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Fucked Up College Kids File 224
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Goodbyes
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As any of you who read this zine on a regular basis know, I am a
fairly regular writer for F.U.C.K. as well as the editor's girlfriend.
Neither of these things is true any longer. I hope you have enjoyed the
files I have written as much as I enjoyed writing them, and, if you feel
inclined, settle in for my last file here about goodbyes.
An essential part of life is all about endings. Some are celebrated,
others are times of sadness; more often, each ending has a little bit of
both. From the moment you end your term inside of your mother's womb you
are already experiencing the surprise and fears associated with ending one
thing and beginning another. Each milestone of life is associated with an
ending - becoming a teenager, graduating from high school, turning 20,
graduating from college... all of these constitute moments of joy and
sadness over things to come and things that have passed. Then there is the
the End, where you become yet another well dressed part of the earth's
soil.
The nice thing about endings is that there are beginnings that
follow. If a relationship ends, you can look forward to beginning a new
one. If you lose your job, you can get excited about finding a new one.
But all of this is very hard to think about while you are experiencing
them. I know this better than anybody. I have led a troubled life full of
endings and not so great beginnings, and at the peak of each one I wonder
how I will make it through it. Even as I write this I feel like a kitten
out in the rain wondering where her mother is. Still, I know that a time
will come when I can look back on this as just another one of life's
mistakes, as a time where I learned more about myself and how the world
works. This how we should all see endings - as a time for reflection upon
what made the end come, and how you can prevent this sort of ending
again.
My father always said that everyone gets a pound of shit in their
lives, and whoever is responsible for handing it out sure doesn't spread
it out evenly over a lifetime. I think that way about endings, too. We can
deal with deaths and lost loves and lost jobs because we know that
everything works out for the best in the end, no matter what. Sometimes
all the endings clump together, and it seems like we can't take anymore,
but most of us do our best to move on. I like to look back on the endings
I have endured and think about the things that I never would have
experienced if the ending hadn't happened. So yes, in a way I am glad I
packed up and moved out here to Colorado, because I would have missed so
much in life if I hadn't. I wouldn't have come out here in the first place
if I hadn't ended a relationship back home, so that ending was good, too.
All it takes is a different perspective and the world looks a lot
different.
So, the next time you think you can't hack the goodbye shit
anymore, take some time to really think about what goodbyes mean. They're
almost always for the best, no matter how painful.
DeMoNiKa
PS: It was nice writing for all of you. Keep reading F.U.C.K. and
other zines, and keep thinking and questioning everything. Goodbye,
everyone.
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