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Going Ape Shit Press 052
going ape shit press #52 by ilsundal and pip the angry youth
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frennie and the five toes of the armageddon part one
once upon a time on a tiny farm there lived a young flower child named
frennie hannibal. frennie was a strange sort of person, as he hadn't
any fingers or toes, but this didn't daunt him... much. he did in
fact had his mind, which was a powerful sex tool, and his mind he did
use.
one fatefull day frennie was walking down the street where he happened
to notice a pair of dancing shoes lying on the sidewalk. at first he
seemed rather puzzled, but after a week with the pair of dancing shoes
he grew quite fond of them. dancing in the morning, dancing in the
afternoon, dancing before dinner, and dancing in the evening, he
brought his meek little body into complete buffness and definition.
he didn't know it, but the shoes had a big surprise for frennie, they
were from the reticuli star cluster. this particular star cluster was
located in the lower quadrant of an extremely enourmously supremely
huge elefant's rear end that constituted frennie's universe. being
from the reticuli star cluster, obviously they were enchanted, which
would make quite a bonous on frennie's behalf.
you understand, of course, that enchanted shoes had a tendency to make
stories quite silly, and silly this story shall be.
[the face was not yet unspoken, but frennie did not know it, which
obviously meant something way beyond his mentality, but we won't get
into that, yet.]
frennie became quite famous for his dancing skills, and the enchanted
shoes enhanced his dancing abilities and finesse. now that frennie
was famous, he was getting in on alot of loot which made him think
about a toe operation. now we all know that toe operations can be
rather expensive, so he went to dr farkle, the local toe doctor down
the road. we all know dr. farkle was a little on the 'nutsy' side,
but that didn't stop frennie from a nice bargin.
the good doctor had alternate plans for frennie's new toes, he planned
world conquest. riches, power, beautiful women, spandex, and peanut
butter m&m's. he decided that the best course of action for him was
to make each and every toe in frennie's left foot a seperate entity, each
was a highly trained and specialized killing machine.
the big to was known as butch, he was the strongtoe of the bunch... he
could bend a paperclip with just his cuticles. the second toe was a
ventriliquist, being able to throw his voice, making things seem to
talk, and also being able to look like a fake toe. his name was
vinnie.
the third toe, he was the shy but clever toe. she practiced wiccan
arts, and was practicing to be the high priestess of all toes. this
instilled fear in many other toes, being that he could read anyone and
everyone's mind and all. she was the most beautiful toe ever created,
and so her name described buty, cassandra.
the fourth toe practiced the martial arts and could cast minor healing
spells. he knew how to manipulate every weapon known to toe kind, he
trained himself in the himilias with tibetan monks. his name was
urotosockodogilingus.
the fith toe, pinky, was the brains of the operation. he could
formulate a plan to get them into or out of any situation possible,
and could recite the constitution backwards (and in pig latin).
with thier powers combined, they form captain toe jam!!! captain toe
jam is stronger than any foot deoderant, disinfectant, or corn
remover. he could wield toe fungus like a pig could wade in its own
fecal matter. this was quite an advantage to frennies left foot, but
was it for frennie?
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to be continued my friends...
