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Fucked Up College Kids File 257
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Overman
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Many of you have read my previous works in F.U.C.K., particularly
F.U.C.K. #164, where I relate the mean tales of my youth. How then, you
may wonder, have I come up from whence I was born? How is it that my
situation in life has changed? Or has it changed? Am I now the same
mental, emotional and physical weakling that was me as a child?
No. I am not. I have changed. I have changed considerably. I am now
a veritable mental giant, yet not without the ability to explore and
learn afresh. I am emotionally invulnerable, yet I easily become soft
and tender when the time arises. On a physical level, I am now the
hunter, no longer the hunted. I do not fear a mental challenge, nor an
emotional challenge, nor a physical challenge.
What has caused these changes? How did I raise from the small inner
city child with no social skills, no friends, no future and no value to
become the god of myself and my environment that I am now? How did I
attain such mastery of man and machine as I now posess?
Did I win the lottery?
No.
Did I inherit a million dollars?
No.
Did I find God?
No.
Did I find the answers in the writings of L. Ron Hubbard?
No.
Did I travel to the Far East and study Buddhism?
No.
Was I a six million dollar federal research program?
No.
Was I kidnapped by space aliens and sent back to conquer Earth?
Not even close.
It was none of these. I was none other than a will to power. Yes, a
simple act of human will.
Previously, in my weak and pitiful state, I looked to a divine being to
aid me through this world. I looked to the next world as a place of
rest, a place where I would be safe from the dangers of this life.
This was nothing more than dangerous escapism. This divine being did
nothing but keep me from acting on my own. If god was here to take care
of me, what need did I have to take care of myself? If god was here to
set my ethical and moral standards, what need did I have to think for
myself? Until I escaped this self defeating philosophy, I was doomed to
a life of failure.
Atheism brought me out of this. Athiesm forced me to think of this
world as the first and final battleground. No longer would I have an
afterlife to look forward to. This life would be the only one I would
get, and I had better make it count. No longer would I be able to
accept defeat here, knowing that I would be safe and protected in the
afterlife. If I was to rise victorious, it would be in the here and
now.
Athiesm forced me to think for myself. No longer could I simply look at
an ancient tome to tell me what was right and what was wrong. Instead,
I was forced to examine every bit of life itself and determine for
myself the true nature of right and wrong. I was forced to become my
own god.
No longer was a divine being responsible for my creation, my life, and
my destruction. I was now in charge of me. This engendered a strong
sense of personal responsibility in me. *I* was responsible for myself,
no one else. My actions would ultimately lead to my success or my
failure. And that success or failure would be final, no more would I be
granted a second chance in the afterlife.
I stopped accepting defeat. No one would best me, no matter the cost.
This affected more than the combative side of my interpersonal
relationships. I saw through my previous failures and realized that
many of my previous violent confrontations were the result of the
failure of my own social skills. This must be cured, I realized.
Furthermore, I must cure it myself, as there was no longer a divine
being to assist me or comfort me if I failed.
I fought, fought my way free of the social and socioeconomic state I was
in. I learned computer science as a tool to move myself up on the
economic scale. With only one formal class in computer science, I
aquired employment teaching computer science at a state college. How
did I do this? Hard work, led by force of will. Hard work, and the
mental agility built by the rigors of defining my own system of ethics
and morals. After you have created your own philosophical system,
computer science is childs play!
I fought to meet people and to interact with them successfully. I
fought with myself, with my poorly developed skill set. Now that I was
free of the horrid judeao-christain concept that sex was evil, I fought
to learn how to interact on an emotionally intimate level with women.
Free of the sexism inherent in any religious system based upon judaism,
I was now able to interact with females on an equal intellectual level.
All of these changes made me free of my previous environment. No longer
would I interact with the people I had interacted with before, nor would
I interact with people the same way as I had before. I met new people,
people who had not known me before. People who saw the new me and
judged me for what I was at that time, not what I had been before.
It took two years from the time I started until any appreciable changes
were noticable by those around me. It took another two years before the
new me dominated the old me. I took another two years before I was able
to finish the process. Another 6 years has passed in my life, where I
continue to change and to grow with each passing year.
I cannot compare my life now with my life growing up. If I had to do it
all over again, I might choose to take my own life instead. It was
hard. I would not wish my tribulations on the worst of my enemies.
However, the times and events of my early life have given me a tough
inner strength. Nothing I face now causes me fear, because I know I
have survived the worst that life has to offer. I am invulnerable.
My life now is quiet and peaceful. At times, I have difficulties
dealing with the adjustment. I no longer constantly fear for my life,
and was the case for the majority of my youth. I no longer engage in
constant conflict with the people around me. I create conflict when I
wish to create conflict, and peace when I wish to create peace. I no
longer travel the world alone, just me and my imaginary god. I am able
to share my emotions with those few people whom I choose to become
intimate with. I do not fear their rejection, because I know the value
of myself. I have found hapiness, I created it for myself.
You too can obtain the happiness that I now posess. Take control of
your own life. Stop blaming others for your life. Stop relying on god,
your parents, or the welfare state. Do not let any of these take care
of you, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
If your parents take care of your physical needs, they will also create
a framework for your mental and emotional life. If the state takes care
of your physical needs, it will do the same. The state teaches people
that they are subservient to it. The check every month is a periodic
reminder of who is in control. If you give the state nothing, and the
state gives you money, you are a child of the state. How then can you
have a sense of your own self worth, if you have no value to the state?
How can you have a true sense of your own self worth if your life is
subsidized and managed by your parents? Only when we struggle and
succeed on our own can we know our true value. Only when we know and
appreciate our true value can we guarantee our own mental strength.
Only when these two are fortified can we ensure our emotional
well-being.
Live your own life. Create your own path. Do not rely on other men for
anything. Not for your physical needs, not for your morals, not for
your ethics, not for your ideas of right and wrong, not for your mental
training and education, not for your sense of self worth, not for your
emotional health, not for anything.
Rely only upon yourself, and you will grow until you are able to provide
for yourself. You will grow until you no longer need other men to
provide for you. Not for your physical needs, not for your mental
needs, not for your emotional needs. When this comes to pass, you will
have conquered yourself. Once you have conquered yourself, nothing else
will be able to arouse fear in your heart. You will never face a
tougher opponent, nor will you ever find a more sweet victory.
- Voyager
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