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Fucked Up College Kids File 376
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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How Does Everyone Else Do It?
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Part I in the upcoming series
Tick, tick, tick, tick. All I can hear is the internals of my
wristwatch and the low murmur of the ceiling fan in my two bedroom
apartment. It's so quiet, I'm in the country and not a Taco Bell within 30
miles of here, yet cows within walking distance. I look out my window into
a clear starry night, a car passes by on a nearby road. I can hear the
stones crunching under it's tires and I try to imagine what it would be
like to be the person in the car, to have his life, to be right there in
his reality.
I'm confused, dismayed and disillusioned by my life at it's
current stage. I'm a student, a professional, an introvert, a friend and a
lover. I'm poor, yet I'm better off than most, and I'm broke but I'm
salaried. When did life become so complicated? Was it not just the other
day when I was a junior in high school, living at home, working 9-5 a some
slave labor job and actually loving life?
I can't help but think about my teen years every day,
contemplating what I would give some satanic being to take me back there.
Most times I find myself contemplating the worth of my soul or some
essential appendage. Why do I yearn for those days when I was just a kid
and thought I knew it all? The days when all was trivial and nothing was
permanent.
Today, I am jealous of those students at my college that go to
parties, get drunk and seem to not have a care in the world. How do they
do it? I have bills, rent, car payments and insurance. I'm broke most of
the time, despite working at a very large corporation and making quite a
bit more than most people I know. Yet, I want their lives. I want to be a
party guy, I want to get drunk and stupid. I want to act juvenile and have
others around me just blow it off because I am a college student.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be Bluto from Faber Univ. but
I want to have fun. The only problem is, I can't let go of responsibility.
I am always worried or thinking about something. Did I pay this bill? Did
I get this done for work? Did I do my homework? Did I study enough for the
test coming up? Is my girlfriend happy? Like a broken Hank Williams 45,
these things cycle through my mind.
How do they do it? While my tuition is being subsidized by outside
sources and scholarships, I know most of these students are funded
primarily by their parents. No bills, no jobs, no responsibilities other
than school. They go to classes, perhaps work a part-time job to get some
spending money and THATS IT.
While it sounds enticing, and I think I'd like to live like that
for a year or so, I can only wonder what these poor souls are going to do
when they get to my stage of life. I've learned a lot of valuable lessons
in my 20-something years on this earth, and due to my choice of lifestyle,
learned it quicker than most college students. Yet I envy the four years
of parties, drunken sex, elicit drugs and vomiting.
This semester I've scheduled myself for 40 hours of work a week
plus 18 credit hours. This should make me forget all about fun and
parties. Welcome to my Dante's Inferno.
Tersian
Life Masochist
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