Toady postition filled. . .
-----
10
Date: 22.2.98/19:33
JIWOP (no email / http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/8583 ) wrote:
[Note: fWd declared war on these guys, too. They seem incredibly cool, almost
like us.]
JIWOP considers your group to be a mere pest waiting to be stepped on by a lot
of jews and italians. We are prepared to fling meat matzah balls if necessary.
The fact that your puny non-sizable organization even mailed us is an insult.
You are lucky we even responded. Remember, all is fair in love and WAR!
-----
11
Date: 27.2.98/8:11
Randolph Carter (r_carter_@hotmail.com / no homepage ) wrote:
YEAH! those GwD fuckers are gonna pay for not letting me in! fWd rules!
[We have no clue who this guy is, but he seems to think he knows us.]
-----
-(Immortal's Guestbook)-
76
Date: 17.2.98/7:40
Lobo Licious/GwD (gwd@geocities.com / http://www.geocties.com/Athens/2334/ )
wrote:
you don't know who you're dealing with.
-----
77
Date: 18.2.98/21:24
Yancey Slide/GwD (gwd@geocities.com / http://geocities.com/Athens/2334/ ) wrote:
Ahh, the impetuosness of youth. To be fourteen and fancy free again.
-----
|-------------|
| John's Cult |
|-------------|
[These guys are even lamer than fWd, if that's possible.]
From: Neeperando@aol.com
Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 19:31:12 EST
To: gwd@geocities.com, fwd_4_life@hotmail.com
Subject: You will all die
X-Mailer: AOL 3.0 for Mac sub 84 [This is the funniest part.]
World domination, shworld domination. As soon as our cult gets started you will
all be eliminated. Too bad you'll never be able to
<A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/NapaValley/7145/cult.html">Be part of world
domination</A>. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You get the point. Ha ha ha and such
-----
Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 19:31:12 EST
To: Neeperando@aol.com
From: "GwD, Inc." <gwd@geocities.com>
Subject: You will all die
>World domination, shworld domination. As soon as our cult gets started you
>will all be eliminated. Too bad you'll never be able to
><A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/NapaValley/7145/cult.html">Be part of world
>domination</A>. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You get the point.
>Ha ha ha and such
Thank you for your interest in GwD!
However, your threatening stance forces us to reply in a less-than-cordial
manner. All we will do is quote Snoop Dogg:
"What would you do,
If you could fuck with me or my crew?
But you can't so don't even think about,
Steppin' in tha muthafuckin' house."
Thank you again for your interest in GwD. Let us know when your "cult gets
started." We might even get scared. Probably not, though. Let us know when
your group is more than a "lunch table." We'll be waiting. To sum this up:
in the words of the ticket taker at the porno theater on some Beavis and
Butt-head episode: "Call me when you've got some pubes, mm-kay?"
Thank you again for your interest in GwD!
-Lobo Licious
Top Worshipper Type of Guy, GwD
-----
[Feel free to e-mail your thoughts on "fWd" or "John's Cult" to their
respective e-mail addresses. Please forward a copy of what you send, as well
as any reply you receive, to gwd@geocities.com.]
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
[5]
-----
-+- Other Stuff Added After The Book Was Translated -+-
-----
50/50:
Name: Lobo #123 @3
Date: Tue Sep 05 19:00:25 1995
RE: bleh.
BY: Lobo #123 @3
LO> gwd41.txt - the mogtronix instant inside-joke maker 2000
LO> (by Mogel),
i just uploaded that at 666 cps. I swear. weird? weird.
[15] [Back To School!!]
Read:(1-50,^50),? :
-----
[This is a bunch of posts actually by and relating to the fellow who was the
first False GREENY [as opposed to the letters from the oh-so-clever schmuck, as
seen above]. Note: Some of these posts, particularly those pertaining to Chaos
being back up are now true only in a metaphysical sense...Chaos lives on as a
web BBS (now, it's even telnet-able), but don't call the line anymore because it
really pisses STM off. Anyway, these posts are here as a tribute of sorts to
the bygone days when BBSes reigned. Skip them, if you'd like.]
4/10........ Legitimate Question
Name........ Zapp #8
Date........ Sat Mar 16 11:45:30 1996
URL for GwD WWW page? eh? EH?
-Z
-----
5/10........ well, actually, it's
Name........ Lobo #2
Date........ Sat Mar 16 20:16:29 1996
RE: Legitimate Question
BY: Zapp #8
http://www.gwd.com
fuck yeah! i'm lying. it's really:
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334
i swear. you can link to it from lots of cool places like zineworld
(http://www.pla-net.net/~jwapienn/zineworld) [This link is now out of date.] and
it's listed in such elite search engines as webcrawler, alta vista, and yahoo.
those guys at yahoo finally approved it. yay.
-----
6/10........ heh
Name........ Mh01 #24
Date........ Sun Mar 17 00:03:51 1996
RE: well, actually, it's
RE:
>fuck yeah! i'm lying. it's really:
>http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334
Yer kiddin...a web page for GwD...hehe
-----
7/10........
Name........ Zapp #8
Date........ Mon Mar 18 13:18:51 1996
RE: well, actually, it's
BY: Lobo #2
> http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334
Many thanks. Now I have something NEW and EXCITING (or was it OLD and TEPID?)
to play around with when I'm "surfin' the net" or "travelling the information
superhighway."
God, I hate TV.
--ZAPP
-----
8/10........ why
Name........ Lobo #2
Date........ Fri Mar 22 20:25:55 1996
RE: heh
BY: Mh01 #24
don't you shut up, mister poopie-pants? you know nothing. you are nothing.
read gwd50.
