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Fucked Up College Kids File 515
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Last exit
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The cannon of the gun pressed hard against my right temple, i find it
strange that i'm in complete control of my hand, seems i have the will
necessary to do this, i'm not nervous, i'm not sweating.. i'm just a bit
cold, that's all..
*click*
Sigh.. nothing..
Seems I cant even do that right. Shouldn't have paid attention when that
guy said to "play Russian roulette with yourself." He thought it would be
a good way to end this thing in an exciting way, even though every time it
fails it reminds me of the failure that i am. An exciting way.. heh,
exciting were the times when i had fun all day and night, and had sex
until the sun came up.. now i don't even remember what a blowjob feels
like.
*click*
Heh.. of course, it was not yet to be. Even now god likes to fuck up my
life, however little remains of it. One would think that he had enough fun
the last 29 years, but maybe he's enjoying it so much he doesn't want it to
end. Yet.
*click*
"Pray." The old lady said.. sigh.. if she only knew. Pray to what? to
whom? what for? it never did any good before, why should it work now?
I've got nothing for my prayers, even before i turned against god (or is
it the other way around?) Praying has only brought me pain and hope; hope
that was shattered when everything went wrong, when the world turned black
to me. Some people say "at least there's some hope left" no there isn't,
you're just expecting things to be better, the pain is much worse when you
realize nothing will change. Erasing all trace of hope within me was one
of the best things i ever did..
*click*
Loving is wrong. Love is poison. Love kills. It did that to me.. many
times. I've been deserted by everyone that "loved" me. Granted, i did some
things that i'm not proud of, things that made her leave me ultimately..
and so did my sons, last time i heard of one of them was years
ago.. i don't even know what they look like now; i gave everything i had to
them, dedicated my life around them, for nothing.. just a months ago
someone told me i was a grandparent. The irony..
*click*
I should've known this was going to happen. At least now i know for sure
that next time i pull the trigger ill be out of here.. maybe they'll say i
went out with a bang.. heh.. sigh.. No they wont. No one will notice,
that's the truth, ugly truth? perhaps, but truth nevertheless.
Funny, i thought it was going to be different. I remember being a kid and
always thinking of living a happy life, growing old, and dying peacefully.
I'm none of those, even tho some people will say i was old. It really
doesn't make a difference now.. nothing does.. so this is how it's going to
be.. i shall be leaving now.. goodbye..
*click*
-shyguy
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