Going Ape Shit Press 005

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Going Ape Shit Press

 · 5 years ago

  

                  going ape shit press #5 by edicius 

greetings fellow earthlings.. this is edicius.. and i feel like doing 
something koookie.. something wild.. i don't know what.. but hmm.. how 
about, how about i do a few top nine lists.. lettermen stole that whole 
top ten idea thingie from me.. i swear.. hmmm.. 

`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`e'r`e'e`t'`d'i`v'd`e'r`'l`i'n`e'`'`'`'`'`' 

top nine ways to impress a girl 

o1 - walk into her bedroom naked 
o2 - walk into her bedroom naked, covered with whip cream, and carring a 
     butcher knife 
o3 - cut off your genetalia to show how much you love her 
o4 - capture neighborhood dogs and cats, and use their limbs to spell 
     out the words "I LOVE <her name>" 
o5 - fill up her answering machine with one word messages, ranging from 
     "bitch", to "slut", to "whore", to "nig" 
o6 - flick jello at her during lunch 
o7 - ask a friend thats a cop to get a search warrant, and then go over 
     her house and strip search her. "sorry ma'am, this looks like a full 
     cavity search" 
o8 - ask her to tell you her bra size, and then laugh at her and say 
     "they're THAT small?@#!?" 
o9 - take a posterboard, and write 99 ways that your lives have 
     intersected, and point out all of the simularites, and then tell her 
     that you and her have been set on a course to meet and have wild 
     baboonal sex by newtonian law 

'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`''`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'` 

top nine ways to tell someone is two ereet for you 

o1 - they live in the 9O8 areacode 
o2 - they live in the 9O8 areacode, run shitty bbs's, and rip off nine 
     inch nail lyrics and pass them off as lits 
o3 - they run shitty bbs's and have shitty affils 
o4 - THeY CaPiToLiZe THe CoNSTaNaNTS aND uSe LoWeRCaSe VoWeLS 
o5 - they rip their handles from people in major art groups like relic 
o6 - they rip their handles from people in major art groups like flood 
o7 - they start up art/hpa or elite groups for the affil, and then take 
     it too seriously when it dies after two weeks 
o8 - tHEY'RE nOT jUST k_rAD aND iNTO wAREZ, tHEY'RE pK-wARE-rAD 
o9 - they live in the 9O8 areacode, run shitty bbs's, rip off nine inch 
     nails songs, pass them off as lits, and are named flood 

'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`' 

nine people, or types of people, you shouldn't let onto your bbs 

o1 - the ones who try to logon using their real names 
o2 - the ones who repeatitly email you on other boards asking for the 
     new user password 
o3 - the ones who connect at odd speeds like 16.78 or 27.9 
o4 - the ones who connect at odd speeds like 3OO or 12OO 
o5 - the ones, when asked where they got the number, answer `cyberchat' 
o6 - flood 
o7 - the master 
o8 - anyone not like me, because i'm just so fucking awesome 
o9 - the flood (the master + flood) 

'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`''`'`'` 

nine times you know #ansi is lame 

o1 - when.. 

wait.. its always lame.. 

'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'` 

there enjoy this textfile.. gasp will rule the textfile scene, or what 
is left of it, in nintey three... er.. five.. 
mad phat motherfucking props go out to no one, cause i'm just so rad, 
everyone else sucks.. :) 

edicius - gasp - 2/12/95 (abe lincoln's birthday!)