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Going Ape Shit Press 004
going ape shit press #4 by hammerhead
this is the first part of a 3 part story written by another member of
gasp, hammerhead. this will mark the first story in gasp history, and
quite a jolly funny one at that.
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ENTER THE TRASHMAN
From the time he was a young boy growing up in Lanfil, Georgia, Hiam
Garbitchman hated litter with an unholy passion. It seemed to him at first
the problem in his home town was that no one cared about keeping the town
clean and clutter free. As he grew older however, a deliberate pattern
emerged and he was able to deduce that a malignant outside force was
involved. People were not indifferent to the plight of their town, they
were at first, just afraid to oppose the evil that was slowly but
surely infiltrating their little metropolis.
Hiam used his natural born deductive reasoning to deduce that Lanfil had
in fact been infiltrated by the internationally notorious cult LITTER....
(Lowlifes Intensly Trying To Exude Rubbish). These heinous feinds were trying
to turn the world into one all encompassing garbage heap one town at a time.
Litter would procure trast from any source they could and slowly but steadily
distribute it throughout a town until the residents of said town grew weary of
picking up and properly disposing of it and in most caseseven began to litter
themselves since anything they might improperly dispose of would hardly be
noticable in the mess that their town had become. In this manner, LITTER could
gather new recruits and break the spirits of the rest of the towns people
ensuring little or no resistance when LITTER was powerful enough to assume
control of the world.
Hiam knew that although LITTER had as yet gained only a partial foothold
in the community, their forces were growing rapidly and soon would be
unstopable. Also Hiam knew that several of lanfils most noted residents
had been converted to the point where they didnt even bother reading their
daily newspaper any more, they just removed the rubberband from around the
paper and spread it around their neighborhoods. With the conversion of the
local pillars of society, Hiam knew that it would be a short amount of time
before the entire town would become just one more lump on the great trash heap
that the earth was fast becoming.
Acting quickly, Hiam began coordinating local youth groups and government
agencies to clean up Lanfil before the refuse spread about got to be
illimitable. His government liason was a man he'd thought had been his
friend since his childhood, Folce Facade.
While Hiam was busy organizing the local Boy Scouts into a lean mean litter
busting machine, Folce was also a busy man, he was arranging for the trash
collected by Hiams teams to be delivered to remote delivery sites where,
beleive it or not, corrupt government agents would return the rubbish to
agents of LITTER. These agents would in turn haul the trash back to town
to redistribute it throughout the newly cleansed neighborhoods. Needless
to say, after a short time of picking up the exact same junk from the same
neighborhoods, Hiam grew suspicious of the government and his long time
friend, Folce. He began sneaking into the local dump in the middle of the
night, where he would secretly sort and properly dispose of all the garbage
his Scout collection teams brought in. The corrupt government agents were
not that slow on the uptake either though, led by Folce Facade, they wer
quick to discover what Hiam was up to and to report their findings directly
to the leader of what they assumed would be the new world order, Spred
Refuse.
Refuse was furious that one man, Hiam Garbitchman, was hindering his
latest aquisition and impeding the agenda for his entire organizations
schedual. It was then that Spred made his fatal error, he ordered that
Hiam be exterminated with extreme predjudice as soon as humanly possible.
The Litter organization began surveiling Hiam's late night efforts
immediatly. After a couple of nights they decided that the best time to
take care of Hiam would be shortly after midnight when he dumped the
hazardous materials collected by his troops into the immense inground, lead
lined pool which was in turn, covered by a special concrete and lead alloy
to prevent dangerous fumes from escaping the tank. After several hours
brainstorming, they decided to stage an accident which would involve two
of their operatives hiding behind nearby heaps of garbage and, at the
critical moment, rushing forward to push Hiam in and making it appear
as though he slipped. Their plan went off with what could have been only
a mild inconvinience but turned out to be much more.
The LITTER agents overshot their mark and accidently went into the tank
with Hiam Hiam however, due to clean living and the diverse mixture of
chemicals in the tank, not only outlived the LITTER agents, but absorbed
them along with aproximately thirty gallons of waste. As he pulled himself
back out of the tank, he discovered two things, 1, he had, along with their
mass, absorbed the LITTER agents minds and memories, making him almost three
times smarter than the average man and also giving him crucial information
about what he must do next, and 2, HE WAS REALLY PISSED.
His anger grew as he stomped out of the dump in his brand new nine foot
eleven inch body, weighing in at slightly under six hundred fifty pounds, he
realized that garbage, the one thing he had committed his life to fight, was
going to be a part of him now until the day he died. Along with this new
knowledge came a resolve to vent some, if not all of his new born rage on
those responsible for his new condition. As Trashman, as he now thought of
himself, lumbered along, he thought that it was going to be one hell of a
long night for Spred Refuse, Folce Facade, and any little pissant member of
LITTER he could get his huge filthy hands on. This thought came very close
to making him smile.
TO BE CONTINUED......
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well well well, the plot is just so thick... woo woo!
with the 4th issue of gasp, we have found a home... yes, a nice little
bbs called aneurysm (908-270-8198 nup: vortex)... and i am inducting all
of the distro sites for time for gasp... so blah.
wanna get in contact with me? then write me internet mail at
pip@cybercom.com
nice and easy...
