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Greeny World Domination 036
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
Presents:
"The Plot"
by Spanky McDougal, Sir! / Swedish Shef
Ladies and Gentlemen, your comfortable, sheltered, safe little lives are
about to be subjected to a rather rude awakening. The bad boys of God are
a-comin' to town, and I aim to tell their story. The only thing is, us mere
mortal men and women aren't meant to be privy to secrets such as these. As
such, I fear for myself once it gets out that I'm instructing the masses. If I
disappear, TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS! With that in mind, read what follows and be
prepared to make many copies and distribute them. The truth must be known, the
way must be shown. Prepare to have your horizons broadened. . . .
*******************************IN THE BEGINNING*********************************
God created the world. Not the same world we know and love now, to be sure,
but a world pretty much like it. The main difference was the dinosaurs walked
the earth. Now, these big beasts didn't have too much use. They didn't do a
whole lot, except eat and make baby dinosaurs (along with a copious amount of
dinosaur shit). Still, they were there for a reason. To make fossils. Now,
why would God want fossils? Easy. So people would see them and NOT believe in
them. It's true--when the things were first discovered, a lot of folks thought
they had to be a hoax, because God would never let a species go extinct.
Therefore, it was a test of faith. Ideally, people would see the bones, tell
the scientists to go to hell, and go back to church. Points for God. Now, of
course, Satan wouldn't let this go unchallenged. HIS big tool in all of this
was an evil, evil man named Darwin. Y'see, early on, the first guy to publish
a theory of evolution was a man named Wallace. Wallace was on a first-name
basis with God. He wrote a theory of evolution, but the idea was that no one
would believe it. See, God's tricky! Slick! Wallace wrote a really bad book,
delineating some really crackpot theories, and no one bought it (the idea or the
book.) The Dark Lord's answer to this was Darwin, who just HAPPENED to be Chief
Naturalist on a ship called the Beagle, which just HAPPENED to be in South
America, which just HAPPENED to be where the Galapagos Islands are, which just
HAPPEN to be the only place in the world where a body can SEE evolution take
place. If you haven't figured it out yet, although evolution is real, WE'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT. Very important bit of dogma, it will help in the
comprehension of the theory. Darwin, motivated by the stench of brimstone, went
back to England. He'd had all of this dumped in his lap, but he still needed to
be hit on the head to produce. This was accomplished by the sending of a copy
of Wallace's book by an unknown patsy to Darwin, who read it and thought, "Hmmm.
I could make a killing with this!" Once again, greed motivating evil. He wrote
HIS book, containing HIS theory of evolution. The only difference between the
two books is this - Wallace worked with a holy sense of naive innocence, while
Darwin had the dubious benefit of the cunning of the Devil at his side.
Needless to say, the corrupt Victorian age snapped up Darwin's book and made him
a wealthy man. Even worse, peoplebegan to believe Darwin's theories. There
were, of course, those few who didn't believe. These people exist today (like
the Flat Earth Society) but are mostly thought of as crackpots and lunatics
(like the Flat Earth Society). Satan, not one to hedge bets, realized that the
best way to prove evolution is to advance technology. Tech means satellites to
find fossils, X-Rays to look at them with, and schools to train Satan's
vanguard, paleontologists. What, I ask you, is the biggest catalyst of
technology? Again, simple - War. You cause war, you advance the tech. If not
for WWII, we in all probability would not be in possession of the jet engine.
Ergo, Mr. Naughty causes several major wars and revolutions, sparking all human
technology past what The Plan calls for. People ask me, "Reverend, if God is
perfect, why doesn't he know this is going to happen before hand?" Easy. He
does. God, of course, is the consummate sportsman, and destiny is the ultimate
sport. Ergo, he ignores his precognisance in order to even the odds.
Unfortunate for some, yes, but who are we to argue the rules of the game?
Anyway, a patient and trained eye can see evidence of Satan's doings in most of
the wars of the past two centuries. The biggest marker is, to the point of
being cliched (although that is a horrible thought) is the Holocaust. Other
examples would be the use of sulfur as a gas weapon, 'ethnic cleansing,' and
Lenin's persecution of the church. All of this, aside from killing the faithful
and eroding the people's faith in a benevolent God, takes away most, if not all,
of any kind of support that could be scientifically drummed up in favor of the
creation story. That, of course, is the point. But, did I mention God is
sneaky? Slick? Sly? That he is boys and girls, that he is. He has his own,
secret representatives on Earth. To demonstrate this point, we must first
understand that Satan's forces in the terrestrial plane are, in the main, the
GRU. The GRU is the Russian military secret police, which influences the KGB,
which influences the governments of the entire Warsaw pact. A delicate chain,
but a deadly one. Now, who on this green earth hates the Red Bear above all
others? This one's a toughie - Fidel Castro. Castro's revolution was funded by
the KGB (and, presumably, the GRU). Somewhere along the line, the decision was
made to withdraw funding because they didn't think the man could pull it off.
