Fucked Up College Kids File 386

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Fucked Up College Kids

 · 5 years ago

  

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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   = 
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                             hands 
                             ----- 

	my hands are too soft. they used to be rough, calloused. 
	they would get caught on the hay in the barn i kept a 
	horse in. they would get pinched and dry from the ropes 
	i tied on the boat my parents owned. they would 
	get torn on the lawnmower i used every Saturday to cut 
	the grass. they were strong from stocking shelves at the 
	grocery store. my hands had character. they were used. 
	you could point out the tender parts on the flesh 
	and figure out how they got there. they weren't the 
	pale smooth beacons of laziness they are today. i 
	remember when they would be stained with ink and oils 
	from the writing and painting i did. now they are 
	keyboard pure, and it is obvious that they do nothing 
	but type. 

	don't get me wrong. computers are hard work. but sometimes 
	i miss the tactile side of life, where hay is rough 
	and paint brushes scratch on the canvas, instead of 
	the cool clean existence i have today. i still write, 
	but the handwriting is in a monospace font stored as 
	bits, instead of messy writing on roughened lined 
	paper. i still paint, but the medium is electrons and 
	the tool is a tablet, the canvas is a software program. 
	too clean, too surreal. 

	i consider the work i do for f.u.c.k. and the web sites i 
	design to be creative expressions. but i fear now that 
	i lean too heavily on technology.. certainly the quality 
	of the work i do now has improved. much better than 
	the chicken scratches on paper i used to create with 
	colored pencil and pen. it seems that with spell 
	checkers and editors and photoshop, the realm of 
	possibility is simultaneously more closed and more open. 
	on one hand, i can combine elements in photoshop that 
	would be difficult to replicate on paper or canvas... 
	say, a photo, the earth, a texture, and a 3D object. 
	and when i type at the keyboard, my hands do not 
	tire, and i am more focused on the words than i am 
	when i write on paper.. no worries about hand cramps, 
	neatness. mistakes can be erased as if by magic, and 
	no trace is left in vi when i make changes. yet, there 
	is less of an ability to play with the shapes of words, 
	say, in a poem, and there is less of a personal touch 
	in a rendered photoshop creation. 

	i enjoy the hours i spend at my machine creating random 
	things. but something is missing, something i cannot 
	quite put my finger on. perhaps the aura of technology 
	makes the work seem less of an act of creativity and 
	more of a demonstration of technical prowess. perhaps 
	the lack of the tactile makes the work seem less 
	tedious and too simple. i do not know what it is, but 
	i am reluctant to return to the tactile and see that 
	my talent is non-existent. 

	i guess it is time to buy a scanner, so that the waters 
	of creation seem less treacherous. 

	demonika 

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