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Going Ape Shit Press MegaZine 003
GGGGG AAAAA SSSSS PPPPP going ape shit press the mega'zine numero three
G A A S P P "WE'RE DA BOMB"
G GG AAAAA SSSSS PPPPP gasp the mega'zine (c) 1997 shithead technologies
G G A A S P
GGGGG A A SSSSS P -m4d 4Ss a5k11 sK1LlZ Bi P1p Th3 4nGRi3 y3wFF!@#
HEY FUCKSHITUPPERS, IT'S TIME FOR ANOTH
ER KICKING ISSUE OF GASP THE MEGA'ZINE.
I HOPE THAT YOU LIKE IT ALOT BECAUSE I
PUT ALOT OF EFFORT IN2 THIS MEGAZINE EV
ERY TIME I BOOT UP MY COMPUTER BECAUSE
I REALLY LIKE YOU GUYS ALOT. I DON'T G
ET OUT MUCH AND THIS IS MY WAY OF LIVIN
G IN THE REAL WORLD.
YOU HATE ME, DON'T YOU.
*FINE*... BE THAT WAY, SEA IF I KARE, I
WILL JUST GO ON WITH THE STUPID TEXT FI
LE...
CONTENTS-
HIGH DRAMA, BY CRANK
A NIGHT IN THE LIFE OF JUBJUB, BY JUBJU
B
HOT DIGGITY DAMN, BY PIP THE ANGRY YOUT
H
POEM, BY UNKNOWN
I NO LONGER HEAR THE WOMAN-SPIRIT IN TH
E TREE, BY SUICIDAL CHICKEN
HOW I FUCKED YOUR MOM IN THE BACK OF MY
'67 CHEVY PICKUP, BY PIP THE ANGRY YOUT
H WHO HAS RAMMED YOUR MOM MORE TIMES TH
AN YOU'VE CHANGED YOUR UNDERPANTS
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
high drama, by crank
"mommydaddy, I want you to meet my new boyfriend!"
<cerkit spits on the carpet>
"hi. nice to <snort> meet you. hey, do you have a candle so I can warm up
this smack i've been saving up?"
"uh, jenny," the mother carefully says, "do you really think this is
the type of boy you want to spend your time with?"
"mother! you don't UNDERSTAND me at ALL!"
<girl runs out of house>
<cerkit pulls his pants back up and leaves after her>
<sex ensues on the front lawn>
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
a night in the life of jubjub, by jubjub
i drank this whole bottle of apricot flavored brandy, and then i borrowed
some money from my brother, and i left my house. my parents aren't home,
so i was walking around and i saw these girls and they were talking to
each other, and i sat down next to them. i sat there playing with a leaf,
and they said "chris, do you have any alcohol?" and i said, "sure, and my
parents aren't home" and they said "awesome". and then they came back to
my house, and they drank this tequila and some wild turkey, then this
girl, miyita, she called this guy jeremy, and talked to him for a while,
and he knew she was drunk, so he hung up, and she kept talking, then she
went to my bathroom, peed, threw up, then passed out, so i started
laughing really hard and i starting making out with this girl, who i
really liked named thera, and i sk0red (i'm 13, so "scoring" is making
out with a girl and figering her) and i fingered her (whee) and wee made
out for thirty minutes, and then i went to the bathroom and started
kicking her friend, who woke up, and then her mom came and picked them up.
i am awesome. shit i am drunk
whee
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
hot diggity damn, by pip the angry youth
you know what pisses me off? do you *want* to know? i'm sure you do.
PIP'S TOP TWENTY LIST OF THINGS THAT PISS HIM OFF
20. when i wake up with motherfucking shit all over my pearly whites
19. when my fucking english fucking muffin fucking falls and lands
fucking face fucking down on the motherfucking shit eating goddamn floor
18. cold feet (i mean REALLY... they're so bad they don't need any fucking
curses in their line)
17. when my cocksucking legs fall the fuck asleep while i'm having hot
fuck with your motherbitchslutwhore.
16. those damned <insert witty comment here> comments
15. when the fucking shiteating fuckers screw idiotic assholes for crap
14. you, you fucking cocksmoker
13. those damned commercials with those stupid starving kids... here's an
idea... GO FUCKING EAT EACH OTHER!@!@
12. I REALLY FUCKING H8 BOTULISM
11. MY ROCK HARD COCK SPRINGING INTO ACTION AT INOPPORTUNE MOMENTS
10. cunthumping peanut fucking butter sticking to my puss filled mouth
before giving out some oral fuck.
9. that fucking pukeshit that clogs up my goddamn sink
8. scumfuckers that feel the shitslapping need to fill up silences
7. running out of ideas for four letter NAUGHTY words
6. ppl who fukin type in rely godam bad wayz lik this, who tha fuk do
they think they r?