Despite the fact that support was nixed at the worst possible moment, Castro did
it anyway. An unbelievable coup, and one that sparked an awe-inspiring hatred
between the two countries. The Cuban missile crises is evidence of this - the
Russians trying to take advantage of Cuba, and the Cubans trying to steal
Russian uranium (they did, by the way). Castro struck a deal with God - Cuba
would do anything God said to hurt the Russians, and God would supply Cuba with
financial miracles. It should be noted that this is an alliance of convenience;
Castro is neither a wise nor particularly holy man. But how to hurt the
Russians? We can see that the GRU is trying to suppress fossil evidence that
sheds light on inaccuracies of the theory of evolution. Certain human fossils
in Ethiopia reportedly were as old as the dinosaurs...and then Ethiopia
disappeared behind the early Iron Curtain, shutting researchers out! The Peking
Man disappeared from RED China! This is NOT a coincidence! So, obviously,
Castro means to disrupt the theory of evolution. How? For a period of about
forty years, there are NO especially revolutionary Soviet scientific
developments, except perhaps in aeronautics. Why? All Russian theoretical
scientists of any not and/or talent had been posted to what I like to call the
Perchorsk Projekt - an effort to create a working prototype time machine.
Research of this type has been banned by several major secret Cold War treaties,
but that didn't stop everyone from trying to build an Intrusion Device (ID). Of
course, only the Russians built a working model, and it doesn't work very well.
Very risky business, time travel. What's important is that IT WASN'T BUILT IN
RUSSIA. Why? The Wallachians. Wallachia is (was) a tiny little country on the
border of Russia. It was one of the first countries annexed in the early days
of the USSR. Now, Wallachia has been conquered many times in the past, but this
really pissed them off. Enough is enough, they thought, what now? So, a grand
tradition passed from Wallachian Ma's and Da's is the grand old sport of selling
secrets. There's nothing a Wallachian loves more than getting himself posted to
a high level job and then selling world class super-espionage style secrets for
a pocketful of rubles. They're not in it for the money, really. No one does
revenge like a Wallachian. Since these people are ethnically identical to the
average Russian, the government knew it could never screen everyone who came
into contact with Perchorsk. So, they moved it out of country, where a few
scientists could observe the work of foreign technicians. Where? To Cuba, of
course. See, the GRU didn't knowhow far along the Projekt was, and the ID teams
didn't know about the plans to leave Cuba. So, in the quick pullout, all of the
research and blueprints of the working prototype (the Cubans call it Domingo)
were left behind. It's important to realize that the ID only goes in reverse -
no trips to tomorrow. Also, you can't go any farther back than, at the least,
four hundred years. I don't know for a fact, because this figure is arrived at
by extrapolation. All one needs to do is look at all the things they WOULD
change if they COULD, and see what they obviously haven't touched. Four hundred
years. It could be four flat or four thousand, only a few people know and they
aren't talking. But what to do with Domingo? Easy. Remember the uranium the
Cubans got from the Russian Maldavia ICBMS? A little bit here, a little bit
there, and every Russian missile goes home a few ounces lighter than it arrived.
That, obviously, will become the seeds of Cuba's nuclear program. It can be
easily seen that they will soon be a financial superpower (God is giving them
money miracles, and when God does a miracle, he does it right), so why not a
military one? Cubans from the future must be using their nukes to zip back a
few million years and detonate them, airburst-style, to spread radiation over a
wide area. Why? To kill the dinosaurs. Why? Because then, scientists will
see that ALL the dinosaurs died within a few years of each other due to the
effects of modern day nuclear weapons. This will have two possible effects -
1) Everyone will see that this is impossible, and believe that the entire
theory of evolution and the whole deal with fossils was just one big
prank.
Test of faith passed (eventually), points for God.
and -
2) The ensuing debate over what really happened will disgust the public,
who will give up the entire theory of evolution as a bad job start to
finish.
With a little tweaking, the results are the same as 1). Either way,
points for God.
There is supporting evidence to all of this. For instance, why is there a trade
embargo on Cuba? Because the oil companies control the government. And why
don't the oil companies want Cuba to succeed? Because oil is dinosaurs and
plants. If the Cubans succeed, they will not only move all the world's major
oil reservoirs (all the dinosaurs will die in a different place, and the plants
will be in different concentrations) but contaminate it with gamma particles.
But why hasn't Cuba succeeded yet? Because indiscriminate airborne nukes would
kill all the people alive then (the fossils in Ethiopia) and all the things that
evolve into our current world's flora and fauna (remember, just 'cause we're not
supposed to believe in evolution doesn't mean it's not true). To get around
this, the Cubans have taken a represent-active sample of everybody and
everything, are breeding them in huge underground caverns with ultraviolet
lights to ingrain a natural radiation resistance. Later, they will all be
exported back home, where they will breed and provide the basis for the fact
that everything alive today is about 20X as radiation-resistant as we should be.
'Till now, no one knew why. Of course, this breeding takes time. Once the
breeding programs have succeeded, our world will change drastically. Time to
learn Spanish, boys and girls.
*****************************************************************************
by the rev. k. colin mcroberts (spanky mcdougal, swedish shef)
thanks to mike and all the guys at quarterman for helping me crystallize this
idea at 2 am. it must have been hard when we all had at least a few ounces of
dry lemon-lime flavored gatorade inside us. i don't know - i really don't
remember much. thanks again, and if you disappear, i'll tell all our friends.
BELIEVE
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/---------------\
copyright (c) 1994 by Spanky McDougal of GwD Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo : GwD :
All rights reserved \---------------/
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