Fucked Up College Kids File 524

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Fucked Up College Kids

 · 26 Apr 2019

  

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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   = 
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            Gripes From a 23 Year Old Woman 
            ------------------------------- 

 Listen up good. No. Pay attention to me. Lean in real close. I 
 want to tell you a secret or two. 

 Just because I work in computers does not mean that I want to 
 solve your stupid problems for you. Write me a check and then 
 we'll talk. 

 Do you *really* think that you are the first person to ask me 
 if it hurt to get my nose pierced? I didn't think so. Use your 
 brain for just two seconds. Piercings are accomplished with a 
 hollow coring needle designed to enter flesh. Do you think 
 that hurts? Uh-huh. Don't get me started on the tattoo. 

 If I am writing something in a notebook, why the hell do you 
 think I want to tell *you* what it is? If I wanted to tell 
 you, I would open my mouth and form words and skip over the 
 whole dead tree thing. 

 Quit handing the change over to the guy I am with when *I* pay 
 for something. The year is 1998. Not 1947. 

 Do I ask *you* about the particulars of your eating habits in 
 restaurants? If I want to eat a plate of lettuce with no 
 dressing and cow dung on the side, that is my business. Shut 
 your trap and eat your own meal without openly dissecting 
 mine. 

 I don't care if you quit smoking cold-turkey and started 
 running 10 miles a day after you freed yourself of the 
 nicotine demon. I smoke. You don't. Get out of my way before 
 rub ashes into your eyes. 

 If I wanted you to know where I got my jewelry, my tee-shirts, 
 my hair clips, or anything else adorning my body, I would 
 never have removed the tags. 

 If I get one more piece of spam from you, I will find you and 
 kill your dog by forcing it to eat your computer whole. Then I 
 will do the same thing to you. 

 I *know* I haven't updated my web page in 6 months. I write 
 it, don't I? Get a fucking life. 

 If I order popcorn and a diet Coke and then brandish a 10 
 dollar bill in front of your face, what in the free world 
 would possess you to ask me if I want candy? If I wanted 
 candy, I would ask for it. 

 No. I don't want new long distance, theater tickets, or a 
 newspaper. I don't want to donate money to the Police Against 
 Drugs Foundation. I don't want to sign your petition or answer 
 your stupid survey questions. And I definitely don't want to 
 give you a cigarette. What part of my unsmiling and generally 
 annoyed expression are you interpreting as "open to 
 soliciting?" 

 Fix your fucking ATM machine or get it out of your store. If 
 you can't keep it running for more than a day then it is of no 
 discernible use to me. 

 Please stop making my drinks weaker than my male companions' 
 drinks. Just because I am short and have breasts does not mean 
 that I am also a natural lightweight. 

 Have a nice day. 

 
 demonika 
 demonika@demonic.com 

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