Fucked Up College Kids File 365

eZine lover (@eZine)

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Fucked Up College Kids

 · 26 Apr 2019

  

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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   = 
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				heat 
                                ---- 

		summer is brutal. i lie awake every 
		night, restless, beads of sweat 
		rising on my neck, face, and thighs. 
		the heat makes it impossible to 
		concentrate, and my thoughts flicker 
		like a hummingbird jumping from 
		flower to flower. it's the heat that 
		keeps me awake, the heat that makes 
		me think instensely and unendingly 
		about everything that comes to the 
		surface from the depths of my brain 
		and body. it's the heat that makes 
		me want to crawl out of my own 
		flesh and become someone else. 
		 
		when the air above the pavement 
		visibly quivers and i can taste the 
		grit of the city within my dry 
		mouth, i feel dirty. it's the same 
		feeling i have when i see my ex 
		in the darkness of the club, or 
		i hear a song that reminds me of 
		the past. i want to run away, 
		escape, cleanse myself in a deep 
		clear pool. it's the heat that 
		makes me think these things, these 
		incoherent ramblings of a woman 
		who loathes all that she is and 
		all that she ever was.  

		the heat feels like a pulse. a 
		constant beat that reverberates 
		through my brain and rocks my 
		soul with it's eternal and 
		relentless hum. it never lessens, 
		never fades. the heat is like 
		the razor that i once used to 
		tease my flesh, sharp and bright. 
		the heat is even a little like 
		a love i once had, an immersion 
		so complete and strong that i 
		thought it would never end. 

		there is something good about the 
		heat. it goes away, it fades 
		gently into crisp air and cool 
		colors, kind of like the soft 
		shuddering end of an orgasm, 
		when the pulse finally ceases. 
		i like the cold. death is cold. 
		the heat reminds me too harshly 
		that i am alive.  

		palpable obscure  

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