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Fucked Up College Kids File 289
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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The Waiting
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I feel very alone. All around me is darkness, but not in
the heart or the soul, for in those places, she exists. She is
with me now, maybe not physically, but I can feel her presence.
Right now, thoughts of her plague my head. I cannot rid myself of
my visions of her, I fear that I might love her.
But how can I love someone I've never met face to face?
How can I love someone who I'm not always there for, who I don't
have all the answers to give to? I don't know. I just know that
right now I miss her so bad that my stomach is turned in knots,
and that I feel that I need to speak with her now. Right now.
The waiting for the time in which I can speak to her
again just is not fair. These days I may not be so happy, I
still feel sad when I'm all alone. I hate her father. That
asshole forced her off of the phone, for no reason. Oh, he has
important business. Fuck business.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I normally don't
care about people that much. But right in this very instant,
my mind is so caught up in her that I can't even think straight.
I really just want to be with her, but I know it is not possible.
Some say love is expressed in unattachment, I think they are a
bunch of liars. I'm too attached.
I wonder what she is doing right now. I can imagine
that she is sleeping soundly in her room, even as the glow
of my monitor is cast over my face. My thoughts wander off
to why I can't be with her, and why the world isn't so small
when you love someone. Life isn't fair, it never is. Not
in matters of wanting, of needing someone, who just is so
far away. Maybe I just have to let go.
I'm sick of waiting. Very fucking sick. I should've
told her I love her. Maybe I'll never get the chance to again.
Who knows, the world is so messed up. Right now, I don't know
if I can make it through tonight without her. Right now, I
feel worthless. Right now, I want her by me. Right now, I
want to tell her I love her. Right now, I'm so gone.
-DropComm
: dedicated to Rach in Maine.
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