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Fucked Up College Kids File 488
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Skitzo?
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I am Sadia now. Beautiful lil dark mysterious love chyld. Trapped in
fantasy and not caring about reality. I create reality. People call me
complex, and those who know me best, say they can never tell what I am
thinking, and that I always look puzzled. I am. Each day a new piece is
added, and I'm not sure where the fuck to put it anymore. Trying to figure
out who I am and why. Battling with my own mind, it tells me things that I
don't want to believe.
I won't. I am Gyrl Wunder now. Questioning every answer, truth, lie, look,
phrase, molecule, and drop of water - everything. I can answer all the
questions, I just don't know if it is best. Sometimes I convince myself of
something, and it isn't real at all. Sometimes I get so high, that the wind
slaps me, and I fall.
I don't know who I am now. I'm just...me. I'm here, breathing, quite
heavily. I have many personalities, all of which are beautiful. If people
could just look beyond what I'm doing or saying, and find out WHY I am
doing it, they would see the light - the beauty that is behind all this
negativity. It's there. I see it each time I look in the mirror, every time
I speak, every time I think. It lives in me, on me, and with me.
I don't want anyone to know me. They would run away if they did. People are
scared of what I am capable of. I am scared. I let people know what I want
them to know, and thy might go on for years thinking they know me,
well...but they don't know a thing. They never see that which is so
important. I've never met anyone, well, one person...that was worthy of
getting me open like that.
My mind is not a window. You can't look in whenever you want. It is not
clear, and to you, it's quite foggy actually. You can't shut me when it
begins to rain and you feel pain. You can't hit me, I won't shatter. You
may take a peek inside, and stare for hours, but you will only catch a
glimpse, a brief glare, I'm barely even there. All you see is a reflection
of an image I portray. My shadow. The denseness.
Sometimes I go back and read the things I have written. Most of the time I
wonder who the fuck was in my body or mind when I wrote it. It's mind
boggling. To know that I wrote one thing, 4 days ago, yet when I read it 4
days later, it isn't me at all. Well, it was 4 days ago, and it will be
again one day. My moods swing back and forth fiercely. Don't get to close,
or you'll get slapped by one of them in your face. Please, just stay in
your place.
All of us are a bit skitzo, and we all have the right to be who we want and
do what we want. Examine yourself, and see if you really know who you are.
You don't. If you do, and you honestly think you do, you're dense. You have
tried to complete a cycle which cannot be completed. 360 is not a truth in
life. Nothing about yourself is complete, unless you kill it. You grow and
build each day, unconsciously. You can only control that which you create
for your own self. Everything else is left in the hands of gravity. Gravity
gets up, it gets down. Gravity is all around. It put these words together.
It makes you stay grounded. You ARE gravity, and sadly enough, you can't
control it all. You never will. You never have.
I'm building, and I can't stop...won't stop...I don't stop.
-Sadia
-Gyrl Wunder
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