Fucked Up College Kids File 534

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Fucked Up College Kids

 · 5 years ago

  

 
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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   = 
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        Useful Techniques for Adding Amusement to any Vacation 
        ------------------------------------------------------ 

Vacations are fun.  Airports are not a great deal of fun.  To spice up 
your next trip to the airport, try one of these handy techniques for 
amusing yourself and the airport security personnel.  I am certain your  
visit to the airport will be more memorable.  Note that most of these  
techniques will work much better if you first prepare by wrapping a large  
towel around your head before you leave for the airport. 

 
The Questions and Answers 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
We have all answered these moronic questions dozens of times.  Next 
time, try to spice up your answers a bit.  Try these helpful phrases: 

 
Did you pack your bags yourself? 

        Yes, by the grace of Allah I have packed this device, I mean 
        this bag, myself. 

        No, our houseboy Abdullah packed them for us.  Is that going to 
        be a problem? 

 

Have your bags been with you at all times since you packed them? 

        Yes.  Definitely.  Except umm... I left them in the cab when 
        I stopped at the office.  You don't suppose that rag-head taxi 
        driver... 

        Yes, these bags have been with me at all times.  Wait... this 
        isn't my bag.  Hey, what's going on here? 

        Oh, did I say I packed these bags? 

        Do you believe in linear time? 

 

Did any stranger give you anything to carry aboard this aircraft? 

        Abdullah is no stranger to me! 

        No way man, I paid for all of this hash, umm, I mean uhh stuff, 
        like myself. 

        Define "stranger?" 

        What do you mean by "give?" 

 
Do you have any weapons? 

        I am registered as a lethal weapon in my home country of Libya. 

        You mean like, oh umm..., nevermind, no, no weapons. 

 

Do you have anything to declare? 

        I declare a great victory today against the Zionist pigs! 

 

The Metal Detector 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Just like other pieces of modern technology (the TV, the Sega Genesis, 
microwave ovens), the airport metal detector can provide hours of 
amusement. 

 
Next time, try these simple when going through the metal detector... 

 
... stop suddenly, spin around and run away, then return five minutes 
later as if nothing had happened. 

... examine the metal detector closely, then smile with great 
satisfaction and walk through confidently. 

... glance nervously behind you every five seconds, look down at your 
watch at least twice this often, mumble prayers to Allah almost under 
your breath. 

... nod knowingly at a random security employee and say "by the grace of 
Allah we will achieve victory today" quietly enough that no one else can 
hear. 

... when asked to turn on your laptop, rub it rhythmically and moan "oh 
baby, I love you" to it until the security people let you go.  At no 
time should you touch the power button. 

 
Using these simple techniques; you can be assured that your next trip 
away from home will be much more eventful and exciting. 

 
Huck Finn                       

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