Going Ape Shit Press 016

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Going Ape Shit Press

 · 5 years ago

  

            going ape shit press #16 by pip the angry youth 

  boo!  bet you didn't expect me to write another gasp! 

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                     the m0r0n's guide to anarchy 

  so, you want to blow your fingers off?  well, this is just the guide 
for you...  welcome to the moron's guide to anarchy. 

 
how to blow your fingers off 

  now, if you're mindlessly distructive, you'll love this.  go out to 
the local fireworks store (if you live in some backwoods state who still 
sells them to the general populace) and buy several m-80s... go out into 
the forest with some of your redneck friends with missing genetic 
material.  light the m80 and wait till the very last second and then 
throw it... the last person with fingers left on their hand wins. 

melting your face off 

  i have no idea how to make thermite... but if'n j00 iz l33t enough... 
you can get your hands on a copy of the anarchist's cookbook...  now you 
light it with your common every day lighter and put your face right in 
front of the flames... this will pretty much hurt for about the first 
few seconds (keep in mind, this burns at 1/2 the intensity of a nuculear 
explosion) but it'll abate soon enough. 

how to prove you're an 3lit3 anarchist 

  welp, we all know that anarchists are getting into shit 24/7, so i'd 
venture to say that it's a pretty safe bet that i'm correct here. if you 
want to be an 3lit0 anarchist, you have to be missing some fingers... 
maybe one or two, but missing them none the less.  get a really sharp 
pair of hedge clippers, sissors, or a kitchen knife.  this part will 
hurt a bit, but pleasure before pain as i allways say.  lop off a 
finger!  there will be no other way for you to get the recognition that 
you so very much deserve.  the bleeding will go away in about 2 hrs... i 
would frankly not be too scared about it if i were you, it's just the 
way it goes.  after all, you have to let somethings run their corse, 
y'know? 

 

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                      how piss off your rg sysop friends 

  i know that i didn't want to make anything that'd be a shitty "how to 
annoy people that you don't even know", and this still isn't that, it's 
how to piss off your rg sysop FRIENDS... =]  here in 908 where the geeks 
have no life besides the modem, so we crash each other boards quite 
often... 

  my little invention that i have going is the %DF and %DE and several 
other mcis...  we're goign to play with diz's! 

here's a list of faves that i have... 

%LF%LFRuntime error 103 at 0000:0012%LF%LF%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 

 
%Dfmain.ans%%DFemail%%DF...<etc> 

 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%LF%LFNO CARRIER%LF%LF%DE%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 
%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE%DE 

 
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              what the government doesn't want you to know 

  there's a conspiracy, but no one beleives me... you know why? because 
they say i'm crazy... but i'll show them who's crazy once the japs take 
over the world, you know that's what they're doing, right? 

  oh yeah, i read all about it in that there magazine, the national sun, 
they tell the god's truth about the world, not like that new york times, 
they didn't beleive me neither.  i tell you, it's the japs, they're in 
it with the commies. 

  the ussr isn't dead, but that's what they want you to beleive, oh 
yeah... they're still in russia with their pinko commie nuculear 
missiles and guns.  the conventions?  they're a hoax, the usa doesn't 
know about this, they refuse to beleive me when i tell them about what 
the commies are doing.  this is how it's goign to go down... 

  1) first, the japs are going to buy out all of the movie theatres in 
     the good old usa. 

  2) they're going to play only movies with subliminal messages in them 
     so that way they can program your brain with what they want you to 
     'beleive'... 

  3) once we become a nation of preprogrammed zombies, the commies are 
     goign to invade the united states and take it over. 

  4) then, the commies and japs are going to use the space ships that 
     the us government has captured and take over the rest of the 
     planet. 

  5) from there, they're going to disect some of the space ships to 
     figure out how they make interplanetary travel possible, and then 
     attack other planets. 

  6) by the year 2050 the commies and japs will rule the galaxy, and in 
     200 years after that, the rest of the universe. 

 
  i'm telling you, it's the gospel truth.  there's no way out of it, 
it's slowly working into your brain.  those damned teenagers are 
allready numbed in the mind by that awful mtv garbage.  it's going down, 
it's going down now.  be forewarned. 

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