Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Going Ape Shit Press 007
going ape shit press #7 by hammerhead
here's the second of three parts of the trashman trilogy... we welcome
maniac as gasp writer #6 (considering that i have elected to drop bloody
mess since he is a fucking psycho and scares the shit out of me)...
welcome...
===============================================================================
TRASHMAN'S VENGENCE
When the Trashman left the dump, he thought he might sweep some of the
living garbage of Lanfil off the streets before going to dispose of his arch
nemisis, Spred Refuse. He headed through the back allies towards his former
friend, Folce Facade's current residence. On his way to Folce's domicile
however, he was forced by his growwing intolerance of littering to stop a few
times to deprogram several of the towns recently brainwashed converts of the
LITTER cult. Trashman accomplished this by, when catching an offender in the
act, taking the object of flotsam that they were improperly disposing of and
cramming it into any convenient orifice on their person (and even in a couple
of cases into orfices that weren't so convenient). His point gotten across,
trashman would then dump his new student into the nearest suitible refuse
recepticle and proceed upon his mission. Word soon began to spread across
Lanfil that LITTER was losing its grip on the town, but unfortunately for one
Folce Facade, the word didn't spread any where near quickly enough.
When Folce heard the doorbell ring, he put on his best Howdy Neighbor smile
and trotted out of the kitchen to answer the door. His smile turned almost
instantly to a sneer of disgust and distain when he opened the door and was
met by a gargantuan evil smelling creature, shaped crudely in human form, but
somehow strongly resembled his Rubbermaid garbage can. Folce grew steadily
nervous as the huge foul smelling thing on his doorstep gathered small bits
of debris from around his front step while keeping a baleful eye on him and
rumbbling pointed questions about the location of Spred Refuse's home.
Folce didn't know what this strange nightmarish brute wanted with Spred,
but he figured if he gave it what it wanted, then maybe it would leave him
alone and quit stinking up his neighborhood with its' alien aroma. This
turned out not to be the case however. As soon as Folce had divulged the
information trashman had asked for, he knew he had made a really really big
mistake.
The Trashman had expected to get the information he had sought, but he had
hoped that he would have to beat it out of Folce to teach him a lesson about
selling out the people close to him. Trashman realized that selling out his
best friend hadn't even made Folce look uncomfortable. He decided not to
teach any lessons after all, but to expell Folce from his miserable little
existance. Trashman reared up to his full height of nine feet eleven inches
,grabbed Folce by his ears and lifted him up to his own eyelevel and roared "
YOU SCHEMING LITTLE TWOFACED UNMANLY LITTLE WEASLE, FIRST YOU SELL ME OUT TO
SPRED REFUSE AND NOW, NOW YOU SELL HIM OUT TO ME. I CONSIDERED TEACHING YOU
A LESSON THAT YOU WOULD NEVER FORGET, AND POSSIBLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE, BUT I
DONT BELEIVE THAT YOU COULD BENEFIT FROM ANY LESSON TAUGHT TO YOU.
Folce realized that this horrendous figure before him was his former friend
Hiam Garbitchman. Folce began to gibber and cry "Hiam, geez I never realized,
ppppppllllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaassssseeeee have mercy ......". At this moment,
his wimpering was cut off by the mighty shaking that the Trashman gave him,
while still holding him by his ears several feet off the ground. Once Folce
was silenced, Trashman growled "Any mercy i could show to you would be wasted,
scum lik you doesn't deserve another chance, it would only provide you with
another opportunity to betray another trust. No, i think it would be better
for everyone if I were to end your dismal existance now. After all, you are
the reason toxic wastes flow through my veins, a large portion of my bodily
mass is composed of compost, not to mention the unholy aroma I exude .
With this said, Trashman drug Folce through his house and back into his
kitchen. Flipping a switch upon entering the room, he looked around the room
where he had shared many meals with this backstabbing little man. With a
small smile, as if recalling a fond memory, Trashman carried Folce to the sink
and began cramming him down the garbage disposal which had been activated by
the switch he had just thrown. Folce began to struggle and grabbed a large
bottle of bleach from the edge of the sink and smashed it against Trashman's
face, filling his eyes, nose, and mouth with the powerful cleaning agent.
Well, Trashman just lost his temper completely with this latest affront and
with a mighty heave, forced Folce the rest of the way down the disposal in
a gyser of blood and bone fragments. As he stood there afterwards, he felt a
twinge of remorse, he didn't like to throw away old friends like that, but it
soon passed, after all, he was just doing what a trashman did, taking out the
garbage.
As Trashman left Folces former residence, he began to feel a little light
headed, and he was rapidly developing a powerful case of the munchies. He sat
down on the curb a feww blocks from Folces' place and picked a few cigarrette
butts out of the gutter to munch on. It dawned on him that this feeling was
some how familiar, it was if he had a really good beer buzz going. With his
severly diminished, but still vastly superior compared to the ordinary man's
intellect, he deduced that while the bleach that Folce had thrown at him might
be toxic to him in large quantities, much like alcohol in normal people, in
limited doses, it produced a nice little brain relaxer. Trashman decided that
he didnt want to go after Spred Refuse in an altered state and risk not being
able to savor his vengence, or worse, showing him mercy and thus lose any
advantage over him he might have. He decided to hide in a dumpster and sleep
it off. Trashman, as he dozed off, that he wouldn't have to bad of a
hangover when he woke. He drifted off quickly, dreaming of revenge.
TO BE CONCLUDED.......
==============================================================================
well, now wasn't that just as nifty as it can possibly get? in about
a week or 2 you will be seeing the conclusion of the wild and wacky
world of trashman...
