Fucked Up College Kids File 264

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Fucked Up College Kids

 · 5 years ago

  

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   = 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 

                          Unhappy Birthday 
                          ---------------- 

The following is something I got from a friend of mine: 

> "The latest is the fact that I was reprimanded for refusing to take part in 
> singing Happy Birthday to Teri yesterday.  I bought her a present and a 
> card, and wished her a good day.  (Which, I might add, is more than she 
> did for ME.)  Anyway, I'm a horrible person, apparently.  I've explained 
> my aversion to this task to everyone MANY times.  Since I was at least 
> EIGHT I've hated it.  I've decided that, nearly 25 years later, it's time 
> for me to stop doing what I don't wanna do.  I think, perhaps, I was 
> bludgeoned to death by someone who happened to be singing Happy Birthday 
> WHILE they were bludgeoning." 

So, after reading this, I starting thinking about the singing of "Happy 
Birthday".  I read an article by Dave Barry last summer talking about group 
singing.  He pointed out that you can't get two people, let alone a whole 
office or party, to sing "Happy Birthday" ('HB') on key.  Yet, to his 
amazement after watching endless seasons of B-ball, everyone can chat "Air 
Ball" in perfect pitch and harmony.  He said to watch a game sometime and 
listen when the chant starts.  After about the second chat, everyone is 
singing at the correct pitch with impeccable timing.  Hmmmm.... 
    
Point being, like many things, if you cannot use it right do not use it at 
all.  This goes for singing 'HB'.  Hearing those off-key voices is about as 
charming a thought as hearing the whooping and yelling of the Bloods or 
Crips as they chase my lilly-white butt through S. Central. I think that 
singing 'HB' is more traumatic than birth itself.  Leaving the warm, fluid 
comfort of the womb for a cold, bright, loud world is piddle next to mock 
excited-faced co-workers trying to bellow out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....."  

grrrrrr...... 

I mean, is this a Viking chant or Klingon war cry as a warrior grows one 
year closer to death.  Does this crap-song announce the beginning of my 
journey to Valhalla?  Like some Gregorian chant, at best, I think this song 
is sung to ward off the reaper who shall not approach the wailing of the 
office banshees.   

The simple fact is this:  Most people cannot sing.  When they do, they are 
hit with rounds of comments about keeping their day job.  If you asked 
someone to sing you Layla at work, they wouldn^t.  Then WHY, I ask you, do 
they get together and sing on your birthday.  If their voices are so awful 
that they wouldn^t even sing a song they like in the car alone at night, 
why yell one in your face while you^re trying hard to deal with the cruel 
fact of mortality. 

Marilyn Monroe; sing your brains out.  Beatles; I'll take that ditty any 
day.  Trapped in the lunchroom at work?  I'd just as soon hear my initials 
carved in my teeth with broken glass. 

And a One, and a Two.. 

-Capone 
capone@dimensional.com 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc...   = 
= Internet : jericho@dimensional.com                 (Mail is welcomed)   = 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
=                  gote land            +27.31.441115                     = 
=                  Arrested Development +31.77.3547477                    = 
=                  Global Chaos         +61.2.681.2837                    = 
= Chemical Persuasion  203.324.0894    Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158  = 
= Damnation            212.861.0580    Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490  = 
= Hacker's Haven       303.516.9969    Unearthly Shadows    303.683.1443  = 
= E.L.F.        (NUP)  314.272.3426    Misery               318.625.4532  = 
= Dungeon Sys. Inc.    410.263.2258    Psykodelik Images    --  Down  --  = 
= Paradise Lost        414.476.3181    Black SunShine       513.891.3465  = 
= underworld_1995.com  514.683.1894    Digital Fallout      516.378.6640  = 
= PSYCHOSiS            613.836.7211    Bad Trip             615.870.8805  = 
= Plan 9               716.881.3663    suicidal chaos       718.592.1083  = 
= Damaged              801.944.7353    The Death Star Bar   805.872.3151  = 
= Purple Hell          806.791.0747    BloodNet             901.872.8615  = 
= Atrocity Exhibition  905.796.3385    Phoenix Modernz      908.830.8265  = 
= The Keg              914.234.9674    that stupid place    215.985.0462  = 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
= Files through Anon FTP  FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK          = 
=                         FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck      = 
=                         FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck             = 
=                         FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK           = 
=                         ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK       = 
=                         FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM - /users/rage/zines/fuck    = 
= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho                  = 
=                    http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/                 = 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
=       (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author         = 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
(11/25/96)