5. the number five... i mean *REALLY*... what the fuck?!@
4. WHEN I'M ANALLY RIPPING YOUR 10 YEAR OLD SISTER AND THEN THE BITCH
STARTS UP WITH "DUNCAN, STOP IT YOU'RE HURTING ME..." AND I'M LIKE
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH." AND SHE'S LIKE "BUT DUNCAN, YOUR FLESHY
APPENDAGE (TM) IS RIPPING THE SHIT OUT OF MY POOP SHOOT!@" AND SO I
HAVE TO SMAKDABITCH (TM) SO SHE SHUTSDAFUKUP (TM).
3. YOU'RE STILL PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE... GO AWAY!@# GRR!@# I
SHOND LIKE AN ISSIUE OF ICON(c) BY CERKIT... I HATE YOU AND I DON'T
KNWO WHY YOU'RE READING MY ZINE... I GIVE OUT MY ZINE TO EVERYONE I
CAN ON #ZINES AND I STILL CAN'T BELEIVE THAT MY 'ZINE IS READ AND I
GET REPLIES... BUT THE IDEA DID GET OLD BY ISSUE 3, BUT ICON HAD 8
ISSUES... TALKING ABOUT BEATING A DEAD HORSE OR SOMETHING.
2. FUCK IT... I THIS LIST IS PISSING ME OFF... BYE!@#!%$)^(^$)%_(^_)*!_#)*@#_)$*_)$%*_!)#*$_)*^)#_*+!)(*!$)*_+)(*%+#)@%*!+)#$(!+)*$+%)#*+)#(*^+)!*+$)*^+)*%+@)*&%+)&!@+$&%@+)*!$!+)$*!$
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
poetry, by unknown
There were the Scots
Who kept the Sabbath
And everything else they could lay their hands on.
Then there were the Welsh
Who prayed on their knees and their neighbors.
Thirdly there were the Irish
Who never knew what they wanted
But were willing to fight for it anyway.
Lastly there were the English
Who considered themselves a self-made nation
Thus relieving the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
i no longer hear the woman-spirit in the tree, by suicidal chicken
i never could take a hint, whether for
good or bad, so don't be cross with me, for
not once did I intend to make you feel
uncomfortable or act rude or at all
unpleasant. Maybe, maybe i tried too
hard to endear myself to you. But then
i realize it will not make any kind
of difference three short years from today
if you counted me as a friend in the scheme
of your relationships, and you looked for
me after graduation so you could
tell me goodbye forever; we both know
i'm not what you want, that no matter what
i do, all you can ever give is a
trite conversation or a brief, insincere
"thank you" dropped like a bottle rolling off
a bar that tumbles and wakes a drunk from
grand visions, as your drunken words awake
me from the dreams i had of holding you
in that first precious bloom of love that grows
and fixes itself as a gentle and
sweet period in otherwise a lame,
absurdly tragic and strange pattern of
hoped-for relationships that have not
and never will come to fruition, but
rather wither and die like my words you
find sickly sweet, all in hope that i could
change your heart, make you what you aren't, and
that you could quicken me, and cheat the bleak
fate that alarmingly becomes more clear
and more apparent with each passing day,
that i have been eternally cursed as
rude, awkward, and overbearing, like so
much wet sand: not only smothering but
removed and shaken and washed off when the
acceptance of day is gone and it is time
to change to clothes more suitable for the night,
as you exchange me as the summer nears.
So go then, i shall not pursue; i'm done
with questing and with chasing after your
sweet little solar systems of friends, so
do not concern yourself with the fear that
i might fall into orbit or disturb
and bother you, even so little that you
might be the first to wave as we pass by.
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
HOW I FUCKED YOUR MOM IN THE BACK OF MY '67 CHEVY PICKUP, BY PIP THE ANGRY
YOUTH WHO HAS RAMMED YOUR MOM MORE TIMES THAN YOU'VE CHANGED YOUR UNDERPANTS
SO AS I WAS SAYING LAST NIGHT AS I WAS DROOLING OVER THE STIPULATION OF SO
MANY MAGNITUDES OF CHICKEN LIPS ON A COW'S TOUNGE SANDWICH...
YOU THINK I'M CRAZY, DON'T YOU... WELL, I KNOW... I KNOW MORE THAN YOU
THINK I KNOW... I HEAR THE SIRENS... I KNOW OF THE IMPLANTS... I KNOW OF THE
MASS HYPNOSIS... I KNOW... ARE YOU aWARE?... OH YES... YOU SHOULD BE aWARE
BECAUSE THE COMING IS COMING... ERRR... THAT SHOULD READ THAT THE COMING IS
COMMING... WAIT... NO... SHIT... FUCK YOU...
DIE.
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
book of pip the angry youth, chapter 42 verses 6+9
and james laid down with the temptress rebecca and had the sex with her
rebecca beggeth of another woman to lay down with them and her pleas were
answered by another
and yea, how james got off on it and made excuses for it because she was with
another woman and didn't quite count as cheating
amen.
(:gasp:)-------------------------------------------------------------------+
i can't even type anymore.
duncan@alfheim.net
