Going Ape Shit Press 006b

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Going Ape Shit Press

 · 5 years ago

  

                   going ape shit press #6 by edicius 

wow.. this is my second t-file thingie in an hour.. this group is gonna 
rule.. huh.. yeah.. damn.. damn we're smooth.. fire fire fire fire.. 
hehehehe... 

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i figure, this is the sixth issue.. so why not have a frequently asked 
questions issue.. here we go.. 

q: how do you pronounce edicius? 
a: fuck off.. i've been asked that one too many times... try backwords 
   suicide, or `ah-dee-sea-us'... blag.. 

q: is pip really a good lover? 
a: well, he's good at times.. personally i like the wild stallion that 
   tit is.. but thats a personal preference.. 

q: how do i break into the literary scene? 
a: open up your favorite songbook, suggestion of nine inch nails, write 
   a few songs up into textfiles, then release them, act k00l, then start 
   your own literary group and name it after a some music group's album, i 
   like kmfdm for the group's name.. 

q: how do i have sex with demi moore? 
a: get a picture of her, i suggest demi01.gif, or that rolling stone 
   cover where she was half naked.. and then refer back to gasp #3, 
   `masturbation can be fun'.. 

q: how do i have sex with that cool guy flood of angst? 
a: go over his house and ask for sex.. you'll either get his dog, his 
   mom, or him.. they all look alike so it doesn't matter.. 

q: in the west forest, near the right dragon, how do i defeat the three 
   eyed cyclops? 
a: i smell a geeek 

q: whats 54 divided by 6? 
a: 8.98 .. der.. damn intel processor.. 

q: can i be as cool as you? 
a: sha right.. fuck off, and stop asking so many questions.. 

:) 

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how to change your grades using only a credit card and a toothpick 

you say you got a D in Spanish? I'm sorry to hear that.. First, you go 
to your teacher, with a Brand New American Express with no Spending 
Limits, and a toothpick.. You slip him/her the card, and say `if you 
give me an A, you can do whatever you want with the credit card'... if 
they accept, you get an A, if not, take the toothpick and ram it into 
their eyeball repeatedly, up to ten times if neccersary.. then tell 
them, `now, give me the A, and this time, you don't get the credit 
card'.. works everytime.. 

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how to make a nuclear bomb by using a credit card and a toothpick 

you say you got a D in spanish? you say you want to blow up your 
teachers house? well, you can either use the method above, and change 
the grade, or you take your credit card and your toothpick to that 
nuclear bomb place in Arizona... you either a: card the nuclear bomb, 
and before the government knows that its over your card limit, or that 
you're actually some teenager with no nuclear experince, you have the 
bomb, and your teachers house is gone.. or you b: walk up to a guard, 
slip him the card and say `use this all you like, and give me a nuclear 
bomb', if he gives you the bomb, yay, you have the bomb, teachers house 
is gone.. if he says no, don't bother ramming the toothpick into his eye 
because he'll just shoot you before you can say `nuclear bomb'.. 

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12 steps to getting onto a really coooool board 

o1 - load up your terminal program, or just whistle into the fone 
o2 - type `atdt 19082708198' 
o3 - hit escape twice to get through the intermail 
o4 - read the cool lit, and view the coool matrix ansi 
o5 - press the B key a few times to highlight APPLY 
o6 - enter the new user password (vortex) 
o7 - fill out your handle 
o8 - put your name, address, number, dob, and other cool information 
o9 - write a really coool message to TuT pleading for access and telling 
     him that you won't be a leech and that you will post alot of coool 
     messages 
io - save the message 
ii - hang up 
i2 - call back in a few days and hope that your validated 

yes folks, its that easy... if you want, send $19.98 plus 15% sales tax 
and $49.98 s+h to: 

aNEURYSM 
pO bOX 908 
tOMS rIVER, nU jERSEY 270-8198 

and you'll recieve a free step by step video showing each step in its 
entirety, and starring me, demi moore, cindy crawford, helen hunt, and 
sheryl crow, with special guest appreinces by liz phair, tia cairre, and 
drew barrymoore... with scenes like: 

                         ,\||/` <--- me 
                     \  ( . . ) / 
                       \ | + | / 
                         \\0/ / 
                           | 
                          _|__ 
                         (||||) <--- sheryl crow 
                        \(||||)/ 
                         \^^^^/ 
                          (||) 

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gasp rocks.. so does cia.. so does aneurysm.. so does whip cream.. see a 
pattern? 

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