Fucked Up College Kids File 284

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Fucked Up College Kids

 · 5 years ago

  

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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   = 
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                            Dialogue of Eyes 
                            ---------------- 

        Typical 50's diner, upbeat staff, lazy Sunday afternoon. John and 
I are sitting there with drinks only, lunch a few hours in our past. He is 
learning Russian in between sips of lemonade, trying to keep an eye on the 
room. No more lemonade, only water and 62 pages left in the Russian 
picture book. 
        Here I sit with a whirlwind in my mind and a feeling of uneasiness 
all about. Twenty four hours of history behind the trepidation, a full 
day that doesn't need to be spoken of. I fancy myself somewhat of a casual 
writer but I can't write what's on my mind, let alone sift through the 
disorder of my mind. We all know what's up, just a matter of us breaking 
through the fear and admitting the obvious. Mostly because our subsconscience 
hides our true desire. 
        She is catching me staring at her more than I am catching her 
returning the favor. I say favor because of the mutual interest that is 
readily apparent. Why her? Last night I was sipping my diet coke when I 
couldn't stop myself from drawing a comparison. Her facial features are that 
of the women in Michael Parkes artwork. His work is slightly exaggerated 
as most art is. She has those features and they speak volumes in a sense. 
Despite the appearance of youth, the look tries to conceal a subtle wisdom 
that derives the naivete' inherent in age. 
        It's always dangerous making snap judgements about the intelligence 
or wisdom of someone. If you expect one thing and find another, you typically 
hold it against the person even though it is your own build up that caused 
the dissapointment. She is avoiding that routine by having one of her 
co-workers check me out, talk to me, size me up, and if needed, rake me over 
the coals. I don't have that option. Even a casual inquiry will get back 
to her faster than I get the answer. Why is it so awkward to start a 
conversation? Or a relationship for that matter? 
        Been thinking recently, of just about everything under the moon. 
I have my castle, my son, my hobby, my library, my army. Translated: 
my apartment, my cat, my computers, my books, my friends. The only thing I 
need or want is a queen to share my wealth. Nothing serious really, just 
someone that actually cares, can show a slice of understanding, and 
someone that simply enjoys my company. 
        Of course, you will never see the real file, as it is handwritten 
on a yellow pad. The black ink barely forming words because of the general 
slopiness of my handwriting. Part of it because I only type any more and 
never have a chance to write. The other lending factor is my nervousness. 
I can't express my desire for us to meet. 

        Maybe another day... 

.dis. 

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