> Yer kiddin...a web page for GwD...hehe
i find no humor in this statement.
grrr. angst. you suck.
-----
Date: 8:25 pm Tue Mar 12, 1996 Number : 35 of 50
From: Mh01 Base : Fuck you, I won't do what you
To : Aracnia Refer #: 34
Subj: Re: Chaos... Replies: 3
Stat: Normal Origin : Local
Aracnia slithered over to Seth The Man and hissed the following drivel
A> YAY!!!
A>
A> ALL HAIL TO CHAOS!
A>
A> Will it be the same ol' 'Shrine 'o' GREENY'???
Speaking of the emperor himself, I was unaware that the files had grown to
such a tidly of a bunch. I haven't been on the BBS scheme [He actually wrote
'scheme', we think he probably meant 'scene', but he's a dumbass, so we don't
know for sure. He also left out the question mark at the end of this sentence
and used the word 'tidly.' Please tell us if you know what this means. -Lobo &
STM] for what, 7, 8 months at least.
All hail GREENY, slave master of all things green...
Say, what ever happened to that good spirited ol sole, anyhoo? Lagged out of
that penetratable little shack of emperoritedness...possibly?
perhaps a little mind game he's playing on the whole universe...
surely not, not GREENY
GwD...kool
-----
Date: 7:08 pm Sun Mar 17, 1996 Number : 36 of 50
From: Aracnia Base : Fuck you, I won't do what you
To : Mh01 Refer #: 35
Subj: Re: Chaos... Replies: 2
Stat: Normal Origin : Local
M> Speaking of the emperor himself, I was unaware that the files had grown to
M> such a tidly of a bunch. I haven't been on the BBS scheme for what, 7, 8
M> months at least.
I dunno..
I have an official GwD membership card.
Complete with full benefits, ask your local Lobo today for details.
$19.95. No C.O.D.s, No cash, Sales Tax Added Where Applicable [Actually, it's
only ONE DOLLAR. And sales tax is NEVER APPLICABLE because I'm too lazy to
report it to the IRS! -LL}
-----
Date: 12:35 am Mon Mar 18, 1996 Number : 37 of 50
From: Havoc Base : Fuck you, I won't do what you
To : Aracnia Refer #: 36
Subj: Re: Chaos... Replies: None
Stat: Normal Origin : Local
A> Complete with full benefits, ask your local Lobo today for details.
A>
A> $19.95. No C.O.D.s, No cash, Sales Tax Added Where Applicable
i always new he was cheap
-----
Date: 10:13 pm Mon Mar 18, 1996 Number : 40 of 50
From: Havoc Base : Fuck you, I won't do what you
To : Seth The Man Refer #: 38
Subj: Re: Chaos... Replies: None
Stat: Normal Origin : Local
ST> Yup, it is the same ol' shrine o' GREENY. GREENY even called, under a stupid
ick, ick ick icky
green is nothing
it is a secondary color...you follow a loser!!!!!
REDD ----------> NO FEAR
sorry, its been a while, ya know
-----
Date: 2:56 pm Sun Mar 24, 1996 Number : 50 of 50
From: Havoc Base : Fuck you, I won't do what you
To : Lobo Refer #: 49
Subj: Re: Chaos... Replies: None
Stat: Normal Origin : Local
L> you can have one, if you like. but it'll cost you the dollar just like
L> everybody else and it won't say that your name is GREENY, cuz it's not.
hehehehehehe
Greeny was a fool!!! i knew it all along
db just told me a story...must suck to have a hero like that huh?
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!
-----
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
-----
-+- GwD - Bringing YOU All the Best in Absolute Crap Since 1993! -+-
-----
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
--- The GwD High Council ---
Top Worshipper Type of Guy - Lobo Licious
Top Dog Type of Guy - Seth The Man
Top Organizer Type of Guy - Ratt Fink
Worshipper Type of Guy - Diamondback
Dog Type of Guy - TransDerm-Nitro
Advisor/Pirate - Yancey Slide
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
/-----------------------***** GwD Propagandists *****--------------------------\
| Lobo Licious - Seth The Man - The Lizard King - Yancey Slide - Sir Flea |
| Zippy - Aracnia - Zen - Trojan-Man - fastjack - Diamondback - Bill Hooper |
| Lasher - Mogel - Izzy - Bob the Master of the World - K2 - Carson - Rainne |
| Trailer Park Queen - The Mad Screamer |
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------/
COMMAND CENTERS N' SHIT
*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*
'Information Super Highway' Command Centers:
- for Drive By Shootings (via FTP): -
gwd.snakeden.org /pub/GwD/
ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Greeny
ftp.dto.net /pub/zines/gwd/
or
- for Car-Jacking (via WWW): -
http://gwd.snakeden.org/
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/
or
- for High Speed Chases (via Web-BBS): -
http://www.iglobal.net/pub/solice/ (Chaos WebBBS)
http://www.snakeden.org/ (The Snake's Den)
or
- for Driving Under the Influence (via BBS): -
Chaos - telnet://solice.iglobal.net
The Snake's Den - telnet://bbs.snakeden.org OR dial-in: (806)793-3779
or
- for Hit and Run (via E-MAIL) -
gwd@geocities.com (Subj: subscribe GwD)
%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%
(-) (-) Postal (-) (-)
GwD, Inc.
P.O. Box 16038
Lubbock, Texas 79490
(-) (-) latsoP (-) (-)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The road to Truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards."
- Alexander Jablokov
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<-+- A S M D -+->
GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
/---------------\
copyright (c) MCMXCVIII by GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
GwD Task Force copyright (c) MCMXCIII by Lobo Licious : GwD :
All rights reserved \---------------/
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD60
