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Fucked Up College Kids File 347
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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She Lied To Me
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She'll be mine.. That's how the conversation began if
I recollect correctly. But the past is getting so hazy in my
mind lately.. I just need to write these things down.. You know,
because, I never know exactly when I'm going to forget them..
I remember that night fairly well though..
The sky was dim and the stars were starting to shine
through.. I had the phone reciever pressed to my ear and I
was speaking to the first person that I'd ever
met online over the phone.. We were friends then.. I was
convincing this girl that I'd be able to get one of her sisters
to love me.. Hell, it started as a joke.. But it didn't end
a joke.. After about two hours of discussion on all kinds of
enthralling topics I hung up.
It was about two months later and I signed online very
early. I was startled to recieve a message so early. It was
a private communications directed to me from this girls sister,
Emily. She explained to me that her sister, Katie, had told
her what I had said, and she demanded an explanation. Of course,
being the type of guy that I am, I got a sly grin on my face.
I sent a message back to her and we began a rather lengthy
talk about nothing in particular. We noticed that we had many
similarities, we were both pyromaniacs, single, and both really
disliked authoritarian figures. I asked for her phone number
and recieved three of them.
It was nearing mid-afternoon when I called her. I remember
the first conversation very clearly. She sounded just like an angel
you know.. I knew I was really going to love this girl. A few hours
later we were as you could say, a couple. I remember how blessed
I felt.
Things progressed steadily from there. We became very close
and I felt I could trust her with anything. We told each other
about the hardships in are life and the such and I decided I was
going to go visit her. So I hopped onto a plane and headed to
New York. Now little did I know I'd have quite a time finding
her house. And of course, being a man, I wasn't about to ask
for directions. So, about three days later, I still hadn't
found her house and I got on a plane and came home.
I guess that was the thing that started the relationship
on a downward spiral. Two months later I recieved a herendous
teleconference bill from a PBX that got traced back to my line,
and I was unable to go online. I was unable to touch a phone
and dial her.. Things were getting very grim.
A few months later I was able to return and things seemed
just like normal. Things were upbeat and happy. Or so I thought.
It was nearing spring and I headed out to the Cayman Islands for
break. I stayed there with a few friends and really hit it off
with this hacker girl I met. Things went rather well and I was
on my way back home in what seemed like no time. I didn't think
much of what happened with that girl in the Cayman Islands.. But
it came back to haunt me.
Upon reentering the country I placed a call to Katie in
Minnesota and told her what happened. I told her I was going to
tell Emily and I didn't want her to say anything. But of course,
I couldn't bring myself to say anything. But.. Katie told her,
Emily didn't let me know that. Maybe because she didn't believe
it, maybe because she didn't want to.
It was approaching summer that Saturday morning my life
turned to hell. I called Emily and had an elaborate discussion on
hip replacement surgery with her.. And I said, hey, let me go on
your account and you can go on mine. She agreed and gave me her
account name and password. I noticed she had e-mail so I figured
she wouldn't care if I read it.. I fully expected her to read mine.
I opened her mail box and read a letter from Katie. All seemed
well. But then I came along some lining which I did not like
at all.. It said something along the lines of.. "Yes, Jesse is
coming up this summer.. Your lucky you have such a good guy like
Chris that is going to come visit you.. I guess we're both going
to have a great summer.." I noticed just then my name wasn't Chris.
I stored all over her e-mail on my computer and deleted it from
her mailbox.
Then came the letter I wrote. I wrote up a bitter
and spiteful message in Notepad, and sent it off to Emily's
account. She read it and replied with quite a heart wrenching
note.. A few depressing notes later.. I was out the only thing
I really cared about..
After those notes I called my friends and talked to
them.. But they could offer me no support.. They could offer
me no help, they could offer me nothing. I decided I needed
to get outside, out of the house. I went and hung out with
my friends and went to a party later that night. I tried to call
Emily from a payphone at the party.. But no one answered.
I ended up spending the night over my friends house.. I told
him what happened.. and he replied.. "She was always a bitch
anyway.." and he lit up his joint he had hanging out of
his mouth.
The next morning I was so depressed I could hardly
open my eyes. It seemed like the weight of the world was
coming down on me.. I went home almost immediately and
layed down on my bed and gazed aimlessly at the cieling.
I turned on some music, but nothing was loud enough.. I'd like
to say things got easier from there, but they didn't.
We didn't speak for nearly a month after those
altercations.. But when we eventually did, things were
not the same. As much as I wanted them to be, they weren't,
they never would be again. That summer we briefly got back
together, only to be resplitup because she was cheating on
me yet again..
My heart is still broken from all of this. I learned
that it isn't a good idea to trust or love anyone. Never
trust anyone with secrets and you cannot get hurt. Never
love anyone and you have nothing to worry about. I feel like
my heart got stomped on.. I still do.. I still fucking do.
Remember everything when only memories remain..
-dropcomm
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